


robininthelabyrinth short tumblr fills

by nirejseki



Series: tumblr fills [1]
Category: DC's Legends of Tomorrow (TV), The Flash (TV 2014)
Genre: F/F, F/M, Gen, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-05-30
Updated: 2017-04-09
Packaged: 2018-07-11 05:55:52
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 100
Words: 114,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7031797
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirejseki/pseuds/nirejseki
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A collection of the tumblr things that are too small for their own fics: headcanons, ficlets, answers to questions about other fics.  All very, very short.</p><p>3/20/17 - coldflash, birds<br/>3/28/17 - coldwave, dfab mick/len pwp<br/>4/1/17 - headcanons (various)<br/>4/9/17 - Passover coldwave</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. fire and ice au question

**Author's Note:**

> Question: in the fire and ice au what was the maximum number of people/other kids len took on as a kid in that mob fighting ring? Was it always one on one or did they start adding more kids when this runt kept winning? Was he part of it before he got into juvie or just after?

Len definitely fought more than one kid at a time, though probably no more than four or five at any given time (and when he went up against that many he usually lost just by sheer numbers unless he managed to effectively knock a few out of the fight early on or just scared them too much to fight back). And yes, it started before he went to juvie - that’s why he was so effective against the kids that tried to jump him, he already knew all the soft spots to go for and how to watch his back against more than one opponent so he can keep fighting. 

Lewis initially used throwing him into the pit to fight other kids as a threat to keep Len in line, but one day he was pissed off enough that he actually did it. Len lost badly (he broke an arm), but he managed to get enough good hits in that one of the mob bosses approached Lewis and offered him a payout if he’d let his kid keep fighting after he healed up because everyone watching would get an extra kick out of seeing a cop’s kid get the shit kicked out of him, even if the cop’s on their payroll. 

Len’s grandfather found out about what Lewis had done with Len after that first broken arm and confronted Lewis to get him to stop, threatening to turn Lewis in and get custody of Len and little Lisa. There’s a reason he dies a lot earlier in this one than he does in canon. Lewis still refused the offer to have Len participate regularly for the first few years, but after a while he talked himself into it, figuring that Len was tough enough to take a serious beating once or twice a year and it would be extremely lucrative. 

And with his grandfather and sole safe haven gone and nothing but more fights and his father’s abuse to look forward to, Len started getting angry and lashing out - then he won his first fight. And the one after that, and the one after that. At first it was just that getting angry was how Len stayed alive, because he is at heart a survivor, but after a while he ended up forgetting how not to be angry. The only thing that calmed him down was being at home with Lisa. Both he and Lewis deliberately kept Lisa from finding out for a long time (she was used to Len being bruised and the fights weren’t that common - once every few months at most when he was a kid, more often as he became a teenager and much more often after juvie because Lewis had by this point decided that Lisa was a waste of time as well.)

As Len got older, his fits of rage got more common even outside the fighting ring and his dad started getting increasingly scared of him, because he might be a lot bigger than Len was (Len was totally a runt), but that “runt” just took out two kids that were five years older than him and twice his weight; that’s when Lewis started using electricity to keep Len under control and is also why when someone needed to take the fall for a job gone wrong, he volunteered Len, figuring that Len would probably get himself killed fighting the wrong person in juvie. 

And then, of course, Len met Mick.


	2. nature v nurture au question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Question: Anymore plans for the Kendra as a reincarnation of Len's mom, or the wonderful Rogue Canary Time Pirates AU? And if so one thing about what you are planning, pretty please!

Regarding the Kendra-as-Len’s-mom AU, I am contemplating another entry and have a bit planned out, but it really depends on what they do in the finale - my version of Kendra wouldn’t go through all that angst and emotional see-sawing and promising both Ray and herself that she had made her decision, only to see Carter and go “oops, never mind!” in a hot second the way that appears to have happened in canon, so I want to see if they’re going to stick with the *cough* incredibly bullshit *cough* “fated” relationship or if they’re going to come to their senses and finally give us the relationship they’ve been trying to force down our throats for half a season. 

But if it does happen, it is going to involve an escalating series of increasingly awful jokes about motherhood and the four people in the know (Mick, Len, Sara and Kendra) all forgetting that no one else on the ship knows about this yet. Including Ray. I never know if the scenes I plan out in advance end up making the final cut, but here, have this mental image of Kendra telling Cassie to stop hitting on her baby son and then asking “Exactly how old do you think I am, huh? You calling me old? Is that what you’re trying to say?” while Cassie splutters incoherently and Mick dies laughing in the background.

As for the Time Pirates, that was really meant to be a one shot, I’m afraid! Of course, I’ve said that about other things and then promptly recanted once I got an idea or someone prompts something really interesting to do with it (and there’s at least one I’m tempted by in this case), but for the time being, no sequels. At least not until I’ve knocked my “to do” list down to something manageable!


	3. fire and ice au question 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Question: In Fire and Ice, do the rest of Team Flash ever find out about Len's scars/their origin?

Honestly, they kind of already know? Barry had the same conversation with Joe about Lewis being a bad cop, and an abusive father; Joe doesn’t seem to have much respect for other people’s privacy, so he’s almost certainly mentioned it to the others on Team Flash (probably in the inevitable “don’t hang out with these guys they’re bad news!” stage). And they were all involved in Lewis’ return and saw that video, so they now have concrete knowledge of them if they had any doubts before.

That being said, even in Fire & Ice verse, Len still dresses like a Catholic nun when it comes to showing skin, so they haven’t necessarily seen his scars. 

This being the Flash, they probably end up seeing them after some highly-improbable-and-yet-entirely-like-all-the-other-Flash-encounters event, probably involving a meta that can spit acid due to their childhood obsession with bombardier beetles (or maybe they were cleaning out their icky upstairs neighbor’s porch at the time of the particle accelerator - on the Flash, it could be either!), when everyone had to run really fast back to STAR Labs and strip their blistering clothing off while jumping up and down and cursing and lots of Mick putting his head in his hands and going “how is this my life; I used to be a thief, that was a nice, quiet, honest profession, wasn’t it?” and everyone else going “no, Mick, it really wasn’t”. This would be after the Lewis Incident, though, so no one would actually comment on Len’s scars. 

Anyone new who tries to (Wally, Jessie, Harry) is immediately silenced by super-speed (or teleportation if Shawna gets there first) hand-over-mouth or pointed kicks in the shin from Caitlin, Cisco, or Eddie. Once, no one could quite get to Wally in time to get him to shut up before he said something really stupid (in fairness, this was in his “I say a lot of stupid shit all the time because I’m a teenager and my mom just died” phase) and Hartley “accidentally” turned his gloves on super-screeching maximum and drowned it out. Len got pissed at Hartley, but - on the bright side - Wally was not killed either by Len in the inevitable lash-out or by Mick for upsetting Len. 

Barry becomes a little twitchy about using lightning on Len for a week or so after the Lewis Incident and again after he sees Len’s scars, but that only lasts until Len kicks his ass when they’re playfighting and tells him if he’s going to fight with one hand tied behind his back, Len will be more than happy to take advantage of that. After several minutes of Len demonstrating this, Barry got tired of being nice and they went back to having fun and becoming increasingly scary to everyone else.


	4. 30 year question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Question: So you had to know people were going to ask this: PLEASE tell us more about what happens immediately after the end of Thirty Years And A Few Hours???

I feel like people are just going to be disappointed if I answer this! Because what happens after Thirty Years is exactly what you’d expect to happen - Len initially doesn’t recognize himself (he’s not really looking too hard at the picture at first and he’s never spent a lot of time looking at his body in mirrors), then he does, then he goes “WTF that was you?!” because of course the timeline corrected itself and incorporated the stable time loop. 

Then he smacks Mick upside the head and they spend the rest of the night re-enacting it, Mick from immediate memory, Len from decades old memory - and as one would expect, those two don’t exactly match up because of natural memory degradation. Which leads to Len bitching that Mick’s ruining one of his favorite memories and Mick bitching about Len preferring him to himself and that in turns leads to the two of them laughing like hyenas for a few minutes because what the hell time travel. Cue going back to the original proceedings.

Mick spends the next day both totally exhausted and grinning like a maniac. 

Most of the Legends are a bit disturbed by this.

Sara takes one look at both of them and can’t stop laughing.


	5. 30 years question

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Question: In 30 years and a few hours, do Mick and Len ever make up or the Legends finding out that they're married?

Well, I’ve already answered question 1 (see previous response), so let’s go with number 2: yes, eventually. Sara figured out that they were sleeping together pretty early on, but she isn’t aware of them being married until Len starts wearing his ring again.

Of all the crew, Jax knew first - while he and Mick were waiting in the jump ship for Len to finish up in his childhood home, Mick spent a lot of time bitching about his stupid goddamn husband who is trying to re-write the timeline and what is he going to do if Len steps out of the house and they’re not married anymore because Len never went to juvie and they never met? (Jax accepts the whole married thing because he's too busy being very concerned about what might happen if Len changes the whole timeline because he distinctly recalls Len and Mick saving everyone’s ass with their guns a few times already and also if Len wasn’t a criminal, he’d probably put all that time and energy into something worse like politics and then he’d end up ruling the world and that just seems like a bad timeline change all around)

The rest of the crew is oblivious until right after the events of Thirty Years, but seriously they’re not exactly subtle in the days immediately thereafter, even if they don’t go in for PDAs or anything. (They find out about the married thing when Jax makes a joke about them getting hitched for spousal testifying privileges followed by “wait, am I the only one who knew they were married? seriously? I’m never the first one to know things!”)


	6. fire and ice question 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Question: In Fire and Ice, how on earth did Mick and Len end up with Team Flash as their crew???

Hmmm - I tried to make this clear in the fic itself, but sure, I can lay it out more. Basically, they get recruited by Barry to help fight Eobard. After that happens, they stick around STAR Labs for a while because Mick wants to make sure Len learns to use his meta powers in a way that doesn’t involve accidental mass-murder and Team Flash is very much here for avoiding accidental mass-murder. 

Metas don’t stop happening over the summer (remember, no black hole, so no “summer of moping Barry”), so Team Flash keeps going after them. Mick tries to stay out of it because he is so not interested in being a superhero, but goddamnit, some of their plans are just so incredibly stupid (you can tell how much Eobard’s been directing the show, honestly, given that he was evil, how have these kids survived??) that he can’t help himself and he ends up giving sarcastic commentary that turns into “okay, let me plan our your counter-strike for you already!”. Also, Len and Barry have taken to sparring in the particle accelerator by then, and Mick is just so happy to have found someone who Len actually likes (everyone not-so-secretly refers to their Very Serious Fighting Practice as “playdates”) that he becomes increasingly invested in keeping the Flash alive.

Being invested in keeping the Flash alive is step one to the road to accidental superherodom. After a while, Mick just accepts to himself that he’s adopted a new crew and they’re all a bit crazy and he shifts from living in the sweet, sweet land of denial to actively scheming to see who he can lure onto his new super crew. 

On Team Flash’s side, they tend to adopt anyone who sticks around STAR Labs long enough and Mick and Len end up running into enough crises to help save their asses that they’re grateful and happy to have them around. Given the way that Eobard structured the team, Team Flash has a serious reliance on having an older male role model figure around (see canon, where Eobard leaves, they introduce Stein for a while; Stein leaves, they immediately rely on Jay; Jay’s not that useful so they bring in Harry and trust him immediately despite significant evidence to the contrary…) So when Mick ends up barking orders at them that end up working out really well, they just gravitate towards listening to him instinctively and eventually start calling Mick “boss” the way Len does because it makes Mick roll his eyes and throw his hands up to the ceiling. Also, after the merchandizing thing, Mick actually ends up signing most of their paychecks and making sure they eat and drink on a regular basis and stuff, so “boss” works pretty well. 

Joe is not aware of a lot of these developments at first - he's grateful that Mick and Len saved Eddie, Barry, Iris, etc. from Eobard so he’s been trying to pretend he doesn’t know where they are - until one day everyone’s calling a wanted criminal “boss” and it’s too late to change any of their minds about any of it. 

Len put the fear of god into everyone early on, but they all remember him sacrificing himself to take out Eobard so no one gets too offended even when he nearly attacks them and just learns to avoid his triggers. It helps that Mick sent him to rescue Barry a lot in the days before he took control of mission planning. Mick ends up sharing “how to manage Leonard Snart” tips with everyone and everyone becomes increasingly protective of their kinda-damaged, kinda-crazy, definitely-needs-to-learn-anger-management teammate, particularly Barry.


	7. coldwave ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: Coldwave nr. 12 - writer and editor au

Mick squinted at the bright lights facing the stage. He couldn’t see the audience, which, now that he thought about it, was probably all for the best.

“So, uh,” he starts. “I got invited here to talk about how I became the exclusive editor and producer for one of the most famous screenwriters currently knocking around. I’m going to tell you that, since I got offered a nice handful of money to do so, but I’m going to start by warning you all that you’re going to be disappointed.”

Titters of polite laughter. He had no idea why they were laughing; he wasn’t joking.

He cleared his throat. “So, as most people know from my biography, I spent some time in prison for arson of an abandoned building because at the time I had untreated bipolar disorder and a serious case of pyromania–” Len had suggested that phrasing; it correctly implied that the bipolar disorder was being treated and incorrectly implied that the still-not-really-seeing-why-this-is-an-issue pyromania was also being treated without actually lying. “– and ex-felons with big five convictions on their records don’t get jobs easy.”

Murmurs of agreement.

“So my parole officer signed me up to this reverse big brother program and I got paired up with this kid named Jax Jackson, who had a summer job working at a movie studio. They weren’t too pleased about me tagging along, but they didn’t want to come off as less than perfectly progressive. So they ended up handing me a red pen and telling me to go off and sit in the corner and edit these screenplays, except what they didn’t tell me was that these were the screenplays from the reject pile. Well, most of them were, anyway. They were in the very early stages of developing Leonard Snart’s newest picture and he’s super famous already, so there were copies of it everywhere and one of them ended up in my pile.”

He pauses, takes a sip of water. Those lights were bright, and he was a pyro, he should know about brightness.

“Anyway, I ended up writing in a lot of remarks along the lines of ‘more explosions’ and ‘these two should make out’ in the margins –”

The audience titters again, but Mick is totally not exaggerating even a little.

“–and then I mail it back to the address on top. Turns out Snart loved my edits and ended up re-writing the whole thing from scratch over the next two days based on ‘em. Then he sent the new version in for more edits with a post-it note saying he wanted ‘em edited by the same guy as last time – and they had no idea who he was talking about. He ended up screaming at them over the phone a few times – he doesn’t actually scream, but he does this sarcastic thing that makes you feel like you’ve been screamed at – and eventually someone did a handwriting check and figured it out. Then they really freaked out.”

More laughter, slightly more real this time.

“But they don’t really have much choice, so they end up handing it back to me to do it again and Snart and I go through a few more rounds of edits – and by that point we’ve started writing nasty comments to each other in the margins – and eventually I said something real nasty and he stormed into the set one day to yell at me in person.”

Mick smiles at the memory.

“Anyway, to make a long story short, Snart ends up winning an Oscar for that screenplay. I don’t know if I had anything to do with it, but the media sure ended up assuming I did when he thanked me in his acceptance speech. And that’s basically it. Any questions?”

Confused silence.

Eventually one kid manages to get up the balls to raise a hand. Mick points at him.

“Thank you for that explanation of how you got started, Mr. Rory,” he said. “How did you manage to get a job continuing to work as Mr. Snart’s exclusive editor after that point?”

“I’m pretty sure it was because by that point I was sleeping with him,” Mick says.

Maybe he wasn’t supposed to say that, but the room sure as hell got noisy after that.


	8. atomwave ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: Atomwave, 46. Nanny/single parent au. (Bonus points if Mick’s the nanny)

Ray firmly believes in respecting the autonomy and intelligence of children. His parents had never really listened to him when he was a kid, even when he’d been very, very sure he was right (he’d even drawn graphs and made presentations, but nothing helped). Some of those things, in retrospect, he admitted weren’t ever going to fly, but a lot of them he still thinks he was right about.

As a result, when Tracey was seven and her latest nanny left to go follow her heart on some sort of self-indulgent road trip around Italy (maybe Felicity had a point when she said he was paying his nannies too much?), he told her she could help pick the new one. 

He even pinky-promised that he wouldn’t try to override her choice, no matter what, and Tracey knew he took pinky-promises seriously. He wouldn’t break it for just anything.

Ray’s starting to think he might want to now, though. 

Somehow, when he was letting the line of would-be potential nannies into the house (he’d always gotten a kick out of that scene in Mary Poppins), he hadn’t noticed that any of them had been so…large. And messy. And vaguely disreputable-looking, too.

Not vaguely. Very disreputable-looking. Then again, all of the nannies that were on the list were from some of the most exclusive child care providers in the world; this guy must be really good to get away with dressing like that for a job interview.

Tracey was clutching onto the big man’s hand and looking at Ray like she’d just won the District Level Science Fair for the fourth time again. 

“Daddy, this is Mr. Rory,” she chirps. “Say hi, Mr. Rory.”

‘Mr. Rory’ grunts. 

“He’s gonna be my new nanny,” she says proudly.

“Uh, Tracey,” Ray says, eyeing the guy. “Are you…sure…about that? This is the one?”

“Yep!”

“You didn’t like any of the others!”

“Uh-uh! Mr. Rory calls me ‘Little C’ and he’s gonna teach me all sorts of cool tricks!”

Well, let it never be said that Raymond Palmer judged people based on appearance – or that he would break a pinky-promise to his daughter.

“Okay, then,” he says firmly, sticking his hand out to this Mr. Rory, who looks weirdly surprised. “I guess it’s welcome to the family, Mr. Rory.”

The guy blinks at him, then carefully reaches out and takes his hand to shake. His hand is warm and callused and wow, Ray hadn’t noticed it when he was just evaluating the guy as a potential nanny for his daughter, but he was also really, really good looking. “Call me Mick,” the guy says, voice low and rough and kinda making Ray’s toes curl.

_No_ , Ray reminds himself. _You do not get to sleep with the household staff, especially not Tracey’s nanny._

In the end it turns out that Mick Rory _wasn’t_ sent by any of the child care providers but was actually there that day to break into Ray’s vault, but by that point Ray’s way too invested in helping Mick patch up his relationship with his best friend to really care about little things like a few diamonds gone missing. 

He’s also sleeping with Mick by that point, self-imposed rules or not, so it’s probably all for the best that Mick isn’t really a nanny. 

(Tracey has decided that when she grows up she’s marrying Len and then they’re going to storm Elsa’s kingdom and install themselves as King and Queen of the Ice and Cold, so, really, it’s clearly all going to end up happily ever after.)


	9. leonard snart + goodnight stories headcanon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon: leonard snart + goodnight stories

Len spent a good portion of his childhood accidentally brutally massacring fairy tales for Lisa. He stole library books for more ideas. Lisa was voracious and had a very good memory so she would catch him if he tried to repeat something. He would literally refashion sports stories, news stories, or even math problems into bedtime stories (“This is a story about two trains. One train, the fast train, let’s call him Speedy the Fast Train, left London at 80mph on its way to a city called Brighton, while the other train, let’s call him Mr. Slow…”)

As for Len himself, he thinks he has some vague memories of his mother telling him bedtime stories, but he’s not sure if that actually happened or if he saw it on television once and imagined it so hard that it just feels like a memory. Even before his father went to prison, he was always too busy or disinterested in telling stories; that was his wife’s job.

That being said, and he’s never going to admit this, he falls asleep best if Mick is reading something aloud to himself next to him or commenting on what he’s watching on television in a low voice. But that’s not a bedtime story, of course, because he’s a grown man and it’s just coincidence that he’s following along with half an ear on the novel Mick incessantly reads aloud to himself right before bed, but what is he supposed to do? Mick’s the one who’s reading it aloud. ( ~~Mick totally considers it Len’s bedtime stories and knows it to be the only reliable way to put an often insomniac Len to sleep.~~ )

When “Go The Fuck To Sleep” was published, Len mailed it to Lisa with a smiley face post-it note stuck on top. She laughed for a week.


	10. earth-5 questions

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Questions: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story? and What do you like best about this fic? for Earth-5

10: Why did you choose this pairing for this particular story?

Hah, actually, I didn’t! This entire idea came from a discussion with @pretzel-log1c and then she requested earth-5 coldflash and then I wrote the fic. Simple as that. I’m pretty easy when it comes to requested pairings; there’s very few I won’t write if you give me a prompt. I mean, if you ask me to ship Rip with anyone, don’t expect it to be Rip-friendly because I am not, but you could. I don’t know why you would, but you could.

11: What do you like best about this fic?

Oh man, kings of the ink! I love world-building (I love world-building SO MUCH I cannot even express it) and I really enjoy history and mixing the two is my absolute favorite thing. As far as I’m concerned, Earth-5 takes place in a world not just where electricity never replaced steam (typical steampunk origin), but also in which (in the United States at least) the Progressive Era never followed up on the excesses of the Gilded Age. We never got antitrust laws, environmental protection, food & drug safety, eight-hour work days - none of that. Instead of evening out, the split in society between the aristocratic rich (as I call them in the fic, the euphemistic “influential citizenry”) and the working poor became greater and more entrenched, and that’s the background to everything that’s going on.

The newspapers used to rule the world, back in the 19th century, because they were the only source of news for most people; on Earth-5, they continue their dominance because they crushed the invention of widespread radio and television under their bootheel. The only people who use radio in Earth-5 are government employees and newspaper reporters trying to get their stories back to base; there is no wide broadcast radio for people to listen to as an alternative news source. But unlike entrenched government interests, the newspapers on Earth-5 are still competing for a limited resource: people’s attention. And so they do start publishing stories that get people’s interest: muckraking “exposés”, human interest stories, etc. “Cool” stories like Captain Cold vs. the Flash are 100% guaranteed to get their sales up. So when things start coming to a head (and this world is so close to revolution that it’s shaking for want of it), even the newspapers who would normally participate in shutting down all debate regarding worker rights by blacklisting everything are compelled to keep writing about it because, well, no one wants to be the only newspaper not carrying a Flash story, right? And so the kings of the ink. :D


	11. barry allen + thunderstorms headcanon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> headcanon: Barry Allen + finding out about Len's death OR Barry Allen + thunderstorms

I’m as fond of Coldflash as the next person and I’ve seen some excellent “Barry finds out” stories, but alas, I don’t think they managed to get to the point in canon where Barry would be able to overlook his (admittedly overwhelming!) angst in order to pay that much attention to it other than maybe a faint sense of regret. So I’m going with thunderstorms.

As a kid, Barry Allen loved thunderstorms.

Some kids are scared of the loud noises they make, but nope, not Barry. Barry was the baby that giggled happily every time it stormed. Barry was the toddler that saw raindrops and ran to press his nose to the window and beg his parents to go on a rainwalk with him. Barry was the small child that learned to count sitting on his mom’s lap and trying to figure out how close the thunderstorm was by calculating the difference between the sight of lightning and the sound. Barry was the dumbass ten-year-old kid who - when they were visiting distant family on the coast - decided to go out walking in a tropical storm before his parents noticed he was gone.

Then his mother died and suddenly lightning wasn’t his friend anymore.

He still paid attention to every thunderstorm, but now he was looking for the man in the lightning. It was always bittersweet after that point. It’s not until he becomes the Flash that he starts really liking thunder and lightning again - he can make his own thunder, and that’s just undeniably awesome. 

Barry has totally run around the city super fast in a thunderstorm and pretended he was conducting the lightning strikes. Cisco overheard him cackling to himself but promised to keep it a secret from the others in exchange for a viewing of The Phantom Tollbooth with sing-a-longs. Barry thinks Cisco’s weather wand is the best thing ever and they have totally played around with it before the events of late last season.

(They have both spent an ungodly amount of time laughing about the idea of Mark Mardon with a Mohawk as befits a storm-themed superhero.)


	12. mick + lisa headcanons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Any headcanons about Mick and Lisa (not romantically b/c ColdWave is my jam)? I keep thinking about this scene in the Rogue Time episode (actually I think it's the only scene where they directly interact) but Mick is beating up Cisco and Leonard is yelling for him to stop because they're using Cisco as leverage against the Flash but Mick won't stop and then Lisa walks in and says something like "Mick, you sound hungry, let's go grab some dinner" and I just love that whole interaction

Of course I have Mick and Lisa headcanons! I have Mick and Lisa headcanons by the score. I don’t believe it’s possible for Len and Mick to have known each other for so long without Mick having met the other most important person in Len’s life. Len and Lisa tag-team to tag care of Mick when he’s lost his temper and Mick keeps an eye on them when they’re being twitchy and paranoid. Mick’s heart broke just as much as Len’s did when Lisa didn’t end up making it to the Olympics for ice skating, though of course he hid it in gruff words and arson, but he offered to let her light the fire instead and she knew what he meant.

Mick is the guy Lisa goes to when she wants to bitch about boys. Len goes straight to homicidal when sometimes she just wants someone to drink beer with and nod and go “Yeah, our gender’s totally shit at this whole relationship business” or “On behalf of all guys, I apologize” and Mick is great at that. Not that Mick doesn’t do the homicidal thing if he thinks she’s being mistreated even a bit; Mick is Lisa’s sounding board for what is and isn’t normal and acceptable in a relationship because she and Len sure as hell have no idea. (Mick started banging his head against the kitchen table when she asked “So – and this is purely hypothetical here – how many times can your boyfriend hit you before you have to dump his ass for being abusive?”)

They 100% went to Lisa’s prom together. I’m pretty sure I wrote that fic.

The nicest thing anyone has ever said to Mick in his entire life, no contest, was once when Lisa was really drunk and she told him that she loved Len more than the sun but sometimes she thought that Mick was totally out of Len’s league and deserved better because sometimes Len is a jerk. 

Mick and Lisa play Trivial Pursuit when they’re alone in the car waiting for Len to come back from his part of the job. Len is not permitted to play anymore.

Mick taught both Len and Lisa to drive. Len can, but doesn’t like to. Lisa’s the one who took to it like a duck to water and they totally bonded over it when she was a teenager.


	13. rogues + hygiene headcanon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon: The Rogues + hygiene (nail care in particular because my nails are being annoying)

Mick keeps his short and neat because he doesn’t care about much but he handles flammable objects and he’s very cautious on that score. His fingers have enough burns without doing anything stupid. He has very steady hands and is the go-to manicurist for the girls when they want their nails painted by another Rogue because Mick is the sort of comfortable in his masculinity sort of guy that he will deliberately sit in the middle of the prison yard and paint his nails hoping someone will try to pick a fight with him over it. By this point, no one does. Several other prisoners have asked for lessons so they can surprise their daughters when they get out. Anyone who attempts to question them for their perfectly rational decision is met with Mick’s fist (some of them don’t actually have daughters but want Mick’s protection from other prisoners and this is an easy way to get it). 

Len sometimes bites his nails. Mick hates it when he does that. Mick is the sort of person to paint his husband’s nails in his sleep with clear foul-tasting polish in order to express his displeasure on this subject. Len hates that. So they’re equal.

Lisa and Shawna have a standing date with a particular manicurist that gives them all the good criminal underworld gossip. They get Len to fund their trips on the basis that they are technically “giving money for information” and that’s totally a Rogue thing, right? Len doesn’t believe them for a second but is willing to humor them.

Hartley doesn’t do his nails because he’s worried at coming off as a gay stereotype. At one point, Lisa asked him if he actually wanted his nails painted ever and it turned out he didn’t and was wasting valuable emotional energy on the subject for no good reason. 

Mark Mardon said once that painting your nails was stupid and girly. His nails are now an ever-changing constellation of colors, typically whatever Lisa and Shawna are debating between and want to see an example of before they do it themselves. He does not get a choice about this. If he attempts to resist the girls, they will recruit Mick to sit on him.


	14. coldwave + non-work hobbies headcanon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon: ColdWave (or the rogues in general if you're interested) + non-work/crime related hobbies

So, non-crime hobbies. This is a hard one for me. Honestly, my headcanon of their hobbies varies by the day. I don’t think I have a specific set, because to be fair they take a lot of joy in their work. Like, a lot. Too much. Way too much.

Okay, Len’s a thinly disguised workaholic and Mick’s an obsessive-compulsive pyromaniac who’s turned his mania into his day job.

Like, what isn’t related to their jobs? They like art. They steal art. They like shiny things. They steal shiny things. They like movies. They totally used to rob Blockbusters on a regular basis (and now they mostly pirate shit online because they’re dorks who are like that). They like riding their motorcycles/cars really fast. They build that into their getaway plans. Mick likes fire. Mick is basically a professional arsonist. Len is a bit of a klepto who likes figuring out how to crack building plans. Look at his career choices.

Things they like to do…well. They watch TV. They play board games with Lisa. Mick likes to cook. Len likes to…yeah, Len needs a life outside his work. I think Lisa and Mick keep telling him as much and he just goes “uh, huh, I’m gonna go plan another heist now”. His card shark tendencies do not count because he uses that for crime as well.

Wait, Len likes comic books! It is in fact my long-running headcanon that Len once broke into Lex Corp and got distracted by the fact that Lex Luthor had an exclusive collection of an obscure comic book series that Len was really into, but it’s okay, when Luthor showed up to have him arrested, they ended up geeking out together about this super obscure TV show based on this comic that was on for like a year that no one else has ever heard about or likes and they’re both crazy over it so Luther doesn’t actually remember to have him arrested. They still text each other updates about a new version of this show that’s stuck in development hell that Luthor is totally bankrolling. 

This is Len’s only legit not-crime-related hobby. Well, he stole Luthor’s credit card during this conversation, but he’s only human.


	15. mick rory + cooking headcanon

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Headcanon: Mick Rory + cooking (with conversation with @oneiriad on tumblr!)

When Mick was a small child, he lived on a farm and his mother did all the cooking. Living on a farm didn’t actually improve the flavor of the relatively bland food his mother made, but it impressed on Mick’s brain the idea that food is traditionally cooked at home.

He didn’t actually start cooking himself until he arrived at his favorite of his foster homes, where his guardian at the time, Etta, was the worst cook he’d ever met in his life and it was a matter of self-preservation the first time he fixed himself a basic omelet using a recipe he found in a cookbook. That was something of a “eureka” moment - food can be cooked! He can cook it! It’s not that hard! - and he’s been fairly fond of cooking ever since when he can get the chance (read: is not in prison).

Despite his fondness for cooking himself, life experiences meant that Mick always rather expected that whoever he shacked up with would take care of the cooking. Then he ended up shacking up with Len, who thought that boxed mac-and-cheese was a perfectly acceptable dinner for a grown man to eat, that one meal a day was normal, and that fresh fruit and vegetables were something that happened to other people. This upset Mick on a fundamental level he usually reserves for things like murder and extinguished fires and somehow it turned into a wide-eyed Len making runs to the grocery store while Mick knocked their kitchen into shape and forced him to eat like a normal human being. By this point, he’s got Len trained well enough that Len yields all food-related decisions to him and eats anything Mick puts in front of him no matter what or when (even after Mick has abused this privilege to roofie him when he’s on an insomniac binge).

It’s unclear when he discovered barbeque, but he is the undisputed master thereof. 

\-----------------  
@oneiriad: And now you’ve left me with a craving for Mick freaking out various hero types by cooking for them during the inevitable Rogue/hero team-ups.  
\-----------------

Oh, man, that would totally happen. It’s all Len’s fault; Mick can’t bear to watch people eat nothing but junk anymore, unless they’re in a place that reminds him of prison (which the Waverider did - both because of the lack of exit and the metal walls, but also because there were no grocery stores that could be reached and if you’re not cooking with fresh food, you may as well live off of crackers for all the nutritional value you’re getting in Mick’s view.)

But if they were in STAR Labs or something? Oh yeah, he would watch Barry eat four crappy pizzas in a row and just show up the next day with two giant bags filled with overstuffed sandwiches (layers of turkey and ham and salami piled high, fresh cut tomatoes sprinkled with a hint of salt, crisp lettuce on crusty bread; giant spoonfuls of tuna salad filled up with fresh celery on warm buns; egg salad made with fresh eggs and onions and the proper amount of mustard on white bread sandwiches cut diagonally; long slices of baguette stuffed with brie, layered with lightly sautéed red peppers and smeared with garlicky pesto, grilled and hot; meatball subs with provolone cheese just starting to melt over the edges and drip into the marinara sauce; grilled cheese bursting with gooey cheese, crisp at the edges and soft and buttery in the middle). 

The day after that, it’s a whole beef tenderloin, large enough to feed twelve people, glistening and dripping with its own juices, rubbed in spices and left to grill long and slow over the firepit Len dug Mick in their backyard until it’s tender enough to fall apart if you even wave a fork at it, accompanied by a giant bowl of fresh salad, cucumbers and tomatoes and onions tossed in a thin layer of olive oil, and five long loaves of fresh bread from the local bakery that fill the air with crackling as they cool. 

Mick’s not a gourmet chef, you understand, he just likes to feed people fresh food.

Barry initially worries that this is some sort of evil plot, but the food looks so good he can’t resist. And of course Cisco and Caitlin steal some bites and end up making ungodly sounds and begging Mick to bring extra for them and has he considered dessert? (He has. The flourless chocolate cake he makes is large enough to feature in a rendition of that scene in Matilda, but it’s soft and fudgy and moist and has three different types of chocolate in it and he brings buckets of vanilla ice cream to serve with it and Mick may or may not have first right to the firstborn children of everyone on the hero side now.)

Also, even after Len and Mick go back to being Rogues and thieves and everything, there is a universally declared truce in Central City on July 4th because that’s when Mick breaks out the barbeque: racks of ribs and thick cut steaks, sloppy joes and steaming chili, moist brisket and hamburgers and hot dogs, slabs of chicken breast and thighs and wings honey-glazed and dripping with sauce, a whole table full of cornbread and buttermilk biscuits, corn fritters and pecan-encrusted sweet potato mash, two types of coleslaw and that’s just to start.

\--------------------  
@oneiriad: At one point, the Rogues and Team Flash team up for nearly two weeks, and Barry is somewhat shocked to realize that he’s actually gained weight at the end of it. (Let’s be honest - Barry usually only eats just enough, because the stuff he usually needs to resort to eating for the calories simply aren’t that appetizing in large amounts).  
First July the 4th after Legends, the Waverider crew is invited - and they look at the food and they eat the food and then they look at Mick feeling deeply betrayed, because why did he never feed them like this before?  
\-------------------

And Len (because obviously Len is back and there and fine) is the only one who’s just shrugging it off like “well, yeah, of course he didn’t make this on the Waverider. No grocery stores.”

And the other Legends are all “But Gideon had a fabricator that could make literally anything!”

And Mick just looks at them, puzzled, and says “Yeah, but it’s still not fresh that way. Besides, Rip vetoed my request to stop and pick something up.”

Everyone slowly turns to look at Rip.


	16. coldwave wedding ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the numbers prompt: Coldwave + 22; bonus points if its Lisa's wedding :)
> 
> 22.two miserable people meeting at a wedding au

This may be the most miserable wedding Mick has ever had the misfortune to get hired as a bodyguard for. The bride is radiant in her dress and veil, the groom is besotted, and every single person in the crowd thinks she’s a good-for-nothing gold-digger. 

Which, what does he know, she might be.

Unfortunately no one actually ever does anything at these stupid events. Something a bit cheaper, you might have a drunk mother-in-law or aunt starting shit, but something this fancy? Not a chance.

“You look bored,” a guy drawls.

Mick looks at him. It’s the bride’s brother, the only family on her side to attend the wedding; a number of people had wondered if they were actually related or if he was there as a show, but Mick had observed the increasing pressure on his face as he was forced to shake hand after hand of ‘congratulations’. 

“You look stressed,” Mick says in return.

“Well, my life’s about to get better,” the guy says. “My name’s Len Snart. You look like a guy who’d appreciate some fireworks.”

Mick studies him. The guy does look a bit less aggravated than earlier. “Mick Rory. And yeah, I do,” he says cautiously. “But there aren’t any fireworks planned for this event.”

The guy smirks, full of mischief. “Oh, there will be. I’m looking for a getaway car that won’t be tagged, and that means one of the fifteen identical security vehicles outside. Now, I can take your keys, but I’d rather take you. You in?”

Mick’s intrigued: he likes trouble, this guy is hot, and, to be fair, he wasn’t getting paid that much for this gig anyway.

“Sure, buddy,” he says with a savage grin. “I’m in. What’s your plan?”

“Well,” Len says, leaning in and whispering in his ear. “It doesn’t involve my sister saying ‘I do’, but it _does_ involve the priceless family jewels Mr. Wrong there lent her to wear for the event – and an explosion to cover our exit.”

“What the hell,” Mick says. “I like blowing shit up.”

Turns out he likes Len, too.


	17. coldwave long distance au ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: long distance relationship au Coldwave

Mick gets letters in prison. 

Crazy-person fans, mostly; people who read about the scale and savagery of his acts of arson and decided he was the guy for them. Lonely women, stupid teenagers, white knights, do-gooders, volunteer lawyers interested in getting his sentenced revised down for certifiable craziness…and this one guy.

His letters are always handwritten, letters a bit cramped and tilted and printed out like someone who never picked up cursive. They’re not cutesy or condescending or any of that crap. They don’t start off too formal (“Mr. Rory”) or jump straight to intimacy (“Michael” or “Mick” or, worst of all, “Mickey”); they don’t start at all, actually. 

The first one said: _I saw your arrest on the news. Too bad about getting caught, but don’t let them bring you down. Don’t know if you care much about the outside world, but here’s a basic update on what you’ve missed in the last week…_

Every two weeks, they appear like clockwork, even though Mick doesn’t write back at first. They’re oddly chatty – sports news reported with the interesting plays highlighted with snarky commentary (guy’s a Central city fan for hockey and football, but he considerately reports on the Keystone team’s successes and failures with a minimum of hostility in case Mick cares more about them, being from Keystone and all), news updates (surprisingly detailed on local cops and government, _incredibly_ scathing), the stray comment about the weather (the guy’s hatred for the heat is actually hilarious). There’s a meticulous record of local fires, with size, location, duration, and fireman response times, which is really quite considerate. When Mick gets out, he could probably use this as a guide as to where to set a big fire, watch it for a good half-hour or more, and still get away clean.

Possibly alone of all the letters Mick gets, these are the only one that don’t require anything from him: no affection, no attention, no response. 

They’re signed “LS”, but Mick behaves long enough to get library internet privileges and track the return address. There are three people listed for that house – a Lewis Snart, parent, and two near-adult children, Leonard Snart and Lisa Snart. The guy uses male pronouns and makes a glancing mention to a sister, so Mick’s gonna guess his letter-writer is Leonard.

Mick’s first and only letter back just says _Why are you writing to me?_ because he’s checked, and no one else gets these letters.

He’s expecting anything from random chance to a lie to a delay in the letters, but the next letter arrives, same as always, and the very first line is _You saved my life when I was fourteen_ and a date, time, and place. It then continues same as always.

No evasions, no hesitation, no hiding, no pussyfooting around the issue, but also no nostalgic appeals, no requests that Mick remember him, no emotional shift. No expectations. 

Mick likes this guy’s style. 

Now that he thinks about that date, he remembers juvie, some stick-like kid about to get shivved on his very first day. Some more library time and he confirms that Leonard Snart was in juvie around the same time he was. He sweet-talks his favorite guard into bringing him a more up-to-date photo from Snart’s last arrest – a few years ago, the guy’s been trying to keep his nose clean more recently, but still closer than what Mick’s got in his memories.

Mick spends a lot of time looking at that photo and reading those letters.

Reading them over and over and over. Memorizing the small details that get dropped here and there: favorite foods. Past-times. Preferred locations to hang out. Habits. Schedules.

When the guy next door gets busted out by the local mob Family like he’s been boasting about for months, Mick intimidates his way into a ride out and hitches the first ride he can for the southwest part of Central City, humming happily the whole way.

Len’s sure going to be surprised to see him.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I would really love it if someone picked up this idea and ran with it. I don’t think I will write it, but I would _love_ to read the full crazy!stalker!Mick and soon-to-be-kidnapped!Len story :)


	18. coldwave best friend sibling + lab partners ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Request: Coldwave 21 + 14 (with Mick and Lisa as bffs)?  
> 21\. best friend sibling au & 14\. lab partners au

“I hate this class,” Lisa says, dropping into the chair next to her lab partner, Mick, who was already halfway asleep in his folded up arms and class hadn’t even started yet.

“Not as much as I hate it,” he says, raising his head and blinking at her. “One more semester and I am out of here.”

“Still not planning on sticking around for the degree?” Lisa asks. “College degrees can be helpful, and you did technically make it to your third year.”

Mick makes a face at her. “I’m here because my parole officer is making me,” he says. “And that’s _it_. He gets off my back at the end of this semester and I can go out of state again – and you think I’m sticking around _here_?”

“Good point,” Lisa sighed. Keystone County Community College was _not_ exactly an interesting institution. It didn’t even have the benefit of being in Keystone City proper, but was instead out in the middle of nowhere in an incredibly small town an hour outside of Keystone. As a result, however, agreeing to help out with various work-study tasks meant that you could basically attend for free and Lisa wasn’t going to make Len pay for her schooling, not when he’d had to drop out of high school to care for her. If she got good enough grades, she’d be able to swing a scholarship to a better school; if not, she’d finish her degree here and see if she could get into a graduate program. Engineering of some variety; that would make Lenny happy and would be immensely useful if she ever did decide to take up his line of work. 

Unfortunately, an undergrad degree in engineering required – for what stupid reason she couldn’t guess – that she take _biology_. At 8 AM. Two days a week, plus a lab. Currently the bane of her existence.

If she hadn’t immediately spotted a kindred somewhat-criminal soul in Mick Rory at the start of the class, she would probably have had trouble with attendance by now. As it was, it was better to hate the class in company, so she dragged herself out of her bed.

She poked at Mick’s shoulder where he was starting to actually snore a bit. “My brother’s coming to visit today,” she tells him. “You should come to lunch.” He didn’t respond. “Len’ll pay,” she says temptingly.

Mick gave her a thumb’s up without lifting his head.

He does wake up when the teacher starts talking about dissecting frogs, which they’re apparently going to do next week. There are diagrams. Pictures. Stories of pregnant frogs or frogs that ate insects that were still alive when you cut them open or frogs that weren’t quite all the way dead and which started to scream when you put scalpel to flesh.

“I don’t think I want lunch,” Mick says, staring at the teacher with wide eyes.

“I’m right there with you,” Lisa agrees. “Oh god. We’ll tell Lenny to buy us ice cream for the trauma instead, how about that?”

“I want at least four toppings,” Mick says. “Plus sprinkles.”

“Sprinkles totally count as another topping!”

“They never charge you for ‘em if you ask for them at the last minute.”

“…right, I’m trying that.”

After class, Mick follows her out to the plaza and she starts looking around for Len, waving to get his attention when she spots him – of course he’s on the other side of the plaza, because that’s where the giant copper statute of the _chicken_ is and everyone who visits KC3 is basically obligated by law to go gawk at the spectacle for at least ten minutes – and dropping her arm when he does see her and starts to head over. She’ll bet ten dollars his first question is going to be “why is there a 15 foot chicken, Lisa, what’s wrong with your college?” and his second is going to be “has anyone ever stolen it?”

Mick puts a hand on her arm, which gets her attention. Mick’s not one for unprompted physical contact. He’s got a funny expression on his face.

“What’s up?” she asks.

“ _That guy_ is your brother?” he asks.

“Yeah,” Lisa says fondly. “He’s a bit of a stalker, so you may have seen him hanging around the last few days.”

Mick coughs. “Uh. Yeah. I’ve seen him around.”

“There’s something you’re not telling me,” Lisa says, poking at him. “C’mon, spill.”

“You didn’t tell me your brother was _that hot_ ,” Mick blurts out, still staring in Len’s direction. “Holy _crap_. That’s just like _unreasonable_ levels of pretty.”

Lisa starts cackling madly. She’d only thought to introduce them so they might hook up as criminals once Mick finishes the semester – Len’s a smartass who could use some solid muscle to back up his threats before someone kills him to shut him up and Mick’s always complaining that he doesn’t have the patience to plan out heists all the way – but this is _so. much. better._


	19. Coldwave + 4 but the kid can be Lisa

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave + 4 but the kid can be Lisa 
> 
> 4.teacher/single parent au

Len’s used to fighting for respect.

He fought for his Dad’s, right up until the day the fucker laid hands on Lisa and then Len had to kill him and cover it up from the cops. He didn’t want to - he still loved him, stupid as that was, but he’d promised himself: never Lisa and, well, a promise is a promise. 

He fought for the legal system’s, arguing that he ought to be awarded custody of Lisa now that they had no one else in the world. He presented evidence of a steady job (faked but good fakes, traded for help with a heist and a blowjob) and showed that if he sold the house and the car he could easily afford an apartment for the two of them closer to a better school. He looked them all in the eye and swore that he’d only ever done bad because of familial pressure, backed with testimony from one of the cops his dad used to work with, obtained via blackmail. He made a whole new set of enemies in the process, but he got Lisa, and that’s what he cared about.

He fought for the school board’s, forcing them to grant Lisa a spot in their fancy private school through threatening a lawsuit. Honestly, he had no grounds, but the bad publicity that would emerge from defending against a eighteen year old former victim of abuse whose father was recently murdered, who only wanted what was best for his extremely photogenic little sister, meant that they settled fast. 

He fully expected to have to fight for the respect of Lisa’s new teacher, knowing he couldn’t afford to dress her as good as the other kids or to send her on all the field trips, but he was determined to prove that he was doing right by her anyway and that she ought to be treated right, just like the other kids. He wasn’t expecting Lisa to come back from her first day of second grade happy and bubbling and overflowing with praise for her new teacher, who was apparently “awesome” - the highest praise in Lisa’s book. 

So instead of going in raring for a fight, Len went in for his first parent teacher meeting terrified he was going to make a bad first impression on the man who had so impressed Lisa.

He was not expecting Mick Rory, who’s Len’s height and twice as broad, who has a low voice that rumbles all the way down Len’s back, who talks to Len like he’s a parent and not just an older brother trying to fake it – walks him through his lesson plans and offers suggestions as to what Len can do to help Lisa at home, suggests low-cost alternatives for various paints and other school supplies, and even agrees to trade Len’s services as a chaperone on school trips in exchange for taking Lisa along for no cost.

Len stumbles out of the meeting shaken to his core and concerned that he might’ve fallen in love.

(The next day at school, Mr. Rory shyly asks Lisa to tell him more about her brother. Lisa, who has seen this movie before, tells him everything she can and has secretly recruited the entire second-grade school year for her campaign before the school day is out.)

(The plan works.)


	20. Coldwave + 10 :D?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave + 10 :D? 
> 
> 10.high school popular kid/nerd au

When Mick Rory went to live with his aunt and uncle once removed in Central City, he was expecting a life fairly similar to the one he left behind at his cousin’s house: full of suspicion, dislike, and isolation.

His home life is about as he expected - everyone liked his parents and no one really wants to care for the arsonist who burned them - but his experience at his new school takes an unexpected turn on the very first day, when someone walks right up to him and asks how old he is. “Fifteen,” Mick says honestly. “Though I’m still a freshman; got held back a year ‘cause of a family crisis.”

The boy - about as tall as Mick, though much broader - smiled. “Freshman,” he says, sounding approving. “You done growing yet?”

Mick snorts. “My dad was 6’2 and my mom was 5'10. And the rest of the family used to call her the short one,” he says. “So no. Why? You got a problem with it?”

“Oh, no,” the kid says. “Not at all. On the contrary - do you like to hit things?”

“Yes,” Mick says warily, and that’s how he finds himself on the football team. Turns out footballs not nearly as complicated as the plays on TV make it seem, at least not if you’ve got Mick’s job, which is to body slam whoever he’s pointed at. 

Somehow, this translates into being one of the most popular boys at this football-obsessed school, to the point that even his aunt and uncle seem vaguely more approving of him. Mick’s never had this happen before.

It’s a nice change.

One thing he can’t get used to, though, is how being one of the popular kids seems to mean he gets a free pass on everything else. This time last year, if he’d shoved a kid in the hallway, he would’ve gotten dragged in front of the principal and probably suspended, even if it’d been an accident. Now, he can shove a kid on purpose right in front of a teacher, and everyone will just laugh about how he’s “fooling around”. Even the kid he shoved laughed.

Mick only does it once, then makes a point of saying hello to the kid he shoved for a week to try to make up for it. It was weird.

It’s also weird how everyone just expects him to be a dumb jock bully now, the way they used to expect him to be a scary delinquent. The other guys on the team just expect him to go along and, most of the time, Mick does. He’s no hero; he’s got no sympathy for the nerds who are already planning their scholarships and future careers, the goths that write angry poetry about how much their life sucks, the theater kids that live in the clouds or any of the other bizarre subcultures that exist in his high school.

At least, until Leonard Snart comes back from his three-week suspension.

Mick pegs him the second he walks through the door: cheap jeans a size too small, with holes at the hem that show this is from necessity rather than style, twitchy fingers that Mick immediately recognizes from his time in the system as a pickpocket’s practice, a bruise on his cheek and a cut on his lip. This is him, one year ago: the delinquent, angry at the world and bitter, tunneling through the high school-to-prison pipeline due to too few opportunities and too many responsibilities at too young an age. 

Except instead of being big and mean, scary enough to make everyone leave him alone, Snart is a fucking work of art. The jeans seem painted on and show off every asset he’s got, from long legs to an ass worth a second (and third) look; the cut on his lips only emphasizes how sinfully red they are. He’s got eyelashes women would kill for and eyes that poets would struggle to find a gemstone to compare to. 

If he wasn’t so obviously angry, bristling at the world and its indignities and bubbling with violence right under his skin, Mick could see a cheerleader taking a walk on the bad-boy side of the aisle and bringing him into Mick’s circle. 

But he is, and worse, he’s also a total nerd: the teachers swoon over his test scores and pile him on with extra credit work that (horrors) he actually seems to do. So all the attention he does get is negative.

There’s one kid on the football team that Mick’s been keeping an eye on – he’s a leering pervert who looks too long in the showers and goes through girlfriends like tissue paper, and even if he wasn’t, he’s the type of asshole that Mick mentally dubs a felony assault waiting to happen. He’s been pretty low key thus far, making Mick doubt his instincts, but apparently he was just waiting for his moment, because that kid is on Snart like white on rice.

Shoving, kicking, tripping in the hallways; grabbing his books for a game of keep away or tossing his backpack into a tree so Snart’ll have to climb up to get it. 

And Snart does nothing. Mick knows muscle, and Snart has it – he might be lean, but he has the shape of someone who earned his stripes fighting, not at the gym. He could take the asshole, but he doesn’t.

Then the kid goes too far – gets a bunch of his friends to grab Snart on his way out of school and drag him into the deserted gymnasium. Mick follows them in and finds they’ve already gotten an unresisting Snart down on his knees, the leader’s hands twisted in his inch-long hair like he owns it, and the other four morons all oblivious to the fact that this might very well end up much worse than they've imagined if nobody does anything.

So Mick kicks open the door.

The leader flinches – sure sign he knew he was doing something wrong – then relaxes when he sees Mick. Mick likes being popular, sure, but he’ll be damned if he’ll be one of those guys that guys like this go to when they need validation and support, so he kicks their asses until they’ve all fled the scene but for him and Snart.

Mick turns to look at him. “What the hell’s wrong with you?” he barks. “You could’ve taken that fucker to the floor in a minute and scared off the others. Why aren’t you fighting back? Picked up pacifism in juvie or something?”

Surprisingly, Snart cracks a smile. “Never been to juvie,” he confesses. “But if I get suspended one more time for fighting, my guidance counselor says they’ll be no other option but to send me there, and I can’t afford losing a few months.”

Mick nods. He’s known people like that before. “Single mom?” he asks, and watches Snart’s face tighten. “Ah. Abusive dad.” 

“That’s very gender essentialist of you,” Snart drawls. “True, in this case, but still.”

Mick shrugs. “Wanna hang out?” he asks.

Snart blinks, clearly taken aback. “How you going to explain that one to your friends?” he asks. “I’m not exactly Mr. Popularity, and I don’t think anyone’s gonna believe you asked me for tutoring.”

Mick shrugs again. Nothing risked, nothing gained. “I was thinking I’d tell them we were dating,” he says, as casually as he can manage.

Snart looks gobsmacked for a minute, then a gorgeous smile splits over his face. “Dinner’s on you,” he warns.

Mick snorts and pulls out the moron from earlier’s wallet. “Don’t be absurd. Dinner’s on our mutual friend who’ll be too embarrassed to say where he lost it.”

Snart looks delighted. “Man after my own heart,” he says. “C’mon, I know a good place to eat – it’s called the Motorcar.”


	21. Coldflash teacher/single parent au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 4, coldflash - maybe Barry is a kindergarten teacher (he'd be adorable with tiny kids) or maybe he teaches high school and keeps getting mistaken for a student? 
> 
> 4\. teacher/single parent au

Barry loves his new job teaching kindergarten in the southeast district in Central City.

It’s the job Joe wanted him to take – somewhere in their nice quasi-suburban, thoroughly gentrified neighborhood would be his preference, or perhaps a nice preppy private school with well-behaved children – but it’s what Barry wanted. He didn’t want to be one of Those Teachers, that went into “underprivileged” districts with a martyr’s air and a desire to “rescue” the children; he wanted to learn as much as he taught and to help where he could. With his inheritance, he could afford to out-of-pocket some of the expenses and he knew this part of Central fairly well from exploring the city as a bitter little kid. Between that and his personal experiences with childhood PTSD, Barry really felt he could do more here than getting yelled at by overbearing parents who were concerned about their children’s grades.

In _kindergarten_.

All the kids in his class are great; each of them bursting at the seams with personality. Barry loved each and every one of them, from the ones who were easy to please to the ones that took coaxing to get out of their shells.  
After about a month, he handed out forms asking the parents to swing by a parent-teacher conference, making clear that he could make himself available in the evening or on weekends, and that he was happy to make house visits if it would be easier to accommodate based on work scheduling. 

Leonard Snart is the third parent to visit, walking in hand-in-hand with little Bryden in her favorite dress, with her dark curls lovingly brushed and untangled and bouncy. They look nothing alike, but Barry’s certainly not going to say anything about it.

Mr. Snart (“call me Len”) is up to date on everything Bryden’s done in class so far, asks intelligent questions about the curriculum and potential field trips, invites Bryden’s opinions on things without condescending or ignoring her – he’s basically the ideal parent/guardian, invested in their child’s education and committed to ensuring that she gets to maximize all of her opportunities.

Barry could swoon over him. His parenting, that is; he’s not going to fall for a student’s parent, no matter how attractive (though Len is remarkably good looking), as that would be a total cliché.

Leonard Snart is also the sixth parent to visit, shy little Antonio beaming like a loon and clutching to Len’s pant leg. It’s a bit weird; Barry would have bet money that Tony and Bryden had never met before his class, much less that they shared a father in common. 

But again, Len has a good understanding of the different challenges and opportunities faced by Tony – his attention wandering, his rather extraordinary skill with paint – and is able to keep up a nuanced conversation on the subject. Barry’s a bit confused, but pleased that both Tony and Bryden have someone so caring and committed to them. 

When Leonard Snart walks in as Barry’s tenth appointment with Heather and Ethan, the little redheaded twins, each grabbing one of his hands, though, Barry can’t help but arch an eyebrow at him.

Len smirks. 

Barry breaks. “Okay,” he says. “This may be rude, but I have to ask –”

“I ain’t the town bike, if that’s what you’re asking,” Len says gleefully. (Heather and Ethan, sitting over in the crafting corner and fighting over construction paper, look up briefly at the mention of bikes but go back to what they were doing when it becomes apparent that no bicycles are forthcoming.)

Barry rolled his eyes, smiling helplessly. “So which one’s yours?” he asks.

“None of ‘em.”

Barry pauses. “…what?”

“I don’t actually have any kids,” Len says with a shrug. “But my job gives me a lot of free time during the afternoons, so I keep an eye on a whole lot of them after school and before their parents get home, help them with homework or give ‘em stuff to play with, that sort of thing. Keeps them out of trouble. I’ve been part of the school’s PTA for about thirteen years running now; my first kid’s gonna graduate from high school and head to college at the end of this year.”

Barry’s heart is melting. Melted. It’s a giant puddle of feelings somewhere in his belly right now.

“That’s…that’s fantastic,” Barry says. “What do you do for a living that gives you so much free time?”

Len’s smirk widens. “I’m a thief.”

Barry laughs. 

(It’s not until their fourth date that he realizes that Len wasn’t joking.)


	22. Coldflash 18 please?  18.waking up with amnesia au

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldflash 18 please? 18.waking up with amnesia au

“Okay, we’ve established that neither of us have our memories,” the (rather attractive) older man said decisively. “I think we can at least deduce the obvious here.”

“The obvious?” I said, brightening. “What’s the obvious?”

“We’re clearly in the middle of a robbery - see the open safe, the money and gems, the canvas bag. Equally obviously, we were fighting - the marks on the walls, the signs of a struggle. So it seems clear that one of us is a thief and the other one is…well, some sort of cop or vigilante or something, bent on stopping them.”

I frowned a bit, a little disappointed that we were enemies. The older guy didn’t seem so bad. “But which one of us is which?” I asked.

“I’m the hero and you’re the villain,” the guy says.

“Hey! Why’s that? Maybe I’m the hero!”

“I have a gun. That’s a law enforcement thing, guns. What do you have?”

I blushed. We both searched ourselves for clues earlier, so the other guy already knew that the answer is “Nothing.”

“Besides, it looks like you have super speed and we determined that this gun shoots out cold, right?“ the guy points out inexorable in his logic. "Of the two of them…”

“Yeah,” I said glumly. “It’s much more likely that the police would develop a cold gun to stop a speedster thief than to develop a way to give someone superspeed to stop a thief with a cold gun.” I sighed. “I don’t _feel_ evil, though.”

“That could be the amnesia talking - or maybe you’re not actually evil?”

“Ooh, I like that! Maybe I could have been blackmailed into it and you’re trying to help me out of it!” We both smiled at each other. Something still doesn’t feel quite right, but I like the idea of working with this guy. 

It also gave me an idea. I checked the canvas bag and make a face. “Oh, man, no wonder I’m evil,” I whined. “Looks like my name’s _Leonard Snart_.”

“Ouch,” the other guy says sympathetically. “Maybe you have a nickname?”

“I’d better,” I said. “Um, I hear sirens; we should probably get out of here. Especially if we’re trying to keep the fact that we’re working together secret; I really don’t want to go to prison.” I paused, examining my deep, instinctive revulsion at the idea. “Huh, maybe I am the villain. I seem very familiar with the idea of prison.”

“Who knows? Can you speed us out of here?”

“Sure thing,” I told him. “But first I need to grab the money.”

He frowned. “I’m not sure I can let you do that. If I’m a badge and everything.”

“We don’t know if I need this to save my poor, innocent father,” I said reasonably. That seems…weirdly accurate, actually.

He scowled, but shrugged. “Fine. But do it quick.”

“Man,” I said with a grin. “Quick is clearly my middle name.”

“Leonard Quick is a terrible supervillain name!” he shouted as I sped through the room, stuffing the money into the bag before grabbing him and zooming us both well out of range of the incoming cops.

I take the opportunity to palm that amazing ass. He doesn’t seem to mind, judging by his smirk. We’re totally rocking the Batman-Catwoman dynamic here. 

…I have no idea why I thought that, but it feels right.

“By and by, I think you’re right about our respective roles,” I told him, feeling a bit regretful and wondering what was the inciting factor that turned me to a life of evil.

“Oh?” he replied. “How’s that?”

“I overheard the cops on our way out and they said Captain Cold was in the building.” 

“I’m a Captain?” he said, looking mildly impressed. 

“Hey, what about me? I rate a Captain all to myself.”

Cold smirked and threw an arm over my shoulder. “So, assuming our memories are gonna come back on their own, how ever are we gonna kill the time till then?”

I grinned. We’re totally on the same page.

“I’ve got some ideas…”


	23. 11) partners in crime au with Atomwave, inspired by crime Ray in last LOT.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> 11) partners in crime au with Atomwave, inspired by crime Ray in last LOT.

“Hey, Mick,” Len drawls from the passenger seat of the car.

Mick winces. 

This is going to be unpleasant.

“You remember when we were – what was it – nineteen or so?”

“Yeah,” Mick says warily.

“You remember that D&D game we sat in on?” Len continues, voice deceptively light. “Lot of fun, that game. Great way to kill time in between missions.”

“Better than cards or television,” Mick offers.

“Yeah, and the cops never suspected a bunch of nerds of actually committing armed robbery,” Len says. “You remember why we quit that group?”

Mick tries to think. They’d had a lot of fun, but at one point –

Oh.

He sees where this is going.

“See, it was all going pretty good till the dungeonmaster got himself a girlfriend,” Len says. “And even though she was a pretty good sport about it all, he just couldn’t help himself but give her all the best plotlines, all the good shots. Made her the star of every show even when her character was totally inappropriate to the task.”

Yeah. This is going exactly where Mick thinks it’s going. 

“Like, oh, sending a paladin in to do a rogue’s job.”

And there it is. 

“He’s not that bad,” Mick says feebly, turning at watching Ray try to con his way into the store. 

He really is that bad.

Len puts a hand on his shoulder. “Mick,” he says. “I like your boyfriend. I do. But he’s a terrible thief.”

Mick sighs and rests his forehead down against the wheel. “You should have seen him trying to do a stick up,” he says mournfully. “He couldn’t even get the mask on right.”

Len pats his shoulder.

“I just don’t know what to do about it,” Mick continues gloomily. “I don’t even care all that much, you know? But he keeps talking about how we should share our interests more and stuff. How he wants to be more involved in the important stuff in my life.”

“And that means thieving,” Len says understandingly.

“Yeah,” Mick says. He sighs again. “I think he’s planning on proposing,” he adds. “And of course I’m gonna say yes. But after his last few experiences with it, he’s not willing to actually pop the question till he’s pulled off at least one successful ‘real’ heist. He’s somehow convinced himself that it’ll be his lucky charm.”

Len nods, turning and watching as Ray gets shot down by the mark, again. 

This was obviously not going to work.

Len hums thoughtfully. “Have you considered computer crime?” he suggests. “I could set up a sting that requires someone to disable the alarms from the inside.”

Mick brightens. “If we can break him into the actual computer room inside to do it, he might consider that ‘real’ enough,” he says. “You got something in mind already?”

“Sure,” Len lies shamelessly. “I know just the one.”

Mick smirks knowingly. “Hey, Lenny,” he says, turning back to watch his adorably terrible-at-crime boyfriend crash and burn fondly. “This goes through, you’ll be my best man, right?”

“Of course,” Len says. “Who else’d have you?”

“Lisa,” Mick says promptly.

Len smacks his shoulder before pulling out his phone and slouching in his seat. “Tell me when he gives up,” he advised before popping open a list of high-tech security protected firms in the area in one tab and what is obviously a list of proposed bachelor party ideas in another. 

Mick grins.


	24. Coldwave and the case of the Shrinking Jeans

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Ideas what come up at midnight: Len is not allowed to do laundry as he has a tendency of shrinking Mick’s jeans. (but only mick's, not that he realizes)

“Your brother is a walking menace,” Mick announced as he threw himself down on the couch next to Lisa.

Lisa laughed. “Still having trouble controlling those new meta powers?” she asked. 

Mick rolled his eyes. “Ice,” he said disdainfully. “Of course it had to be ice. If he could control it better, it might not be such a problem, but nooo…”

“What happened now? The food thing again?”

“No, not the food thing – though seriously, we need to figure out something for him to eat, because despite what Len might think, ice cream in multiple flavors doesn’t actually make up a fully rounded diet.”

“I thought you’d figured out that he can eat sushi?”

“He’s started freezing the fish,” Mick said gloomily. “He tried to have a microwavable dinner the other day and it froze back up to freezer quality.”

“Ouch.”

“At least I’ve gotten him eating grapes and other vegetables that can be eaten frozen.”

“Oh, good idea. Though, honestly, I’m amazed he hasn’t started whining about not being able to drink beer.”

Mick shrugged. “I switched him over to vodka based drinks; he stopped complaining. No, this is the laundry issue.”

“The…laundry issue? Is this like how you won’t let him do the dishes because he keeps freezing all the plates?”

“Yeah, basically.” Mick scowled. “Every time he does the laundry, I swear my jeans shrink another size. I haven’t said anything about it ‘cause he’s so happy that he can do something to help out, but it’s starting to drive me nuts and – hey, what’s so funny?”

Lisa was giggling. “Mick, baby,” she said. “That’s not new.”

“What? What do you mean?”

She patted him on the shoulder. “Mick, Len’s been subtly shrinking all your clothing for years.”

“But why?” Mick said, utterly bemused. “Is it some sort of joke?”

Lisa smirked. “Baby, with an ass like yours, it’s definitely not a joke.”

Mick groaned. “I’m gonna kill him.” 

He got up from the couch and took two steps towards the door.

Lisa wolf-whistled at him.

He flipped her off and went to find Len.

Len doesn’t even deny it, the bastard, but the vaguely vacant-eyed look he gets on his face when he sees Mick stalk towards him in his new excessively tight clothing is surprisingly enjoyable.


	25. Coldwave, driving

“Seatbelts,” Len says when he climbs into the passenger seat. 

Mick and Lisa both begrudgingly comply. "You know I’m not a little kid any more, right?“ Lisa asks from the back seat. 

"We had an agreement, Lise. You wanted to learn to drive, you have wear a goddamn seatbelt from that point on.”

“I can’t believe you’re holding an agreement I made when I was seven over my head.” 

“If you want to nullify the ‘shall not speak of this’ covenant -”

“No!”

“Because that one’s from when you were five -”

“I’m wearing the seatbelt! I’m wearing it! Stop!”

Mick chuckles, smugly exempt from this argument because he’d traded away his right to not bitch about Len’s weird safety first hang-ups in his marriage vows and he’s not about to suggest they undo that. “You two ready to actually go?” he asks. He can already feel the warmth of the beachtime sun on his shoulders. He can’t wait to get down to the mob-affiliated airport about six hours away and then off to some Caribbean island for some well-deserved downtime. 

Len’ll get the next vacation pick. Mick’s already bracing himself for Alaska or something. Though the volcano in Iceland last time had been fun for everyone…

They’re less than an hour away from the airport, driving through city streets to avoid a police checkpoint on the highway, and Mick’s already starting to get antsy after such a long drive when they’re abruptly rear-ended by a slick looking Ferrari.

“Did that actually just happen?” Lisa says, actually sounding surprised. “We were at a goddamn red light.”

Mick’s about as dumbfounded himself. He’s a damn good driver, but that car literally spun around that turn and slammed right into them hard enough to shake the whole frame of the car. 

He hopes the other side won’t want to exchange insurance info; their trunk is a little crumpled, but - he checks the rearview mirror - the other car looks like it just has some paint damage. No sweat, then; Len’ll pay them off in cash and they’ll be off on their way.

A door slams.

“Hey, assholes!” a high pitched male voice screams. “You should watch where you’re fucking going!”

“What,” Mick says, fingers tightening on the steering wheel.

“Mick, no,” Len says. “We’re on vacation. We’re trying to lay low.”

“You fuckers are going to pay for what you did to my ride! I’m going to take you to court over this! You shouldn’t slow down like that in the middle of the goddamn street!”

“I was at a red light,” Mick says, very levelly.

“Mickey, baby, no,” Lisa says.

“Look at what you did to my fucking paint job! This paint job’s worth more than your whole fucking car, you cheap miserable assholes!” The guy – baggy pants, polo shirt, pastels – bangs on the side of their car. “Get out of there and talk to me, you fucking cowards!”

Mick takes a deep breath, just like the shrink said to, and glances over at Len to ask him if he wants to go out and sweet-talk the guy into going away.

Len’s rubbing the back of his neck as surreptitiously as possible. Could be mild whiplash, Mick figures, but on top of Len’s bad shoulder and his ever-present joint pain…

“Okay, that’s _it_ ,” he snarls and kicks his door open. 

He clambers out of the car and takes four quick steps towards the guy, who Mick is pleased to see is a good five inches shorter than Mick. The guy’s eyes go wide as he takes in Mick’s broad shoulders and thick muscles. Also probably the bulky heat gun that’s strapped into a holster at Mick’s side. 

“You got something to say, you little piece of shit?” Mick snarls, stalking closer.

The guy starts backing away fast as he can, stuttering and muttering something about it not being a big deal. 

“Oh, _now_ it’s not a big deal,” Mick says, backing the guy against his Ferrari and looming over him. “You know, I was gonna let bygones be bygones, but no, you had to come out swinging, didn’t you, you pathetic little creep? I hope you’ve been to the dentist recently, because by the time I’m done with you, they’re gonna have to use your teeth to identify the remains.”

The guy is making a high-pitched keening noise and he may have just pissed himself. 

Also, he keeps whimpering ‘Heatwave’. Maybe Lenny’s onto something with this whole supervillain shtick…

“Mick!” Len calls. He’s gotten out of the car and is leaning on the hood, one arm casually out of sight but almost certainly charging up the cold gun. “You take the time to barbeque the guy, we’ll miss our flight.”

“Won’t take that long,” Mick says, keeping his eyes on the guy.

“We’re _not_ missing our flight, Mick.”

“Fine,” Mick says, then grabs the guy by the collar. “You had better thank your lucky stars that Snart’s in a forgiving mood right now,” he growls straight into the guy’s face. “If I were you, I’d get in that overpriced little crate of yours and go straight home to thank whatever god you believe in.”

He takes a step back and holds up the guy’s wallet, which he lifted with his free hand. There are some things you can’t avoid learning if you hang around the Snarts too long. “And if you think about boasting about this little encounter, just know that we know who you are and _we will find you_.”

The guy is shaking his head rapidly in denial.

“Good,” Mick says and stomps back to the car, climbing back in and starting it up with a scowl.

Len slips back into the passenger seat next to him. “Mick,” he drawls. 

“I’m not sorry about it!” 

“Didn’t say you had to be.”

“Then what?”

Len raises an eyebrow.

“Seatbelt.”

“ _Damnit, Lenny!_ ”


	26. Coldflash wing!fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldflash wing!fic

Len was never quite sure why the U.S. Army had a secret military base just outside of Central, especially as the measures it took to keep secret were a total waste against Central City’s fine-turned gossip radar, though he thought it might have something to do with Star Labs moving in some fifteen years back. Government contracts for super-secret experiments, stuff like that.

He’d never had much interest in Star Labs until the Particle Accelerator explosion happened and all sorts of crazy people with superpowers started crawling out the woodwork. Len’s never been so happy to have been out of Central City before in his life.

As it is, the CCPD had had to gear up to deal with these “metahumans”, and Len never could resist a challenge. Finding the cold and heat guns in Star Labs had just been the clinch for it. Now he had Mick at his back again and the city was his playground. For all the CCPD tried – and they tried, especially now that they had Cisco Ramon on their payroll as a metahuman expert consultant – between his gun and his brain, Len was more than a match for them.

Central City is _his_ , now. He’s recruited a few of the metas to work for him, attacked a few Families, and now he’s the undeclared criminal master of Central. Hell, even the CCPD has started calling him when there’s a particularly gruesome meta on the loose; he’s been able to pry out pardons for himself, his sister, and his partner out of them in exchange. He’s looking forward to seeing what they might try to bribe him with now that that incentive’s gone. 

Unfortunately, the life of a supervillain (albeit one without a proper superhero, which was a shame) led to some weird places. Like here, a secret military army base that they were breaking into in order to get some chemicals and technology that Grodd needed, but was too afraid to come here himself for.

And can Len say? Mick befriending a mutant gorilla while drunk after a successful job was probably the weirdest side effect of this whole business. They were _bros_ now. They’d bonded over a hatred for dentists, of all things, and apparently Len’s horrific past made Grodd (by that point, also quite drunk, because Mick’s always been good about sharing) declare Len his “brother”, so now they were breaking into a secret army base.

And it’s not that Len isn’t expecting some weird shit, he is. Possibly alien dissections. Who knows? After some of Grodd’s stories, he wouldn’t be surprised. 

He isn’t expecting…this.

There’s a man there, somewhere in his mid-twenties, half-naked and marked up the way Grodd would have been without his fur, shivering and curled in on himself. He’s got wings, just like an angel out of a storybook, beautiful speckled white-and-grey wings, like a pigeon or a dove. He’s clearly terrified.

“Hey,” Len says, crouching down and pulling down his goggles. He normally wouldn’t – not after that Bivolo fiasco – but this kid…well. Maybe the whole brothers-in-pain thing Grodd was always on about wasn’t too far off the mark. “Hey, kid. You wanna get out of here?”

The kid uncurls and stares at Len. “They’ll hunt me down,” he croaks.

“I can protect you,” Len says, and he doesn’t know what he’s saying or why he’s saying it, but shit, this kid’s been through hell and back. He’s been in hell so long he doesn’t know how to walk out the door of his cage. “Curl up to the left, will you?”

The kid complies and Len ices the cage doors, smashing them in with his boot when he’s done. 

“C’mon, kid,” he says coaxingly. “You can come out now. What’s your name?”

“B-Barry,” the kid says. “Barry Allen. I was supposed to be the Flash.”

“What’s the Flash?” Len asks. 

“Wells said I was supposed to be the Flash,” the kid says dreamily. He’s half-starved and dehydrated and he’s probably high on something medically noxious, to judge from all the track marks on his arms. “He needed me to be a speedster so that he could get back to his own time, but for me to be a speedster, he needed to have the Particle Accelerator explosion. He couldn’t wait until it was the right time, so he did it early. I was supposed to be hit by lightning and become the Flash. But I wasn’t at work. I was at the park, feeding the pigeons. I didn’t do it right, and so he gave me to General Eiling…”

“It’s not your fault, kid,” Len says. He knows all about ‘Harrison Wells’, aka Eobard Thawne, the guy who’d blown up the Particle Accelerator and then gone to ground, pretending to be sorry, and then a year or so later had just gone totally spare and started running around, supervillain style, just murdering people left and right with his super-speed.

That’d been the job that’d gotten Len, Mick and Lisa the pardons. 

“Don’t worry about Wells,” he continues. “I killed him myself.”

“You did?” the kid – Barry – asks tremulously. “How?”

“I iced his feet and then Mick – that’s my partner, you’ll meet him – set him on fire,” Len says. “While he was trying to get the fire off, I iced him again, and then my sister smashed his head in with a crowbar.”

And then, just to be sure, they’d given his body to Grodd, who it turned out had been deliberately given to Eiling in the first place so that Wells could pretend to save him, so that he could teach Grodd to love him and be loyal to him. Wells had said as much before nearly killing Grodd, and Grodd had repaid the favor by helping them dispose of all the different parts of Wells. 

Lisa had insisted on getting her own gun after that; she’d flirted a gold gun out of Cisco Ramon, who seemed to think they were anti-heroes instead of supervillains with a strong territorial instinct. Whatever. Lisa liked him, that was enough for Len.

“He’s gone?” Barry says. “He’s gone? What about Eiling?”

Len flicks a switch on his gun, making it whir up as if it’s coming to life; it has no effect, but it sounds good, nice and threatening. “We’ll take care of him,” Len promises. Grodd’s already marked Eiling down on his list; no harm in promising it to Barry as well. “C’mon, kid. Let’s get you out of here.”

“I want to go home,” Barry says, tears welling up in his eyes. “They said I could never go home.”

“Yeah, well,” Len says, turning and seeing Mick standing there at the doorway, face gone murderous on the kid’s behalf. There’s probably some of Grodd in there, too, riding along and giving advice in the back of Mick’s mind, seeing another brother to join their little family. “You’re going to go home now, kid. Stick with us, and we’ll make sure no one ever touches you ever again.”

Barry reaches out and touches Len’s arm. Len controls his own automatic instinct to flinch and lets him. 

“Okay,” Barry says, crawling out of the cage at last and spreading his beautiful wings. “I’m with you.”


	27. Coldflash Amnesia Ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldflash Amnesia Ficlet

“You _would_ do this,” Barry says grumpily. “You always had the worst timing.”

“I’m…sorry?” Len says blankly. 

This was not the reaction he expected when he went to the Flash’s doorstep, intent on taking his revenge for the death of his sister.

Turns out Lisa’s fine, though. Also, very pregnant and kinda weepy. Barry had taken one look at Len and set up a Skype session so that Lisa could assure Len that she was okay. 

If by “assure she was okay”, you meant “wail loudly that nobody loved her because they wouldn’t invent her a machine that creates olive-and-mustard flavored ice cream, and yes, I mean NOW, Cisco!”, which…actually, no, Len defines that as okay for Lisa. 

He’d told Cisco – whose hair was somehow _even longer_ than last Len’d seen it – to try to offer her some herring with cream, which Lisa had gotten madly addicted to in her teens when the only store that Len could lift things from with his broken arm had been the Russian specialty goods store, and only because it was actually a money laundering front for the Families and so the owner hadn’t actually cared about Len walking out with his pockets full of bottles with unreadable names. 

Ramon had actually teared up in thankfulness. He may have also tentatively offered Len his first-born child.

“No, but _seriously_ ,” Barry whines. “This is, like, the fourth time the Legion of Doom has erased your memory back to that _specific_ point in time when you thought I’d killed Lisa and then sent you to kill me.”

“It _is_?” Len says, taken aback. 

“Yeah,” Barry says. “Well, okay, maybe not always the LoD, but it _feels_ like they’ve done it repeatedly, you know? The first time it was Grodd using his mental abilities to send you to a bad spot, the second time it actually was the Legion of Doom…”

“I see,” Len says, and puts his gun away. “I guess I should be going, unless you’re planning on bringing me in.”

He’s going to murder those assholes who told him his sister was dead.

“Noooo, no, you can’t go,” Barry says, zipping to stand in front of the door. “You have murderface on, Len. You can’t go out when you have murderface, you’ll kill somebody!”

Len stares at him.

“Okay, that may have been some circuitous. But seriously, Len, we need to go get this reversed asap. After all the crap we’ve been through, you can’t just wander around killing people. Not today of all days. Like, a bit of last minute theft, fine, but no actual _murder_ today, okay?“

“…what’s happening today?” Len asks, having a sinking feeling as he looks around the apartment for the first time.

It’s Barry’s apartment, he knows that much, because Barry clearly knows the space well, but he knows the jacket tossed casually on the shelf (he stole it from Mick one day and refused to give it back when he realized how warm it was), he knows the weird little dolphin thing that rocks back-and-forth through a hoop on the desk which he’d stolen from Sharper Image back when they were a thing because it’d kept Lisa fascinated for hours, he even knows the footprints on the wall behind the door, because Mick always used to bitch about Len kicking off his shoes like that. 

This isn’t _just_ Barry’s apartment. It’s his, too.

“Um,” Barry says. “Just a thing. Just, you know, you should get your memories back before doing this…thing.”

“We’re getting married, aren’t we?” Len says flatly.

“No!” Barry says. “No, definitely not. Why would you think that?”

Len looks at him.

“I mean, technically, the rehearsal dinner isn’t actually getting married,” Barry confesses. “We’re not getting married until tomorrow. I just don’t want to have to postpone again; I think everybody would kill us.”

“What happened to make it get postponed the first time?” Len asks, mildly curious.

“I changed the timeline again,” Barry says cheerfully. “I have commitment issues. After I put the timeline back to rights, Mick made me go to his shrink until I got over them.”

“…Mick’s shrink is pretty cool.”

“I _know_ ,” Barry says. “A Korean woman who’s, like, half my height is not who I would have pegged as the scariest person I’ve ever met, given how many supervillains I've fought, but there you are.”

“So if this has happened before,” Len says. “Does that mean you know how to get my memories back?”

“Yeah, we have a whole system,” Barry says. “C’mon, let’s go and we’ll be back in time to feed the goats.”

“We don’t own goats, Barry.”

“Why does that trick _never work_ on you?”

“I’m not stupid, Barry. Also, Mick would kill and eat them just to show that he can.”

“…yeah, point.”


	28. Coldatom undercover at a gay bar

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldatom undercover at a gay bar

“So you want me to pretend to be gay to get into this club?” Ray says, frowning. “I mean, I am gay. Well, I’m bi. But that’s kinda gay. Like, if you use it as an umbrella term, which admittedly I’ve heard some people don’t like – LGBT is obviously more technically correct, but I know for a fact that a bunch of people still call same sex marriage ‘gay marriage’, so is it a term that should be used exclusively for homosexual men or is it more of a broader naming convention? I guess you could always use queer, but no one ever says ‘queer marriage’ –”

“Thank you for that _scintillating_ and yet totally unnecessary left turn into queer studies 101, thank you, Raymond,” Len drawls. “Since we’re talking about breaking into an undercover gay gentleman’s club in 1880s London, though, I think you ought to aim for something a little more discreet, huh? Given that it’s still illegal and will be for the next century.”

“Which is why I propose that you go as well, Mr. Snart,” Rip says. “You have experience with criminal enterprises –”

“Yes, and you’re actually _from_ the 1880s,” Len shoots back. “Why don’t you go?”

“I’ve rather lost the accent,” Rip says.

“So you need someone that sounds like a bum.”

“That’s not what I’m saying –”

“Hey, why do I have to go, then?” Ray says, puzzled. “I don’t think I have an accent.”

Len and Rip both give him pitying looks.

“What?”

“You’re American, boyscout,” Len says. “Who knows what sort of crazy decadent shit they get up to in America.”

“Not how I would have phrased it, perhaps,” Rip says. “But not necessarily _wrong_ …”

“Oh.”

“Additionally, our target appears to have a fondness for people of Mr. Palmer’s description,” Rip says. 

“Tall and rich?” Len says. “Naïve and idealistic? Mildly infuriating on a regular basis? C’mon, Rip, you’ve got to give us more than that.”

“Wait, are we going to have to make out to prove that we’re gay?” Ray asks, curiously. “I mean, not that I’d object or anything, I’m just wondering.”

Rip stares at Ray for a long moment while Len pinches the bridge of his nose.

“What did I say now?”

“You wouldn’t object,” Rip says, sounding somewhat strangled. “Are you confessing some sort of – of – of _tender emotions_ for Mr. Snart right now?”

“No, of course not,” Ray says, puzzled. “He already knows.”

“He _what_?”

“Yeah, after last night, I’m pretty certain of where I can put boyscout’s _tender emotions_ ,” Len says, rolling his eyes. “Are we sure I can’t take Mick? Mick and I can totally pretend to be gay.”

“Mick is ace,” Ray points out. “Or…pyro-sexual. If that’s a thing.”

“He is _not_ ,” Len says. “Ending with sexual means you’ve got to find it attractive, and we all know that Mick just thinks fire is hot.”

“Oh, wow, ten points for that one,” Ray says. “Only thirty more and you get to pick the roleplay next time. Though I’d be totally okay with doing another Star Trek one…”

“You’re _encouraging_ him?!” Rip exclaims.

“I think puns are cute!”

“I still think Mick and I would be better at pretending.”

“You and Mr. Palmer are _actually dating_ , apparently; how would you and Mr. Rory be better, exactly?”

“Because we can actually _pretend_ , whereas Raymond here will probably introduce himself as Liberace.”

“I was thinking Elton John, actually…”

“You say your name is Elton John and the only ‘pretending’ going on will be you getting _dumped_.”

“Okay, okay. Ian McKellan?”

“Acceptable.”

“Why is this _happening_?” Rip says, putting his face in his hands.

“You’re the one who decided to use Harlequin romance novels as a how-to-plan-a-heist guide,” Len says, amused. “What’s next, the barbarian king sweeps someone off and holds them hostage?”

“I’d be willing to roleplay that,” Ray says.

“ _Really_ ,” Len says. “And which role were you thinking?”

“You know what,” Rip says. “Forget the plan. We’ll find another way to approach our target.”

“No, no,” Len says. “Now we’re actually getting somewhere…”

Rip flees.


	29. Hawkcanary forced to share a bed/fake relationship

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hawkcanary forced to share a bed/fake relationship ficlet

“I love this place,” Sara says, flopping down belly-first on the mattress, which is something like the bastard child of a cloud and a higher count of Egyptian cotton than she knows how to reach. “I love this place _so much_.”

“It’s pretty cool,” Kendra says with a grin, opening the balcony doors to let in the cool sea breeze. They have a perfect view of the ocean, its wave slow lapping, lapping, lapping, and the crystalline blue of the water is perfectly offset by the glittering white sand of the beach. 

“They have room service,” Sara says. “They have _room service massages_. As in, you dial a number and someone comes and gives you a backrub in your own bed.”

Kendra snickers. “As I said, pretty cool.”

“And there’s a spa, and a game room, and museum and a movie theater –”

“Okay, okay! This place is great, I admit it.”

“Then what’s the problem?” Sara asks, rolling over to look at Kendra. 

“I feel bad that we’re going on vacation when everyone else on the Waverider thinks we’re working.”

“We are working, Kendra,” Sara says as sincerely as she can, looking soulfully into Kendra’s eyes. “We’re working very hard. It’s just that we have to make sure our cover is believable, and in order to _really commit_ to being two newlywed women vacationing in Themyscira, we are just going to have to make sacrifices. Like spending _at least_ a day working on a nice tan line while drinking margaritas.”

Kendra laughs.

“ _Commit_ , Kendra,” Sara says. “Be the role. _Feel_ the role.”

“We are not method acting our way into a vacation,” Kendra lectures, but she’s grinning. “We’re technically here on a mission, remember?”

“It’s not my fault that Themyscira is women only,” Sara says haughtily, tossing her hair over her shoulder. “If they wanted someone to watch us, they should’ve had more women on board in the first place.” 

“It does start feeling like a fraternity house in there when we’ve been too long between stops,” Kendra giggles. “I wouldn’t have pegged Snart and Rory as being the ones who picked up after themselves.”

“Well, they’ve been in prison,” Sara says, then smiles wickedly. “You know, it’s more interesting to me how clean Rory’s room is.”

“I haven’t seen it,” Kendra says.

“That’s because he _doesn’t use it_.”

“Tell me everything,” Kendra says, sinking down on the bed next to Sara.

“Absolutely – what I first noticed is…” Sara is abruptly cut off by a yawn.

“Maybe you want to nap, first?” Kendra says with a grin.

“Just maybe,” Sara concedes. “You want to as well?” She pats the mattress next to her. “We _are_ married.”

“Mmhmm,” Kendra says. “And how far are you planning to go with that line?”

Sara grins. “When I’m more awake? As far as you’ll let me.”

She curls up onto the pillow, and her last sight before letting herself drift off to sleep is Kendra’s contemplative expression.

Kendra’s _very promising_ contemplative expression.

Sara’s totally getting laid along with her tan this week, she just knows it. She idly wonders if any of the beaches are topless, and if Kendra could be convinced to tag along if they are.


	30. Goldenvibe pretending to be married

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Goldenvibe pretending to be married

“And who is this?” Damian Drakh says, smiling a poisonous smile at Cisco, who was frozen in terror. He shouldn’t have been snooping around anyway, but now he’s really screwed. 

“My husband, obviously,” Lisa puts in, smiling her best ‘and you had better back me up on this, Lenny’ smile, which even a mind-wiped and evil Len should be able to read.

“Your husband?” Malcom Merlyn says disdainfully. “Are you joking?”

“No,” Len says slowly. “They were dating when I left. You got _married_ , sis?” He looks almost betrayed.

Lisa would feel bad, but A, she didn’t actually get married without him and B, _mind-wiped and evil_. Also, she kissed Cisco like once. Okay, twice. Maybe three times. Only a mind-wiped Lenny would confuse that for actual dating. She crosses her arms. “You left before I could give you invite, Lenny,” she pouts. “And we had the reservation all made.”

Len scowls at her and stomps off.

The other members of the Legion of Doom look after him, and the sincerity of his annoyance seems to convince them, so they shrug and drift off. Lisa goes over and wraps an arm around Cisco. “Hey, baby,” she coos. “How’s your day job been going?”

“My day job?” Cisco says faintly. “You mean running the company?”

Lisa sighs. Sometimes she wishes Mick hadn’t shown up with that handy-dandy little “remember your timeline” bracelet; who knew what she could have been in this weird alternate universe she’s found herself stuck in. “No, babe, the one where you made me my gold gun,” she says slowly.

He turns wide eyes on her. “You _remember_ that?”

“I’m a woman,” Lisa says. “We’re all omniscient.”

“You know, I’d always suspected,” he muses. “Um. So, I’m apparently super rich and powerful in this universe. I get all the babes.”

“That’s nice,” Lisa says. “Does that mean I get half?”

“We’re not actually married,” he points out.

Lisa raises an eyebrow. “Do you want to say that any louder, while the Legion is hovering around just down the hall?”

“I’m sure we signed a pre-nup, _babe_.”

“You loved me way too much to make me, _darling_.”

“Well, given that we met with you being a thief and a kidnapper, _honeybuns_ , I’d say that –”

But Lisa has already started laughing. “Honeybuns?” she sniggers. “Really?”

“I thought it matched your whole golden girl persona!” he protests, but he’s grinning too. Somehow, she’d forgotten how cute he was.

“Right, right,” she says, and leans forward to give him a nice, long, lingering kiss. 

He looks stunned afterwards, like she’d hit him with a two-by-four. Good to know that even in a world where he gets “all the babes”, she’s still got it.

“Now, Cisco, sweetums, you’re going to help me rescue my brother again, right?”

“Yeah, why is he suddenly all Legion of Doom, anyway?”

“He’s been mind-wiped,” Lisa says. “I blame your friend the Flash.”

“I don’t even know Barry in this universe,” Cisco whines. “And when I’ve looked him up, he seems to fit in just fine. I don’t know if it was him.”

“Whoever did it, then,” Lisa says dismissively. “Brother. Mind-wiped. This is a pressing problem.”

“How do you know he’s been mind-wiped?”

“Two reasons,” Lisa says, holding up one finger. “First, Len’d never join a group of supervillains that he wasn’t in charge of.” A second finger. “Second, he doesn’t know who Mick is.”

“He doesn’t?” Cisco says, looking deeply disturbed. “Holy crap, he really has been mind-wiped.”

“And you, my darling little bunny, are going to help me fix it,” Lisa says, and smiles. “Also, you’re rich and powerful in this universe. You can afford to take me out to a nice dinner while we think about our approach.”

“I can do that!”


	31. Coldwave Truth or Dare ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave Truth or Dare ficlet

“You want to play what?” Len says blankly.

“Truth or dare,” Mick says.

“ _Why_?”

“‘cause I wanna play it, Lenny,” Mick says, crossing his arm deliberately in front of him. That’s Mick’s “I mean business” pose.

“Okay,” Len says, wondering what the hell sort of drugs Mick is on and planning on kicking his ass about them when he sobers up. “Truth or dare, then.”

“Dare,” Mick says.

“Clean the fridge,” Len says, and smiles victoriously at Mick, who scowls and stomps off.

But he doesn’t let the game drop after that.

“Truth or dare, Lenny?”

“Dare,” Len says, sketching out a getaway route.

“Stop working the whole rest of the evening.” 

Len jerks his head up in dismay, but then he sees Mick’s smug expression and his eyes narrow.

Okay, so it’s to be war, then.

“Truth or dare, Mick.”

“Truth.”

“Tell me about the stupidest stunt you’d ever pulled - that I don’t already know.”

Mick obediently tells him a story, one involving a childhood interest in dinosaurs, a half-formed understanding of reproduction, and a determined attempt to evolve chickens back to their reptilian ancestors. 

Len hadn’t even known that Mick _remembered_ stories from that far back.

“Truth or dare, Lenny.” 

“Dare.”

“Dare you to call the mayor and tell him about your plan, then pull it off anyway.”

Len puts on his best paranoid alien hunter voice and tells the mayor all about how certain individuals would rob his safe. He made sure to also mention lizard people, tin foil, and the alligators that have finished their conquest of New York’s sewers and moved in force to Central.

The heist goes fine, though Mick can’t stop snickering.

“Dare you to go pet Mrs Gonzales’ sister’s cat.”

“You hate me, Lenny? Is that it? You want me to die?”

“You could always yield.”

“Never.”

It comes up at the strangest times, too. 

“Truth or dare, Lenny.”

“Now?!” Len gasps, arching under Mick’s hands.

“Yes, now.”

“Dare, damn you.”

He doesn’t mind doing that particular dare at all.

Mick keeps asking, and no matter what Len tries, no dare so foolish and no truth so intimate, he won’t let up. As for him, Len keeps picking dare each time; he’s never liked this game because he fears what it would make him reveal. He’s a liar, to be sure, but Mick’s given him so many truths. He can’t lie now. And worse, Mick knows it; Mick smiles at him; Mick is counting on Len’s godforsaken sense of fair play when it comes to Mick.

Len keeps going for another week on spite alone.

But finally, one morning in the kitchen, no morning in particular, Len finds himself looking around their kitchen, with the rain coming down in buckets and making Mick mutter, with their plans cancelled by the rainfall and the suggestion of a movie marathon instead made and accepted, and Len feels - safe. 

So when Mick calls over his shoulder, making popcorn on the stove like the weirdo he is, “Truth or dare, Lenny”, this time, Len says, “Truth.”

Mick pauses and pulls the pot off the stove, even though the popcorn’s only half done. “You mean it, Lenny?” he says, voice quiet. “You’ll tell me the truth, no matter what I ask?”

Len swallows. “Yeah.” Mick won’t hurt him with whatever truth he extracts. He has to believe that. He _does_ believe that.

Mick turns and takes the few steps to the table, until he’s looking down at Len. He pulls a small box out of his pocket and puts it on the table in front of Len, opens it. It’s got that old ring of Len’s, the one Mick stole him all the way back in that first job of theirs, the one Len would’ve sworn he misplaced a few months back. It’s been cleaned up. 

Len stares at it, then up at Mick.

“Will you marry me?” Mick asks.

“You - you -” Len’s speechless. He’s actually speechless. He hasn’t been rendered speechless by anything in years. “ _Yes_ , you _moron_.”

And the tension goes out of Mick’s shoulders.

“Three fucking weeks of truth or dare,” Len grumbles, letting Mick slide the ring on. “You could’ve just gotten to the point.”

“Lenny,” Mick says with a grin. “Getting you to the right mood _was_ the point.”


	32. Waverider language barrier ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Waverider language barrier ficlet

Sara hated seeing Snart so pale and broken. It was wrong; he may have the reputation of being cold, but under his hard shell, he was all intensity, all passion. His coldness was control of his emotions, not the lack thereof. 

And he _talked_. Leonard Snart was not Leonard Snart without his quips and his drawl and his snide comments.

He wouldn’t be making any comments any time soon.

There was no way for them to have known that Snart had survived the Oculus explosion, that the Time Masters had used a variant of the Pilgrim’s micro-manipulation technology to tear him away from the bomb and replace it with their agents, desperately attempting to stop the unstoppable. 

There was no way for them to have found out that they had had Snart in their grasp, either, but they had, purely by chance; an offhand comment to Mick that could have only have had one source. Mick had tackled the man, an erstwhile ally of Rip’s, despite Rip’s shouts of protest, but in the end he had beaten the confession out of the man and they had launched a rescue mission.

Snart lay now in the medical bay of the Waverider, Gideon desperately working on him: his shattered ribs, the shards digging into his lungs and liver and stomach, the acid spilling out and boiling his blood; his legs, snapped at each joint; the cuts along his spine, the needles –

Sara shudders just thinking about it. They had brought a doctor aboard, one well versed in working with an advanced AI, and he had wired Snart’s shattered jawline shut, taped his fingers and splinted his toes and ankles, saying that he couldn’t afford to spend the time on aesthetics when the man’s core was at risk. Snart had been in stasis, able to be injured but not to bleed, to hurt but not heal, and now it was far worse than before, but there was hope of better.

The doctor was sure that Snart would recover, though he warned that the recovery would be slow, far slower than one might expect in the future. Gideon would work on him constantly, repairing the important parts first, then the rest. A few months. Amazingly fast to Sara’s eyes, but hideously and torturously slow to Rip and the doctor.

Mick hadn’t left Snart’s side, sleeping in the chair and snarling at anyone who suggested he take a break.

Sara couldn’t blame him. She’d tried to sleep in her room that first night, failed, and dragged her blankets to sleep on the floor beside Mick. A belated guard, keeping watch against injuries that had already happened, but it made her feel better.

She hadn’t been the only one, either. Jax had slunk in at some point with his own pile of blankets to curl up in the corner, and Ray popped by practically every hour on the hour. 

Throughout it all, Snart sleeps.

She happens to be there when he finally awakes, cracking his eyes open warily, like he expected - well, like he expected to be surrounded by enemies.

Mick’s there in under a second, and Snart’s eyes go wide - in terror?

“We got you back, Snart,” Mick says urgently. “It’s the Waverider. We’re out. We made the getaway.”

Snart can’t smile, but some tension runs out of him.

“You can’t talk,” Sara says. “Gideon’s still fixing your jaw.” She smiles, knowing her eyes are watery. “How’re you going to handle being quiet, huh?”

Snart blinks and raises his hands weakly.

“What, you need something?”

Snart moves his fingers rapidly. 

“…what?”

Mick cackles.

“Mick?”

“He says he’s got many talents, but staying quiet’s not one of them.”

“He speaks _ASL_?”

“No,” Mick says. “Well, not really. Just the signing bullshit you pick up in the can, y'know? A bit of this, a bit of that. Bit of each language you can find, all mixed together in some weird patois.”

Snart’s hands move quickly, almost too fast to follow.

“Yeah,” Mick says, nodding. “That makes sense.”

“I see I’m going to have to learn this,” Sara says, sitting down in relief, already making plans for Waverider-wide lessons. Snart’s still Snart, though, and that’s what’s important. “Can’t have you talking behind my back, can I?”


	33. Coldwave/Ray Palmer shag or die ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave/Ray Palmer shag or die ficlet

It’s hot. Suffocating hot.

Ray knows it’s what his captors want, but he’s stripped off his armor, and by now even his shirt, but he can’t seem to get cool enough. They’re roasting him alive.

Except that can’t be right, because they’re standing right outside the bars and laughing at him, and they seem unaffected.

It’s whatever they’ve injected him with that’s making him overheat.

“Won’t be long now,” one of them says in satisfaction. “Then we’ll see if anyone takes pity on you.”

Pity?

Oh, right. This is supposed to be some sort of trial, except without the jury and the judge and all that. A trial by ordeal. Of all the things that fashion could bring back around, who would’ve thought that that would be one?

Ray actually hadn’t even been hitting on that girl; she’d dropped something and he’d picked it up and smiled at her. Apparently, in this culture, where everyone interacts via electronics and robots, that’s all but a marriage proposal, and everyone was very offended when he refused to follow through.

And now he’s boiling alive, unless someone takes pity on him. No one has specified exactly what this pity entails, but it’s caused a lot of sniggering.

Ray’s down to his boxers by the time Len and Mick show up. 

“Are you here to break me out?” he asks them, wiping the sweat off his brow with a shaking hands.

“We got a bit more detail about this whole ritual business,” Len says instead of answering. “Seems like they have a punishment fits the crime sort of deal for crimes of passion.”

“Passion,” Ray says.

“Yeah, I wouldn’t have called that passion, either,” Len says with a shrug. “Anyway, your body needs to, uh, expel the drug for you to survive. That’s why you’re sweating so much, but it doesn’t work that way.” He stops, oddly hesitant.

“The shit’s in your balls,” Mick says bluntly. “You come till it’s out or you die of fever.”

“Oh,” Ray says blankly. “Oh. I…can Gideon help?”

“No way to get you to her in time,” Len says grimly. “They want your only choice to be the girl who you rejected.”

“Okay,” Ray nods, because Len isn’t talking like Ray’s got no options. “What do we do, then?”

“One of us can help,” Len says.

It takes Ray a moment to understand what Len’s saying.

“One of you?” he says.

“Yeah,” Mick says. “One of us.”

“But aren’t you together?” Ray asks. He’s not the most observant, but he really thought…especially after Len’s return from the Oculus…

“We are,” Len says.

“Married ten years,” Mick says.

“But you’re…what? Open?”

“No,” Len says. 

“It’s a matter of life or death, Haircut,” Mick says. “We both like you well enough, and it’s not breaking vows if the other one okays it. So pick whichever one of us you like and we’ll get to it, yeah?”

“But,” Ray says. They’d been together thirty years, married for ten. It seemed wrong to put himself between them.

“Life or death, Raymond,” Len says. “Now pick.”

“Can’t I pick both?” Ray says helplessly, because he can’t even imagine one without the other. Even in his fantasies, he’s an observer; they fit each other so well. 

They glance at each other.

“Both works,” Mick rumbles, dark and low.

“We can do both,” Len says, and moves in.

And then there are hands and mouths and Ray’s so needy he keens every time they so much as brush by his oversensitive skin. He doesn’t even feel it, the first time he comes; it’s a release of pressure more than anything. 

He feels it the second time, though. And the third. And the fourth.

He’s so wrung out by the end, his body limp and twitching, that he couldn’t escape if he tried, but Len and Mick have got it handled. He’s still stuck in that moment of endless transcendental bliss, the slow drifting down of orgasm, and he comes out of it only to find himself in the Waverider medbay.

After Gideon fixes him up the rest of the way, he slinks over to Len and Mick’s room to apologize.

He gets a step in the door before broad hands wrap around his waist and pull him back against an equally broad chest. “Welcome back, Haircut,” Mick says in his ear. 

Len climbs out of the bed, slowly stretching, the very image of temptation, and stalks towards Ray.

“I came to say sorry,” Ray stutters.

“Why?“ Len drawls. ”‘cause we’re not sorry at all.“

"Turns out we like sharing,” Mick says. “Especially you.”

“Unless you’re not interested in a more sober round, of course,” Len says.

“Do I look like an idiot?” Ray says, then pauses. “Don’t answer that.”

Mick laughs and Len smirks, and then they pull him down once more.

(Desire, it turns out, is so much sweeter than pity.)


	34. rouge canary curtain fic/mpreg/telepathic soulbond ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> rouge canary curtain fic/mpreg/telepathic soulbond ficlet

_What do you think of green?_

Sara blinks and throws herself forward, rolling to evade the ninjas’ poison-tipped darts. They weren’t even using blow-darts to shoot them, they had some sort of advanced technical contraption, which personally Sara felt was cheating.

Also…

“Green?” she asks aloud.

_Yes, green_ , Len says in her head. She can’t see him – he’s got the sniper position, up at the top of the mega-warehouse they’re in and he’s picking off ninjas one by one. _For the baby’s room._

“Why in the world would we go with green?” Sara says, bemused both at the color selection and why Len is opting to have this conversation right now. 

_What’s wrong with green?_

“We kinda have a theme going on,” Mick pants from where he’s not so much shooting his heat gun at the endless swarms as he is just turning around in a circle. There are _so many ninjas_. This is absurd. Where did they even find so many? Is there like a cloning machine somewhere? “I’m red for fire, you’re blue for ice, and Birdie’s white, right?”

_You don’t even wear red._

“That’s because it’s a dumb ass color to wear, and also Scarlet’s monopolized all the fireproof red fabric in Central City. Plus firemen wear tan.”

_You wear green sometimes._

“My color is still fire, Lenny. Where’d you get green from, anyhow?”

“Duck!” Sara shouts.

Mick ducks and she throws a nearby rake like a javelin, hitting the guy who was aiming at Mick with spikes attached to both hands. Spikes. _Spikes_. What the fuck even.

“I don’t really like green,” she says when she’s finished doing that and spun to face her next opponent. “Makes me think of Oliver.”

_Urgh. Point taken. Okay. How about yellow?_

“I would’ve thought you’d go with blue,” Sara says. “It is your color.”

_I don’t want to impose irrational gender expectations on our baby._

“What if it’s a girl and she likes blue?” Mick asks curiously. “Hey, birdie – topple that rig, will you?”

“Good idea,” Sara says, making a dash for the several-story stacked crates. If she can push it down onto the ninjas, that will help knock them back and probably squish a whole lot of them.

_I don’t know; that feels like we’re just being contrary._

“Is there any reason we’re talking about this now?” Sara asks, panting a bit herself now. So many goddamn ninjas. She kicks one back, slams her staff back on another, and uses it as pole-vault to get over the third. She ducks around the stacked pile of books and catches the next ninja to pitch himself at her – they’re all aggression, no technique, pathetic excuses for ninjas, really – spinning them both like a top and throwing him full-force against the crates.

The crates collapse, smushing ninja upon ninja and spilling vacuum cleaners everywhere. 

_We_ are _in the future’s answer to a Costco. I thought it was a good time; when we’re done with the ninjas, we can pick up some paint. It’s in aisle 8._

“Sometimes I think the Oculus fried your brain when it gave you psychic powers, Len,” Sara says. 

_Now, now, is that any way to speak to the person carrying your child?_

“Both of our children,” Mick puts in. “Gideon confirmed twins, remember? My DNA for one, Sara's for the other.”

_This is true. I don’t think we should split them up by color, though._

“It’d make identifying them easier,” Mick says, abruptly coming to a stop and letting Len pick off the three ninjas left around him. “Not that they’ll be identical, of course, but all babies look the same.”

_I don’t know…_

“How about gold?” Sara says. “For the room, I mean. Nice, bright, cheerful, and it’d make your sister happy.”

_You’re just preemptively trying to keep her from yelling at you about knocking me up._

“In my defense,” Sara says, “I had no idea that having a welcome-home threesome while you were still glowy with Oculus energy would have this result.”

“Ditto,” Mick grunts.

_She’s still going to yell, you understand._

“Yeah, yeah – hey, Len, can you see anything other than paint that we might use?”

_Oh, I’m already on it. Draw them a little further back, will you? Towards the refrigerated section._

“You and your goddamn ice,” Mick bitches, but he and Sara turn in tandem and start bolting in that direction, a horde of ninjas on their tail.

_I actually don’t need the ice this time._

“Then what do you need?”

_I was thinking more of the giant piles of bagged flour, and the explosive qualities thereof._

Sara starts laughing as she’s running, which is terrible given how much her ribs already hurt, but as soon as the horde of ninjas is in the right spot, Len matches action to word and blows them all sky-high using a couple of bags of flour.

And then he blows up wave 2 with the fertilizer stacked over by the second entrance.

Mick and Sara come to a halt, looking at the devastation with some amount of awe. So many bodies. _So many ninjas_. The League in its entire history didn’t have this many ninjas. There’s got to be a cloning machine involved.

“Well,” she says, poking one of the bodies. “Are we settled on gold, then?”

“I like gold,” Mick offers.

_Gold it is. Say, while you’re at the fridge area, could you grab me some ice cream? Pear sorbet and rocky road. Ooh, and some of that wine-flavored crap, provided there’s no actual wine in it._

“Sure, babe,” Sara says. “Whatever you need.”


	35. Coldwave, genderswap ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave, genderswap ficlet in which the genders change how they meet, but they end up as show’s canon anyway

_I. DMAB Len, DMAB Mick_

They meet in juvie. 

Len’s the smallest kid in there by far, but he’s a smartass. Six kids gang together and jump him. One pulls out a knife. He thinks he’s going to die.

Mick steps in, throws one of them across the room. 

Len sticks with Mick after that. 

_II. DFAB Len, DMAB Mick_

He’s twenty-two, she’s eighteen; he’s been hired to be the muscle for a job run by one Lewis Snart, small time mob enforcer. She’s his daughter, brought along to help out.

She’s got bruises on her wrists and shadows under her eyes, but she’s the best damn shot Mick’s ever seen. Mick might be muscle, but he’s not dumb – he sees her step in quietly, offer suggestions, point out the obvious. Her dad may be officially running the show, but it’s her plan.

When the job is done, he follows her out. She’s afraid. He doesn’t ask her for anything other than his next job.

Six months later, she walks in, hair shorn off and clothing innocuous. “What’d you think costs less, gender reassignment surgery or just getting a new identity made?” she asks. No. _He_ asks.

Mick grunts.

Asks Len out later that night.

Len rolls his eyes.

“ _Finally_.”

_III. DMAB Len, DFAB Mick_

He’s twenty years old, running his first crew job; she’s twenty four.

The other people on the crew laugh at her when she’s not around; say she’s butch, call her a lesbian, a hundred other words for it. Len tells them to shut up. He’s nervous, trying to hide it; his plan is perfect but his instinct tells him something is wrong.

Something does go wrong: his team’s been hired to sell him out.

His dad never could stand for competition.

He’s dazed, knowing the police are coming but unable to move. She carries him out over her shoulder. When he asks her why, she shrugs it off.

He tries to find a way to repay her: a lighter, some fireworks, a fancy picture. 

She eyes him suspiciously at first, but somehow he passes. She tells him to call _him_ Mick. 

Next job he plans, Mick’s there at his side.

_IV. DFAB Len, DFAB Mick_

They meet in juvie. 

Len’s the smallest kid in there by far, but she’s a smartass. Six kids gang together and jump her. One pulls out a knife. She thinks she’s going to die.

Mick steps in, throws one of them across the room. 

Len sticks with Mick after that.


	36. Coldwave – pretending to be married ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave – pretending to be married ficlet

In fairness, this was probably not their best idea. 

In equal fairness, however, one does not expect the goddamn mafia to show up to karaoke night at their favorite local stripper joint on fucking Halloween.

Mick’s at least respectably dressed, with fake blood smeared on his forehead and a thick leather jacket immediately identifying him as Eddie from Rocky Horror Picture show (and he had the motorcycle out back to prove it), but as Len had opted to go as Magenta – lux red curls, maid outfit, high heels, and everything – to match the now-since-gone-upstairs Lisa’s turn-of-fame as Riff Raff, he wasn’t exactly dressed for a fight.

Though god only knew what Len had in that frilly skirt of his; Mick certainly didn’t. He’d been hoping to find out, though.

Worse, it’s one of the old-school style Families that’ve been trying to move into town, the kind that think they’re better than the others because they live by a set of arbitrary ‘rules’ that mean they don’t kill you in front of your kids. Some sort of old fashioned chivalry bullshit: men are men, women are weak helpless gazelles, gays don’t exist. The same rules, of course, require extensive torture before anyone they dislike dies.

Len slides in next to Mick and ripples his fingers like he’s playing the piano, an old symbol between them that Mick should follow Len’s play.

One brave stripper tries to intercept the Family boys, because they’re all good buddies of Len and Mick here, but they step around her, flashing their pieces every which way, and the other strippers back off, looking apologetically at Len and Mick.

“You Mick Rory?” one of them says, looking straight at Mick. “And where’s that partner of yours, Snart? He around too?”

No point in lying, since they obviously know.

“Who’s asking?” Mick says.

“I’m Andrew Carmeli, and we’re here to have a few words with you. Why don’t you send away your little piece –” he gestures at Len. “- and maybe we can have this chat nice and peaceful, yeah?”

“Whatever you can say in front of my husband, you can say in front of me,” Len says, a good octave higher than usual.

Carmeli looks taken aback. “Husband?” he says.

Len reaches out and takes Mick’s hand in his. “It’s Halloween,” he says, glaring at them. “And my husband wanted to come watch the dancing.” Len sniffs and tosses his curls, looking for all the world like one of the suburban ladies down the block from their newest safehouse. “Since I’m certainly not going to be doing _that_ for him, I offered to escort him as an early birthday present, to make sure that none of the… _women_ …here lead him astray.”

Carmeli looks uncomfortable as hell and he shoots Mick an apologetic look. 

Mick shrugs and looks up to the ceiling like he’s praying to God for mercy. He might be an atheist, but these old-style Families are all about God and family (non-heterosexuals need not apply) and snippety women who have no fun and try to keep their men from doing the same. 

Though now that Mick thinks about it, those stupid rules of chivalry do include something about not shooting a man in front of his wife. 

Go, Len.

“Perhaps another time would be better…” Carmeli starts.

“You wanted to talk to my husband,” Len says, voice shrill. “Then talk. We keep no secrets from each other.”

Mick ostentatiously makes a ‘for the love of god don’t tell her’ expression over Len’s shoulder.

“We have…um…business,” Carmeli says weakly. Judging from his expression, he’s got a wife like the one Len’s playing back home that he’d _hate_ to have up in his business.

Len crosses his arms, coincidentally pushing up his fake boobs. 

“Sorry, I think I’m getting a call,” Carmeli lies straight-up and beats a hasty retreat.

Mick watches them go. When the door slides shut behind them, he takes a deep breathe, counts to twenty, and then bursts out laughing.

“Oh, shut up,” Len says, grinning, and shoves him off the couch.


	37. Coldwave handcuffs fic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave handcuffs fic

“You _will_ let me out of these handcuffs,” Mick tries.

Even in the face of a Star Wars quote, Len stands unmoved. “No.”

“Oh, come _on_.”

“ _No_ , Mick. Not until you learn how to get out of them yourself.”

“Why do I need to do that?” Mick asks grumpily. 

“Because I’m not always gonna be there to undo them for you,” Len says. “And so you need to learn. Besides, it’s a useful skill.”

“With very limited uses,” Mick says, tugging futilely at the handcuffs. He’s cuffed to the stupid dorky juvie bed, but Len has cleverly put him between the two bunk beds, so that he can’t just slip the cuffs over or under. “Where’d you even find a set of handcuffs here, anyhow?”

“Picked one of the guards’ pockets,” Len says airily.

_Too_ airily.

“The teachers – and they’re called teachers in juvie, Lenny, not guards – don’t carry handcuffs,” Mick says. “Why don’t you try again?”

Len makes a face, knowing he’s been caught. “I got ‘em from home,” he says.

“Why the hell do you have handcuffs at home?” Mick says, bemused. “And even if you did, why the hell would you have ‘em sent to you at juvie?”

“To practice with you, clearly,” Len jokes, then sobers. “I didn’t have ‘em sent, Mick; remember how I went out last week with my dad?”

“Yeah,” Mick says. It’d been boring waiting for Lenny to come back. They’ve only known each other a month, but Lenny clicked into place in Mick’s life like a missing puzzle piece. He can’t imagine what he did before he showed up. “He had handcuffs?”

“He’s a cop,” Len says. 

“I thought you said he’d been to prison.”

“He has been,” Len says, making a face and sitting down on the bed next to Mick. “He convinced a couple of his cop buddies to list it down like he was doing undercover work. You know, he’d go to prison for a year or two, and when he comes out he’s a hardened felon and all that shit, perfect for undercover work. Told them it was all part of the plan to infiltrate the Families.”

“But don’t he work for the Families?”

“That’s the point of the scam, Mick,” Len says.

“So he had handcuffs,” Mick says. “How’d you get them?”

Len makes a face. “He wanted me for a job,” he says.

“He checked you out of juvie to go _steal something_?”

“Yeah. But officially, you know, he has to supervise me. So he brought me in to do my thing, I did it, and then he cuffed me to the car so he could go and fence the take. To make sure I didn’t run away and embarrass him.”

“But you know how to get out of handcuffs,” Mick says, understanding. 

“Yeah, so I got out of ‘em and shoved ‘em in my pocket. And then Dad drove me back here.”

“He didn’t ask for them back?”

Len sneers. “By that point, he was drunk enough on the first grand of money we’d gotten that he didn’t even remember.”

“Shit,” Mick says with feeling. That _sucks_.

“And that’s why you’ve gotta learn how to get out of cuffs,” Len says.

“Because your dad might try to cuff me to his car so I don’t run off?” Mick jokes.

Len doesn’t smile.

The smile drops off of Mick’s face. “Oh.”

“I’m not going to let him get you,” Len says fiercely. “Not now, not _ever_. But you’re gonna need to learn handle yourself, Mick. You _gotta_.”

Mick nods, straightens up a bit. “Okay,” he says. “Show me how you did it again, from the top.”

Len does.


	38. Coldwave telepathic soulbonding ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave telepathic soulbonding ficlet (set in @coldandheat-together's teen!Coldwave universe)

Mick has officially been diagnosed with more words than he even knew existed in the English language, and that makes him Unstable and a good candidate for Bonding.

Bonding’s only used where it’s deemed medically necessary, of course; this isn’t the Dark Ages when people would try to set up Bonds as marriage contract guarantees. Hell, Mick’s only ever heard about it on TV: a process that would bind you to a person for a span of five years, renewable at the end, a process that would make you malleable to your Bonded, make you have no choice but to listen. It used to be something that showed up in ancient ballads as a romantic means to chain the woman you left behind to you and ensure no adultery would occur; now it’s mostly used in romance novels, where a Bonding is used to bind a bad boy to a good girl, and all the resulting melodrama. Sometimes horror flicks about people being Bonded to the wrong person or escaping their Bonding to wreak havoc on the life of their Bondholder. 

Mick does not want to be Bonded, but he’s underage and he’s Unstable, so he’s not going to get a choice.

They’re talking about binding him to a shrink or a cop, someone who’ll be able to manage his illness for him, someone a good few decades older. Never mind that Bonding usually inspired romantic affection in the Bonded; it’s a reasonable trade-off, surely, and the person he’ll be Bonded to will has to be repaid for their effort somehow.

They’ve already loaded up the syringe and injected Mick with it, and now he’s waiting in a room for them to bring his new Bonded in. He thought he was beyond fear after the fire; he was wrong. He’s _terrified_.

“Psst!”

Mick looks up.

There’s a boy in the window, a good few years younger than Mick. 

“Come to stare?” Mick says grumpily.

“You can’t go through with this Bonding,” the kid says, his eyes big and wide and worried. “He’s awful. He’ll hurt you and take advantage of you and you’ll probably die.”

“I can’t exactly stop it, can I?” Mick snaps back.

“You’ve got to find a way out of it,” the kid insists. “Can’t you say you’re hurt or something, postpone it? Run away?”

“They’ve already injected me,” Mick explains. “It’s a done deal.”

The kid looks frustrated, then his eyes light up. “Then Bond me,” he says. “You can’t be Bonded if you already are, right? That’ll keep you safe from _him_.”

“And who’ll keep me safe from _you_?” Mick asks, crossing his arms. “I don’t know if anything you say is true, or even who you are.”

“My name’s Leo,” the kid says. “The man you’re going to bond to is my father. He’s…not a good guy. I mean. Maybe deep down he is, but he’s angry a lot and he’s mean sometimes, and he doesn’t always listen when people tell him to stop. I’m not going to pressure you into anything, I promise.”

Mick thinks about it, and reaches out a hand.

————————————

The thing that drives Mick nuts about Lenny is that he’s obviously in love with Mick and won’t do a single goddamn thing about it.

Sure, Mick knows that he’s Bonded and therefore his own feelings of romantic attachment to Len are suspect, but couldn’t Len take advantage just once? Mick wouldn’t mind (Mick would be ecstatic) and he’s sure once he gets free of the Bond, he’ll feel the same way. 

But Len’s not sure, and Len won’t do a damn thing until the Bond is gone. 

Mick wants to punch someone.

Not Len, though. 

Len got kicked out of his house with two black eyes and a cracked rib for taking his dad’s Bond and spent a week huddling under a bridge before the police came and picked him up for “running away from home”, because that’s the story his dad spun when he realized that no matter what he tried, Mick was well and truly Bonded and would probably go psycho on him if he kept him from Len any longer, and he did all that for Mick without even being asked.

Len tears up at the end of stupid movies and pretends he doesn’t.

Len spends hours playing peek-a-boo with his baby sister because he likes it when she smiles.

Len has a part-time job and brings home food for Lisa and Mick when Lewis can’t be bothered to part with his beer money in order to feed them, and don’t think Mick doesn’t know about how much Len’s five-fingered discount brings in, too. 

And Len’s so goddamn _good_ to Mick, even though he could do whatever he likes. 

He doesn’t invade Mick’s mind, even though he could. Instead, Mick just feels him dancing around the edges, a constant awareness, something cool like the shiver in your bones after a good shower, water dripping down your skull in the middle of summer, that first leap into the pool. 

Len tries to make Mick food, and when he fails (Len is an awful, awful cook, and Mick says this with affection), he keeps Mick company in the kitchen while Mick teaches himself how to cook one terrible dish at a time until he’s better at it.

Len lets Mick dress him up in his clothing because it makes Mick feel better that way, even though Mick is already six feet tall and Len is still shrimping along at a little over five feet for all that he’s nearly fifteen already, waiting for the growth spurt that’ll take him to being as big as his dad, if not bigger. (Len has hopes.) Mick can’t help it; it might be the Bond or it might be just him, but Len perched on the kitchen counter wearing Mick’s shirt, it falling off one pale shoulder and pooling around his hips like a short skirt pushed up, his legs slightly splayed and the shirt just dipping down between them –

Um. 

What was Mick thinking about?

Oh, right, Len being perfect. 

Well, he _is_. Except for the part where he never takes advantage of Mick, who is _right there_. The telepathic part of the bond goes both ways, you know; they never talk about it, since no one would take a Bonded kid if they knew about it, but it’s true. Mick can feel Len there, blooming like a flower every time Mick pays him attention or says something nice; how honest-to-god _funny_ Len finds him, deep inside his brain where he thinks Mick doesn’t know; how long he stares when Mick is working in the yard, shirtless and sweating. 

Len might whine when Mick picks him up and carts him around, but Mick knows he likes it. He’d know that Len likes it even without the Bond, because Len goes hard against Mick’s hip and his face goes bright red and he can’t look Mick in the eye. 

Len’s got a _crush_.

And he won’t let Mick do anything. 

So Mick contents himself with the little stuff. Getting in the way between Lewis and Len when he can. Curling an arm around Len when they watch movies. Watching his back to make sure no one messes with him. Taking care of Lisa when Lewis takes Len out. Cuddles up with Len in his bed because the Bond requires him to be close (Mick has no idea if this is true, but he says it with wide-eyed sincerity). Pulls Len into his lap when there are other people over, because they’d better get used to the idea that Len is Mick’s, even if Len hasn’t entirely admitted it yet.

The fact that Len lets him do all of this means something. Mick’s sure of it.

—————————–

It’s been five years.

Len dresses himself up in the best clothing he can steal and goes to court, as Mick’s official Bondholder, and he looks the judge straight in the eye and tells him that Mick’s had no more “incidents”, that aging has stabilized Mick’s childhood instability, that Mick’s school attendance is good (though not great) and his grades are decent, that Len fully and whole-heartedly recommends that Mick be released from his Bond without renewal.

Len’s always been a good liar. 

They take Mick into the next room and give him the injections to cut off the Bond. The Bond would wear off naturally in the next few months even if they didn’t, but the courts have always liked being able to put a definitive start and end date to these things.

When Mick gets outside again, a little woozy but by and large fine, Len’s nowhere to be seen.

It’s okay. Mick understands. He takes the money he’s been saving up and gets a hotel room, waits a week. Then a month. He gets a job down at the auto park. Two months pass.

Then he goes and finds Len.

It’s not like Mick suddenly forgot the address he’s been living in for five years, after all.

Len’s eyes go wide when he sees Mick and he swallows, licking his lips like they’ve suddenly gone dry. “Mick,” he croaks. 

“Len,” Mick says, inclining his head.

“I didn’t know if you’d want to see me,” Len says, even though they both know it’s just as much about Len not wanting to see Mick not wanting him anymore as anything else. 

Len’s always been a bit of an idiot. Hopefully he’s tortured himself enough these last two months - enough time for any remnants of the Bond to definitively pass - to make up for five goddamn years of waiting. 

“I always want to see you,” Mick says, because it’s true. It was true when he was Bonded, and it’s true now, because even when he was Bonded, it was Len that he slowly realized he liked, not some strange amorphous Bonded-other. 

Len looks like someone’s just punched him in the stomach in surprise.

Mick takes a few steps forward and pulls Len into his arms like he’s wanted to since forever, and kisses him soundly like he’s always kept himself from doing.

Len lets him, but doesn’t respond.

Mick’s not actually that worried – remember, he used to be able to _feel_ Len’s crush – but he starts to pull away in case Len’s not ready yet.

Len grabs him and pulls him back in, kissing him and clambering up Mick’s larger body like a monkey until Mick falls over into the grass, kissing and laughing.

Perfect.


	39. Coldflash shag or die ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldflash shag or die ficlet

“You want us to what,” Cold says flatly. It’s very clearly not a question.

“Have sex,” the armored man says. “C'mon, it’s hardwired into your system, isn’t it? It’s all still biological in this era. Just, you know, go with the flow.”

“No,” Cold says. “ _No_.”

Barry’s happy that Cold is saying it, because Barry sure as hell was having trouble getting his mouth to move. Not that he disagrees. Him and Cold? No! (Though, really, Cold could stand to be a little less definite on the subject. Barry’s not that ugly. Plenty of people want to sleep with him!)

“We’re not really into, um, coerced situations like this,” Barry says helpfully. “Not - really a turn on.”

“Oh, if you’re suffering from physical impediments, we can deal with -”

“I’m fine!” Barry exclaims. “Just - maybe not _him_ , okay? Why’d you pick the two of us, anyway? We’re not going to reproduce or anything.” He pauses as a horrifying thought strikes him. “That’s not your goal, is it?”

“No,” armored guy says, sounding amused. “I told you before, I represent the Most Beauteous and Glorious Kasnia Republic, heir to the Kasnia Congolomerate -”

“Directly, or are we talking something more metaphorical?” Cold asks, like it matters.

“Metaphorically,” the guy admits. “There were limited survivors. But it was an era of prosperity.”

“If you liked fascism, sure,” Cold mutters.

“It wasn’t fascistic!” the guy protests. “It was complex, that’s all. Anyway, we’re here on a mission of mercy to you, the benighted era of the past.”

“I may even regret blowing up the Time Masters,” Cold says. He pauses. “No, I really don’t. What sort of mercy involves forcing people to have sex?!”

“You are listed as each other’s greatest enemies,” the guy says. “We have determined that the best way to encourage peace in the past is to encourage the formation of sexual -”

“You’ve got to be kidding me!” Barry exclaims.

“The alternative is termination,” the guy says. “For the benefit of -”

“You have _got_ to be kidding me!”

“We’ll do it,” Cold says.

Barry spins to look at him. “What the hell -”

“Scarlet,” Cold hisses at him. “Think about who else could be called your ‘worst enemy’.”

Barry thinks: Eobard Thawne (mother-killer and ex-mentor), Zoom (father-killer and batshit psycho), _Grodd_ …

“Cold is fine!” he squeaks. “I can do Cold! I mean -” He closes his eyes, but he can still hear Cold snickering. “You know what I mean. We’ll do it - on the condition we only have to do it with each other, not any other ‘greatest enemy’.”

“Certainly,” the guy says. “We will leave you to it. If you do not comply within twenty four hours, we will have no choice but to eliminate your timelines as undesireable.”

That didn’t sound good, and judging from the expression on Cold’s face, it really wasn’t. 

Okay. So they’re apparently doing this. This being each other. 

At least Cold is really hot.

Ironically enough. 

Barry can handle this.

Cold strips off his parka, revealing a practically skintight black sweater that curls around his form like it was designed to show it off to the best advantage. And then he undoes his belt, revealing just a hint of skin. He smirks at a staring Barry. “So, Scarlet, you more of a top or a bottom? 'cause I’m flexible.”

Barry cannot handle this.


	40. Coldwest handcuffs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwest handcuffs

“Why do you even have trick handcuffs here, anyway?” Iris hisses at Cold, who is playing along with her plan to pretend to be innocent hostages with the world’s grumpiest expression. She thinks he sees it as an insult that these morons think they could stop him with any handcuffs, not just the crappy mostly-fake ones they cuffed the two of them together with.

“They’re not mine,” Cold mutters back, barely moving his lips. He’s much better at this than Iris is, unsurprisingly. “My sister lives here too, y'know.”

Iris has a horrifying thought. “Are these _sex_ handcuffs?”

“Blame your friend Cisco,” Cold says, making the sort of face that one would expect when dealing with his sister’s sex handcuffs. He looks rather unintimidating with his nose scruched up like an offended rabbit. “She used rope before meeting him.”

“You know too much about your sister’s sex life.”

Cold gives her an unimpressed look. “Two words, Miss West: Barry. Allen.”

Iris blushes. “He overshares! That’s not on me!”

“That’s not how I hear it.”

“So I ask a few questions here and there; I’m a reporter, I have to have a healthy sense of curiosity - hey, wait. There’s no way Barry told you about this.”

“Nah,” Cold says. “But you have a way of chatting very loudly in front of the barista at Jitters, and I was crashing in the back room.”

“They let you use the back room for naps?!” Iris exclaims. “Damnit, they never let us do that when I _worked_ there!”

“Shhh! You wanna let the ‘bad guys’ hear ya?”

“I’m impressed that you can make quotation marks with your voice,” Iris says, dropping her voice back to a whisper. “Thanks for not ruining this for me.”

“Have to get you that Pulizter,” Cold drawls. “Also, this level of incompetence is so staggering I just have to know what type of idiot the ‘boss’ they keep referring to is.”

Iris tries to suppress a giggle. “They are pretty bad, aren’t they?”

“Probably from Gotham,” Cold says with a sneer.

“Oh?” Iris says curiously. She’d come to the same conclusion after a solid week of hunting leads, but she was wondering how Cold came up with it. The men that had “captured” them for snooping had no recognizable accents. “Why’s that?”

“They think they invented crime, especially compared to us Midwestern cities,” Cold explains. “We’re all hicks to them, so they can hire the cheapest manpower and stroll in like they own the place anytime they please.” 

“Don’t they, though?” Iris asks. “Not with you supervillains, I mean,” she adds hastily at Cold’s offended look. “But with, like, the Families.”

“Nah, Central’s a Family HQ for a totally different branch. They might technically report back to places like Gotham, but it’s all just talk; if the Gotham head tried to exercise muscle and give orders they don’t wanna take, they’d split in a hot second.”

“You know a lot about the Families, don’t you?”

“Know your neighbor,” Cold says with a shrug. “You wanna interview or something?”

“Um, yes, are you kidding? Can I use your name on record?”

Cold looks amused. “Use my name for the supervillain stuff and keep it confi for the Family stuff,” he advised. “Two Pulitzers are better than one.”

“I will buy you as many coffees as you want,” Iris promises. “Or hot chocolates, if that’s your poison. With mini marshmallows, right?”

“Only way they ought to be served,” Cold says agreeably. “And just how many meetings were you thinking?”

“I need more info than can be gotten through a quick chat if I have my eye on that Pulitzer,” Iris says with a snicker. “Or, you know, a permanent position on the paper; I’ll settle for that.”

“And how were you planning on explaining all these meetings to the, ah, _friends and family_?”

“We’re dating now,” Iris informs him. “You cradle-robber.”

Cold chokes a little bit. “We’re _what_?”

“I’ll pay you in pictures of Barry’s horrified face,” Iris offers.

“Throw in Joe West and you’ve got a deal,” Cold says, to Iris’ surprise. Seeing her expression, he smirks and shakes his cuffed hand pointedly. “I got a sister to pay back, too.”

Iris snickers again, then quiets herself, hissing, “I think the boss is here, shhh!”

“I wasn’t even talking,” Cold grumbles.

“Shhh!”


	41. Coldflash/Coldflashwave cross-dressing ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldflash/Coldflashwave cross-dressing ficlet

“You’ll never be quick enough to stop me, Flash!” Len says, then pauses expectantly. Usually, when he sets up that sort of opening line, Barry hits it out of the park with a quip; Len can’t wait to see what he’ll say next.

The silence that follows is not promising.

Len frowns, gestures for an equally confused Mick to go on loading the getaway vehicle, and turns to look at the Flash, which appears to have been frozen in spot. “There a problem, kid?” he asks, putting his gun down at his side.

“Um,” Barry says.

“I know I’m good, Scarlet, but usually you wait until _after_ I’ve used my cold gun to develop brain freeze,” Len drawls, but he’s actually a little concerned. Last time Barry went all quiet and thoughtful, they had a changed timeline. 

“You –” Barry says, then falls silent.

“I what?”

“You’re wearing…” Barry gestures.

Len frowns down at himself. He’s not wearing anything that unusual. He glances at Mick, who makes a “don’t look at me” expression. He’s got the goggles, the parka, and the gun. All the elements of his supervillain outfit. “What’re you talking about?”

“You’re wearing a _woman’s skirt_ ,” Barry hisses.

“Normally, I would take this moment to cite Eddie Izzard about how it’s not a woman’s skirt, it’s my skirt, but in this case – no, actually, it is a woman’s skirt. One of Lisa’s, I think. She stole all of my black skirts last week; it only seems fair.”

“Cold, _why are you wearing a skirt_?”

“There are any number of reasons to wear a skirt, Barry,” Len drawls. “They’re comfortable, easy to put on, easy to clean –”

“Easy to fuck in,” Mick adds.

“– that too, thank you, Mick. Wait. Are you having some sort of weird heterosexual breakdown here?”

“I am _not_ ,” Barry says, stung.

“Certainly seems like you are.”

“I am not! For one thing, I’m bi, not heterosexual, and for another – ”

“Being bi doesn’t actually immunize you from being a dick about heteronormativity,” Len says wisely.

Mick rolls his eyes. “Where did you even hear that?” he asks curiously.

“I made the mistake of going to the gay club down on Tenth,” Len says with a sigh. “The younglings are so social-activist-y there, you can hardly get laid. And I was so _craving_ a nice twink – you know how you just get in one of those moods..?”

Barry makes a choking sound.

Len turns and studies him very pointedly. “Hey, Scarlet, you’re bi, right?”

Barry makes a high pitched squeaking sound.

“He’s too tall for a twink,” Mick objects.

“Twinks are measured by breath, not length.”

“No, I’m pretty sure there’s another word for tall ones.”

“Can we not be having this conversation?” Barry asks. “I would be much more comfortable if we got back to the stealing and stopping-of-stealing portions of this event.”

“We’re trying to settle an important question here, Scarlet,” Len says breezily. If Scarlet hadn’t yet noticed that Mick wasn’t so much _loading_ the van as he was handing the goods _through_ the van to a crouched Lisa on the other side, who was sneaking them away, _he_ certainly wasn’t going to point it out. “What do you think? I mean, it’s _your_ classification we’re discussing.”

“I really, honestly, do not have an opinion about this.”

“Okay,” Len says agreeably, then raises his voice. “Hey, Miss West! As a representative of Central City’s media, what do you think?”

Iris West, who’d been hiding behind the counter, pops her head up. “I think they’re called twunks?” she says.

Len makes a face. “That’s a _terrible_ name.”

“I’ve also heard otters, but those are hairier than the Flash is,” she says.

“Have you had personal experience?” Len asks.

“Stop trying to Lois Lane me, it won’t work.”

“Say that to all the camera-phones.”

“I have _not_ slept with the Flash!” she calls out, amid grumbles.

“Oh my _god_ ,” Barry says.

“Actually, _you’re_ kinda his type,” she continues, looking at Len with a grin of mischief that Len could really get behind. He should really think about recruiting her for the Rogues at this rate. 

“He is _not_!” Barry squeaks.

“Oh, come on. Look at him! If you don’t think either one of them is hot, I’m revoking your bi card.”

“I feel like that’s offensive,” Barry says.

“I feel like you’re avoiding the question,” Iris says.

Len can see the moment Barry gives up. “Okay,” Barry says. “They’re both really hot. This is irrelevant to the _robbery in progress_ , okay?”

“You should totally have a threesome,” some random dude wielding a cameraphone says.

“You be quiet and let me rescue you,” Barry says, pointing at him.

“Well, _I’m_ up for it,” Len says. “All hostages in favor of a threesome, raise your hands.”

A lot of hands go up.

“Stop _polling the audience_ about a threesome which, fyi, _isn’t happening_.”

Sounds of disappointment throughout the crowd.

Barry turns and waves his hands on them. “Seriously? _Seriously?!_ ”

“Man,” random cameraphone dude says. “If someone that looks that good in a skirt is offering you a threesome, you go for it.”

Barry buries his head in his hands.

“Here,” Len says, picking up a bank slip and scribbling something down on it before folding it in half. “Have my number.”

“No!”

Len gives it to one of the hostages. “Give that to him, will you?”

The girl nods, grinning.

“Well, since no threesomes appear to be in the works, I think that’s my cue to leave,” Len says, grinning when Barry abruptly realizes that Mick and the getaway vehicle are already gone.

Len ducks out the side door as Barry is waylaid by the girl Len had directed towards him. 

“Get back here!” He hears Barry shout. “Get back – hey, this isn’t even a number! This just says _better luck next time_!”

Len snickers.


	42. Coldflash hurt/comfort ficlet

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldflash hurt/comfort ficlet

“Hey - hey, Scarlet.”

Barry turns away from the voice. He doesn’t care anymore: the voices, the endless tests…it doesn’t matter anymore.

“Barry!”

“Go away,” Barry says, curling up into himself, pulling his knees in closer to himself. “I don’t want to talk to you.”

“And as we have already established, I care so very much about what you want,” Snart says snottily.

…actually, that’s surprisingly bitchy for the Speed Force, which usually goes with the excessively calm and sonorous approach.

Barry raises his head and squints at Snart who looks remarkably…Snart-ish.

“…Snart?” he says warily. “Is that you?”

“No, it’s the fucking Speed Force again,” Snart says irritably. “Except that fucker seems to take on the image of loved ones - and as cute as you are, Scarlet, four times meeting does not make for love.”

“You think I’m cute?” Barry says blankly, then actually _thinks_ about what Snart just said. “Wait, you’re _real_? You’re actually here?”

“Sure am,” Snart says. “You?”

“Yeah, it’s actually me - wait. How’d you get here?”

“I blew up the timestream,” Snart says casually. “You?”

“…time wraiths got me after I tried to save my mom. Wait, did you say you _blew up the timestream_? What the hell, Snart?”

“What are time wraiths?” Snart asks, frowning and ignoring Barry’s much more reasonable question. “Another thing Rip failed to mention?”

“They come after speedsters that screw with time too much,” Barry explains. “They drag us back into the Speed Force and then we’re alone. Forever.” He shudders. He doesn’t know how long he’s been there. It could have been years, years and years and years passing in the space of a heartbeat.

Suddenly there’s a hand on his shoulder. Barry starts violently, but snatches at Snart’s hand, keeping it in place when he tries to pull it back. He hasn’t felt human contact in so long. So long.

“Don’t cry, Scarlet,” Snart says uncomfortably, and that’s when Barry realizes tears are rolling down his cheeks. “At least you’re not alone anymore, right? I’m here now.”

“Better stuck together than alone,” Barry says gratefully. Snart has no idea how grateful Barry is to see him, how _happy_ he is to see Snart…

“Stuck, nothing,” Snart scoffs, and smirks at Barry. “Don’t you know that prison breaks are my specialty?”

Barry feels something in his chest where only loneliness has been for so terribly long. 

It feels like hope.


	43. Coldflash telepathic bond

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldflash telepathic bond

Traditionally, soulbonds only appear after you’ve had physical contact that once-in-a-lifetime person at the right moment in time, whether it’s someone you had known for ages finally changing to be what could be your perfect half or a stranger on the street. 

But they have _also_ been known to happen in moments of great stress. 

Barry used to think Iris was his soulmate-yet-to-be. Now he knows better.

Barry doesn’t know who “Len” is, or what he looks like, but that’s not important. He knows Len is an adult. He knows Len is a thief. He know that Len loves deeply and passionately, but that he keeps a tight lid on his emotions to the public for fear of showing weakness. He knows there’s a _Lisa_ (sibling?) and a _Mick_ (best friend?). g

He knows, because he’s been able to hear Len’s thoughts since he was eleven. Not clearly, of course: like an internal monologue by someone in the next room over, a voice that rises and falls, that sometimes he can hear - when he really needs to - and that sometimes he can’t because he’s okay on his own. Most of the time it’s extremely mumbled. It doesn’t matter; the fact that it’s there by itself helps a lot.

Len can’t hear Barry, of course. Barry’s the one who was nearly killed, and anyway people can’t usually hear their soulmates if they’re underage, even if the younger one can hear them.

That’s the only reason Barry has waited this long. He’s seventeen, he has a high school degree obtained a year early; he’s already spun Joe some story about going on a journey to “find himself” for a year before starting college.

Barry’s going to find himself already. He’s just going to find someone else, too.

Luckily, he’s always gotten the sense that Len is close by, that Central City is his home, too. As he’s gotten older, his sense of where Len is has gotten sharper, more precise. He knows that once he goes looking, it’ll lead him right where he wants to go.

Barry knows Len’s a thief, but he’s had nearly six years to get used to it. Len’s not going to change now, though Barry has hope of turning him towards slightly more guilty targets, like in Leverage. Barry’s been working - Barry’s been _living_ \- off of this promise from nature for the last six years. He’s old enough now. He’s legal, he’s ready, he’s not waiting any longer.

Barry packs his car, bids Joe goodbye and drives out of town, then executes a sharp u-turn and heads downtown. The slums, the criminal districts.

He ends up at a warehouse. It looks like all the others, but he knows this one’s different.

He knocks on the door.

A big man, bald and muscular, opens the door, glaring.

A sense of familiarity tugs at Barry’s gut.

“You must be Mick,” Barry says, certain that he’s right, a certainty confirmed by the abrupt rise in Mick’s eyebrows. “My name is Barry Allen. I’m here to see Len. Is he here?”


	44. Coldwave Someone is having a baby (Factory Normal follow-up)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave Someone is having a baby (Factory Normal follow-up)

“I’m gonna burn it all,” Mick says, dead serious. “Burning. Fire. So much fire. There’s gonna be nothing but ash when I’m done. I’m gonna melt the metal in your instruments. I’m gonna twist your plastic into unrecognizable shapes. I’m going to watch you choke on the smoke and let the flames flash-fry you, and I’m gonna _laugh_. It’s gonna be _beautiful_.”

The nurse does not appear particularly intimidated.

“Mick, baby, if you threaten to burn the staff one more time, we’re going to have to up our bribes,” Lisa says. ”Couldn’t you switch it up a little? Guns, knives, strangulation? Have you considered drowning people?”

“Fuck you,” Mick says, glaring at where she’s sitting pretty across the room. It’s far enough away that he can’t reach her, though maybe if he grabbed the cup of water…

“No throwing,” Len says. “You’ll want to drink that in another minute.”

“Fuck you too,” Mick says. “Neither of you have some stranger poking their latexed hands up your tender bits, which are getting more tender by the goddamn minute.”

“You’re dilating very nicely,” the nurse says. “Practically textbook.”

“Good,” Mick says. “‘cause that’s what it feels like I’m pushing out of there - and I don’t mean one of those dinky ones for English students, I’m talking full on Chem 101.”

“How does it compare to a bullet wound?” Len says curiously, ignoring the fact that Mick is trying to grind his hand into dust every time a contraction hits. Len always did have a crazy pain tolerance; next time, he’s having the baby. Someone in the future’s gotta invented some way to do it. “Better or worse than a knifing?”

Mick considers this question seriously. “What type of knife?” he asks. “Is it more like a switchblade, or, like, a shiv-style one?”

“Are you actually having this conversation?” Sara says, looking half-fascinated, half-horrified.

“You don’t like it, you can wait outside with the rest of the Waverider crew,” Mick tells her. “Childbirth is _not_ a spectator sport. Why’re you in here, anyway?”

“I’m here as moral support to my girlfriend,” Sara replies, nodding at Lisa. “Also, reminding myself why I’m glad I’m dating another woman with no interest in having biological kids of our own.”

“Fuck you,” Mick repeats.

“Isn’t that how you and Lenny got into this trouble in the first place?” Lisa says sweetly.

“I have access to a time ship and I know how to drive it, you bitch,” Mick says fondly. “You know how no one ever recorded your fourth grade dance recital? _That can be fixed._ ”

“You and my brother are and have always been perfectly chaste and the baby you’re currently in the process of having is a miracle,” Lisa says immediately. “If I’ve ever suggested anything differently, I revoke it immediately. Do you require grovelling?”

“Another chocolate bar,” Mick says.

“On it,” Lisa says, scarpering.

“What the hell happened at that dance recital?” Sara says wonderingly, watching Lisa go.

“Mick, you never said how labor rates against a knifing,” Len whines. “If you don’t give an in-the-moment analysis, you’ll be flooded by endorphins and your memory will be suspect.”

“Fine, fine - is that a _chart_?”

Len deftly finishes pulling it out of his pocket. “I wanted a solid answer. I’ve got entries for the last few hours, but now we’re reaching a more subjective stage of blinding agony.”

“Snart, you are such an unbelievable dweeb,” Sara says. “You can’t seriously be suggesting that Mick…Mick. What are you doing? Why are you taking the chart?”

“Well, we gotta be scientific about it,” Mick says, frowning at her. “Besides, I ain’t planning on doing this more than once.”

“You’re both nuts,” she declares flatly. 

“You’re more than welcome to leave,” Mick reminds her. He checks the box helpfully labelled ‘straight shiv with a twist after it’s in’, then reconsiders and shifts his answer to ‘jagged shiv, no twist’. “This is gonna be real helpful next time we’re in Iron Heights. A lotta guys are gonna be curious.”

“I can’t believe you. Are you seriously thinking about doing things that’ll get you thrown in prison when you’re expecting a kid?”

“Kids,” Len says proudly. “Twins. And we gotta pay for 'em somehow.”

“Have you considered, like, any line of business besides crime?”

They both stare blankly at her.

Sara sighs. “What’re you going to name them?”

“I was thinking Luke and Leia,” Len says. “But Mick vetoed that on the ground that we don’t wanna name them after anything we don’t know if the sequels are gonna ruin.”

“It’s still an open possibility,” Mick assures Len. “But I wanna see the kids first.”

“Makes sense.”

“Oh my god,” Sara says. “I’m ashamed to know both of you.”

“Does anyone ever really know anyone else?” Len says philosophically. 

“Have you been stealing my morphine?” Mick asks suspiciously. 

“I’ve been eating half your candy bars,” Len confesses shamelessly. “I think I’m sugar high.”

“I _knew_ they were disappearing too fast!”

“Yes, good, just like that,” the nurse says encouragingly. “Just a little bit more, and then you can start pushing.”

“I’m gonna push your _head_ into a goddamn _furnace_ , is what I’m gonna push…”


	45. Flashatom huddling for warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashatom huddling for warmth

“I’m sure we can expect rescue at any minute,” Ray says, his teeth chattering. 

“Sure,” Barry says, curling in on Ray in an attempt to warm them both up. He can’t feel his feet anymore. “Any minute.”

“'I’m sorry I got you into this,” Ray says miserably. “Some first date.”

“No, no!” Barry says immediately. “It was great - the northern lights were amazing, the moonlight shining off the snow - there was no way for you to predict that the magnetic effects of a solar flare would hitting the earth right at the worst possible moment.”

“Or the yetis,” Ray says glumly.

“Yeah, I would not have called abominable snowmen savaging our snowmobile,” Barry says. “But there was no way to predict that. This is a great first date.”

“You can’t feel your feet,” Ray says, still sounding miserable. “I like your feet. Your feet are cute.”

“Aww, thanks,” Barry says, smiling. “No one’s ever said that before.”

“I think all of you is cute,” Ray confesses.

“It’s mutual,” Barry says, feeling warm inside and wishing it translated to the outside. “You know, other than the freezing to death thing, the only thing that would make this better would be-”

“Fire,” Ray says.

“No, I said other than the whole freezing to death thing,” Barry corrects.

“No, I mean, _fire_ ,” Ray says, eyes fixed in the distance. “It’s Jax and Professor Stein! They’ve come looking for us.”

“Oh thank god,” Barry says. “My suit is not made for this temperature.”

Ray shoots off a flare and Firestorm reorients in their direction.

“So what was it you said would make this perfect?” Ray asks, watching Firestorm zoom closer. “Other than the freezing to death bit.”

“Well,” Barry says with a small smirk. “I was wondering if I could get my goodbye kiss a little early, given that we’re both going to finish this date in Gideon’s medbay being treated for hypothermia and exposure.”

“I can do that,” Ray says.

Firestorm has to cough loudly three times before he can get their attention.


	46. Coldwave aphrodisiacs

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave aphrodisiacs

“We’re never visiting Gotham again,” Mick groans, feeling himself stir yet again.

“We got our take,” Len gasps, bucking back against Mick again. “Wasn’t a total loss. It’s definitely a score worthy of an anniversary: we’re the only people to ever successfully steal from the Bat.”

“Was it successful?” Mick grunts, starting to roll his hips in a way that made Len shudder. Not bothering to pull out after the last time was clearly the right choice, no matter how sore he was. “I don’t feel all that successful.”

“Ivy said her pheromones should wear off in a couple more hours,” Len says, whimpering a little. “She said - ah! - she said she’s very sorry, too. Didn’t know we were in town, or she’d have given us the antidote in advance - yes, like _that_ , do that again - but as it is there ain’t nothing for it. Gotta just work it out.”

“Fucking Gotham,” Mick grumbles.

“Very accurate at the moment,” Len replies, as ever never able to resist a pun.

“You sure I can’t burn the Bat?” Mick says, playing his fingers up and down Len’s side. “I’m, like, 90% sure he’s just human, and no matter how good his tech is, if I get hot enough…”

“We don’t actually have anything _against_ the Bat,” Len reminds Mick. “Keep it in reserve until he does something to piss us off, okay?”

“Fine,” Mick says. “Just thought it’d be cool to show up those Gotham guys.”

“If the Bat doesn’t keep them in check, they might come visit Central,” Len says reasonably. His cool demeanor is somewhat undercut by his red flush and the sweat dripping down his brow, or the way he keeps running his fingers up and down his chest. “Wouldn’t want that. C'mon, Mick, you can do better than that.”

“You want me to give it to you?” Mick says. “You want me to roll you over and just shove my cock in, is that what you want? Fuck you till you’re black and blue and your eyes are crossing from the feeling?”

“Yes!”

“Well, tough,” Mick says, keeping to the same, steady pace. “We’ve got hours to go, and your ass can only take so much abuse.” 

“I could fuck you next,” Len offers.

“I fully expect you will,” Mick says. “But still no.”

Len grumbles, but he knows Mick’s right. They’ve already come so many times, they’re gonna have to burn the bed; Mick’s not risking any permanent damage.

“When we get home, though…” he says.

“Long bath,” Mick says. “Some nice bath salts. I’ll rub every inch of you down, till you’re slick and shining and all your muscles are loose, till I can roll you over and push my way in, right there on your knees in that jacuzzi you found us -”

Len’s panting already.

“- and the _only_ goddamn aphrodisiacs we use will in the oysters and champagne I pour down your throat, you get me?” Mick snarls. 

“Central City sounds like a fine place to celebrate our anniversary,” Len says quickly. “No more Gotham.”

“Damn right no more Gotham.”


	47. Coldflashwave historical AU

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldflashwave historical AU

"Bari,“ Lepidus says, long-suffering. “Did you know where the goddamn Eagle was the whole time?”

“Um,” Bari says. 

“No, it’s okay,” Lepidus says. “Me and Marcus, we’re Romans, we invade your land, we conquer your people, and now we’re here on a mission to steal a priceless semi-religious item from your fellow-tribe…”

“It’s not that at all,” Bari says miserably. “I wanted to tell you, both of you. I wanted to tell you so badly, but I couldn’t.”

“Why not?” Marcus asks. Unlike Lep, who’s gone cold and icy, he still sounds willing to listen.

Then again, it’s not _his_ sister being held in prison, sentenced to strangulation for piracy, unless they successfully retrieve the Eagle.

“Our Druid, Eobard, cursed me to silence,” Bari explains. “He said if I told you, it would bring down the Hunt and kill you both.”

Both of them make the automatic sign against evil; they’ve been in Britannia long enough to know of the Hunt.

“And you’re not worried anymore?” Lepidus asks, frowning.

“Technically, I didn’t tell you,” Bari points out. “You found out.” 

“Nice loophole,” Marcus says approvingly. “We’ll make a thief out of you yet, Bari.”

“I could’ve been bought by a nice squire,” Bari says dramatically. “But nooooo…”

“You were gonna die in a gladiator fight if it weren’t for us, you little shrimp,” Lepidus says, but his voice is warm again.

“You could’ve avoided all of these problems if you’d just left me a slave,” Bari points out. “You needed a guide, sure, but you didn’t have to free me.”

“My mother was a slave,” Lepidus says. “From Egypt. If my father hadn’t been so desperate for an heir that he freed her and married her, I might be one myself. I don’t believe in it.”

“What, at all?” Bari says, surprised.

“At all,” Lepidus says. “You wanna get real work outta someone, you trust ‘em or you don’t. Slavery just makes that trust harder. Look at the Emperor’s Praetorian Guard - nothing stopped them from murdering that Helioglobus fucker.”

“But -” Bari says, and stops. “You’re not taking the Eagle back willingly,” he says slowly. “Why should they trust you?”

“They’d be fools if they did,” Marcus says with a smirk. 

“You have a plan,” Bari says, starting to get excited.

“Like Markus said, kid,” Lepidus says. “We’ll make a thief out of you yet. We pull this off right, we humiliate both the local tribune and that goddamn Druid of yours and Rome will thank us all for having done it. But you’ll be burning a lot of bridges behind you, both Roman and Celt.”

“Can Iris come with us when we leave?” Bari asks. “That’s good enough for me.”

“Of course we’re taking Iris,” Marcus says. “She’s part of the plan. Say, you know how she feels about piracy?”

“Surprisingly positively,” Bari says dryly. “So - what’s our plan for the Eagle?”

“You’re gonna love this,” Lepdius says with a smirk. 

“Probably,” Bari admits, because he loves mischief and Lepidus’ plots were always things of beauty. “But not as much as I love you.”

Both Romans goggle at Bari. Honestly, is it something about that city that makes men emotionally stunted?

“Both of you,” Bari clarifies, lest they get confused.

“Oh,” Lepidus says dumbly.

“Um,” Marcus says. “Ditto, I guess?”

“I couldn’t say it before you found out about the Eagle,” Bari says. “But now that you know, I see no reason why not.”

“You’re something special, Bari,” Lepidus says, shaking his head. “Weird as hell, but I’m glad we found you.”


	48. Coldwest Huddling for warmth

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwest Huddling for warmth (follow-up to earlier Coldwest ficlet)

“I am willing to admit that I may have miscalculated,” Iris says.

“No shit,” Snart says, because he’s a dick. An endearing dick, she’s found over the last few months, but a dick nevertheless.

“Don’t you like the cold?” Iris tries. “It’s your theme and all.”

“I’m going to kill you, use your body for warmth, and then I’m going to tell everybody you were killed in a tragic Zamboni accident.”

“Now that’s just mean,” Iris says. “C'mon. You’re Captain Cold! You’ve gotta have something to hold off the cold.”

“A, my theme is _causing_ the cold, not holding it off, and B, you mean, I dunno, something like my _parka_? The one that your little investigation targets _confiscated_ before they locked us in here?”

“Wait, is _that_ why you’re upset?” Iris says, a lightbulb going off over her head. “Because they took your coat?”

“I like that coat,” Snart says sulkily.

“You realize we’re freezing to death in a supervillain lair located under an ice rink, right?” Iris says. She feels like this would be a good place to cross her arms dramatically, but right now she has them shoved up under Snart’s sweater on his surprisingly warm belly, and she’s not moving them for love or money. “Your priorities are messed up.”

“It’s a good coat,” Snart argues. “And I’m not worried about dying.”

“You’re not?” Iris says, deeply relieved and trying to hide it. She’s been quietly freaking out, actually, despite her attempts at bravado. She hadn’t told anyone where she was going, and only Snart’s magical ability to find her within fifteen minutes of her straying into Family territory kept her from being alone even now. The men that had thrown them into the ice room under the rink had been stone faced, unmoveable, unpersuadable - the only reason they hadn’t been shot is because their boss had wanted to hang their frozen corpses in Central Square and the media wouldn’t show the images if they were missing skull fragments. 

What is it with supervillains and their themes, anyway?

“No,” Snart says. “Unlike you, I leave an itinerary when I go out. I expect Mick to come roaring in any minute, just because he’ll want to yell about me getting the flu again.”

“Is that why you missed last week’s meeting?” Iris asks, shoulders relaxing a bit. “I was worried.” She hadn’t believed that Snart had been behind the temperature-related killings, not really, but him ditching her at just that moment had made her worried that whoever was behind them had gotten to him somehow.

“Just the flu,” Snart confirms, shifting his own hands up her back. His fingers are icy, but less so than the outside air. “You’re probably gonna get it next, and I’m going to laugh.”

“Psst, you’ll bring me soup like the good boyfriend you are,” Iris says confidently.

“I can’t make soup,” Snart says. “But Mick can.”

“…please don’t send your arsonist buddy to my house with soup.”

“But it’d be funny! And I am trying to be a good boyfriend.”

“I hate it when you use that against me,” Iris whines, feeling her heart grow light at the confidence in Snart’s voice. They may not actually be dating - or are they? Snart sends mixed signals sometimes - but if Snart thinks they’re going to get out, they’re going to get out. She’s just got to wait.

And snuggle a bit, but only because they’re preserving body warmth (and not even a little because Snart’s got a really nice body that she’s enjoying the excuse to run her hands all over.)


	49. flashwave trouble

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I wish you would write me a fic where Mick is in real trouble and comes to team flash for help. (Or the reverse)

"- and you'll be on your best behavior!" Cisco finishes, crossing his arms and glaring, though not as much as Caitlin was glaring.

Mick nods his consent.

"Fine. You can stay, but you're on probation. We're _watching_ you."

Mick nods again.

Cisco huffs and walks out, followed by a still-glaring Caitlin.

"Anything to add?" Mick asks Barry.

"Not really," Barry says, rubbing the back of his neck. "I'm sorry about them."

"Nah, I get it," Mick says with a shrug. "I punched his brother's face in and threatened to light her on fire. I make bad decisions, I pay for 'em, it's fine."

"Sometimes I feel like you never stop paying for bad decisions," Barry says, sighing. 

"You don't," Mick says. "Ever. People like to pretend that they forgive and forget, but they really don't. They're always watching to see if you screw up again. What'd you do?"

"Fell for Eobard Thawne's manipulations," Barry says glumly. "Opened a black hole that led to Ronnie dying, let Zoom take my speed for Wally's life, hit Wally and Jessie with dark matter trying to get it back, fell for Zoom's manipulations, let my dad get killed...I'm never fast enough to stop fucking up."

"No one is ever fast enough," Mick says. "I had _time travel_ and I still fucked everything up."

"Don't get me started on time travel," Barry groans. "Did anyone tell you about the time I tried to keep my mom from dying and it created a weird alternate timeline, then I let Eobard manipulate me _again_ into screwing it up?"

"Did anyone tell you about the time that I became a bounty hunter to hunt my friends through time and space?"

"I lied to Iris about the Flash thing for months, along with her dad and fiancé."

"I screwed up a job so bad that Snart had a panic attack about killing me and ditched me for two years."

"Every single one of my girlfriends has literally left the city, either for their own safety or otherwise."

"I haven't _had_ a girlfriend - or boyfriend - in more years than I remember."

"What, not even..?"

"Snart and me are partners, but we're not like that."

"Oh. Well, I got into a race with Zoom, nearly bringing about the end of the world and had to kill myself."

"I started the fire that killed my family."

"I had to let Eobard kill my mom again."

"Snart had to cut off his own hand to stop me from killing his sister, and I helped him raise her."

"I changed the timeline and everyone's memories without their consent, and even when I tried to fix it, I think I came back to the wrong timeline."

"I betrayed Snart, used everything I ever learned about him against him, beat the crap out of him and he still gave up his life to save me."

"Ouch," Barry says.

"He's getting better," Mick offers. "We were working our way through that when - well, this shit happened and they had to ditch me 'for my own safety'."

"My friends locked me into a cell for mine."

"Didn't you used to lock other people up in there?"

"Yeah, you don't want to know how many Geneva Convention rules we broke without even realizing it."

"I can imagine."

"We fed them lots of Big Belly Burger, though?"

"Now _that's_ a crime."

"I like that place!"

"You have no tastebuds. But still. It ain't really fun to figure out that the common denominator in everything screwing up is you."

"Yeah," Barry says, rubbing his eyes. "Now that's the truth. Man, I wish I could get drunk."

"Speedster thing?"

"Yeah."

"Don't you have Eobard's secret room or something like that? With Gideon?"

"Well, yeah," Barry says. "How do you know about it, though?"

"Snart liked to watch STAR Labs security tapes last summer," Mick says.

"Hey, Felicity said we were unhackable!"

"Hacking isn't about computers," Mick says, shrugging. "Snart jimmied your door open and borrowed a week's worth of tapes, then put them back when he was done. No computer hacking necessary."

"...we totally suck at security." 

"Don't take it personally; Snart's a sneaky bastard. But seriously - secret room, right? With Gideon?"

"Yeah, so?"

"Well, have you asked Eobard's version of Gideon what he used to get drunk?"

"What makes you assume he got drunk?"

"Well - and correct me if I'm wrong - he got stuck in the past and had to work for fifteen years to ensure an eleven-year-old grew up into his worst enemy so that he could get home, right?"

"...yeah."

"He got drunk."

"I see your point."

"Go ask Gideon, then we'll go get smashed," Mick suggests.

Barry nods. "Bad decision makers whose friends don't trust them, unite?"

"Sure. We can call it the fuck-up club."

"Let's do this thing."

\--------------------------------

"So, wait," Earth-7 Barry Allen says. "You're dating _Mick Rory_? How'd that happen?"

Barry shrugs helplessly. "We just sort of bonded?"

"Over _what_?"

"...it's a long story."


	50. coldwave + barry adoption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I wish you would write a fic where a Coldwave Mick & Len formally and legally adopt Barry Allen. Whether he wants it or not.

"Hah, nice one," Len says, even though it's not actually that funny. He always preferred puns and anecdotes to Monty Python-style absurdity, but Doc Allen's been quietly heartbroken for weeks - understandable, given what he's been through - and it's good to see him cracking a joke.

"I'm not kidding," Doc says, his fingers drumming anxiously on his side. 

"What do you mean, you're not kidding?" Len says slowly. "Of course you're kidding. You just asked Mick and I to..."

"To adopt my son, Barry, yes," Allen confirms. 

"And you're _not_ kidding?" 

"No, I'm quite serious."

"He's lost it," Mick opines from where he's working out. "Cracked right open. Knew it'd happen; didn't realize it'd be so quick."

"I'm not crazy," Allen says, looking hurt; he's still sensitive about accusations of insanity. Len gives Mick a warning look.

"Okay," Len says pacifyingly. "So explain what you mean?"

"The courts have refused to give my friend Joe custody," Allen explains. "He's the closest thing Barry has to an uncle - his daughter's Barry's best friend - and he's a trustworthy man."

"Then why no custody?" Len asks.

"His wife's a drug addict," Allen says flatly. "She left them behind ages ago; Joe hasn't even seen her in years. I think he's been pretending like she's dead. But the state brought up her record at the hearing..."

"And of course the stupid idiot never got a divorce," Len says, nodding. "So you don't want your kid going in the system - how do you expect Mick and I to help?"

"I need someone to adopt Barry legally and then sign papers agreeing to let him be raised by Joe."

"And you came to us, why?"

"Desperation," Allen says bluntly. "The other cops won't touch Joe's case, and all my friends ditched me when I got accused of murdering my wife. If I can't get someone to do it above board, then I need someone who can manipulate the court system. And you two are the only decent people I've met inside."

"I'm touched," Len drawls, but despite himself, he is, a bit. He's always thought highly of himself, but not, like, the sort of person you'd trust with your kid. Even if just legally. "You realize that if we adopt him, we could go grab him any time we liked once we're out, right?"

"I'd just have to trust you not to," Allen says.

"Lenny," Mick says warningly.

"What?"

"We're not doing this. Get that planning expression off your face. We are _not_ qualified to get a kid, even if we won't raise him - and who'd grant either of us custody, huh?"

"Not either of us," Len says with a smirk, a plan already bubbling up before him. "Both of us."

"What do you mean?" Mick says suspiciously. 

"Civil unions just got legalized," Len says. "Right to adopt's being tested in court and ACLU's looking for a sob story to sell to a jury."

"And you think two prisoners will be it? Don't be absurd."

"Watch me," Len says.

\----------------------------------------------

"Hey, Barry, did you know you were in a court case?" Felicity chirps.

"I've testified in a few for the CCPD, if that's what you mean," Barry says with a smile.

"No, no, I was looking something up for one of Laurel's cases, and I totally pinged your name - this is you, right?"

Barry looks. "Yeah, it is," he says, puzzled. "I don't remember - look at the date stamp on that. That would've been right after my dad's arrest."

"Yeah, technically your name is redacted because you were a minor," Felicity says. "But I just grabbed the unredacted copies from inside the system 'cause it's easier and bam! There you are. It's a custody case."

"With Joe?"

"No, with a gay couple."

"What?! Let me see that."

"No, see here - civil unions now recognized, equal rights, tragic family situation, want to adopt -"

"It's definitely me," Barry says, eyes skimming the page quickly. "But I was raised by Joe, not a gay couple - I always assumed he had legal custody..."

"You know what they say about assuming things," Felicity says with a grin.

"In fairness, you and Iris also assumed that Iris' mom was dead," Cisco points out.

"Good point," Barry says with a wince. "Hey, Felicity, can you find out what happened with Joe? And get me the name of the couple?"

"Yeah, looks like Joe's application for custody was denied," Felicity says, fingers moving. "But he signed an agreement to take care of you a month later, cosigned by your dad and - uh. This can't be right."

"What is it?"

"It's - uh -"

Barry zips over to look over her shoulder.

"Custody awarded to - _Leonard Snart and Michael Rory_?!"

Cisco falls backwards off his chair.

\-----------------

"Did you two _know_ about this?!" Barry yowls as he speeds into the Rogues' so-called "secret" hideout in the warehouse down Fifth, brandishing the printed-out court order.

"Know about what?" Len says, looking up with an arched eyebrow.

"This!"

"What's this?" Mick inquires, walking back in from the kitchen with a tantalizing grilled cheese sandwich. 

"You two _adopted_ me as a kid!"

"Only legally, Scarlet."

"Yeah, but now we fight each other as the Rogues and the Flash!"

"I didn't know you were the Flash," Mick remarks.

Barry pauses for a second, absorbs this, then shrugs and barrels on anyway. "But seriously! This is weird!"

"How is it weird?" Len asks. "I don't think it's weird."

"Captain Cold and Heatwave are the _legal parents_ of the Flash! That's super weird!"

"That _is_ a bit awkwardly Oedipal," Mick says.

"It's not awkward," Len disagrees. "It's not like we raised him or anything."

"It's _super_ awkward," Barry emphasizes. 

"What I want to know," Mick says thoughtfully, "is which one of us is the mom and which one is the dad. It's kinda relevant in the Oedipus story."

"I cannot _believe_ you two!"


	51. coldflashwave + goldennews

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Coldflashwave, where Barry and Mick are competing for Len's affections by bringing him food - Mick's cooking vs Barry running around the world for all sorts of delicious things

“You need to stop breaking into my house,” Iris says without looking, hanging up her jacket on the coat-hanger.

She did not have a coat-hanger when she left for work earlier today, but Len has weird interior decorating sensibilities and he seems to think if he alters only one item of furniture at a time, she won’t notice how he’s slowly colonizing her apartment.

He’s wrong, but he also has ridiculously good taste, so Iris hasn’t been saying anything. 

“Your paper need a new editor,” Len replies from where he’s sunken into her armchair, reading a copy of the Picture News. “Your latest article is stellar as always, but there are three spelling errors.”

“There are _not_ ,” Iris says indignantly. 

He hands her the paper.

“…I’m going to strangle that man with my bare hands,” Iris says, looking at where Len’s circled the errors in red. “ _My_ copy was spelled right.”

“I can always arrange a villainous break-in?” Len offers. “Wave the guns around, etc.”

“No, thanks,” Iris says. “Now spill.”

“Spill what?”

“You only come to hide in my apartment when you’re upset with Barry and Mick, and since they’ve stopped mothering you like a lost little sheep just because they thought you’d _died_ –”

“It wasn’t that big a deal,” Len mutters obstinately.

“Yes, it was. Anyway, they’ve stopped that, and neither of them has nearly died doing something stupid recently, so that means something else is the matter, because you know that neither of them will ever check for you here, even if Barry does start searching the city at top speed. So. Spill. You got into a fight?”

“No,” Len says mutinously, but Iris knows he’s going to break. Ever since that Christmas where he’d broken into her dad’s house to warn Barry, she’s been treating him like one of her sources and he’d eventually come around, especially once Barry had declared that they were dating.

He’d eventually come around to that, too. 

Eventually, Len will learn that surrender is the only way to deal with members of the Allen-West family. 

“Then what?”

“They’ve been acting weird,” Len finally confesses. “Both of them.”

“Weird as in mind-control weird, timeline-adjustment weird, or just relationship weird?” Iris pauses. “I can’t believe I have to ask that.”

“Just relationship weird, I think,” Len says, though the expression on his face says that he agrees with her disbelief at this being their lives. And given that Len’s first reaction to discovering superpowers existed (in other people) is to supervillain it up, it’s saying something about how weird their lives have gotten. “They’ve been bringing food by a lot.”

“Okay…” Iris says, settling down on the couch. “And?”

“No, a _lot_ ,” Len says, making a face. “I don’t know. Barry keeps showing up with take-out – you know, sushi, pizza, noodles...”

“Well, Barry does need to eat a lot,” Iris points out.

“Yeah, but he’s bringing it in from Gotham or something, which means he’s spending as much calories getting it back to Central while still hot as he’s getting eat in it,” Len replies. “We’re talking New Orleans gumbo, pancakes from Starling, that sort of stuff. High quality take-out.”

“Huh,” Iris says. “But still, that’s not _that_ weird.”

“Except Mick’s been on a real cooking spree right at the same time,” Len objects. “I’m talking every night. Barbequed ribs, thick sandwiches, pasta…”

“I’m starting to get hungry,” Iris says wistfully. No one’s bringing _her_ food.

“Yeah, but they’re doing it on the _same nights_ ,” Len says, utterly bemused. “No matter how many times I remind Mick that Barry’s coming over, or tell Barry that Mick’s making something, they both show up with food. We always have too much – with _Barry_ around, no less.”

“Okay, that _is_ weird.”

“And they keep _staring_ at me,” Len complains. “While I eat, I mean. All the time. Staring. They barely touch their plates until after I’ve finished at least half of what’s on my plate.” He makes a face. “I feel like they think I have an eating disorder or something? Which I don’t. I think.”

Iris taps her lips thoughtfully. “Have you done anything to think you might?”

“I don’t eat a lot when I’m anxious,” Len says with a shrug. “And sometimes when I’m focusing on a job or something; I tend to focus on it to the exclusion of everything else. But Mick knows all about that already, and he would’ve told Barry.”

“Hmm. And you say they keep showing up with too much food?”

“It’s like every night now,” Len says, slouching in his chair. “It’s absurd.” 

“And they watch you eat?”

“You have an idea,” Len says, brightening. “Tell me.”

“It’s just a guess.”

“A guess from you is as good as gold,” Len says dismissively. “And speaking of which, my sister says hi and asks if you survived the EMP blast with all your limbs intact.”

Iris rolls her eyes. “I’ll answer her texts in a _minute_. Sheesh. I was at work. Your family needs to tone down its sense of drama.”

“Never,” Len says with a smirk. “Now tell me what the hell they’re doing.”

“They’re checking to see which one you’re eating: Mick's cooking or Barry's delivery.”

Len considers this.

Iris watches the play of emotions over his face, moving from disbelief to bemusement to annoyance to incredulity.

“Are they _nuts_?! They know I like ‘em both!”

“They’re also competitive idiots,” Iris reminds Len. “And – not to go TMI here –”

“My sister goes TMI about you on a regular basis,” Len says wearily. “Why did you have to take a walk on the other side of the bi line again?”

“Your sister’s very persuasive. Anyway, a little birdie in red told me that that you’ve been sitting back and watching more often than not, rather than actively _participating_.”

“I _like_ watching!”

“This conversation is awful and I hate it,” Iris says pleasantly. “But apparently, this, plus your recent trips out of town, has convinced certain people that you may be suffering under a delusion that you’re not necessary to the triad anymore and need to be coaxed back in -”

“That isn’t it at _all_!”

“- or, worse, that you’ve started finding them boring.”

“Now that’s stupid.”

Iris puts her head in her hands. “Did you, or did you not, look at your phone while the events were ongoing the Saturday before last?”

Len is suspiciously quiet.

“ _Rude_ , Len. Very rude. You know that. Which leads me to think there’s something more going on here.”

“Their birthdays are a month apart,” Len finally confesses. “And January and February are right after Christmas, so I need to find ‘em both gifts that they’d appreciate twice in very short order. Now, I got the Christmas stuff down, but then Mick and Barry said they wanted to just have _one_ party at the start of February, which means I need to get ‘em a joint present – and it can’t be a job either of them is involved in, which means out of town and planned out when they’re not looking.”

“And the sex?”

“I told you already, when I’m working a job, I like to focus and tune out everything else. And Mick and Barry can be very distracting.” Len frowns. “I can live with the extra dinners, now that I know it’s nothing serious, but I don’t want them to escalate.” 

“You promise that’s it, though?” Iris says sternly. “Just the focusing on a job? You’re not secretly going evil again?

“That was a timeline change!”

“ _Suuuuure_ it was.”

“…yes, I promise that’s it. Swear on my gun.”

“Fine,” Iris sighs. “Okay. I’ll cover for you with them and encourage them not to escalate – _you owe me_ – but you’d better make up soon.”

Len nods. He takes debts seriously.

“I put all of our leftovers in your fridge.”

And sometimes not so seriously.

“Mick’s cooking and Barry’s cross-American take-out?” Iris asks.

Len nods.

“Okay, fine, we’re square. Now get out of my house; I want to Skype your sister, and I’d like to be naked while I do it.”

“I’ll tell her to come back as soon as she finishes this job,” Len says with a faint smirk. 

“You do that,” Iris says primly. “And next time you send my girlfriend out on a long-term mission right before crunch time at my work, I’m going to freeze your balls off with your own gun.”


	52. stein & len - rabbi

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: So we've got Kendra as Len's mom, and Jax as a cousin - can we get an au where Len and/or Len's mom went to the same temple as Professor Stein?

It wasn't Stein that pinged the memory, despite the two of them having shared space for nearly six months and at least one assumed-dead incident.

No, it was Clarissa. 

Stein had jubilantly invited everyone to his house to celebrate Len's return from the dead, and his wife had come out with a smile and canapes and a "Leonard! It's so good to see you again!"

"Mrs. Stein?" Len says faintly, reverting back to the cadences of childhood in shock. She was older than he remembered, yes, but Len had always smuggled his way into the women's sections and he remembered Mrs. Stein, Mrs. Rabin and Mrs. Brosh because they had reminded him of the ladies from A Wrinkle In Time. 

...now that's irony for you.

"Why, you haven't changed a bit in - it must be fifteen years since the last time," Clarissa says with a smile, entirely unperturbed by the way the rest of the room had stopped to gape at the two of them, a half-eaten biscuit hanging out of Ray's mouth. "Hana told me she say your shadow sneaking around during the High Holidays, but I never saw hide nor hair of you. How have you been?"

"I just came back from the dead," Len says helplessly. He feels six years old again, bonding with the rabbi-in-training's shiksa wife in the corner, whispering tips about the holidays that he fully suspected she already knew and only played ignorant about. Some women might have wilted in the face of the congregation's suspicion and stage-whispered accusations of stealing away a good Jewish boy, but nothing - and Len means nothing - ever so much as caused a ripple in Mrs. Stein's calm.

"That's nice, dear," she says. "I hope it wasn't too unpleasant an experience."

"He was _dead_ , it wasn't the flu," Sara says a little waspishly.

"All better now, thank you," Len tells Clarissa, who smiles and wordlessly offers him some coffee, which he accepts. 

"Clarissa, you know Mr. Snart?" Stein asks, utterly bemused. 

"As do you, dear," Clarissa says with a laugh. "Do you remember your final project, the one mentoring community children?"

"Certainly, but how was Mr Snart involved?"

"That _is_ how I was involved," Len says dryly. "Old man."

"....you were one of the children I mentored?" Stein says, astonished.

"No," Len says, and smirks. "But I picked your pocket on a weekly basis."

"You didn't!"

"He did, darling," Clarissa says briskly. "I thought it'd be better for him to get the practice in somewhere reasonably safe. Leonard, would you like a canape?"

"Happily."

"But - I - I'm certain I would have noticed -"

"I'm certain you did and you've just forgotten," Clarissa says soothingly. "Canape, anyone? Please; I need to get rid of them - you'd be doing me a favor."

Everyone murmurs their thanks and accepts one. 

Stein is pouting.

Len decides to take pity on him. For his wife's sake, of course.

"I wasn't in the mentoring thing, but I did join in those poker games you held," Len tells him in an undertone as the others start getting over their surprise and start hissing gossip at each other.

Stein blinks, then thinks about it.

"Wait," he says. "The little one who kept counting cards?"

"Badly," Len says nostalgically. "Pretending that I was awful so that you could feel better about yourself was a highlight of my childhood."

"That was the only successful bit of mentorship I managed in the entire program," Stein replies, shaking his head. "That's when I realized that - my father's ambitions for me aside - I was never going to balance being a rabbi with my scientific endeavors. A man cannot devote himself to two all-consuming careers, and I was eminently more suited to the science..." 

Stein's smiling as he speaks, but the smile fades as he looks at Len. "This is almost certainly a rude question," he says, and Len knows what he's going to ask and is shaking his head in negation before Stein even gets the word out. 

"You couldn't have done anything at the time," Len says. "Wouldn't have changed anything if you'd tried. My dad was a cop; no one would've taken custody away from him. Only thing that would've changed is him noticing where I was slipping away to on Saturdays and forcing me to stop on the basis of raising me in the, ah, _right_ religion." 

Stein's mouth twists unhappily. "Very likely," he agrees. "Even if your mother could have obtained custody..."

"My mother was dead by that point," Len says with a shrug. "Lisa's mom was Catholic; didn't believe in divorce - at least for the first few years. As I said: nothing you could do." 

“You know, I think I do remember a certain conversation with over a rapidly shifting pot of pretzels and petty change about people not being forced into careers they don’t like,” Stein says, raising his eyebrows at Len, who smirks.

“That was meant for you,” he says smoothly. “I like my job.”

Stein snorts. “Well, at least we have an explanation as to why you can out play me at cards.”

Len arches an eyebrow. "Professor, I was beating you at cards by age eleven."

"You were most certainly _not_!”

"Wanna ask your wife?"


	53. coldflashwave - college

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I wish you would write a fic where....Barry meets Len and Mick while he is still in college.
> 
> (based on a tumblr post that went around some time back)

Barry is going to make his way on his own if it’s the last thing he does. Sure, he could live at home and listen to Joe and Iris snapping at each other every five minutes, but he needs space. And quiet. And not to be there until this whole “police academy” question is settled.

Joe offered to help Barry get a nice apartment, but Barry knows how much Joe is struggling to make sure Iris’ college is paid for so that she can start her career with as little debt as possible: overtime hours, hazard pay, some borrowing against the house that he tries to hide from Barry, everything. Barry can’t ask him to do even more.

Luckily, Barry’s dad made his lawyer the executor of his estate while he was in prison, not Joe, and Barry is able to say with a straight face that he shouldn’t worry because Barry had enough money from the trust payments to cover his tuition _and_ get an apartment.

It's even technically true.

Barry may have deliberately omitted the quality of the apartment. But as long as Stacy-from-Chemistry is willing to let him pretend to Joe that he’s renting one of the rooms in her spacious three-bedroom apartment, there’s no need for Joe to ever see this place.

It’s a room, at least.

He’s got a mattress and a microwave and that’s all that will fit, anyway, so he’s fine. It’s not like he does anything other than study here.

And sure, maybe the neighborhood is kind of crappy. 

Very crappy.

Technically, if you look at the street names, it’s not in Central’s mafia-ridden slums. 

...technically. Officially, the slums start on the street immediately to the west of Barry. 

Of course, the official maps haven’t been updated in fifteen years since before the Great Recession...

Well, Barry hasn’t met any mafiosos yet, so _there_. After all, there’s no reason to judge a guy just because he’s in the slums in a slick three-piece suit and his three friends are all extremely large men who may or may not be exercising their Second Amendment rights under their jackets. Stereotyping is bad.

Barry mostly tries to ignore everything that goes outside the walls of his apartment, but it’s hard given how thin the walls are or the constantly crying baby from downstairs. Barry’s been doing a bit of reading around 2 A.M. on particularly noisy nights, and while he’s not a med student and he’s never seen the baby in person, he’s about 75% sure it might be a case of colic.

Still better than being the middleman in the Great Empty Nest War.

Barry’s taken to just crashing straight after class, so he ends up waking up to have his dinner around 9 P.M. He checks to make sure the microwavable burrito he bought earlier hasn’t totally defrosted in the couple of hours since his torturous midterm, then pops it into the microwave.

That’s when the door – which Barry has _definitely_ locked – swings open.

Barry freezes.

The guy at the door freezes, too.

He’s big – easily Barry’s height, but much broader, with muscles you can see even under his heavy canvas jacket – and, in a more concerning twist, he’s armed. 

“Um,” Barry says, wondering what in the world someone would try to rob him for and planning on protecting the laptop on which his final term paper draft is saved with his life and possibly a plastic fork.

They stare at each other in silence for a long moment.

The microwave dings.

The guy blinks. “I – think your dinner’s ready?” he says hesitantly.

“Oh, uh, yeah,” Barry says, turning and pulling the plate out. He’d prefer to just ignore it, but his microwave sometimes starts shorting out if he leaves greasy food in there too long.

“Is that a mini-mart burrito?” the guy asks, with just the slightest bit of horror in his voice. Also, he sounds like he’s judging Barry _hard_ right now, which – hey!

“Yes, yes it is,” Barry says. “I’m a college student. I own nothing, which – to be honest – makes you breaking in here kinda weird for me.”

“It’s listed as a _utility closet_ on the plans,” the guy says. “I’m pretty sure it’s illegal for you to be living here.”

“Don’t you dare,” Barry says, alarmed. “This is the only place in my budget that’s not past Eighth Ave.”

“Do you even have a _fridge_?”

“Well, I’d been thinking about a mini-fridge, but the outlet keeps sparking when I plug in too many things, and having my phone charged is more important to me.”

“I’m just going to leave now,” the guy says.

“You do that.”

“Please stop living in squalor.”

“…when I graduate and get a job, sure.”

“What year are you?”

“Uh. Sophomore?”

“That’s just awful,” the guy says, shaking his head, and turns around and leaves, politely pulling the door shut behind him.

Barry blinks. 

“I just got judged by some random guy who may have broken into my apartment,” he says blankly. “My life, man…”

He shakes his head and gets back to eating his burrito. That’s never being mentioned again.

Except two days later, he opens his door and the _same guy_ is standing there in the middle of Barry’s apartment, except this time he’s, like, brought a friend.

“What the fuck,” Barry says.

“You see what I mean?” the guy says to his friend, who’s not quite as big but still pretty scary-looking with his close-clipped hair and narrow-eyed expression. Beautiful face, though. 

“You’re in my apartment,” Barry feels compelled to point out. 

“Yeah, I see what you mean,” the friend says. “It’s outrageous. Does the heat even work?”

“It’s broken right now,” Barry says defensively. Then he adds, “ _Why_ are you in my apartment?”

“Some things are just wrong, okay?” the first guy says. “Mini-mart burritos in a broken microwave are one of them.”

“I bought cup-of-noodles today instead,” Barry says, but that doesn’t seem to make the guy or his friend any happier.

“So what do you think?” the guy asks, clearly ignoring Barry again.

Which, rude. Given that this is _Barry’s apartment_ , a fact both of them seem to be ignoring.

The second guy chews on his lip in thought for a minute, then says, “North wall. It’s not load-bearing, and it’ll get us access to something with a kitchen unit set up. Not quite as spacious as to the south, but I think the kitchen’s more important.”

“Definitely,” the first guy grunts. “What do you think, kid? Kitchen or space?”

“Uh, kitchen, I guess?” Barry says. “I fold up pretty easy, but you can’t replace a kitchen. Also, what are we talking about?”

“Your wall,” the second guy says.

“Ex-wall,” the first guy says, and hefts a _sledgehammer_ that he’s been leaning on.

Why is there a sledgehammer.

He’s not going to –

He _is_ going to take it to Barry’s north wall. 

“What are you doing?!” Barry exclaims.

“Making space,” the second guy says. “Obviously. We can’t fit a kitchen in here.”

“Because this place is a shoebox,” the first guy grunts.

“My landlord’s gonna _kill me_ ,” Barry moans.

“Don’t worry about it,” the second guy says. “We’ve got permission.”

“You _do_?”

“Yep.”

“Did you obtain this permission by threatening to _kill him_?”

“You seem like the sort of person who gets hung up on little details, uh, what’s your name again?”

“Barry Allen,” Barry says. “And also, I am _not_. That is not a ‘little detail’. That is a _big_ detail.”

“There were no threats of murder,” the second guy says soothingly. “Don’t worry.”

“Uh-huh,” Barry says, narrowing his eyes. “And what about threats of grievous bodily harm?”

The second guy has to stop and think about it.

Barry’s eyes narrow further.

“…define ‘grievous’,” the second guy finally says.

“Oh my _god_.”

“Listen, why don’t you make yourself useful and go get the fridge that’s waiting out in the hallway?”

“There’s no fridge in the –” Barry pauses. Then he leans back and looks to the left. “There’s a fridge in the hallway. Whose fridge is this?”

“Yours,” the first guy says, grunting a little from the effort of swinging the sledgehammer. “At the cheap, cheap price of you _never_ eating another mini-mart burrito ever again.”

“Mick here feels strongly about food,” the second guy explains. “Now go get the fridge.”

Barry, out of lack of other options, puts his bag down and goes and gets the fridge.

By the time he’s managed to get it into his apartment, he has one less wall and a lot more space. 

“We’ll be by with the stove tomorrow,” the second guy – whose name Barry _still_ doesn’t know – says. “Sometime in the morning.”

“I’m not sure whether to thank you or to complain that you’ve made me an accessory after the fact,” Barry complains.

“Stick with thank you,” the second guy advises, and leads the way out. 

Barry eventually learns that Mick and his friend ‘Lenny’ are not in fact mobsters, as he’d initially thought, but rather just high-end thieves with a reputation for violence that puts the fear of god into his landlord’s eyes. He’s not sure it’s any better, because he thinks they might be stealing his stuff _from_ the mob – he really likes the drawer they got for him, all dark wood and nice curves, but he did have to throw out about five kilos of cocaine from the bottom shelf to make it useable. 

He gets their numbers, too, which is great because they're actually really fun to hang out with once you get over the whole home invasion-slash-home repair thing. 

And he’s got to admit that their intervention is just in time, because the Great Career War finishes and Joe starts asking questions about Barry’s apartment and why he hasn’t seen it yet. When shown the real place, he says the location’s shitty but he’s impressed Barry got somewhere so spacious for the price he’s paying.

(Barry is _never explaining_.)


	54. coldflashwave baby acquisition (mostly gen)

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: “I wish you would write a fic where…” coldflashwave and accidental baby acquisition is a thing that happens. And maybe they end up having to/wanting to keep the kid in the end?

“No,” Len says before Barry can say anything.

“You don’t even know what I’m going to ask!”

“You’re holding a baby,” Len says patiently. “I don’t _care_ what you’re going to ask. The answer is no.”

The baby starts crying.

Barry’s eyes go wide in panic and despair.

Len groans and goes over to pluck the baby out of Barry’s arms, rocking her gently and beeping their noses together. The baby – a girl – immediately goes silent, utterly fascinated.

“How did you do that?” Barry hisses. “It took us _two hours_ to get her to stop last time.”

“Where did you get the baby, Barry?” Len asks, resigning himself to playing babysitter.

“Uh…”

“Do _not_ say metahuman battle,” Len warns.

“No, no!” Barry says hastily. “Perfectly legitimate baby acquisition, I swear.”

“There is no such thing as a legitimate baby acquisition,” Len says. “And trust me, after the whole Legends thing, I am intimately familiar with the ins and outs of illegitimate baby acquisition.”

“…one of these days I’m getting the whole story of that trip out of one of you,” Barry says. “But seriously, forget where the baby came from. Can you watch her?”

“Barry,” Len says, grinding his teeth a little. “Did you somehow forget that I’m in the Legion of Doom now? Or are you experiencing timeline-induced amnesia again?”

“I didn’t forget! Or change the timeline, jeez, you need to let up on that –”

“Never.”

“– but I mean, it’s not like being in a supervillain league is, like, a full time job, right? You’re still free most of the time?”

“…I’m your last hope, aren’t I?”

“I have literally tried everybody else,” Barry says. “ _Please_.”

“Barry…”

“You don’t understand. The entire force is out looking for the most recent meta-slash-possible-serial-killer, so Joe and Singh are out. Caitlin so much as goes within two feet of the baby and she starts crying, Cisco gets super weepy, Wally’s doing his midterms, Iris has the chance at front-page status, and short of running to _another universe_ for help - and don't think I haven't considered it! - I’ve got _nobody_. I’ve even asked the asshole at work to do it!”

“Wow,” Len says. “You hate that guy.”

“…seriously, I’ve been saying that to you, too?”

Len narrows his eyes at Barry.

“That one _is_ timeline induced amnesia, I swear!”

“Though you said we _weren’t_ hooking up in your original universe,” Len says suspiciously. “What makes you think I wouldn’t murder the baby?”

Barry has the audacity to laugh at him. “You wouldn’t kill babies in any universe,” he says confidently.

“…I might.”

“You _wouldn’t_. Tell Mick I said hi, okay? And thanks!”

“I _didn’t agree_ to –” Len’s talking to thin air again. He shakes his head and looked down at the baby. “He didn’t even tell me your name. Or how he got you. Or if you have any allergies. That man is _never_ allowed to have children.”

He takes the baby inside.

He’s got her on the floor with a set of Disney movies surrounding her on all sides, figuring that there was no better way to settle on a name than to see which Disney princess she instinctively preferred (she seemed to be weighing between Belle and Tiana – good baby) when Mick walks in.

“No,” Mick says.

“You don’t even know what I’m gonna say,” Len protests.

“You’ve got a baby,” Mick says. “I don’t _care_ what you’re going to say. The answer is no.”

Sometimes Len wonders if Mick and him merged brains somewhere down the line, but then he remembers their drastically different temperature preferences. Still, it's more of a risk than he would've thought a few years back; he should ask Gideon sometime.

“Flash left ‘em,” he says instead. “Says it was legitimate baby acquisition.”

“I still don’t –”

“Which is better than you dressing up as a doctor and stealing one from his mother’s arms immediately after birth,” Len says pointedly.

“…not our greatest moment,” Mick concedes. “Say, did Barry ever say anything about the hooking up thing?”

Len scowls at him. “I highly disapprove of both of you being out of the timeline for that particular timeline change,” he says. “It _was_ a thing, Mick.”

“Oh, no, I believe you,” Mick says. “I feel like I missed out, s’all.”

“Next time _you_ blow up the Oculus and find yourself having somehow enrolled in a legion of supervillains without the slightest idea of how it happened.”

Mick has the audacity to snicker.

“So what’s with the baby? For real this time.”

“Barry dropped her off for babysitting,” Len says.

“You’re _joking_.”

“No.”

“Don’t you have a Legion of Evil meeting today?”

“Legion of Doom,” Len corrects with a sigh, knowing that Mick is going to start snickering as a result because he does it _every time_. “And yes. Could you –”

“My shrink says I shouldn’t be allowed near small animals and/or children,” Mick says, looking inordinately pleased by the fact. “My tendency to become distracted by shiny objects and lose focus make me an implausible and unreliable caretaker.”

Len scowls at him.

“Sorry,” Mick says, not sorry at all.

“I guess I could take her with me,” Len says hesitantly. The baby – still nameless – has selected Beauty and the Beast and is now gnawing toothlessly on the corner of the DVD case. “I don’t _think_ any of the others have a thing about murdering babies?”

“Didn’t you tell the Flash about your meeting?”

“Didn’t get a chance; he dumped and dashed.” 

“Couldn’t you reschedule the meeting?”

“Nah, meeting goes on, rain or shine.”

Mick snorts. “And you’re bringing along Madeline?”

“…apparently I am,” Len sighs. “Want to come as my minion again?”

Mick salutes, grinning.

Len looks down at the baby. “Okay, then,” he says. “You and me, Madeline.”

He picks her up and heads out, closely followed by Mick.

Luckily, Malcolm Merlyn’s the only one there when Len arrives. He looks up, smile filed with teeth, ready to make some smart-ass remark that would inevitably have undertones implying lots of devious plots.

It’s actually exceedingly enjoyable to watch his train of thought literally get derailed, jump a track and go tragically crashing into the surrounding area.

“…is that a baby?” he asks.

“I see your time in the League made you real observant,” Len replies. "Well done."

“ _Why_ is there a baby?”

“Well,” Len says. “From what I hear, when two people really love each other –”

“Not where did the baby _come from_ ,” Merlyn clarifies, rolling his eyes. “Why is it _here_?”

“I thought we were allowed to nominate anyone we like for membership in the Legion,” Len says, ignoring Mick’s choking quietly off in the corner. At least all the ninjas that Merlyn had brought appeared to be having similar issues breathing. Something in the air, no doubt. 

“…and you’re nominating - a baby?” Merlyn says, leaning back in his chair and arching his eyebrows, his normal condescending tone sneaking back into his voice. 

“You had a kid,” Len says. “You remember how loud they get at this age?”

“…yes.”

“And just last week you _were_ saying that Black Canary would’ve been a great membership potential.”

“I'm pretty sure I didn't meant this,” Merlyn says, rolling his eyes. “Tell me you’re joking.”

“I’m joking,” Len confirms. He still doesn’t know the baby’s parentage, after all. Maybe they’d object to their kid joining up with the Legion of Doom at such a tender age – though he’d heard you were supposed to encourage signing up for extracurricular earlier and earlier these days.

“You have no idea how happy I am to hear that,” Merlyn says. “Now why’s the baby really here?”

“I thought Drakh might enjoy a snack.”

“…I wouldn’t suggest anything like that if I were you,” Merlyn says, looking ever so slightly alarmed.

Len rolls his eyes. “If he does anything to the baby, we shoot him. Agreed?”

“Agreed,” Merlyn replies with a shrug, then pauses, blinking. “Did I just agree to assassinate another member of the Legion with you?”

“In fairness,” Len says, actually rather pleased by that. “With the caveat of ‘attempted baby-eating’.”

Merlyn looks mildly impressed. “You’re smarter than you look, Cold.”

“Much obliged,” Len drawls.

“But you still haven’t said why you have a baby.”

Len shrugs. “Couldn’t find a babysitter.”

“…now that I believe,” Merlyn says. “Where’d you get ahold of a baby?”

Len looks him straight in the eye. “Mick dressed up as a doctor, walked up to some lady having a kid in the back seat of her car, and said he needed to take it for pre-natal screening,” he says with every ounce of sincerity he could muster.

Merlyn stares at him, eyes going just a little wide. “…you’re telling the truth.”

“I am,” Len says virtuously. After all, Merlyn hadn’t specified _which_ baby that Len had gotten ahold of he was talking about.

Merlyn leans over in his chair to stare at Mick, who was staring into the distance like he’s trying to murder Len with his brain. “Were you by any chance _drunk_?”

“Totally sober,” Len says gleefully.

“ _Pre_ -natal?”

“Got it in one.”

“I’m never going to Central City in my life,” Merlyn says. 

“I’m thinking of keeping her,” Len says. “Her parents are clearly too stupid to deserve her. Wouldn’t you agree? Maybe we should work out some sort of baby distribution program when we rule the world.”

Merlyn puts his head in his hands like Len is causing him a headache.

Len settles into his seat with a grin, ready to start totally destroying the Legion’s progress for another day. With Madeline’s able assistance, of course.

He wondered if he could convince Grodd to come to a meeting, just to _really_ freak the others out.

…maybe Madeline could help with that too. You know, he’d forgotten how useful babies were for conning people.

Maybe he _should_ think about keeping her.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The name, of course, comes from the quote:
> 
> “In an old house in Paris that was covered with vines  
> Lived twelve little girls in two straight lines  
> In two straight lines they broke their bread  
> And brushed their teeth and went to bed.  
> They left the house at half past nine  
> In two straight lines in rain or shine-  
> The smallest one was Madeline.”


	55. coldwave BBQ

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A prompt, if you're in the mood: Coldwave AU, where Mick and Len each have a street food cart and keep running into each other. Mick's barbecue, of course, really good barbecue with extra spices and secret marinades. Meanwhile, Len's making ice cream with liquid nitrogen for his customers.

"You want something to eat?" the man asks.

"I'm pretty sure there's a saying about strangers offering food," Len says automatically.

Lisa elbows him. "No, we're good! Thanks," she says, pasting a smile on her face. 

"You and the kid have been here for hours," the guy in the food cart says skeptically. "I don't know who you're waiting for, but you've got to be hungry with all that waiting. It's on the house."

"Wow, can you get creepier?" Len asks, then yelps when Lisa elbows him again. "What?! It was creepy!"

"Is there a non-creepy way to go about it?" the guy asks, grinning. The grin makes him look ten years younger.

"Sure," Len says, dodging his older sister ably. "Your mistake was in explaining that you've been watching us. You could've said you had extra surplus, or something perishable about to go off, and given us that. We'd've never suspected a thing."

"You would've suspected me anyhow," the guy says, still grinning. Len grins back, because it’s true.

"We appreciate the offer," Lisa says. "But -"

"Yeah, creepy, got it," the guy says, nodding. "What if you watch me serve it out of the same pot I'm eating out of? I'm about to take my dinner break anyway."

Len spins to stare at Lisa, willing her to accept. The only thing worse than working an ice cream truck so long that you're sick of ice cream, it's having nothing to eat while you do it - and being parked just downwind of the most wonderfully smelling barbeque truck in the world.

In Len's admittedly limited opinion.

"That'd work," Lisa finally concedes, turning her best smile on him. "What's your name, kind stranger?"

"Mick," the guy says. "Mick Rory. And I'm gay, so cut it out."

Lisa's shoulders relax, which pleases Len. 

The guy's also really hot, which also pleases Len. The guy must be in his early twenties, like Lisa; Len's not deluding himself that he'd be into a thirteen year old like Len. Besides, if he was, they'd have other problems. 

But his barbeque is freaking amazing.

"My mom's recipe," Mick says, when asked. "I jazzed it up a bit, gave it a couple of different styles, but it's making a decent buck."

"We work in the ice cream truck," Len volunteers, fully expecting the guy's face to fall and their offer to sit with him rescinded. Everyone knows what side business their dad runs from their ice cream truck, and no one wants to be involved in the inevitable clusterfuck. The mafia families are very, very ruthless, and Lewis is a goddamn double-crossing swindler of a cop, and they’re stuck right there in the middle. 

But if letting Lewis use their truck, Lisa's inheritance from their grandfather, to carry contraband is the price Lisa has to pay for him not contesting her unofficial custody of Len, that's the price Lisa'll pay. Len just wishes he could pay her back somehow. 

"Yeah, I know," the guy says, sounding unmoved.

Len guesses when you're that big, you're not easy to freak out. 

"You Family?" Lisa asks suspiciously.

"Nah."

"Good," she says.

"Of course he's not," Len says, rolling his eyes. "He's a fed. Obviously."

Mick blinks. "I'm only twenty-one, kid."

"You're a fed," Len says firmly. "I always know."

Mick arched an eyebrow at Lisa.

She shrugs. "Lenny's kind of brilliant," she says. "Are you?"

"Actually, yes," Mick says with a crooked grin. "I'm not supposed to say as much, but if you've guessed already..."

"Keep denying next time," Len says, taking another forkful of barbequed brisket. "It'll work better. Is this really your mom's recipe?"

"Yeah," Mick says. "I think I'm supposed to be down on my luck so that the Families'll recruit me, but business has gone, uh, surprisingly well. My bosses would be worried except for how many Family guys swing by my truck." 

"In a week, one of the big kahunas for the Santinis is coming to town," Len says, despite Lisa hissing his name. "He hates all things spicy, but likes flavour - if you make a batch like this, long-simmered, almost burned up, he'll probably try to hire you."

" _Leonard Snart_ ," Lisa snaps.

"What? It's true!"

"You know I don't want you involved in Family business! Or cop business!"

" _Fed_ business," Len corrects her.

Lisa looks like she wants to smack him. Len edges back towards Mick, despite knowing that Lisa will try her best not to. He can't help it, after their dad, even if it makes Lisa's face fall every time he does it.

"How'd you spot me?" Mick asks, pretending to ignore the interplay. He's warm against Len's back.

"I told you, I always know," Len says proudly. 

"And what'll it get you," Lisa says bitterly. "A job running with the Families to ID the snitches? Some life."

"I won't run with the Families, Lise," Len says. He says it a lot and she never believes him. He wishes, desperately, there was something he could do to be less of a burden, to lighten her load, but he's a terrible younger brother; he always seems to screw it up. He stole nearly two thousand in cash last week to help her make the rent on the little shoebox apartment they live in because it’s better than living with their dad, and she cried for three hours about it. He just doesn't know what he can do, except make promises that she won’t believe.

"You still in school?" Mick asks, because everyone always asks.

Len shrugs.

"Whenever I can manage it," Lisa says. She doesn't mention how Lewis has been forcing Len to join him on jobs recently, jobs that cut down his attendance significantly and are probably going to get him thrown in jail sooner rather than later – and then there goes Lisa’s hopes that Len makes a better life for himself. "He gets straight As for content and Ds for attendance, unfortunately."

"My math teacher thinks I got a girl pregnant," Len offers.

"Lenny!" Lisa exclaims. "He does _not_."

"He does! He said so!"

"Well, that's just _great_ , isn't it! Have you told him you _haven’t_ , you monstrous little troll?"

Len ducks his head. He would've, really, but playing along was just so much fun - a lot more fun than schoolwork or working at the ice cream truck, especially on days when he has to skip school because Lewis needs _Lisa_ to do something for him. Len always worries enough to make his stomach clench and even the thought of food hurt, despite Lisa saying she's fine; he doesn't believe her. 

It'd be nice to have someone he believed wholeheartedly. It just doesn't seem like it's in the cards for Len.

Mick puts a hand on Len's shoulder, and somehow it doesn't make Len start, though it does make him blush.

"If he's getting straight As on content, he's probably just bored," Mick says. "That's one of the things my shrink said when I was in school. Give him something to keep his head busy, not just his hands."

"His hands are busy enough without getting his head involved," Lisa says, because every free hour of Len's life is spent on school, work with the truck or their dad's jobs, and that doesn't leave time for thought.

If only he could figure out how to make the ice cream process less boring...

"I gotta run," Mick says regretfully. "You still waiting for someone?"

"My father took the keys to our truck," Lisa says, nodding at it. "We have to wait till he gets back; we can't leave the truck unattended and we can't afford the tow-truck."

"Which means we're probably sleeping here," Len says. "Don't worry, we've done it before. Lisa was just hoping to see him 'cause it's been two days already."

Lisa glares at him and he shuts his mouth guiltily. He’s not supposed to talk about their problems with anyone other than Lisa.

"Is there -" Mick starts.

"Nothing you can do," Lisa says firmly. "Thanks for the dinner."

That sounds like they're leaving. Len looks sadly at his now third round of food, which he took even knowing that there's no way he can finish it, but he’d been hoping to magically develop an extra stomach or something.

"Let me box it up for you," Mick says, which is _even better_.

"You should think about just running a barbeque instead of doing fed work," Len says. "You've got real talent for it."

Mick shrugs.

Len recognizes that shrug as the same one he uses, and he knows exactly what it means. He pokes at Mick's side. "Really, you do!" he says firmly. "Don't let your bosses convince you that you're worthless just 'cause it makes their job easier if you think you can go nowhere. They all want to do that. You like the barbeque stuff, do that instead. Whatever you did that you think you're making up for doesn't mean you've got to die for it. What use is that to anyone?"

Mick is quiet for a long minute. "Thanks, kid," he says eventually.

"Len, not kid!"

"Len. Thank you, Len."

Len nods and lets Lisa drag him off. They watch Mick drive his cart off and when the dust settles, Lisa jabs him in the side. 

"What was that for?" he asks defensively.

"Lenny's got a cru-ush!"

"Aww, Lisa!"

A car engine sounds around the corner, wheezing in a familiar key, and they both turn, drawing away from each other as their dad drives up, swerving like he's gotten started on the drinking already.  
Len hopes he's too drunk to be angry, because one of these days Lewis is going to go too far and Len'll be sent to prison on murder charges, and that'd break Lisa's heart more than the two of them getting walloped every time Lewis is in a bad mood.

Lewis is drunk, but he's still angry.

Len forgets to hide the box of barbeque fast enough, and it gets knocked into the ground, but he gets the keys from Lewis' pocket before Lewis ditches them again.

Lisa is both pleased by the fact that they can go home tonight and depressed by what she calls his burgeoning kleptomania.

He can't ever seem to do anything right.

\----------------------------------------------------- 

"I'll like a red one," a gruff voice says at his window.

Len's truck's technically closed, but something in the tenor of that voice pings his brain. He spins around and it's Mick at the window. Seven years and he still looks the same, but the weariness that had made Len peg him as a fed had lifted.

"One strawberry for Mick Rory," Len drawls, lips quirking up.

"From Leonard Snart's own liquid nitrogen truck," Mick replies, grinning himself. Looks like Len wasn’t the only one who found their brief meeting memorable. "Not bad, being the most popular new business in the city."

"Well, on _someone's_ advice, I figured out a way to make the ice cream business less boring," Len says. "I see you got out of the feds."

"How _do_ you tell?" Mick says, impressed.

"I always know," Len says. "You still running barbeque?"

"I am at that," Mick says. "Though I was thinking of starting a brick-and-mortar joint whenever I get the cash."

"If you're as good as you were back then, it shouldn't be a problem," Len says.

"Better, I'd say."

"I've got to try me some of that," Len replies.

Mick arches his eyebrows. "Well, I'm not doing anything if you're not."

Len's lips curve up into a real smile. "Let me get you your ice cream first."

He turns away and powers up the cold gun - he only uses fresh strawberries to make his ice cream, freezing them and then blending them with his own mix to make it taste right.

If he's not wrong, he's got a date with a guy he’s been crushing on for years - and possibly a business offer to boot.

Lisa'll be proud.


	56. NSFW Coldflashwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: how about coldflashwave + bondage since you've already given the topic some thought?
> 
> (NSFW!)

Barry’s phone buzzes.

He pulls it out.

_Come home_ , an unknown number says. _I’ve got a plan for the evening and I need you._

Barry shivers in anticipation. It could be a missed number, but chances are that Len just changed burner phones again – and Barry really likes it when Len has _plans_.

He makes his excuses to Cisco and Caitlin, and zips on over to Len and Mick’s house. It’d taken some serious whining on his part – mostly about it only being hot to be thrown down and taken on the floor of a possibly-dirty warehouse the first dozen or so times, and then after that he needs a bed, what sort of guy do they take him for, etc. – but they’d finally agreed to get an actual stable place that he could find on a regular basis. They ended up settling on a nice condo, which they even grumpily assured Barry that they’d purchased above-board and everything.

He chose not to ask how they funded that purchase.

Len seems to have gotten creepily invested in the local homeowners’ association, though. Barry’s asked Mick what’s up with that and Mick had just said something about revenge being best served through charts, graphs, and _total domination_.

Barry is fully expecting some sort of PTA involvement in Len’s next supervillain vs. superhero plot. 

Today, however, it seems like Len has…other plans.

By the time Barry arrives, Len is already puttering around the living room with a thoughtful expression. “Oh, good, there you are, Scarlet,” he says, seeing Barry. “Other room. Get naked; I’ll be there in a minute. I need to find something I left out here.”

Barry nods and trots into the other room, peeling off the Flash costume as he goes, and comes to a dead stop at the door with it only half-way off.

They’ve been screwing around for nearly a year, steadily dating for months, but Mick splayed out on the king-sized bed (the one Barry had bounced around on in the store as a joke before it had disappeared in a tragic heist the _very same night_ because his boyfriends are many things, but subtle is not one of them) is a sight that Barry will _never_ get tired of.

Mick’s entirely bare, unselfconscious and gloriously naked, glistening and damp like he’s just wandered out of a shower, little rivulets of water slipping down his side and soaking the sheets. His hands are tied above his head to the sturdy metal headboard Len had found one day and brought back one day with a determined expression, his arms resting comfortably beside his head, and his leg are splayed out, loops of ropes pulled tight around his calves and ankles and fastened loosely on the posts at the bottom of the bed – less of a restraint, more of a suggestion of one, but with the tantalizing promise that Mick would, for once, stay put and let his lovers take the lead.

Yeah, Barry _loves_ it when Len has plans.

Judging by Mick’s smile, he agrees wholeheartedly. 

“You get in the way of Len’s plan?” Barry asks, irresistibly drawn towards the bed. 

“He said something about having a vision,” Mick says, utterly ashamed. “I asked a few questions, is all.” 

“Are you the vision?” Barry asks approvingly. He reaches out and runs his fingers down Mick’s chest, making him shiver and runs his fingers down Mick’s chest, making Mick shiver and arch up a little and his already half-hard cock start to fill. “You certainly are one.”

“Maybe move that a little lower,” Mick suggests.

Barry happily compiles, dragging his hand down, down, and –

Len’s hand snaps out and catches Barry by the wrist. Barry starts a little in shock – he hadn’t even noticed Len come in. “Honestly, Scarlet,” Len drawls. “I know you’re the fastest man alive, but a little patience once in a while wouldn’t go amiss.”

Barry gives him his best wide-eyed innocent look. 

Len isn’t buying it. “Barry,” he says, shaking his head slowly. “You’re not even naked.”

“I got distracted?” Barry offers.

Len nudges him forward until Barry is kneeling between Mick’s legs – Mick growls in approval – and pulls Barry’s arms behind him. “Now, now, Barry,” he says. “You know how I feel about people getting between me and my _plan_.”

Barry grins at Mick and obediently holds his wrists together for Len to wrap rope around, with another loops around his elbows, loose enough that he’s not wrenching his shoulders but tight enough to be snug and pleasantly rubbing against his skin. He likes the rope Len uses, warm and not scratchy; he likes when he’s wrapped in it.

He likes it even more when Len pulls him back into a standing position, then drops down and tugs the rest of the Flash costume off, inch by torturous inch, kissing each inch as it becomes visible.

“No one appreciates my plans,” Len says mournfully, when he’s gotten Barry naked and Mick is already starting to strain against the rope in their direction. 

“I’d appreciate your plans more if you’d _get on with it_ ,” Mick says.

“Barry, why don’t you give Mick something to think about while I get you ready?” Len says with a smirk, reaching up and tapping Barry’s lips, but pulling his fingers away before Barry can suck them into his mouth. “But not _too_ much; if he gets off too early, you won’t be able to take a ride.”

“Is that the plan?” Barry asks, grinning at Mick’s groan of mixed frustration and anticipation. “Do I get my hands free for balance?”

“You don’t need balance,” Len says with a smirk. “You’re gonna ride him and I’m gonna be right there behind you, pressed up nice and close.” 

Barry swallows.

“I was thinking I’d finger Mick while you fuck yourself on him,” Len says musingly. “Get him all nice and ready for me and then jerk you off, since your hands are, ah, otherwise occupied. I’ll watch you spurt all over him, and I’ll pull you off before he gets to come. And then when you’re still all shaky, you get to sit and watch me fuck him into the mattress, just him and me. You’ll just sit right there next to us on the bed, watching us go at it right up until you’re ready to go again, hands still tied behind your back so you can’t touch yourself, until you’re dripping wet and begging to join us. And then, maybe, _maybe_ , if you’ve been good and listened to my plan up until to that point, I’ll let you fuck him, too; slide that dick of yours in where I’ve already been, all slicked up with my come – what do you think of that?”

Mick whimpers a little and Barry bites his lip to keep from keening, but his cock still jerks at Len’s voice, Len’s _description_. Len’s plan.

“Yeah, you like that idea, don’t you?” Len says, voice dark and satisfied. “Mick can come as many times as he likes, once he’s done with you; he’ll just lie there, spread out for the taking, and that’s just what we’ll do – we’ll take and we’ll take and we’ll _take_ …”

Barry moans and kneels back on the bed again, letting his legs spread open. His balance isn’t as good with his arms bound behind his back, so he balances his head against Mick’s thigh for a moment till he’s got his legs balanced evenly and his ass firmly in the air.

“Barry,” Mick says threateningly.

Barry snickers and takes Mick into his mouth. 

“Yeah, like that,” Mick says. “Fuck, I love that mouth of yours.”

Barry feels Len’s hands fall on his lower back, thumbs digging in a little in the muscles bunched in the back before slipping back to cup Barry’s ass, spreading it apart. 

“Look at you,” Mick groans. “C’mon, Lenny, fuck him, I wanna see you fuck him while he sucks me off –”

“Remember the plan, Mick,” Len says in just the same sort of slow drawl he uses when he’s on jobs as Captain Cold.

Barry whimpers a little, because he’s going to have seriously trouble going up against Len if he says that in the field. He might need to take a quick personal-time break mid-fight just to be able to keep _walking_ straight.

Mick groans and jerks up into Barry’s mouth, and Barry focuses on sucking him, bobbing his head up and down as best as he can as Len preps him, lots of lube but a little rough, a little messy, just the way Barry likes it. It’s a struggle to keep his balance, especially with Len’s long, lithe fingers slipping into him, but, well. Len’s got a plan. 

“That’s good,” Len says, tugging Barry back up despite Mick’s mewl of protest. “Very good.” 

Barry happily crawls on top of Mick and lets Len guide him down, Mick’s cock sliding hot and heavy into him in a smooth motion that makes both of them groan. 

“Very good,” Len breathes in Barry’s ear, making Barry moan as Len runs his fingers along Barry’s chest before sliding along his back and disappearing. Mick grunts and hits his head back on the pillow, the sensation of Barry above him and Len’s agile fingers inside of him rendering him speechless. “Now, Barry, I think it’s your turn to do a bit of the work, isn’t it?”

Barry shivers and starts to move. 

He _loves_ Len’s plans.


	57. lisa & len gen, coldwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave prompt: Lisa developing a minor crush on Mick when she's a little kid, Len gets a /bit/ jealous.

"Lenny," Lisa says, putting out the paper cut-outs that he made for her to use instead of dolls and positioning them to her satisfaction. "Will you give me away at my wedding?"

Len looks up from his book. "Sure, Lise," he says, grinning at his six year old sister. "You got anyone in particular in mind, or is this more of a theoretical discussion?"

Neither mention that their father wouldn't be invited.

"Uh-huh," Lisa says. "I'm gonna marry Mick."

Len blinks, stopped cold. "Mick?" he says blankly. " _My_ Mick?"

"Of course your Mick," Lisa says, rolling her eyes. "I don't know any other Micks, silly!"

"You can't marry Mick," Len protests, even though he knows arguing with a six year old is stupid.

"Why not?" Lisa asks, turning to him and pouting. "He's a good cook and he knows how to tidy up. And he opens all the jars! He'll be a great husband."

"I open some of the jars," Len says mutinously, even though he really doesn't, anymore. Mick's stronger than he is and likes to cook, so it makes sense that he opens the jars.

Lisa gives Len a pitying look.

"He's too old for you," Len points out.

"It's okay," Lisa says peaceably. "I'll take care of him when he gets super old. And the magazine says women like older men."

"I'm taking that magazine away from you," Len says, somewhat horrified. "And Mick's - uh - Mick's too violent. He'd be out fighting all night."

"That's why he has you for," Lisa says. “That way he won’t bother me when I’m playing with dolls.”

“Maybe you won’t like him anymore when you get old enough to get married.”

“That’s what divorce is for, Lenny,” Lisa says. “But it’s okay. Mick’s really nice. I’m sure I’ll still like him.”

“Maybe he doesn’t like younger women?”

“All men like younger women.”

“I am _taking that magazine away_ , sheesh. What if you need to focus on your career as a figure skater?”

“He’ll stay home and take care of the house while I work,” Lisa says dismissively. “I’m progresso.”

"You mean ‘progressive’. Can't you marry _anyone_ else?" Len says, aware he's whining and having no idea why he's being so stubborn on this issue.

Lisa studies him for a long moment. "Okay," she says finally. "But then you gotta marry him instead. We've gotta keep him around somehow."

"...okay," Len says. "Deal."

"Then I'm gonna marry the Backsteet Boys instead."

Len grins. "Yeah, that sounds okay," he says. "Which one?"

Lisa gives him another look. "All of them. I don't want anyone feeling left out," she says firmly.

"You do that, Lisa," Len says, hiding a smile. "Have fun."


	58. Coldwave shipping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fic Idea/General Idea: Coldwave. EVERYONE in Central City somehow ends up shipping Coldwave. (Lisa is the Grand High Supreme Eternal Lord Longsuffering Monarch of the Fan Club.)

"Lisa, I've got a question," Cisco says. "About your brother."

"I've been waiting for this," Lisa says, curling up next to him in the couch she'd insisted they install in STAR Labs. Barry and Caitlin have been sending Cisco meaningful looks.

She knows what this about.

"Is he dating Mick Rory?" Cisco asks.

"No," Lisa says.

"Are you kidding me?!" Barry exclaims. 

"I'm serious!"

"But they do that _thing_ -" Caitlin starts.

"I know exactly what thing," Lisa says grimly. 

"And they're _not_ dating?" 

"Nope," Lisa says. "Now don't get me wrong, Lenny's head over heels for Mick, but he doesn't want to - and I quote - 'mess up a good thing 'cause of feelings'."

"That's so stupid," Cisco says, big puppy eyes wide. "Rory's obviously in love with him, too!"

"I know!"

"We need to do something," Barry says. "I'm a superhero, right? Righting terrible wrongs is part of my job description."

"You may get another key to the city if you do," Lisa informs him. "The warden of Iron Heights keeps rooming them together 'cause he says it's wrong to keep them apart, even if they do use the time to plan escapes. Their lawyers have tried to convince them to get married for a better appeal. The editor of the newspaper has written editorials - multiple editorials, from different reporters - about their partnership. The chief of police -"

"Wait, Singh?" Barry says.

"He's a shipper," Lisa tells him. "He keeps texting me suggestions for dates they could go on."

"Wow," Caitlin says.

"It's gotten worse ever since they went on the Legends thing," Lisa says. "Apparently they had a fight. Tearful confessions were made."

"Really?"

"Yep. I'll always come back for you, you're the only thing I care about, it's you and me forever, that sort of thing."

"Oh god," Caitlin says, fascinated. "And they're still not..?"

"Nope. Oh, and Len dug out the ring Mick got him on their first job together -"

"He still has it?" Barry says, clutching his heart.

"Carries it everywhere," Lisa confirms. "Anyway, he dug it out and then gave it back to Mick right before he sacrificed his life for him."

"Oh, no!"

"Don't worry, he got better," Lisa assures them. "He's back on board now. There was a reunion involving long meaningful stares, a punch in the face, a 'don't you ever do that to me again you bastard', and a hug that lasted about three minutes, followed by not leaving each other's side for more than a minute all day."

"Oh _man_ ," Cisco groans. "And still nothing?"

"Nothing! They've been doing this little thing where they smile every time they catch a glimpse of each other -"

"So cute," Barry whimpers. "So cute!"

"And they're still. Not. Dating."

"We have to fix this," Cisco announces.

"Team Flash can do anything," Barry agrees.

\----------------------------------------------

"Think we should tell people that we're already married?" Len asks Mick. 

"Nah," Mick says. "Your sister'd kill us."

"Yeah," Len says gloomily. "I knew I shouldn't have covered up our relationship when she was a kid, but I was pretty closeted there for a while. And there never seems to be a good time to tell her that I'd lied to her."

"And it escalated from there," Mick agrees. "Too late now. We'd probably get lynched. By everybody."

"Yeah. Oh, well."


	59. coldflash discovery

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for the prompt thing - coldflash one about Barry being asked onto the waverider for a mission (im just ignoring the part where that's not supposed to happen) with established coldflash and the rest of the team slowly finding out about them being together and being shocked

"You have no idea how pleased I am to be here," Barry says excitedly.

"I think we figured it out the last four times you said it," Len says with a smirk.

"Shut it," Barry says. "I saved your life, didn't I?"

"You did, you did," Len concedes.

"We're still debating if we want you to put him back," Mick teases. He'd had trouble letting Len out of his line of sight, unless it was into Barry's supervision; it was almost like he was irrationally afraid that Len would blow himself up again if he went off on his own. "Don't want to stop a man in the middle of his moment of glory."

"I'm perfectly happy to have a moment of glory that gets cut off a split second before I actually die," Len says firmly. 

"If you don't mind, gentlemen..?" Rip says testily. "The sooner we return Mr. Allen to his own time, the happier I'll be."

"He does know I can run through time, right?" Barry asks Len.

"He's ignoring it," Stein says, amused. 

"Time Masters and speedsters don't get along," Jax adds. 

"Hey, I'm just happy to take a vacation from my life," Barry says. "Extra time with my boyfriend's just a plus."

"Your what?" Ray says with a frown.

Barry blinks at him. "Len and I are dating," he says. "Didn't he mention?"

"Oh god, we've screwed up history again," Ray says faintly.

"You did _not_!"

"Sometimes when we make a slight alteration in history, it has ripple effects," Stein says, looking equally horrified. "You certainly weren't dating in the timeline I remember."

"I didn't tell you," Barry points out. "Then you and Jax flew off to Pittsburgh or something."

"You're actually dating him?" Jax asks Len. "Are you nuts?"

"I appreciate your concern," Len says with a grin.

"You can't date the Flash!" Rip exclaims. "The timeline -"

"Fuck the timeline," Len says. "We're dating."

"But!"

"Good on you, Leonard," Sara says, fist-bumping Len.

"Sara!" Ray exclaims. "You can't possibly be in favor of - of - well, this!"

"Why not?" Sara asks, raising her eyebrows. "Seems like a nice kid, and he can make his own stupid mistakes with Leonard if he likes."

"Hey," Len says, not necessarily disagreeing.

"But - are we sure this isn't some sort of joke?" Ray asks.

"We really are dating," Barry says.

"Are you sure it's not a timeline change?" Stein asks.

Len sighs. "Mick?"

"They were dating," Mick confirms. "Loud, too."

"Says the man in a possibly romantic relationship with _dynamite_. Literal. Dynamite."

Mick smirks.

"This is terrible," Rip says.

"This is none of your business," Len corrects. 

"Agreed," Barry says, shaking his head. "Can we get on with the time travel already? I can’t wait to actually _fix_ a timeline for once."

“Only you, Scarlet…”


	60. drunk gen

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: coldwave- drunk shenanigans they get up to when the flash is busy with important Plot missions. Or when the flash is away the criminals will play? If you want it extra ridiculous have them steal that road worthy Tiny Tike car
> 
> Note: it ended up mostly gen

"A, why are you guys here?" Cisco asks. "And B, are you guys _drunk_?"

"We're having a wake," Lisa says. "Well. Less of a wake, more of a 'ding dong the bastard's dead' party, now that Len is out of prison."

"So you're drunk," Caitlin says.

"We brought some for you guys," Mick says. "For the kidnapping and all that."

"I used to be a bartender," Len confides in the room at large. "I can mix drinks while drunk as a skunk. What's your poison?"

"We're not getting drunk with you!" Caitlin says. "Barry's off trying to track down Zoom."

"Bet you a drink we can find his hideout first."

"As _if_."

"What, too scared?"

"You're on!"

"Um, Caitlin," Cisco starts, only to be distracted by finding a himself with a lap full of Lisa.

"C'mon, Cisco," she purrs. "One drink won't hurt."

"Maybe one," he allows.

\--

"So you guys got drunk," Barry says testily. "With my _supervillains_."

"Very _nice_ supervillains," Caitlin hiccups. "They brought tequila. Top shelf, too."

"And then you went on a joyride."

"Yeeeeep. They iced Caitlin's car, so they wanted to give us another one."

"You stole the Red Bull promotional car!"

"We weren't gonna _keep_ it!"

"And then you found Zoom's hideout -"

"We did it for you, Barry."

"- and you _TP'd_ it!"

"Toilet paper and rotten eggs, all over," Cisco says proudly. "I pegged Zoom in the face with one of the eggs myself. Straight through a breach, no less!"

"Oh my god," Barry says.

"We told them about your little problem," Caitlin says, then drops her voice to a whisper loud enough for the whole room to hear. "About the alcohol?"

"You _didn't_."

"Anyway, they've got a toxicologist friend in Gotham," Caitlin continues. "They're gonna have a chat with her, see what she can mix up for you. Her girlfriend's an ex-psychiatrist, so they're really good at mixing things up, y'know?"

"I don't want to know," Barry says.

"Mick says we might end up just getting some genetically modified potatoes," Cisco confides. "I'm gonna build a sill so we can make 'em into vodka!"

"...thanks, Cisco. You're a real buddy."

"I'm the _best_."

"You both are," Barry sighs. "Now why don't I put you guys to bed before those massive hangovers you have coming your way actually arrive?"

"Noooo, then you'll be all alone!"

"No," Barry says patiently. "As soon as you guys are in bed, I'm going to go yell at Cold and Heatwave."

"Oh. That sounds okay," Caitlin says.

"But not Lisa," Cisco puts in dreamily. "She's the best."

Barry rolls his eyes.

"I can't believe you guys TP'd Zoom's hideout," he mutters, but he can't quite prevent a smile from curling up the sides of his mouth.


	61. coldflashwave abo

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I dunno if you're still taking prompts or not, but if you are any chance you'd be interested in writing a coldflashwave a/b/o fic with alpha!barry and omega(s) len and/or mick?

Barry honestly hadn't really thought about secondary genders in _ages_. He means, sure, being an alpha is correlated with impulsiveness (gonna be a superhero!), high activity (run-run-run), and aggression (now satisfactorily dealt with by fighting bad guys), but he's never been, like, a stereotype or anything.

His occasional penchant to leap first, look second aside, ssshh, Iris.

He still doesn’t look like those big buff alphas you see in the magazines.

But it’s not like it ever really had an impact on his _dating_ life. Sure, Barry jerks off to the same hot omega porn as the next alpha, but everyone knows that omegas are fairly uncommon compared to alphas and betas and very desirable, so it's not like a geeky CSI with a passion for the supernatural and weird is going to score one of them anytime soon outside of his fantasies.

Very vivid fantasies.

Listen, hopeless-geek-gets-the-unattainable is a staple in fiction and film for a reason.

But still, it didn't occur to Barry that as the Flash, Central City's superhero, he might have a slightly higher social cachet until he's accepting an award and an omega socialite actually smiles at him.

Barry is sufficiently taken aback that he stammers something about need to stop a crime and zips out of there, only for Iris, Caitlin and Cisco to all laugh uproariously at him later.

"Thinking of trading up?" Iris asks, arching her eyebrows pointedly.

"No!" Barry exclaims, and he really, really isn't. Not after the fiasco involved in the first time everyone found out about his boyfriends. 

Who are also his supervillains.

But, like, morally-ambiguous-antiheroes-that-help-out-sometimes supervillains, you know?

Very good boyfriends, regardless. Mick was an incredibly good cook and Len always knew just the right thing to say to distract Barry from an impending angst-cloud mope session. 

And it's not just about sex, the way literally everybody (from Joe, to Iris, to Cisco, to _Singh_ , and wasn't that just horrifying? Your boss should not know anything about your sex life) assumed it was at first. In fact, they hadn't even _had_ sex yet.

...if one uses definitions from the 1990s, anyway. Barry is starting to develop uncomfortably Pavlovian reactions to Len's fingers or Mick's lips, but _still_. It's totally not about sex. It's about the way he never gets bored around them, the way they can talk or just sit together, the way his heart speeds up when they're around...

(Caitlin is still pushing a theory of Stockholm Syndrome, but Barry personally thinks that their experience being trapped together for months on Earth 4 and having to fight their way back was more of a learning experience about each other. And anyway, if it is Stockholm Syndrome, at least it goes both ways?)

But anyway. Not the point. Barry is _not_ ditching them just because an omega smiled at him. Nope, nope, nope. He is 100% content dating his two betas, even if they did smell almost disturbingly neutral sometimes. Some sort of smell suppressant, Barry guesses? Not sure why they need it, but Barry tries not to ask too many questions about his boyfriends' criminal activities. For everyone's benefit.

It keeps happening, though. Flash events that he feels he has to make an appearance at because they're raising money for charity, they're there. Women, men - they're all absolutely gorgeous and they smell like a piece of heaven. And they smile at him, run their hands up his arms, stand close...

Barry sets up a codeword with Cisco to trigger an emergency call for Flash business. He is not going to be one of those assholes who throws aside good relationship to go pant after an omega. 

Even if they smell really good.

He initially worries about Len and Mick reacting badly, but they seem remarkably unperturbed by the whole thing.

Admittedly, Barry hasn't really mentioned it that much. But it's not his fault! He tries!

"I don't want to go to the party," Barry whines, draped over their couch while Mick and Len poke at each other's guns. Literally, not metaphorically.

"Why?" Mick asks. "Free food, right?"

"Well, yeah," Barry says. "It's the people."

"You like people," Len points out. 

"...specific people."

"Someone been bugging you? We'll ice 'em."

"Or fry 'em."

"No! No need. Nothing like that. Seriously, guys..."

"Then what's the problem?"

"They, uh, flirt. With me."

"Say no," Len advises. 

"I wouldn't say yes!"

"So there's no problem, is there?"

See? He tried.

He's pretty sure his friends think he's crazy for giving them a pass. Adorable and honorable, but crazy. Still, he kind of resents the almost universal assumption that Len and Mick would give him a free pass on monogamy because they're criminals. They made very clear that Barry gets to be with them and that's it: no free passes, no exceptions. If he wants someone else, he's welcome to walk; if they find him with someone else, _they_ walk.

So no omegas for Barry. Which is _fine_. Jeez. He might be an alpha, but he’s not sex-stupid. 

Barry's gotten another invite to a fundraiser - this one explicitly says it's a sit down dinner and he'll be right next to one of the most forward omegas he's met, but he's not sure how to get out of it; it's raising funds for fixing meta-human property damage - and he's brooding over the weirdness that is his life when Len strolls in, closely followed by Mick.

"Hey, Scarlet," Len drawls.

"Hey," Barry says, smiling at his boyfriends.

"We need to talk," Len says, which would normally induce a heart attack except Len will say that about discussing potential dinner options and Mick - Barry's Len thermometer - looks cheerful, so it can’t be anything too bad. Len plucks the invite and glances at it. "Oh, you can't go to this. Tell 'em thanks but no thanks."

"Oh thank god," Barry says, snatch the invite back to scribble in his rejection. He was really not looking to be flirted with and maybe groped for a couple of hours, not even by an omega. Being a superhero does not make his body public property, seriously. "Why? You planning a job?"

"We just figured we ought to talk about our cycles," Len says with a shrug.

"Cycles?"

"Heat cycles," Mick clarifies.

"Do betas get those?" Barry asks. He'd thought heat-and-rut were alpha/omega only. 

"No," Len says. "Except we ain't betas."

Barry pauses, blinking at them.

"Scent blockers," Mick rumbles. "Necessary in our line of work."

"So you're -"

"Omega," Len says.

Barry gapes. "...really?" he asks, eyes wide.

"Yep."

"I thought alpha-omega pairs were usually exclusive?" Barry asks, glancing at Mick, who smirks.

"They usually are," he says. "Which is why we kept you waiting."

Barry's not sure he understands.

Mick takes pity on him. "I ain’t an alpha, kiddo. I’m omega."

Barry looks at them both suspiciously. "Does that even happen outside of porn?"

"Well," Len drawls, clearly amused. "Guess you're gonna find out."

\------------------

"I take it back," Barry announces. "You were all right. I can't handle dating them anymore."

Everyone looks up in alarm, even Joe. He and Barry had locked horns, _hard_ , over his relationship with Len and Mick, but even Joe had had to reluctantly admit that they were surprisingly good for Barry. They made him slow down, take breaks, remember how much fun he'd had at the start, and neither of them was the sort to be scared off by the risk of being known as the Flash's lovers. Or with Barry Allen, CSI, for that matter.

They were also vicious and effective allies on the battlefield.

“…uh, isn’t that a bit sudden?” Iris says warily.

Barry collapses on a chair. “I’m joking,” he clarifies, and the entire room relaxes. “I’m just tired, is all.”

“I thought you just took a week-long vacation?” Joe says, arching his eyebrows.

Barry coughs. 

“You got laid,” Cisco says gleefully, popping a lollipop into his mouth.

“I never want to have sex again,” Barry says fervently.

“What, that bad?”

“No, it was _amazing_ ,” Barry says, eyes going a little dreamy. 

“Then what’s the issue?” Iris asks, grinning at how Joe was covering his ears and going ‘I can’t hear this, I can’t hear this’ on repeat.

“Too much.”

“Too much?!” Caitlin exclaims, looking up and only blushing a little at the subject matter. “Barry, you’re the _Flash_. You have super-healing which, uh, not to go TMI, but you should have super quick, um, recuperation.”

“I do, and thank god for that,” Barry says. “Because I’m pretty sure that’s the only reason I was able to keep both of my omegas satisfied.”

Joe pulls his hands off his ears. “Wait a second. What omegas?”

Barry leans back in his chair, starting to look smug. “Oh, did I not mention?” he says innocently. “Turns out Len and Mick aren’t betas.”

“You just had heat week,” Iris realizes, eyes going wide and grin going even wider. “Barry, you little bastard, you just came here to brag!”

“I totally did,” Barry says shamelessly.

“ _Two_ omegas,” Cisco says, lollipop hanging out of his mouth. “…wow.”

“Yeah,” Barry says. 

“ _Wow_.”

“I _know_.”

“I _hate_ you.”

“I would hate me too,” Barry says, beaming. Even Joe is looking grudgingly impressed, when he isn't looking exceedingly nauseated. “I’m supposed to be getting them coffee, but I thought I’d swing by here while the girl at Jitters is getting the order ready.”

“Well,” Iris says. “At least all the other omegas should back off now.”

Barry’s grin is wicked. “Hey, I told them I was taken. If they keep it up, it’s my omegas’ right to make ‘em answer for it.”

“As the Flash, you’re supposed to protect the citizenry,” Joe reminds him.

“After they get the picture, I will,” Barry says virtuously. “Anyway, got to go back to my _two omegas_. Which I have just had heat week with. Because the universe _literally_ loves me.”

“Barry Allen, you little –”

“Got to run!”


	62. coldflash gladiator

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> If you're taking requests, I would love to see your take on Coldflash where Barry and Len are kidnapped and in some sort of gladiator type of scenario, where they're forced to fight (maybe to the death). Maybe Len and Barry are a team.

Len cracks open his eyes. He's in a cell, which isn't that much of a surprise, though he doesn't actually remember what got him in there. He doesn't remember much, actually.

"Snart?" a hesitant voice says. "Are you awake?"

Len blinks and sits up. "Scarlet?"

Barry waves weakly from where he's curled up on his part of the cell.

"What're you doing here?" Len says blankly.

"Got arrested," Barry admits. 

" _You?_ "

"Yeah. The people here fancy themselves some sort of time cops."

"The Time Masters?" Len asks. "I thought..." His voice trails off as he recalls what he was doing last.

"No, not them. Different group. Multiverse-hopping. They're from what we'd call Earth-4. They go through the multiverse, going Earth to Earth, looking for people they consider to be dangerous to the timeline."

"What'd you do?"

"I kept altering the timeline with my speed," Barry confesses. "First in little ways, then Flashpoint, then I couldn't get back to the original...it wasn't good. What about you?"

"The Time Masters manipulated time via a device called the Oculus," Len explains. "I blew it up. Or at least, that's what I remember."

"They probably grabbed you the microsecond before it went off," Barry says. "They do that. If you survive, you get put back."

"If I get put back, I don't survive," Len replies dryly. "Survive _what_ , exactly?"

"We have to fight it out," Barry says, pulling his knees up to his chest. "With other captives. We're both Earth-1, so we can fight together; same with the others. Winner gets to go home." He swallows. "You have to fight until you kill or disable the other side. I'm not sure I can do that."

"It'll be okay," Len says, reaching out to put a hand on Barry's shoulder. He doesn't know why he does that. He's not normally touchy-feely. But Barry just looks so - tired.

Beaten down. 

"How?" Barry asks. "Our only way out is to kill a bunch of people. Disable them, if we're lucky."

"There's always another way out," Len says automatically. "I just need to learn more."

Barry swallows. "You really think so?"

"Hey," Len says. "The Flash and Captain Cold, teaming up? We have to get back to our Earth just to tell Cisco about it."

Barry laughs a watery little laugh. "Yeah," he says. "He'd kill me if he missed it."

"I've broken out of some of Earth's finest prisons," Len says. "Give me time, Scarlet. We'll get out of this one, too."

"Yeah," Barry says. "Yeah. We will." 

Then he smiles. "I knew you had some good in you, Snart."

Len chuckles. "You and Mick," he says fondly. "You're both crazy. Remind me to tell you about the time I saved the world."

Barry's little smile turns into a fully-fledged grin. "Tell me everything."

\---

“I don’t think I’m comfortable with you working with Eobard,” Barry observes.

“He’s not _our_ world’s Eobard,” Len points out.

“He’s a Flash fanboy who decided to incorporate himself into the Flash mythos by becoming a supervillain,” Barry says dryly. “That’s not _better_.”

“It’s only for a limited amount of time,” Len says soothingly. “I’m also working with your long lost twin brother, if it makes you feel better?”

“It does _not_ ,” Barry hisses.

“Your replaced-at-birth doppelganger?”

“Please stop.”

“Your great-grandson from the future? Or do you prefer the one where you have twin speedsters?”

“I am _never having kids_.”

“Do you think it’s something in the water in the Allen household?” Len asks innocently. “It’s really amazing how many universes have an Allen or West who got arrested for screwing up the timeline…”

“You can stop making jokes about it any time now.”

“Don’t worry, Barry, you’re the only speedster in my heart,” Len says.

He’s clearly joking, but the affectionate smile he sends Barry’s way when he says it makes Barry’s throat go tight anyway. 

“…what are we going to do after we get out?” he asks quietly.

Len turns to look at him. 

“We’ve been trapped here for months, together,” Barry says, wringing his hands. “I don’t want to just go back to the way things used to be.”

“Well, you’re always welcome to be a Rogue,” Len says immediately.

“You could always join the heroes,” Barry shoots back. “Mr. Sacrificed Himself to Save the Timeline.”

“We don’t have to resolve that question,” Len says, pointedly ignoring Barry’s perfectly good point. “We can go home and still be Rogue and hero.”

“But –”

“If Batman can date Catwoman, I don’t see the problem.”

“A, Batman’s a myth,” Barry says. “Or possibly exists in Kara’s world, I don’t know, okay? But not in ours. I think. I _hope_. And B – we’re not dating.”

Len arches his eyebrows at him.

“…wait. Was that you asking me out?”

“You know, you’re not as slow as everyone says you are,” Len says.

“No need for the sarcasm,” Barry says. “I was just admiring how smooth that was. Because that was. Incredibly smooth. Good way to slide that right into the conversation.”

“An _answer_ would be appreciated, Scarlet.”

“Oh! Uh. Yes?”

Len reaches over and hauls Barry in for a quick press of the lips – barely anything, but Barry’s blushing bright red anyway and starts to reach back.

“Now just you hold your horses, Scarlet,” Len says with a smirk, pulling away. “We’re not going to do anything here –”

“Why _not_?”

“– because I’m going to wine and dine you first, Barry, really; what sort of a boy do you think I think you are?”

“I could be that sort of boy,” Barry grumbles.

“You _sure_ you don’t want to join the Rogues?”

“Not _that_ sort of boy!”

Len snickers. “Relax. We’ll be out of here soon enough – I’ve gotten all the people in the right places. Even Cisco knows his cue. All we need is for the Waverider team to screw up the timeline in some major way, and we’re getting out of here. We’re _all_ getting out here.”

“But can we really count on the Waverider screwing up history?” Barry asks, slightly worried. “They’re working with a Time Master to defend it, after all.”

“Don’t worry,” Len says. “I know my team. We’ll be out of here in no time.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If someone else wants to write this all out, you're welcome to! Just send me a link :)


	63. coldwave baby 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sequel to chapter 54
> 
> Prompt: what about Snart and company in the middle of a robbery of some sort and a baby starts crying because there's a lot of noise and screaming and also that's just what babies do sometimes and the parents can't get it to calm down because they're obviously freaking out too which just makes baby more upset. What I'm saying is Snart has to finish his heist while keeping control of the rogues while also taking care of this infant

“Cold, you need to stop doing this!” Barry hisses.

Len raises his eyebrows. “I’m not going to stop robbing banks, Scarlet,” he drawls. “If I ever gave you the idea I was going straight just because I help you out once in a while, I’m afraid you’re sorely mistaken.” He smirks. “I’m many things, but I’m definitely not straight.”

Barry rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I think all of Central City knows _that_ after your attendance at last year’s Pride. But that’s not what I’m referring to!”

Len arches his eyebrows.

“You need to stop bringing Madeline to your heists!”

“I couldn’t find a babysitter,” Len says reasonably. “All my Rogues are involved in this job.”

“Have you ever considered a _normal_ babysitter? Like, someone from an agency? A college student? Something?!”

“Madeline cries when she’s surrounded by too much legality,” Len sniffs. “I don’t want her getting the wrong idea that it’s okay to work for a living.”

“Goddamnit, Cold!”

“I asked Merlyn to watch her,” Len says. “But he was busy doing something in Starling.”

“Yeah, _so Oliver informs me_. Could you find, I don’t know, a petty crook of some kind?”

“You put them all in jail too quick.”

“Well, if I catch them stealing stuff…”

“Still means they’re unavailable. So you see, I have to bring Madeline. It’s not like I’d put her in any real danger.”

“You just took a whole bank of hostages with your cold gun!”

“Yes, and she’s still asleep,” Len points out. “I’m an excellent caretaker.”

“Bank! Hostages!”

“Stop yelling, Scarlet, or she’ll wake up.”

Barry lowers his voice and hisses. “Bank! Hostages!”

“I need funds to care for her.”

“You live in a warehouse! You steal all your baby supplies! You do this for _fun_.”

“True. But in my defense, a lot of parenting magazines say that you need to stress the importance of play.”

“…you’re bantering,” Barry says, suddenly suspicious. “Why are you bantering?”

“Because you can’t count,” Len says, lips twitching. “I told you I needed _all_ my Rogues for this job…”

“And there are only half of them here,” Barry exclaims, looking around and only spotting Shawna and Piper. “Damnit, Cold! Where’s Weather Wizard? Where's Golden Glider? _Where’s Heatwave?_ ”

“Try Central City National’s other branch,” Len recommends. “Other side of town.”

Barry growls, but they both know that Mick’s fires are a far bigger threat than Len’s cold. “I’ll be back!” Barry exclaims, then disappears in a burst of lightning.

Len waits a few seconds to be sure. “Mick,” he calls. “You can come out now.”

Mick ducks out from the vault. “You know he’ll be back in a minute when he figures out you were lying,” he remarks.

“Three minutes and twenty seconds,” Len corrects. “He’ll search the area first. And that’s all the time we need to finish up here and get back to base in time for Madeline’s next bottle.”

Mick rolls his eyes. 

“Just for that, you’re getting up tonight to feed her,” Len tells him.

“She’s been sleeping better through the night,” Mick replies. “And you suffer just as much when I get up.”

“Not my fault that you take all the _heat_ with you,” Len says innocently.

There are multiple groans from the hostages.

“Did I ask for your opinion?” he asks them.

“I think the little polar bear suit you have her in is adorable,” one of them volunteers.

Len beams. “Isn’t it? I got it off of Amazon.”

“You bought it?”

“Well, I used someone else’s credit card. But yes. Look – it comes with little paw prints on the footie parts.” He hoists Madeline up a little so she can get a better look, getting only a little purse of her lips and a discontented wiggle before she goes back to sleep. His little princess sleeps through anything, as long as Len’s holding her. Though she’s starting to stir and little, and that means tears – definitely time to go.

Several people coo. 

“We’re thinking of redecorating her room, actually,” Len confides to the room at large, rocking Madeline in an attempt to convince her that she should keep on sleeping. “I’m open to suggestions.”

“We have to _go_ , Lenny,” Mick hollers.

“Hmm. Can you guys send in your suggestions to Iris West, Picture News?” Len asks. “She’s on the Flash beat. Tell her I’ll be reading next Friday’s paper for ideas.”

Widespread murmurs of agreement.

“There’s something about a man holding a baby,” one of them says to the person tied up next to them. “You know?”

“I _know_ ,” the other one sighs. “So cute.”

Len beats a hasty retreat before Mick overhears any of that and gets jealous. That never ends well - and besides, the screaming would _definitely_ wake Madeline up.


	64. coldwave vampire + werewolf

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Coldwave. Vampire and/or werewolf

“I’m thinking we can be of some use to each other,” Len drawls.

“The only reason I’m even listening to you is ‘cause you got me out of that joint,” the other guy growls. “I just want to know what I owe you for the rescue.”

“Just the courtesy of listening me out,” Len says smoothly. “I want to work with you.”

Mick Rory snorts and crosses his arms. “I’m done working as somebody’s flunkie.”

“Not a flunkie,” Len says. “A partner.”

“No one wants a werewolf as a partner,” Rory says. “Haven’t you heard? We’re innately unstable. Uncontrollable. Prone to other mental disorders.”

“Like your pyromania,” Len says. “I know. I also know that you’re tough, and you’re loyal, and you’re smarter than most people think.”

“And how do you know all of that, exactly?”

“We’ve met before, you and I,” Len says. “Some while ago.”

Mick sits up a little straighter. “I don’t recognize you,” he says.

Len’s smile goes a little bitter. “You probably wouldn’t. I doubt I made much of an impact. Besides, I was still human back then – and younger.”

Mick’s eyes narrow. “No,” he says slowly. “No, wait. I think I do remember now. Snart? From juvie? Little Lenny?”

Len’s eyebrows go up in surprise, but he inclined his head. “I go by Len, now,” he says. “But yeah. It’s me.”

“How’d a kid like you get fanged?” Mick asks. “I thought the vamps were mostly regulated nowadays.”

“Except for the ones owned by the Families,” Len says, shrugging off an old pain. “And they’re always looking for new footsoldiers.”

“You’re nobody’s footsoldier,” Mick says.

“Except when my Sire – either vampiric or human – makes me one,” Len says. “That’s why I need your help.”

“I’m listening.”

“I’m an excellent thief,” Len says. “I’ve only gotten better now that I have vampiric speed and strength, plus night vision and a couple of other pluses. On the not-so-bright side, I’ve got the downsides, too: obsession with counting, issues with silver, sunlight allergy, the need to obey my Sire. I need someone to stand by my side, compensate for those weakness. I want to work with you.”

“Just like we said we would all those years ago,” Mick says slowly.

Len nods.

“You want me to watch your back during the daytime,” Mick says, thinking it through out loud. “Keep you from getting stuck in a numbers trap. And kill that Sire of yours, is that it?”

“The vampire one, at least,” Len says. “I don’t dare touch the human one. He still has Lisa.”

Mick nods. “And in return – what?”

Len shrugs. “Half my take on every job. Me at your back, to keep an eye out to make sure nothing goes untoward with the moon or with your pyromania.”

“Half,” Mick repeats. “Half?”

“We’d be partners,” Len points out. “Seems only fair.”

“No one’s ever offered me _half_ ,” Mick says. “Always took extra for being the boss.”

“I’ll only be the boss when the job calls for it,” Len promises. “The rest of the time, I’ll leave it to you.”

“Done,” Mick says, and smiles with more teeth than even Len has. “Now what’s the Sire of yours called, _partner_?”


	65. coldwave genderswap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave AU: Genderswitch

“I still think magic’s cheating,” Len says mutinously.

“You like cheating,” Mick points out. “You’re just annoyed that JC caught you in his spell-trap and you couldn’t find a way out.”

“I got out eventually!”

“You conned his assistant.”

“That still counts. Also, I’m pretty sure a vein throbs in his forehead every time you call him JC instead of Constantine.”

“Pssh, we’re totally friends now,” Mick says dismissively. "

“He also hates it when you say that.”

“He’s agreed to teach me some spells, hasn’t he? He can’t hate me that much.”

“He’s teaching you spells in exchange for us breaking into a handful of high-end joints to get magical artifacts,” Len points out, slouching down further on the couch. 

“You’d break into those joints just for the challenge.”

“True,” Len concedes.

“And you gotta admit my new fireball spell is sweet.”

“I’m deeply unsurprised that you have an affinity for fire magic,” Len says. 

Mick gives him a look.

“The fireball spell is pretty cool,” Len admits. 

“I wouldn't say it's _cool_ , exactly…”

“Yeah, yeah. What’re you working on now?”

“Something that involves ice,” Mick says. “Just for you.”

Len frowns. “What do you mean, something? Don’t you know what the spell does?”

“Uh, sure.”

“Mick!”

“The page is kinda ripped up, okay?” Mick says defensively. “But it’s the only spell that mentions ‘ice’ anywhere in it!”

“Mick…”

“JC said everything in this grimoire was reversible, that’s why it’s what I’m using,” Mick says dismissively. “Lemme finish this.”

Len sits up. “Mick, I’m not sure that’s a good –”

Mick finishes drawing the series of rune, chants out something archaic sounding, and suddenly there’s a crack of lightning. 

Len falls off the couch. 

When his eyes and the smoke clear, a few other things become clear, too.

“Mick,” Len says as pleasantly as he can manage. “Why do I suddenly find myself in possession of two breasts and – ” he checks. “– no dick?”

“Uh,” Mick says. “I think I may have misread the purpose of the spell.”

“You _think_?”

Len sits up.

Mick’s eyes go wide.

“What?” Len says suspiciously.

Mick makes a small wheezing sound.

His eyes are definitely not focused on Len's face. 

Len looks down at his chest.

His rather _fulsome_ chest, which is currently straining the outermost boundaries of his sweater, which had not been made with curves in mind.

“Mick, you dog,” Len says, amused. “I always knew you were a breast man, but I didn’t know they rendered you totally speechless.”

“They go really well with your face,” Mick says sincerely.

“I bet they do at that,” Len says, shaking his head. “That line ever get you anywhere?”

Mick smirks. “You tell me.”

Len snorts. “You said everything in that book was reversible, right? I’m not all too picky about my equipment, since I never much felt like neither boy nor girl anyhow, but I absolutely _refuse_ to have to learn a new center of balance from scratch.”

“It’s reversible,” Mick promises, eyes not moving from where they’re fixated on watching Len’s chest move when he breathes.

“Hm,” Len says. Then, very deliberately, he reaches up and cups his new breasts together so he can look down at them contemplatively. “You know, even through the sweater, they’re really quite sensitive.”

Mick makes a strangled sound.

“Do you think it’s because they’re new?” Len asks thoughtfully, kneading them lightly. “I must say, I think I’m starting to see why Sara’s so fond of them. Tell me, Mick, do you think that -”

Mick tackles Len down to the floor again, Len laughing the whole while.


	66. coldflash sexytimes mishap

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: What if Barry tries to be sexy by vibrating his hand on his partner's dick but then keeps accidentally vibrating through it
> 
> A/N: I couldn't think of anything to add to that mental image, so you get the immediate aftermath thereof

“You can stop laughing any time now,” Barry says grumpily.

This did not make Len stop laughing even in the slightest.

“It’s not that funny!”

“Barry,” Len chokes out. “If you wanted to be inside me so bad, you just could’ve said something. I would've been _cool_ with it.”

“I was just trying to, you know, do the vibrating thing! But, you know, sexy!”

Len howls with laughter.

“It was _supposed_ to be hot,” Barry grumbles.

“You’d think you’d know by now, Barry, that I prefer things cool, not hot,” Len says, wiping his eyes. “Barry. It’s fine. You don’t need to vibrate.”

“But –”

“You’re not a wind-up toy,” Len says, looking amused. “And at any rate, I didn’t exactly grow up using a vibrator, okay? Not quite as enlightened an era – and they certainly didn’t permit that to be one of my personal effects inside of prison.”

Even Barry had to crack a grin at that one. “Must have been a grim time,” he says, shaking his head.

“Oh, not as grim as all that,” Len replies with a shrug. “We were born with hands for a reason. Best friends, too. Now, I don’t mind bells and whistles once in a while, Scarlet, but I’m perfectly happy getting them the same way everyone else does – with mechanical assistance.”

Barry shakes his head. “I wanted to surprise you with some new,” he admits. “And, well, I thought…”

“Tell me you didn’t ask Mick for suggestions,” Len says, eyes going slightly wide.

“You told me yourself you’d slept with him before!”

“Yes! Because we were _bored_. And most of the time, _in prison_. We didn’t exactly stay up late braiding each other’s hair and swapping preferred sex tips!”

Barry frowns a little. “I thought…”

“Barry. Seriously. Ask anyone you like, just not Mick.”

“Why not Mick?”

“He runs a website.”

“…a website.”

“One of those fan websites.”

“Fan websites? Of what?” Barry asks, alarmed, visions of Arsonists United dancing in his head.

Len gives him a look.

“Wait, one of _those_ fan websites?!”

“Yep.”

“…he was using me to test out the viability of a fanfic idea.”

“Yep.”

“Your best friend is an _asshole_.”

“Got it in one.”

Barry groans and puts his head into his hands. Len gets up and pats him on the shoulder. “It’s okay, Barry,” he says with a grin. “I still like you, even if you don’t transform into a wind-up vibrating sex doll with no refraction time…”

“Why do people _think_ that?” Barry complains. “I’m fast, okay, but I’m not _that_ fast. I’m still _human_.”

“You run faster than the speed of sound,” Len reminds him.

“…point.”

“Besides, we haven’t tested that trope out yet,” Len says innocently.

“How would you even test – no. Nope. No way. I see that look in your eyes. Don’t you even think it.”

“You did say you wanted to try out something new…”

“And _you_ said you were fine getting mechanical assistance!”

“Now, Barry,” Len says. “What sort of thief would I be if I didn’t totally case out my next…” he smirks. “….target?”

“…I’m going to regret this.”

Twenty minutes later, Len’s laughing up a riot again and Barry’s seriously contemplating figuring out how much pain you can cause hitting someone with a feather pillow at super speed.


	67. barry/axel walker crush

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: May I ask for Barry and Axel Walker hanging out, with Axel having a very obvious crush on Barry?

“Barry,” Len says. 

“Please stop breaking into my office,” Barry says without looking up. “You’re disturbing the interns.”

Len waves at the interns, who look more freaked out than anything else that Captain Cold is visiting the crime lab.

Though honestly, Barry feels like they should be over it by now. It’s not like this is the first time this month it’s happened. 

(Barry Allen’s weird friendship with the Rogues is an open secret in the CCPD, and tolerated on the basis that it means that the CCPD can get a quick check on whether or not the Rogues were involved in something rather than devoting manpower to something pointless. Though Barry has gotten a few well-meaning warnings that while _they_ are willing to look the other way, he might want to be careful about letting the info spread too far around – no one knows how the Flash might take it, the Rogues being his enemies and all that.)

“I need you for something,” Len says.

“I don’t steal stuff,” Barry says automatically. It’s an old argument, performed more out of habit than anything else. “Is everyone okay?”

“Oh, everyone’s fine,” Len says. “But we agreed to let Axel plan out next week’s heist, his first one as solo lead, and he’s getting a little – wound up – about it.”

Barry nods knowingly. “He’s over-thinking it?”

“He’s _massively_ over-thinking it,” Len confirms. “Now, I don’t mind losing out to the Flash sometimes – it’s only fair –”

“He beats you fair and square and you know it,” Barry interjects.

“– _on occasion_ , but I’m not looking forward to all of us taking a trip to Iron Heights because Axel got too nervous about showing off to his dad that he can play with the big boys.”

“I’m pretty sure Iron Heights doesn’t want that to happen, either, given the property damage you guys do every time you escape,” Barry says, shaking his head. “And you want _me_ to talk to him?”

“Got it in one.”

“Why do you think I’ll be able to help if you haven’t been able to?”

Len smirks. “Well, I was thinking Axel’d listen to you – being sweet on you and all.”

“He’s not sweet on me,” Barry objects. “Don’t be ridiculous.”

“Sure,” Len says. “Whatever you say. Will you go talk to him?”

“After work,” Barry agrees. “Now get out of here and let my interns _work_!”

\-----------------

“Hey, Axel,” Barry says with a grin. “How’s it going?”

Axel yelps and scrambles to sit up straight. “Fine! It’s fine. Good. Fine,” he says quickly, trying to cover up the parts of the radio-controlled car he’d been tinkering with.

“I bet,” Barry says, shaking his head. “Let me guess – something for April Fool’s?”

“Well, it _is_ my holiday,” Axel says proudly. 

“It definitely is,” Barry says with a grin. “Your dad’s more of a Halloween-style horror show.”

“Yeah, I guess he is,” Axel says, wiggling a little in his chair when Barry pulls up a chair right next to him.

“What’re you planning?” Barry asks. “Anything I can help with? Off the record, of course: just Barry, not the Flash.”

“I wanted to make spray paint explode out of the radio cars,” Axel confesses. “But while I think I can get the mechanism to work, I can’t figure out how to get the paint to splatter just right.”

“Well, what’s the goal of the spray paint?” Barry asks logically. “Given that it’s April Fools, I figure you have a reason.”

“I’m aiming to play a soundtrack of explosions,” Axel says eagerly. “And when they get splattered with the paint – red paint, of course – they’ll think they’re hurt, except they wouldn’t actually be.” He cuts his eyes down a little. “I know that you don’t like it when people get really hurt.”

“You’re right,” Barry says, smiling broadly. “Thanks, Axel. That’s really great of you! It makes the game a lot more fun for everyone.”

Alex flushes and starts fiddling with one of the pieces. “Thought you’d appreciate it,” he mutters. “April Fools being so close to your birthday and all that.”

“You’re the sweetest Rogue I have,” Barry says, not noticing how it makes Axel duck his head in embarrassment. “So let me think – the goal is that they think they’ve been injured, but they’re really okay? And then you say April Fools?”

Axel nods furiously. “Piper’s gonna hack into the alert system. You think it’s a good idea?”

“I think people are going to be extremely pissed off,” Barry says honestly. “Hmm. You know, spray paint is aerosol. Maybe that’s why you’re having the problems?”

“But I can’t get regular paint to explode properly, either,” Axel points out. “The weight’s wrong. Besides, Cold’d kill me if I tried to get him to rob a paint shop less than a week before the heist.”

Barry taps his lips in thought. “What about glitter?”

“What about glitter?”

“Red glitter,” Barry clarifies. “Don’t you still have buckets of it left over from the – the – uh –”

“Oh, yeah, with what’s-her-name,” Axel says, eyes brightening. “Magenta!”

“Yeah, the fight you guys had with her. If you add in sparklers, people will be so distracted that they still won’t notice that it’s glitter at first, but they’ll notice that it’s not blood much faster than with paint. And it might have a better weight.”

“That might actually work,” Axel says. “Thanks, Barry! You’re the best!”

“Any chance I can get you to tell me where you guys are going to hit?” Barry teases.

“Not a chance,” Axel replies with a grin. “You don’t need any head starts.”

Barry barks a laugh. “Well, I’ll be sure to make myself available on April Fools,” he says. “Wouldn’t want to miss your big debut for something as silly as Justice League work.”

“Don’t you dare miss it,” Axel says, jabbing a finger at Barry. “I’m counting on you.”

“I’ll be there,” Barry promises, then gets up. “Now – the most important question – what’s Mick made for dinner?”

“Well,” Axel says, wrinkling his nose a little in thought. “Uh – I think he made that beef thing you like again.”

Barry’s eyes go wide. “He made brown sugar brisket again? And no one told me?”

“I’m telling you now!” Axel protests, but he’s talking to thin air again.

Grinning, he turns back to his car with a new sense of purpose. 

This is going to be the best April Fools' Day _ever_.


	68. Coldwave beauty and the beast

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Coldwave beauty and the beast

“You kidnapped my sister,” the kid says accusingly, glaring death.

“It was unintentional,” Mick says, aware that this probably does not mean much coming from a gigantic beast with long curved horns, wicked fangs, and sharp claws that have a tendency to glisten menacingly in the light, and a reputation for starting fires throughout the town.

The last one is even mostly his fault.

Mostly.

Though, to be fair, it doesn’t look like any of that is having an impact on this kid’s personality problem.

The kid crosses his arms, reconfirming Mick’s view that he’s probably insane, given that he made his way to Mick’s castle in the middle of the forest at night during the winter while being pursued by wolves. “And you _keeping_ her?”

“I need someone to break this curse, okay?” Mick says, crossing his arms. “She doesn’t have to stay long.”

“She’s got an ice skating competition two weeks from now that, if she wins, might get her out of this godforsaken hellhole,” the kid says. “Think you can solve that curse problem for you in two weeks?”

“…probably not,” Mick concedes. It was a long shot anyway – the girl’s way too young for his taste, and he felt kinda skeevy about keeping her in the first place, but damnit, he’s getting _desperate_ here. 

“Good, then let her go.”

“I can’t just _let her go_ ,” Mick objects. “I’ve got a reputation to think about. I gotta have something in exchange.”

He's not thinking about anything too serious - this kid probably doesn't have anything, anyway - maybe some money, or a horse or something -

“Fine,” the kid says. “I agree.”

“…agree to what?”

“You release her, you keep me,” the kid says. “I’ll put my stuff upstairs.”

“I…wait, where are you going?”

“Upstairs,” the kid says slowly. “To put my stuff. Like I just told you. I'm trading myself in for her; you get to keep me as long as you like in return for your releasing my sister.”

“Did I agree to that?” Mick asks. He’s, like 90% sure he didn’t. His memory’s been kind of spotty – being stuck ageless in an enchanted castle for what may or may not be lifetimes does that to you – but he thinks he would have noticed if his memory had degraded that far.

“Did it sound like I was giving you a choice?” the kid – he’s not _really_ a kid, he’s probably in his late teens, maybe early twenties, fuck if Mick can tell after all these years – says. 

“I think you might have gotten the wrong idea about the balance of power here,” Mick says helplessly, because what the hell does he do with this? Most people quail in terror before he does _anything_.

“And I think you’d better get on releasing my sister before I get downstairs, or else I'll be put out,” the kid says, rolling his eyes. “Now, if you don’t mind.”

“You said her ice skating competition wasn’t for two weeks!”

“She needs to _practice_ , you lunkhead!”

Mick has literally nothing to say to that.

“Now, shoo,” the kid says. He’s wearing peasant clothing that looks worn, not fake, but he has the sort of aristocratic bearing that Mick’s parents would have literally paid money for Mick to develop. Well, before they pissed off a fairy, resulting in Mick being cursed into the form of a terrible beast and them burning to death because the whole town freaked out about it. “I’m going to put away my stuff and I’ll meet you at the doorway to explain everything to Lisa, because she’ll throw a fit if I don’t. Then we’re going to have dinner, because getting here was a pain in my ass.”

All those nobility and etiquette lessons, and not a single one explained how to deal with crazy. 

“…right,” Mick says, because it’s clearly better to just not fight. “Going to – go do that now.”

He goes down to the room where he’s been keeping the girl – Lisa – and opens the door. 

The girl glares at him.

Wow, he can really see the family resemblance.

“You’re free to go,” Mick informs her.

The girl does not run joyously out the door. Or say thank you. Or – anything, really. She just sits there.

“Did you hear me?”

“Oh, I heard you all right,” Lisa says. “What’s the catch? I gotta do something stupid in exchange? It’s started snowing and there are wolves outside the door, so I end up having to stay by my own free will, by the loosest sense of the term?”

“No – it’s…” Mick tries to figure out how to say ‘I think I just got bullied’ without it sounding dumb. “I’ve traded you in. I think.”

“You _think_? How do you mean you _think_ – oh. Wait. Is my brother here?”

“Yes,” Mick says gratefully. Apparently the crazy is recognizable even with his vague description. “He’s decided to stay, so you can go.”

Lisa looks at him for a long moment. “…are you sure you _want_ him?” she finally asks.

Mick is not sure of very much at all at the moment, actually. But he does have a reputation to uphold, so he can’t ask her to take the crazy away with her when she goes. No matter how tempting the idea seems at the moment.

“You’d better go,” he says instead. “Before I change my mind.”

“You know I’m the nicer sibling, right?” she asks.

“I think I figured that out,” Mick replies. “Now get.”

“Fine, fine. But I’m taking this fur-lined jacket I found in your wardrobe.”

“You do you,” Mick says. He doesn’t actually care. Gideon creates a whole new wardrobe for every would-be curse-breaker that he invites to stay. 

Lisa flounces off.

To judge from the conversation they have in the hallway, the crazy is named “Lenny” and he’s going to stay with Mick until a mysterious “he” gets over losing his temper about something that Lenny messed up by going to rescue Lisa.

Mick’s starting to feel like he’s been played.

Lisa heads off into the sunset, trotting along with a gun strapped to her hip – no wonder the crazy wasn’t scare of the wolves, yeesh, kids these days – and Lenny turns to regard Mick. 

“Now let’s go eat,” Mick is cordially informed – _informed_! in his own house! This is the worse kidnapping ever, and he’s done quite a few! – and then Lenny proceeds to head in that direction.

Wait.

That’s the correct direction.

“How do you know where the kitchen is?”

“I looked up the blueprints of this place in the village archives,” Lenny calls over his shoulder. “What, you think I came in here blind?”

What the fuck even.

Mick spends a minute lingering in the front hallway, pondering the meaning of life, the universe, and everything and also how the hell this joke is his life, when there’s a loud crash.

He runs to the kitchen, only to find the crazy perched _on top_ of a chair, staring at – 

Oh.

“Did I forget to warn you about Ray?” Mick asks innocently.

“You have a robot,” Lenny says. “Why is there a robot.”

“I run the household,” Ray volunteers happily. 

“You’re a robot butler.”

“I am _not_! I – well, I do a lot of things. I keep the house organized, I make sure everything’s in proper repair, I maintain the grounds, and I make sure Mick is eating properly. And sometimes I light fires for him.”

“You’re the _robot butler_.”

“I’m the house manager!”

“ _Butler_.”

“But –”

“I’m sorry,” Lenny tells him. “You’ve been lied to. That is totally what a butler does. Do I ask you for dinner?”

“…yes.”

“Then dinner, please.” 

“I’ll talk to the kitchen,” Ray says, still in an obnoxiously good mood because he's Ray and the glass is always half full, even when it's been smashed on the ground again.

“Anyone _else_ you forgot to warn me about?” Lenny asks Mick accusingly, like it’s his fault for not having mentioned the staff when he wasn’t given any other warning.

“Gideon’s the armoire in your room,” Mick answers. “Rip’s the clock; he’s a little grumpy in the evenings –”

“Wrong _time_ of day?” Lenny says immediately.

“No one has ever made that joke before,” Mick replies, deadpan. “Generations have gone by, and you’re the first one to think of it.”

“Has anyone ever threatened to toss him out the window in an effort to see time fly?”

“…not yet.”

“Has anyone watched him walk by and said, ‘Funny how time goes by’?”

“…he’s going to hate you. Personally.”

“I live to be of service,” Lenny says, and Mick doesn’t even need to know him for more than a day to know how much bullcrap that is. 

“Uh, Kendra’s the duster; she’s having some sort of weird love triangle with Ray and Carter – he’s the wheelbarrow –”

Lenny nods, clearly fascinated.

“Jax and Stein are lamps – well, Jax is the frame and Stein’s the bulb, it’s all very awkward. And Sara’s the murderous teapot.”

“…murderous…teapot?”

“She used to be an assassin,” Mick explains. “She was crashing here when the fairy put a spell on the castle, and now she’s a teapot.”

“I can see why that would make someone murderous,” Lenny says.

“It’s only gotten worse since she’s discovered chemistry,” Mick says grimly. “Never leave your drink unattended.”

“…gotcha.”

“Amaya’s the ottoman – be careful, she’s vicious –”

“I’m starting to sense a theme,” Lenny remarks, because he’s adjusted _way_ too quickly to the weirdness here and also because he’s obviously a sarcastic little shit.

“And Nate’s the stove. He’s made of steel. He will make jokes about it. Please don’t encourage him.”

Mick can tell from the expression on Lenny’s face that he is going to go encourage him _immediately_ after dinner.

Fuck his life.

“Why are you still here again?” Mick asks.

“Here, in the kitchen? Because I’m hungry and you made me miss dinner. Here, in the castle? Because you have a reputation to uphold. Here, generally? Well, my ma and dad got real drunk one night –”

“I retract my question,” Mick says hastily. “Also, I think I hate you.”

“This is the beginning of a beautiful partnership, me and you,” Lenny assures him. “Just you wait.”

“I don’t think that’s likely,” Mick says, rolling his eyes. He has to find a girl to fall in love with him, and visa versa, after all. Though, to be fair, it's not like he’s made much progress with that. “But if you’re sticking around for a while, I guess it’s all right. What’s your name, anyway?”

“Leonard Snart,” the kid says. “Call me Len.”

“Not Lenny?”

“You like those horns on your head or up your ass?”

“Fine, fine, Len it is. But get one thing straight up front – we’re _not_ gonna be partners or any of that type of crap.”

Len just looks smug. “Just you wait,” he says, slouching back in his chair. “Just you wait.”


	69. regency coldwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Regency coldwave

“I’m in hell,” Mick announces. 

“Michael, you shouldn’t use such language,” the officious looking man scolded him. “What will your bride think?”

“Whatever her holodeck-programmed brain wants her to think,” Mick says. “Being as I am, in fact, stuck in a holodeck.”

His ‘mother’ titters. His real life mother never did that. 

“Michael, I know you’re nervous about your upcoming nuptials –”

“I was exploring an abandoned ship with my partner,” Mick growls. “We walk into a room, and suddenly this stupid simulation starts playing, and apparently we can’t exit till it’s _done_. And it’s a _Regency romance_. If I’m nervous about anything, it’s about that!”

“Michael, as your father -”

“I burned my real father alive,” Mick says. “And I’d do the same to you, _if anything in this simulation burned_!”

“Michael –”

“The fireplace isn’t even hot!”

“Michael –”

“It’s Regency England! Everything should be flammable!”

“ _Michael_ –”

“They didn’t even really _have_ arranged marriages in this era!”

“Michael, please! Your bride is almost here!”

“Oh, god,” Mick says, but he follows his ‘parents’ into another room, mostly because he doesn’t have a choice. He’s already learned that the simulation works in a manner not that different from the original Mario games – the screen _will_ end and he’d damn well better go along with it, or he’d be dragged along on his ass.

He still comes to a dead halt when he enters the parlor, staring at his soon-to-be-bride.

Len glares back.

“The fireplace is a fake,” Mick says blankly, because if he says anything else, Len will shoot him. 

…it’ll be worth it.

“And may I say, you look excellent in that –”

“Regency _ain’t_ my preferred style of dress,” Len snarls.

Mick opens his eyes wide. “I only meant to say that your bonnet matches your eyes.”

(A visual behind Len’s head informs Mick that he gets extra points for well-played characterization.)

“I’m going to kill you,” Len says pleasantly. “I’d do it now, except that the knives ain’t sharp. Trust me. I tried on my ‘father’ here.”

“What sort of horrible world are we trapped in?” Mick wonders aloud.

“They had Lisa _playing the piano_ ,” Len says, gesturing to convey the sheer enormity of the horror. “Nothing else. All day. Just the piano. She has only four dialogue options.”

“Oh, god.”

At that point, another man bounds through the door. He vaguely resembles that CSI kid that Len had been mooning over before they left Central, Barry Allen. Also the Flash, but what can you do.

“I cannot permit this marriage!” he declares grandly, throwing his hands open wide. “My dearest Leonard has stolen my heart –”

“Is this your fault?” Len hisses at Mick.

“How is it _my_ fault?”

“Someone had to come up with the jealous lover character!”

“Maybe it’s you!”

“I’m not the one he’s _challenging to a duel_.”

“He probably wants you for your money,” Mick grumbles.

“ _Barry Allen_?”

“He’s clearly playing the rake,” Mick points out, because otherwise - yeah, that's a stretch. “The rake always wants you for your money. Though sometimes they’re just dicks that want your virginity.”

“How many of these have you _read_?” Len asks, sounding fascinated.

“No comment.”

“Also, _virginity_?”

“I know,” Mick says. “The ship has sailed, the horses are gone –”

“The horse isn’t just _gone_ ; the horse has left the barn, had a respectable racing career, retired to a stud farm, had a few sprogs and is now _being made into horse meat_!”

“That poor metaphor,” Mick says. “You really beat that joke like a dead horse.”

Len is surprised into a laugh. 

(Mick wins three points for performing a successful social interaction.)

“– and I will meet you, sir, on the field of battle to win my fair love’s heart!” Barry concludes gallantly. “As the challenged party, you may have choice of weapons –”

“Flamethrowers.”

“Pistols it is!”

“Did I say pistols? No. No, I did not. Apparently everyone in Regency England is deaf. Did you know that, Len?”

“Austen’s ADA,” Len replies, nodding. “Very famous. Terrible representation, of course, but what can you do with older sources?”

Mick signs ‘fuck you’ at him.

“Give it time,” Len sighs. “How much do you want to bet that’s the next step?”

“Can’t be,” Mick says. “It’s Regency.”

“…so?”

“We haven’t had a ball yet.”

“Ball. As in dancing.”

“Yep.”

“As in _line dancing_?”

“English country dances,” Mick agrees maliciously.

“Which you know because you went to those horrible classes during your probation,” Len continues with mounting horror.

“Yep.”

“And which I don’t, as I did not.”

“Sounds right.”

“Oh, god.”

“I’ve always liked dominos,” Mick says happily. “The way they all fall down –”

“Get me out of here.”

“I’ve already tried suicide to wake up,” Mick tells him. “It doesn’t work. Also, if you jump out of the window, you just get thrown back inside.”

Len puts his head into his hands.

Mick pats him on the shoulder.

(Another social interaction point. It’s a weirdly compelling reward structure.)

“Len, would you walk up and down the room with me?” Mick asks, keeping an eye on the counter.

(Oooh, plus _ten_! Austen novels are clearly the way to go here.)

“Why the fuck would I do that,” Len says flatly.

“I want to win the game,” Mick says.

“We are _not_ playing the game.”

“It’ll get us out of the scenario. Probably.”

“But where does it end?” Len asks, scowling. “The engagement? The marriage? The honeymoon? Or do we speed ahead until we have two kids and a carriage horse? _I refuse to be pregnant in a holodeck simulation, Mick_.”

Mick contemplates this and drops to his one knee. “Leonard Snart, would you do me the honor of marrying me?”

“We’re _already married_.”

“In vain have I struggled. It will not do. My feelings will not be repressed. You must allow me to tell you how ardently I admire and love you.”

(100 points!)

“ _What?!_ ”

“And so, I must ask of you – will you marry me?” Mick looks Len dead in the eyes. “Please?”

Len seems taken aback by that last bit. “I – uh. I mean. Yes?”

The simulation gives a happy chime and the entire scene around them goes into soft focus for a long moment, before fading away.

“We are never talking about this again,” Mick says, still kneeling in the middle of the dingy abandoned-spaceship room.

“Whatever you say, _Mr. Darcy_ ,” Len says.

The hologram simulation projector makes a sound not unlike a monitor starting back up again.

Mick and Len stare at each other for a long, horrified moment, then flee the room like they’re being chased by time pirates.


	70. mythos

Rip gritted his teeth together.

On one hand, the idea of challenging the Moirai, the Fates themselves, and their fanatically devoted legions was attractive. The sheer _gall_ of them tearing away Miranda – a woman who had come down to linger at the shores of the Four Rivers even before her death, in mourning for her family, and which had been kind enough to speak to him, the dreadful Ferryman himself, kind and unbearably beautiful and, much to his shock, just as willing to fall in love with him as he with her – and after all he’d done for the Moirai over the years, their faithful servant on his lonely travels over the Four Rivers on the Waverider with only Gideon, his navigator, for company, taking the souls the Moirai consigned to the abyss to their proper place…and worse, not just Miranda, but the demigod that she bore for him, Jonas, who had been so young that he hadn’t even shown what divinity he would take –

No. Going after them was necessary. He should have seen Miranda when her thread was cut short; she should have come to _him_. That is the way of all souls. He is the Ferryman, the great psychopomp; she should have come to him to cross the Four Rivers. But out of what he can only imagine is sheer spite, the Moirai and their ally, Erebus the dark, are hiding her and Jonas from him, and that is intolerable.

But on the other hand – 

He really should have picked a better crew. 

“I’m not cooking dinner,” Sara says loudly. “Just because I took the form of a woman doesn’t mean I’m good at it.”

“I didn’t mean _that_ ,” Ray says hastily. “I just meant –”

“Shoot me,” Jax says to his counterpart Stein. “I refuse to listen to this argument _one more time_ –”

“Well, then maybe _you_ should make dinner,” Sara says waspishly. “I am the incarnation of the Styx, the Oath-keeper, daughter of the great Oceanus, and even the _gods_ know well to fear my wrath –”

“And yet,” Len drawls from where he’s lounging on the floor, “you still can’t make me a sandwich.”

Dead silence for a long moment.

Several people inch away from Len as Sara’s eye twitches.

“You be very happy I like you,” she finally says.

“Without me, you’ve got no company, Ms. River of Souls,” Len says, unmoved. “You might be the daughter of Oceanus, but I’m the son of the goddess Nyx herself and grandson to Chaos.”

Sara grumbles, but concedes the point, which makes everyone relax. No one wants to see a fight between those two.

“Couldn’t you have at least brought your twin sister?” Sara whines, not for the first time. “She’s _hot_.”

“In your dreams,” Len says dismissively.

Sara considers this. “Is there any chance you mean that literally, her being the goddess of sleep and all?”

“No. In your dreams, _figuratively_.”

“Crap.”

“Besides, I brought Mick,” Len says. 

“No one _wanted_ you to bring Kronos,” Rip grumbles, but very quietly. You did not piss off the Incarnation of Time itself, himself a longstanding ally (tool?) of the Moirai. 

Mick – on whose lap Len is currently resting his head – just smirks. “Two words, Rip,” he says gruffly. “ _Groundhog day_.”

“Oh please god no,” Rip says, horrified.

“Don’t be so mean,” Nate says.

“Do you do _anything_ but whine?” Len asks, frowning at him. “I swear, there’s such a thing as taking the whole ‘river of woe’ thing a bit to seriously, Acheron.”

“It’s _Nate_ ,” Nate sulks. “I get a name, too. Just because I’m the youngest of the Four Rivers –”

“Lethe is younger,” Mick says, inclining his head towards Amaya, who shrugs and grins.

“She’s not one of the Four!”

“And you have _no idea_ how happy I am about that,” Amaya says. “Also not cooking dinner, by the way.”

“After the time you left the stove on for three hours, I don’t think anyone would let you,” Stein says.

Amaya rolls her eyes. “I’m the river of forgetfulness,” she says.

“Funny how that only seems to be a problem when it’s a chore you don’t want to do,” Jax says.

“You want to forget how to light on fire, Phlegethon boy?”

“Please stop fighting,” Rip says. Or at least, he tries.

“Oh, please,” Jax says. “Grey and I can take you any day.”

“We don’t actually have to prove that,” Ray interjects. Then he smiles. “I mean, I could always –”

“No!” the entire crew choruses in total, horrified unison.

Ray blinks. “What’s wrong with what I make?”

“Cocytus, river of lamentation,” Len drawls out Ray’s full name with a certain level of sarcasm that is reserved just for him. “You know why they call you that, Ray?”

Ray blinks. “Uh, because –”

“Because they’ve tasted your cooking,” Sara says. “Never again. How do you manage to get something straight out of the oven to be so _cold_?”

“Cold would be okay,” Len says. “It’s _room temperature_.”

“Yeah,” Jax says. “Not okay, Ray.”

“But –” Ray protests, looking around for help.

“I apologize,” Stein says with a shrug. “But I must concur that the beef stew you made last time was a little bland –”

“It was _lamb_!”

Stein coughs.

“I’m going to go call Kendra again,” Ray grumbles. “ _Horus_ understood me.”

“Except for the fact that she dumped you for Sokar,” Sara says sweetly.

“That’s not nice,” Nate points out. “She’s a hawk-headed goddess of the sun; he’s a hawk-headed god of the dead and resurrection –” 

“Either way,” Rip says through gritted teeth. “We are _not_ going to make another detour to Egypt.”

“I’ll cook,” Mick says, standing up, and everyone is abruptly quiet.

“Um,” Jax says. “I mean, I like fire and all – kinda my thing, me and Grey – but, uh…”

“It’ll be fine,” Mick says, and goes to the galley.

Everyone stares after him.

“Should we do something?” Sara asks.

“ _Can_ we do something?” Nate adds. “He _is_ Kronos. He’s kinda – unstoppable. Like an 800 pound gorilla.”

“What does a gorilla have to do with anything?” Amaya asks, frowning.

“You know – where does an 800 pound gorilla sit? Anywhere he wants.”

“Ah, yes. Sorry, my memory temporarily reset by sixty years.”

“I _swear_ you do that just to piss us off,” Jax says.

“Thanatos,” Rip says, formally addressing the personification of Death himself, who is currently lying sprawled out in a very comfortable looking way in the middle of the door way, now that Mick had taken his pillow away. “Might I inquire as to the chances –”

“Mick’s cooking isn’t going to kill you all,” Len says, looking deeply amused. “I promise.”

Everyone exhales all at once.

“…will it be good?” Nate asks.

“I’m Death,” Len says, rolling his eyes. “Not an arbiter of flavor, okay? _I_ like it, if that’s anything.”

“You like Sara’s cooking,” Ray points out.

Len smirks. “What can I say? After hanging out long enough with Mick in the depths of fiery Tartarus, I’ve developed something of a taste for burnt things.”

Sara groans. “I can’t _believe_ you said that.”

“I like how they feel on my tongue,” Len adds, happily malicious.

“Gross, man. No one needs to know about your sex life,” Jax says, putting his hands over his years. “We already know way too much about Ray’s and hawk-goddess’.”

“Hey,” Ray says with a frown. “How do you know about that?”

Everyone looks at him pityingly.

“Hawks aren’t quiet animals,” Amaya explains. “Not quiet at _all_.”

“…oh. Ooops. Sorry?”

“Just – try to soundproof your door better next time, okay?”

“Dinner’s ready,” Mick calls out from the galley.

Everyone blinks. “What, already?”

Len rolls to his feet with a smirk. “He _is_ the master of time,” he points out. 

Dinner is –

Hot steaming rolls of bread next to pools of flavored olive oil and hand-whipped cream just short of butter, tender slices of meat with the fat glistening and just the right amount of moist redness on the inside and crispy skin on the outside, fat drumsticks rolled with honey and spices on top of a bed of warm rice, crisp lettuce tossed with tomatoes and nuts, artichoke hearts drizzled with oil, mashed potatoes loaded with butter and cream and garlic…

“Holy crap,” Jax says.

“Master of time,” Len says contentedly, settling down and starting to help himself. “Timing is very important in cooking.”

Mick shrugs as everyone gapes at him. 

“Maybe _after_ dinner we can get back to our mission?” Rip asks hopelessly with a sigh.

He really, _really_ should have picked a better crew.


	71. legends never die coldwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: :Coldwave. "Heroes always get remembered/But you know legends never die"
> 
> (happy birthday to Hamelin-born)

Mick is drunk.

He knows he shouldn’t be – they’re on a dangerous mission, etc. etc., Sara’s given him the lecture, Amaya’s given him the talk – but fuck it. What’s the worst that’ll happen? He’ll be dead?

At least there he’ll have company.

They’re somewhere in the future. He’s not sure when, or where, or even why, really; he did his part, the little scraps the other Legends keep tossing him like he’ll be fooled into thinking he’s making an actual contribution or something.

He ends up in a museum.

Not ‘a’ museum.

The _Flash_ museum.

There’s a freaking Flash museum in the future.

He’s got to check it out.

He goes in, and it’s – ridiculous. The costumes. The nicknames. Everything.

Giant gorilla army? Check.

Zombie attack? Yep.

An entire _wall_ of speedster villains? Good lord. And they called the Flash the ‘fastest’ man alive, with this here?

And –

Mick’s smile falls off his face.

The plaque under the statutes just reads “the Rogues.” 

He doesn’t know what that is, but he knows the faces. That’s Hartley Rathaway. Sam Scudder. Rosa Dillon. Mark Mardon. Axel Walker, the wannabe Trickster. Shawna Baez. Roy Bivolo. 

Lisa Snart.

And in the foreground, standing shoulder to shoulder, it’s him and Len.

He forgets how to breathe for a moment.

He stumbles forward blindly, past the statutes, and there he finds the exhibit.

Thefts. Heists. Prison break-outs. Acts of supervillainy so ridiculous that he can almost see the moment of their conception, perched on a couch in a warm room over just enough beers to get Len to the tipsy ‘you know what would be funny?’ stage. 

Picture after picture of Captain Cold and Heatwave, partnering up against the Flash, with the Flash, sometimes both at the same time – the leaders of the Rogues –

It’s impossible. 

Maybe they could’ve had this, once upon a time, but Rip Hunter tore them out of the timeline, telling them they were irrelevant, and Len got over-invested and Mick became Kronos and then Len – then Len –

They could never have this. 

It's too late.

Mick feels his eyes get wet and he swipes at them angrily. 

Why was this exhibit still here, anyway? It’s been _months_ since Len’s death. The timeline should have settled. This history should have been erased.

“You’re right,” he hears a familiar voice drawl. “You were in a bad state, weren’t you?” 

Another hallucination, but – not addressing him?

“Yeah,” another voice says, and this one he only knows from recordings and videos. “No kidding.”

He turns.

Len’s hair has gone all silver by now, but his face is surprisingly young, his eyes full of life and mischief. His blue parka now has jagged white lines on it, not unlike a freaking snowflake, and only Len could think he could pull that off and still look menacing. He probably does scare the populace at large, though he’s never scared Mick.

And next to him –

Mick’s handled aging pretty well, actually; he doesn’t look that much older than he does now. A bit more of a crinkle around his eyes, maybe, but his muscles are as strong as ever. He’s wearing something white and orange and sturdy looking, a fireman’s jacket re-done in some slick future textile that even Mick can tell is incredibly fireproof. 

“I’m glad I got over it,” his future self says, studying him. 

“How?” Mick breathes.

“Time travel,” Len replies facetiously. “Luckily Mick here – my Mick, that is, not you – remembered that you came by with the Legends around this time for a swift kick in the ass, courtesy of a ghost of Christmas future or two.”

Mick frowns. “You’re still Jewish, right?” 

Len closes his eyes in mock pain.

Mick’s future self grins. “I told him you’d say that,” he confides. “He just couldn’t resist the obvious joke.”

“It’s a good one,” Mick agrees. 

“You’re both terrible audiences,” Len sniffs. “Now run along, youngster; you don’t want to be out of communications with the Legends that long – yet.”

“I don’t look that much younger than you,” Mick says suspiciously. “How’s that work?”

Len’s smirk doesn’t change, but his eyes suddenly glow an inhuman shade of blue.

“Let’s just say,” he says, “that heroes may come and go, but I’ve found that Legends don’t kill easy. Any of us.”

Mick swallows, his throat suddenly very dry.

“Oh, and Mick?” Len purrs. “When the call comes – and it will, soon – you’re going to want to come to get me. We have so _much_ left to do together.”

Mick arrives back on the Waverider on time for the first time in four missions.

“You’re drunk again,” Sara observes disdainfully. “And it’s practically Christmas Eve, too; you couldn’t manage one mission sober?”

Her caustic commentary just rolls off his shoulders.

Christmas future’s calling.


	72. coldwave hannukah

Len waits patiently in line at the administrative office. He's gotten a bit of a reputation as a good boy, a quiet boy, mostly because he doesn't actively instigate riots, and he's planning to make the most of it before they inevitably decide that he's not worth their time. 

Sure, he nearly died his first day, but that just makes him seem like more of a victim. He hates it when people think he's a victim, but he's learned to use it.

His new roommate, Mick, doesn't think he's a victim, even though he'd been the one to rescue him that horrible first day. 

Actually, he can't seem to stand Len. 

"Leonard Snart?"

Len gets out his chair and follows the secretary into the program director's office.

The older man smiles at him with that absent politeness that speaks of not distinguishing Len from anyone else. "What subject would you like to talk to me about today, Leonard?"

"I need a hannukiah," Leonard says. 

"A - what?"

Leonard widens his eyes and clenches his fist, driving his nails into the flesh of his palms until tears come to his eyes. "It's for a holiday, sir," he says earnestly. "My mother and I would celebrate it every year - I'm Jewish, you understand -"

"Ah," the program director says blankly. "Jewish."

"Yes, sir," Len says. "It's okay, we're Reform, sir, we don't keep kosher."

There is literally no variation of religious Judaism that doesn't keep kosher, but Len's betting the program director - who has a crucifix casually pinned to his wall - doesn't know that.

"Oh, good," the program director says, clearly relieved that he doesn't have to start ordering kosher meals.

"But the other religious traditions are even more important as a result, you understand, sir," Len says. "So, sir, if I could just get a hannukiah - it's very important - it's Hannukah -"

"Ah, yes," the program director says. "That's an important holiday, is it?"

"Our equivalent of Christmas," Len says virtuously. Technically, it is - it's Judaism's winter holiday. It's not his fault that Judaism considers said winter holiday to be an exceedingly minor holiday.

"Yes, yes," the program director says knowingly, clearly thinking of Hollywood's depiction of it. "I knew it."

"So, you see it's very important -" 

"Of course, of course; naturally, we support all religious practices," the program director says. He doesn't in the least - there are pamphlets talking about Christ in the main hall, and he's never given the slightest attention to the occasional requests for a prayer place for midday prayer - but he doesn't want an ACLU suit, either. He signs a piece of paper. "Take this to requisitions and they'll give you what you need, the, ah..."

"Hannukiah."

"Right. And the menorah, of course."

"Of course," Len agrees, omitting to mention that they were basically the same thing, except one was used for Hannukah and the other wasn't. If he'd started with that, the program director might remember what the other necessary component of the holiday was, and Len had no intention of being fobbed off with some electric substitute.

No, he wants candles.

Watch Mick not _warm up_ to Len now.

Len goes to the requisition office, which is manned by a bored looking man who doesn't have any involvement with the juvie kids and therefore doesn't keep track of who is rooming with the pyro, so Len leaves triumphantly with enough candles for the whole holiday and a few boxes of matches. No hannukiahs, of course, but he'd made a crappy one in arts and crafts the other day because he hadn't been expecting it. 

Mick had given him a weird look when he'd deposited the lump with nine candle-holders (smaller lumps with pencil-sized holes in them) on their windowsill, but Len thought he might understand more now. 

Mick's already in bed when Len gets there, back firmly turned to the room at large and, Len feels, at Len in specific. 

Len hates being ignored even more than he hates being thought of as a victim.

He puts most of the stash away, taking just two candles - one for the first night, one to light them - and a single box of matches. He keeps an eye on the other bed.

Mick's spine goes straight when the first match lights, Len using the flame to melt the bottom of the cheap candle to fix it in place. 

By the time Len's lit the second match, lighting the lighting candle, Mick has turned to face him, sitting up, his eyes fixed on Len's hands.

"Baruch ata Adonai," Len recites shakily. He only remembers three prayers, and they all start the same way, but that means he remembers the sing-song way it's supposed to go. "Eloheinu melech a'olam. Asher kidshanu ve metzivanu l'adlik ner shel Hannukah."

He lights the candle and uses a third match to stick that candle in firmly as well, then he takes a few steps back, edging closer to the bed. There are some other songs, too, but he’ll leave it be for now. He only knows about half the words for those anyway.

"You gonna leave that there all night?" Mick asks, voice hoarse, eyes fixed on the flickering light like he thinks Len's going to snuff it out a minute later, the way the guards here have snuffed out all of his fires.

"Yeah," Len says. "Until they burn themselves out."

He climbs up to the top bunk and waits.

Mick doesn't say another word for three hours, until the two candles splutter out into the darkness.

Then, a few minutes later, a whisper into the dark: "Thanks."

"It's a religious thing," Len says, staring at the ceiling. "Seven more days, extra candle every night."

Mick exhales, long and shaky, like a man dying of thirst being told that he needs not limit himself to one cup of water, but that there are refills on the way. 

"That's nice," he says, a little dreamily. "My mom used to celebrate Saint Lucia's Day. There was a crown of candles in that."

"I have some extra candles," Len offers. He's never heard of that, but whatever; the way of actual religious people has always been a mystery to him. "We could do that."

Mick is silent for a long second.

"Sure," he finally says, his voice strangely strangled, like he's suppressing laughter or tears or something. "I'll get a sheet and you can do it."

"A sheet?" Len says blankly. "Why a sheet?"

"It's white," Mick says inscrutably.

"Okay," Len says, and settles in happily.

"We're still not friends," Mick warns, voice drifting up from the lower bunk. "This doesn't make us friends."

"Of course," Len assures him as he curls in under the blanket. "I understand."

They're _totally_ friends now.


	73. coldwave retail hell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> for snowflakesandlightning: Len and Mick decide to go undercover in retail in preparation for a heist. Len - as he does - gets overinvested. His boss is a dick. 
> 
> ...that's when Mick gets violent.

Len grits his teeth. 

He’s always liked the cold – snow is always a plus in his mind – but he hates the goddamn wet. The horrible rains of late falls, when they’re just short of freezing so instead of a delicate snowfall, you just get buckets of miserable wet slop coming down and pretending to be rain. Even the people that like the rain don’t like this stuff. 

It doesn’t even have the dignity of being called _sleet_. It’s just _wet_.

This year, it’s decided to extend itself all the way through to Christmastime, just because the weather personally hates Leonard Snart. 

And worst of all, it makes all his goddamn joints hurt. Every time he spent curled up in a too-small duct, contorting himself out of shape to reach the goal his father wanted him too; every time his fingers had to pick something out of the icy air; every time he twisted his ankle falling down to guard his head from his father’s blows…

Everything fucking hurts.

But he keeps his damn mouth shut about it, because they need this stupid job right now to tide them over to the next heist, and for once, Mick is doing just _fine_. He’s been a model employee. He’s good at lifting things, he’s surprisingly sweet to the customers, and he’s been able to keep his pyromania and violent tendencies under strict control.

Len’s not doing too bad himself, though, even with the rain that never seems to end. He’s basically taken over the deli counter, one of the more high-paced parts of the store; he has no idea how they managed without him, and he actually feels a bit bad that he’s going to have to peel out of town like a bat out of hell once they pull of the job he’s been planning, so he’s been training the newbies to take over. 

Actually, amusingly enough, he’s in line for a promotion; that’ll be useful – he’ll be able to reorganize the store to work a bit better so that it doesn’t get over-reliant on one or two extremely competent people, because wow, they are in short supply. He’s amazed the cops haven’t twigged onto where he’s hiding out simply due to tracking increased efficiency. Actually, a handful of cops _on his case_ have _literally_ walked in and ordered food _from Len_ while talking about how much trouble they’re having even locating him, and they just don’t realize, which is frankly hilarious.

Best hiding place ever. 

Well, the work is hard, but Len’s never minded hard work.

Len’s current direct manager – who has totally figured out that Len’s not quite the innocent employee he seems but is absolutely indifferent to it as long as Len does his job, and does it well – pokes her head in and gestures with her thumb, meaning that the department manager’s here to interview Len for the new position.

Len heads out.

For some reason, the guy interviewing him decides to hold the interview while walking and talking, which is just – seriously? He does know Len’s been on his feet for four hours running around like a crazy person, right? 

And he’s this tall asshole, too; can’t be more than twenty-something, thick hipster-y glasses and one of those well-trimmed beards that curls around his jaw and just under his lip but with a perfectly clean shaven lip, medium tone, and has Len mentioned how freaking _tall_ he is? Len’s six goddamn feet tall, he's no shrimp, but this guy has something like four inches on him and he’s using every single inch to basically power-walk his way away from Len, talking a mile a minute while Len’s hobbling along trying to catch up. His ankle is killing him today; it’s weak after having been twisted too many times when he was younger and this retail job has been keeping him too busy to stretch it properly, so it’s swollen up and stiff.

“Will you slow down a sec?” he finally says, forcing his annoyance not to show in his voice. “Ankle’s a bit sore, what with the weather and all.”

“Sure,” the guy – Jared, his nametag says – replies breezily. He slows, though not by much, and Len sighs, reminds himself that he’s a thief who’s just _undercover_ as a retail worker and he will be able to _get out of here_ once the heist is ready, and hurries himself along, answering the questions as they came. 

He comes out of it feeling pretty decent, actually. He’s never gotten a so-called ‘real’ promotion in his life – not really much call for it in the criminal underworld, since he doesn’t like organized crime, and it’s not like any of his part-time jobs as a kid ever survived long given his father’s interference – and he’s gotta admit, even if it’s not going to last all that long, he’s kind of looking forward to it. 

What can he say? He was born to be the boss.

He heads back to work in a good mood that even customers are having trouble denting, and may he just say, going undercover in retail was an excellent way to feel better about how much of his life has been spent in prison? At least there you don’t have to smile while people insult you.

It’s about three hours later that he finds himself with a break and wanders over to find Mick, who’s loading things for customers as usual, though he breaks off and beelines over as soon as he can. 

Len nods and smiles at him.

“Hey, boss,” Mick says. “Too bad about the promotion thing, huh?”

Len blinks. “How’s that?”

Mick blinks back at him. “The promotion thing? You wanted to reorganize your part of the store, right? ‘cause you’re a ridiculous control freak that gets over-invested in things?”

Len ignores that last part, because okay, it might be true, but it’s not like Mick didn’t know what he was getting into with Len. “What about the promotion thing? I just had the interview a few hours back.”

“Yeah, and –” Mick frowns. “The other guy got the job. Didn’t you hear? Manager-guy was walking around talking about it at the top of his lungs.”

“No,” Len says, lips starting to tighten in annoyance. “He didn’t mention it to me at all. Hasn’t even been by my department since.”

It’s not like he actually needs this job, he reminds himself. You’re a thief. You don’t care about people. You don’t care about how this stupid store is organized, even if you _could_ do it much better. 

It’s _fine_.

Annoying, sure, but fine. It happens. 

He bids Mick good-bye and goes back to work, leaving Mick frowning after him thoughtfully.

“Didn’t get it,” he tells his manager with a shrug.

“Yeah,” his manager replies. “Says you don’t really seem to have a feeling of urgency in your job.”

Len stops.

“ _What_?”

“Jared said your interview was great,” his direct manager says apologetically. She has an expression on her face like she knows how much bullshit is coming out of her mouth. “Fantastic, even, but he said you asked him to slow down, and he says it showed that you lack a sense of urgency for such a fast paced job.”

“My ankle was literally clicking,” Len says, gaping at her. “Are you _kidding me_?”

The most aggravating part of it was, this isn’t even that fast paced a job. Sure, it’s pretty quick – and Len runs the goddamn deli counter, he’s fucking mastered the most fast-paced part of the whole thing – but he’s outrun _cop cars_. He’s cracked safes while being _shot at_. Hell, he’s performed some of his finest acts of pick-pocketing while bleeding from a stab wound _and_ running for his life. His very life has depended on his ability to think quick and react quicker.

And this asshole thinks he’s _slacking_? Because he asked him to _slow down_? In a regular run-of-the-mill _interview_ , for a position that didn't even require that much physical fitness?!

Len’s eye twitches.

We need this job, he reminds himself. We need the cover till the heist is ready. Mick likes this job. It’s nice, it’s stable, it keeps us out of view of the cops. I can’t just quit in a huff because some asshole is spouting all kinds of bullshit.

“Oh,” the manager says. “And, uh…”

She looks uncomfortable.

“What more could there possibly be?” Len asks, almost resigned.

“Jared’s kind of been nattering on about it to half the place,” she says.

“He hasn’t even by to tell us about it,” Len says.

“Yeah.”

“But he’s told everybody else.”

“Yeah.”

“Well, that’s just crap,” Len says. Thieves have more professionalism than that. _Middle school girls_ have more professionalism than that. “That’s –”

He pauses.

“Wait. Where did you say he’s being talking about it?”

“Like, half the store.”

“Yeah, but what half?” Len asks. He goes home with Mick every day – everyone seems to assume that they carpool, which is hilariously missing the issue – and Mick’s been taking care of Len’s sore joints for the last two weeks, insisting he keep his feet elevated, massaging the blood back into them, spoiling him rotten and teasing him about being way too into this job because he’s always way too into, well, basically every job he’s ever gotten.

Mick knows both how much he’s been limping _and_ how much he was looking forward to the promotion.

And he works in the other half of the store.

Len turns and goes.

His manager follows.

He gets there just three seconds too late – Mick’s already standing in front of Jared, who’s got an inch or two even on Mick, but who’s a weedy little thing with barely any muscle definition, and his arm’s already pulled back, so Len’s got nothing he can do but watch Mick deck the living daylights out of the fucking store manager.

It’s…

Well, Len would normally be angry, but it’s fucking _cathartic_ seeing that guy go _flying_.

“ _Nice_ ,” Len’s direct manager murmurs approvingly.

Jared is holding his nose and howling like a goddamn baby.

Mick’s face is still red with fury.

“You little miserable creep,” he bellows, fist tightening up again. “I’ll show you –”

Len should really stop him.

Mick steps forward and puts his foot on Jared’s ankle, grinding down with his superior weight until Jared yelps. 

“You wanna try walking _fast enough_ on that?” Mick growls. “Like that’s a way to judge! It’s a goddamn retail store! You hiring based on who’s a _track star_ now?!”

Yeah. 

Len should really stop him.

…in a moment.

“Leonard,” his direct manager says, biting her lips to keep from snickering. “Really.”

“Fine, fine,” he grumbles at her, unable to help the curl of a smile on his face. 

He’s always enjoyed seeing Mick work.

_Especially_ when it’s on his behalf.

“Mick!” he calls out.

Mick stops immediately and turns to look at him.

“I think we’re done here,” he drawls, inclining his head to his direct manager.

“I’ll send you your final check by mail,” she murmurs under her breath, eyes bright with amusement. 

“Keep it,” he advises her. She deserves it for putting up with him.

…she _especially_ deserves it for having given him total control over the deli sign board and letting him pun to his heart’s content. Some of those were so awful even _he_ had to admit it. 

“C’mon, Mick,” he says, and leads the way out of the store.

“Didn’t want that job anyway,” Mick opines once they’re in the car.

“You enjoyed it,” Len protests. “You behaved and everything!”

Mick looks at him, amused. “Lenny,” he says. “I was only behaving because you were so into it.”

“…oh.”

Well, that was dumb.

“No more retail?”

“ _Never again_ ,” Mick says fervently. “Think the heist is in good enough shape?”

“Yeah, sure,” Len says. “Only thing left was the double-check process, and I think, for once, we can just skip it.”

A week later, his old direct manager sends him a video message onto his phone.

It’s Jared’s face when the news reporter breathlessly reports that the ‘infamous criminal Leonard Snart and notorious arsonist Mick Rory’ have gotten away with another multi-million dollar take, with notes on the property damage (Mick) involved, plus a quick run-through of their rap sheets.

Len laughs himself sick.


	74. coldwave dragon week 1 - possession

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dragon Week: Possession
> 
> (for pretzel-log1c, who incorrectly suggested that we'd already covered all the variations of dragon!Coldwave)

It was Len's fault, of course, as these things generally are. 

He went walking (running, actually, trying to get ahead of some especially persistent cop cars) where children (teenager!) shouldn't go (it wasn't that bad a neighborhood - okay, yes, yes, it really was) and he couldn't resist touching (was literally forced into a corner by a man with a knife and he was groping around for a weapon) the egg.

He'd thought it was a rock.

It wasn't a rock.

The egg, smashed on some junkie's head, split open and dark glistening smoke - the color of an oil spill - spilled out into existence with a fury, filling the alleyway and penning Len into a corner, tendrils prying his mouth open and pouring down his throat as he gagged and tried to fight something that could touch him but slipped through his fingers as ephemeral as the mist it resembled when he tried to touch it.

When it was all done, Len fell to his knees, clutching at his sore throat, wondering how all that smoke had been sucked into his lungs - wondering where it all went – wondering if that had even actually _happened_ or if he’d finally just lost it – when the junkie with the knife, who'd only been dazed by the blow to the head, got up and lunged at him. Len fell back under the other man's weight and speed and -

And then he woke up on a rooftop not far from home, dripping with blood that was definitely not his.

He wasn't exactly sure what had happened, at first.

One look in the mirror showed him slitted eyes of gold that he had to blink away before they were replaced by his usual blue, and he knew immediately, feeling the truth viscerally in his gut, that somehow - somehow - he'd become a dragon. He'd heard of them before; giant monsters that hid in the shapes of men. Anyone on the street could be one, they said, and so people were very cautious about castigating them in public. They could be human one second and not the next, and there was no way to prove it – hard to identify the dragon that destroys your house as the mild-mannered coworker you carpool with every day. They were almost unstoppable, force of nature, and the only thing that kept them in check was how rare they were. 

No one knew how they were born.

Len had the sinking feeling that he’d figured it out.

It took some time to figure out how to shift - and more importantly, how _not_ to shift, because he couldn’t let his father or Lisa ever find out about it, not ever - and by the time Len was twenty, he felt pretty good about the whole thing. 

So naturally, that's when it went wrong again.

Finding Mick again was a good thing, the _best_ thing, don’t get Len wrong. Their partnership means the world to him, the most important thing next to Lisa. But Mick loves fire and Len had fire, fire inside of him, and his heart gave him no choice but to show it to Mick to make him smile, even if every day he walks with the fear, shadowing his every step, that the only thing Mick loves is that little extra part of him with the sharp teeth and the wings. 

Mick saw Len breathe flame for him for the first time and couldn't help but kiss him. Pulled him close, laughing in delight, and pressed their lips together, mouths open, hands grasping. 

And something slithered up Len's throat and crawled up into Mick's. 

They couldn’t tear themselves apart, they clutched at each other out of fear, now, not desire, and at last when it was done they tore themselves apart and threw themselves backwards to land on the ground, to stare at each other. 

"What happened?" Mick gasped, because even he was only willing to assign so much fireworks to a single kiss.

His eyes were slitted, and gold.

"Oh, shit," Len said.

Mick took to being a dragon even better than Len did, mastering the shift in days, not weeks, though his temper made the not-shift a little tricky. 

He liked the flame as much as Len had liked the flying.

He didn’t leave.

He could have, now that Len doesn't have any fire, but he _doesn't_. He stays for Len.

Len’s heart is lighter, even if he feels a little hollow now that the part of him that made him dragon is gone. Mick stayed, even now that Len’s fire sits in his belly, not Len’s. 

Len got them into a heist that went bad, busted up his knee when he went down, hard. Mick hesitated before running out, because Mick stayed for Len when he could. 

"Go," Len told him. "Get out of here. They'll put you in for longer than they'll book me. You can run, but I can't fly."

Mick kissed him goodbye, hand on cheek, mouths open, and when they broke apart it was Len's eyes that glowed gold, not Mick's.

"Fly free," Mick said, grin crooked with love and a little bit of emptiness, and he ran away. The cops saw him but couldn't catch him - they were too distracted by the dragon with the lame leg hanging limp bursting through the building's wall and flying the other way.

That settled things between the two of them. There was only one dragon between them, but two souls; the dragon was Len – but only sometimes – the dragon was Mick – but only sometimes – and they were both men and dragons, and yet neither at once. Len gave Mick flames, and the scales to guard himself against them. Mick gave Len the sky, and freedom. They gave to each other freely and without remorse. 

And no one had to know any different.

(my old friend, forgive me, Len said before the end, and for the first time he _pulled_ )

Mick woke on the Waverider, empty of friend and love and fire, and he prayed that Len's bet paid off, and that a dragon could fly away from the end of time itself on wings of fire where no man could survive.

(turns out it can)

(sort of)


	75. coldwave dragon week 2 - pest 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coldwave dragon week 2: the pest

It wasn’t like Mick didn’t know about Central City’s dragon problem before he moved in. 

He hadn’t thought it was that big a deal; every city has got their own pest problem. New York has pigeons, Coast City had seagulls, Philadelphia had squirrels, and he’d heard some intriguing things about some Japanese cities and monkeys, but Central – no, Central had _dragons_.

But they were still pests. They just happened to be pests each the size of a small bear, plus wings and a tail. People grumbled about dragon infestations the same exact way – can’t use that building, it’s filled with dragons, yes, we’ve called pest control but they said they can’t get here till Thursday and at any rate, what are you going to do? Try to shift something that weighs that much? We’ve just got to hope they move along on their own – and carried on with their daily business without batting an eyelash. Really, only tourists gawped at the occasional dragon pawing through a dumpster. 

Mick intended to make Central City his home, and so he didn’t stare, no matter how tempting. Everywhere else, dragons are myths and fables and things you see only rarely at a zoo; in Central, they’re an annoyance. 

Mick was adjusting, though; it was hard to remain awed by something you saw lounging on fire escapes, tail hanging below and wings bent to cover its face. Plus, dragons had these dorky little snouts that often made them look like they were smiling contently – and they were, in fact, a fairly content species, mostly because 99% of the city knew better than to bother them.

The remaining 1% – consisting of dumb teenagers and tourists – generally got their asses handed to them. Central City probably _would_ object if there was a real rogue dragon on the loose, but they were, by and large, far, far too lazy to actually get into a real fight. And they all but universally loved kids, who could basically climb on top of them with impunity.

It was like having a wild assortment of bear-sized friendly dogs hanging around, really, if you just ignore the reptilian scales, the wings, the tail, and the occasional cough of fire or ice. 

So yeah, Mick thought he was dealing pretty well.

Then he came home and found a dragon had moved into his living room. 

"You have got to be kidding me," he says blankly.

The dragon was draped along the sunspot coming from the window, rubbing its snout contentedly against the rug, which was basically the only thing Mick had brought with him from his last apartment. It was slightly singed in the corners, but it had burned slower than his clothing, and he appreciated that level of stubbornness in a piece of furniture. 

He did not appreciate the dragon snuggling it.

Mick sighs. He doesn't have the money for pest control, and anyway there's the matter of those pesky open warrants. "Is there anything I can do to encourage you to move?" he asks.

The dragon, unsurprisingly, did not respond.

Mick went _around_ the dragon - not a small task in his tiny apartment - and made dinner. He'd been planning on making enough for the week, lunches and whatnot, but the dragon found its way to the kitchen and was batting its long, delicate eyelashes at Mick hopefully.

"You know you're not a stray dog, right?" Mick says suspiciously, but the dragon seems to like the stroganoff and dumplings just fine. Then again, dragons often eat _garbage_ , so it's not like there's any accounting for their taste.

A few days later, the dragon's still there, but Mick's starting to get used to it. It helps that the dragon is just as fat and lazy as all its kind, no threat at all, a big scaley lump, and furthermore is amenable to Mick petting its snout or putting his feet on its back, and sometimes when Mick is planning some communing time with his lighter, the dragon coughs up flame like he's trying to compete.

It's adorable.

"If I'm going to be feeding you on a regular basis, I should name you," Mick says one warm afternoon. "I'm not sure what's a good dragon name."

He thinks for a second. Draco is obvious, but he's pretty sure that's a cliché. Dragon, dragon, dragon...

"Bruce," he says finally. 

"Most people go for the Dracula reference," the dragon sleepily observes. "You like ninjas, huh? Bruce Lee?"

"Yeah, it's my favorite of his movies - _holy crap_ you can talk?!"

The dragon yawns. "Yeah," it says. "Also, my name is Len."

" _Len_ ," Mick repeats incredulously.

"The guy who was planning on calling me _Bruce_ has no grounds to talk."

"Yeah, but I figured -" Mick shuts his mouth before he admits that he was thinking of pet names, with the assumption that the dragon would call itself something slightly less human if he could.

"It's Len," the dragon repeats. 

"So if you guys can talk," Mick says suspiciously, "why don't you leave when people ask you to?"

"Why would we?"

Mick must admit it's a good point.

"How long are you planning on staying?" he asks instead. He'd just started getting used to the dragon's presence, but he knows better than most how quickly things - and people - leave you.

The dragon considers this. "Haven't decided yet," he finally says. "A turn or two, at least. Maybe more."

"What's a turn?" Mick asks, wondering if that means a day, a week, a month...

"About five years, human time," the dragon - Len - says.

"Five _years_?" Mick exclaims. 

"At least," Len says. "Why?"

"Uh, no reason. That's good, I guess. Means I better get used to you." Mick considers for a moment. "And maybe get more money."

"I can help with that," the dragon offers. "I've cased every building in this town."

Mick eyes the lazy lump of lard. "When? A few 'turns' ago?"

"During the day when you're not here," Len says. "Dragon's gotta have a hobby."

“I think this is the beginning of a beautiful friendship,” Mick says.

“Partnership,” Len says, and hacks out a little bit of ice-flame. “It’s better. Trust me.”

Eventually, Mick discovers that Len has literally no clue what a human year is and was just guessing. Incorrectly on the short side, as it happens, given that a 'turn' was apparently based on a minute adjustment of the earth's gravitational shift. The sort that happens every _quarter-century_. Who even knew dragons lived that long? 

Of course, after the whole Oculus thing blows up in his face, quite literally, he’s pretty happy to have a virtually immortal partner, since he’s not too sure _he’s_ dying any time soon…


	76. dragon week 3 (coldwave) - adoption

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dragon week 3: Coldwave - adoption

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Please, Please could you do a fic with ColdWave as dragons and adopting the rouges as eggs?? I'm dying for this AU and hatchling!Axel.

“Mick,” Lisa says.

Mick ignores her. 

He knows why she’s here and he’s not going to listen.

“ _Miiiiick_.”

No. Absolutely not.

“Mickey Mouse…”

Mick turns with a snarl.

Lisa beams at him, flicking her golden tail at him in a calming sort of way.

“I don’t care,” he says, preempting her. “I don’t, I don’t, I don’t.”

“He’s your _mate_ ,” Lisa says.

“He’s just getting broody,” Mick says dismissively.

“Yes,” Lisa says. “He is. _Literally_. That's why you need to go back and talk to him about this.”

Mick sighs. “You really think he wants to have eggs with me?” he asks doubtfully.

“He’s certainly not planning on having them with anyone _else_ ,” Lisa points out.

“We had a giant fight and didn’t talk to each other for a _decade_ ,” Mick points out in return. “That’s not a good basis for eggs, you know? Going from that to wanting eggs is a bit weird - and he wasn’t all too sure he wanted them before.”

That had been one of the things they'd fought over: Mick wanting a big family, and Len being convinced he'd be an awful parent despite obvious signs to the contrary (i.e., Lisa).

“It made him _realize_ he did,” Lisa says. “Now stop moping about the fact that your mate doesn’t want to have eggs with you when he obviously does and go talk to him about it.”

Mick grumbles – he hates it when Lisa’s right – and takes wing.

Len is lying down by the lake, idly stirring up fish with his tail.

Normally, Len in a horizontal position of any variety could only be described as _lounging_ , but Len’s…drooping. His back is slumped rather than pointedly slouched, his snout is firmly in the mud, he is the positive picture of desolation, and worst, Mick can tell that the entire effect is totally unintentional for once in Len's melodramatic life.

Mick groans to himself and lands.

It's one thing to fight with your mate when he's being a drama queen; it's another thing entirely when he seems to be actually _upset_ about it. 

“Lenny –” he starts.

“If you don’t want ‘em, I can get rid of ‘em,” Len says abruptly. 

Mick is rendered speechless. “But…” he says hesitantly. “But Lenny, you love those eggs, and they’re not even hatched yet.”

“I’ll step on ‘em,” Len says, even though his snout goes even deeper into the mud, muffling his words. “Or give ‘em to someone else, maybe. Just say the word.”

“Why would you do that?” Mick asks, bewildered.

“Because you don’t want ‘em, and I don’t want to be without you,” Len says crossly. “Ain’t it obvious?”

Mick sighs – he _hates_ it when Lisa’s right, it makes her unbearably smug for years at a time – and drops down beside his mate. “I didn’t mean it that way,” he says coaxingly, drawing a wing over Len’s long, lithe body. “I just thought – it was so sudden, the eggs. I thought you wanted the eggs more than you wanted me.”

“I didn’t know there’d be eggs there,” Len mutters. “It wasn’t intentional or anything. They were just – _there_ , you know? The first one, anyway. And then I felt bad ‘cause it needed company so I went hunting and there was another one, and after that there was another, and one I stole from another dragon’s nest ‘cause they weren’t caring for it properly, and the little tiny one that was in the explosion…”

“You collected us a fine brood,” Mick assures him.

“Us?” Len says hopefully, snout lifting up a little.

“Us,” Mick confirms. “Now let’s go hatch us some eggs.”

With two of them, getting the eggs to the right state for hatching is a breeze. 

The eldest egg-first to find, first to hatch-is a mirror-skin, which explains why Len could find it just lying around – its parent probably forgot the second after it dropped the egg. That species has something of a reputation of having brains as empty as the mirrors that compose their skin, unless raised differently; they'd have to keep a close eye on him, make sure he didn't get all heartless and forget his family. “Skk,” he hisses, just out of the shell and already antsy. “Skkkdd!” 

Then he falls flat on his face.

“We’re calling him Scudder,” Len declares. 

“I dunno, I feel like that was more of a skud-splat sound,” Mick says, and laughs when Len nudges him.

Their thunder-flyer hatches shortly thereafter, an egg Len found down in the valley, damaged by a long fall, far from the mountains it was supposed to be in; it turns out to be a dual egg, Mark and Clyde Mardon, but only one hatchling climbs out. They bury Clyde and comfort Mark, and Scudder wraps himself around his new brother in sympathy. It’s not the same as an egg-mate – nothing ever is – but Len and Mick promise that it’ll be something. A family.

Lisa is delighted when Shawna hatches, a shadow-sneak to compliment Lisa’s sun-skin, and also because they finally have another girl in the nest. 

Roscoe, a spinning-devil, is the next one born, and he sidles up to Scudder’s side immediately. Mick sees trouble coming a long way away from those two. 

The cuckoo – the egg Len stole from another’s nest – is a shrieker. A _deaf_ shrieker, no less; that explains (but does not even remotely justify) why the biological parents were being bitchy enough about him for Len to think stealing an egg out of another dragon's nest was a good idea. Well, Mick and Len don’t care; they like Hartley just the way he is.

And the last one –

Mick had high hopes for the last one. It was found at the site of an explosion, after all, a human factory blown all to bits. One of the ones that make what the humans call fireworks. And yet, the egg survived, human and explosion both.

Maybe it’s another firedrake like him. That'd be nice, even if Len would bitch about being outnumbered when it comes to picking vacation destinations (there's a reason they live in the temperate climes, and it's about 90% due to Mick's precious ice-drake and him never agreeing on the temperature...)

The egg cracks and out crawls –

The single most colorful dragon Mick has ever seen.

“It’s a jester-jack,” Len breathes. “I didn’t even know there were any of those left, other than Jesse, and he’s _ancient_.”

“This might _be_ one of Jesse’s eggs, originally,” Mick says, a little worried, but already enthused. Sure, it’s not another fire-drake, but jester-jacks love things that go boom – between his big brother Mardon’s thunder, Hartley’s shrieks, and Mick’s flames, they should be able to keep him quite happy, their littlest one.

Len gently wraps a wing around the jester-jack. “What’s your name?” he asks. “Huh?”

The hatchling shivers.

“Axel,” Mick decides. It’d been the name of the factory which exploded around him. “We’ll call you Axel.”

The hatchling blinks up at them warily.

“I’ll get you something that explodes, huh?” Mick offers.

“Mick, already?” Len says disapprovingly.

“He’s a _jester-jack_.”

“He’s a newborn!”

“I’d like that,” the jester-jack – Axel – whispers. Then he smiles, two rows of tiny little pearl-white fangs making Len melt even if he doesn’t show it. “I think it’ll be fun.”

“You think that’s going to be fun, just you wait. You’re going to love Len’s heists,” Mick says.

Suddenly a half-dozen hatchlings are sitting straight up and looking at Len. “Heists?” they chorus.

“You had to tell them, Mick,” Len says, rolling his eyes, but he’s puffed up a little in pride.

“Len’s the finest dragon-thief in all the land,” Mick tells them. “And he’s going to raise all of you to be his crew. How’s that sound?”

“Good,” Mardon says, first in line. “Good!” Scudder chimes in, and Roscoe is nodding along. “Yes, good!” Hartley and Shawna chorus. 

“I like it,” Axel says. “Tell us more!”

Len sighs dramatically. “You’re not going to be able to use it yet,” he warns. “But let’s begin…lesson one: the art of _greed_ –”


	77. dragon week 3 - coldwave - seeing eye human

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dragon week 3 - coldwave - seeing eye human
> 
> (for oneiriad)

“Sir, are you sure you want _that_ one?” the parole merchant says doubtfully.

“Yes, yes, I’m quite sure,” Len says. “He’s the one.”

“But sir,” the merchant says, his voice taking on the sugary, condescending tone they always did when they noticed how Len’s eyes were white and blue all the way through. Like his reason was impaired just because he was blind now. _Fuck them_. “I don’t think he’s entirely the right fit for the use you’ll have of him-”

“And what use is that?” Len drawls.

“I – that is –” the merchant coughs. 

They both know why he’s here, but dragons are supposed to be invulnerable. That’s how they were born out of the eggs of the sky, and that’s how they were supposed to remain. To speak of another dragon being anything less than whole and hearty and able was just _unthinkable_ , no matter how many dragons pretend they're not limping, risking permanent damage just to avoid being seen with a brace. No matter how many dragons wear corrective lenses while claiming it was just a fashionable fad. No matter how many dragons can't seem to get themselves out of their hoards for weeks on end, their friends helping them where they can, but no official support or funding whatsoever.

Fucking ableism. 

The merchant keeps coughing like Len’s going to change the subject, but Len just arches his scaly eyebrows and waits.

“I just thought,” the merchant eventually says, “that a human trained in, ah, seeing-eye techniques might be a…better fit…?”

Len runs the edge of his sensitive tail along the paperwork he’s been given, the words pressed down into the tablet - his claws are too sharp for paperwork, especially braille. Lucky for him, he picks up new languages fast. “Says here he’s got 20/20 vision,” Len says. “And he’s human; they can listen to commands.”

“Yes, but…his record for disobedience…”

“Every human’s a good human at heart,” Len says piously, in his best middle-suburbia hoard-mother voice. “They just need a good master.”

“But…”

“I’m afraid,” Len says, “that I simply don’t _see_ what’s wrong with him.”

The human in the slave-cage in front of them snorts. 

Glad one of them has a sense of humor, 'cause it's definitely not the merchant. 

“ _He threw a rock at you_ ,” the merchant finally wails.

“And he hit a target the size of a small human house,” Len says. “Bravo. I’m not paying a single extra penny for it.”

“Pay _extra_?”

“Or did you mean to offer me a discount?” Len says sweetly.

“I – that is – ah – but sir, he’s a _labor_ human. They’re not really meant for – domestic tasks.”

“Of course they are, if the domestic tasks are active enough. You wouldn’t have been planning on making a quick buck with him at the black-market tournaments, were you?” Len asks archly. “That’s illegal, you know.”

(Skies forbid.)

The merchant practically falls over himself assuring Len that that’s not the case, though they both know perfectly well that the reason a labor human was shoved so far off to the side of the pens and not hawked to high heaven was because he wasn’t actually meant to be sold.

Coincidentally, Len hates the black-market tournaments with a passion.

The merchant ends up signing the human over in exchange for Len’s credit card. It’s still expensive as fuck, but then again, all humans are.

Len wraps his tail around his new human’s waist. “Human,” he says, squeezing a little warningly. “Lead me to the exit. I think I’m done here.”

The human obligingly walks forward.

Len lets him lead for a few minutes then scoops him up and puts the human on his back. “Hold on, will you?” Len says. “And tell me if I’m about to crash into anything.”

“What’s the rush?” the human asks.

“Well,” Len says, “any minute now, the slave-keeper behind us is going to realize that the credit card I gave him was a fake and call the guards, so I’d really prefer to get out of here before that happens.”

The human sniggers. “Dead straight, nothing there,” he reports.

Len lowers his head and charges.

The human yells out suggestions once in a while, and good ones, too – they get out of the market in under ten minutes, and then Len’s wings are out and open and they’re in the air.

“Holy _fuck_ why are we flying?!” the human growls, latching onto Len’s back with fingers dug in to the point of pain.

“I thought humans liked flying,” Len says.

“Well I _don’t_ ,” his human says firmly. “Now get me down already or I’ll vomit on your back.”

“You do that and you have to clean it off,” Len says, making a face. “At any rate, we have to fly to get to my lair. Get over yourself.”

The human makes pointed gagging noises.

“I’ll go up higher and glide, how about that,” Len relents. “Should be better for your stomach.”

The human grumbles, but it does seem to help when Len’s gliding instead of beating his wings. 

“So you’re a crook,” he eventually says.

“You’re surprised?”

“Didn’t know dragons went in for that.”

Len snorts. “All species that develop for long enough to create rules go in for breaking them. It’s nature. Your record wasn’t too clean either, if I recall.”

“How’d you think I ended up in the pens?” the guy says. Len couldn’t see him rolling his eyes, but he could hear it in his tone. “Humanity loves to claim that we don't do slavery any more, we’ve just reinstated 'personal service' instead of prison-work, like that isn't actually slavery. Say, as to another thing dragons supposedly don’t go in for –”

Len braces himself for a comment about his eyes.

“– ain’t it a taboo to let a human ride you?”

“Supposedly,” Len says, oddly pleased by the human’s discretion. “And yet everyone in a rush tends to toss things onto their back; it’s just how dragons work. Humans are no expectation.”

“Makes sense.”

“No comment on my eyes?”

“Figured whatever did it must have made a pretty big boom,” the guy says wistfully. The files had said ‘pyromaniac’; looks like they weren’t exaggerating. 

“It did,” Len says. “Blue flame.”

He remembers it vividly. It’s probably the last thing he’ll ever see, unless Lisa’s quest for a miracle cure with that little pack of humans at STAR Labs works out. 

No matter. He's not going to let a thing like this stop him.

“What were you doing around blue flame?” the human asks. “Enough of it to blind a dragon – I didn’t even know you could get that much of it in one spot.”

Len smirks. “Oh, you’d be surprised,” he drawls. “I’m something of a collector of it, you see. Just so happen that the last batch I went for was booby-trapped.”

Oh, and Rip Hunter and his stupid band of so-called Time Masters were going to _pay_ for that, too, as soon as Len gets his bearings back. He doesn't need eyes to be the best draconic thief in Central City; all he needs is his brain and a little help.

The human hums a little, understanding entirely. “And you need a strong human if you’re gonna keep collecting,” he says. “One that ain’t afraid to throw rocks at dragons. That’s why you took me.”

“Got it in one,” Len says cheerfully. “But I’ll offer you very good terms for your eventual release: every job you pull with me will be a tenth off your freed-price.”

“Ten jobs, huh?”

“Ten jobs, or however long it takes to get to your price in work-months, yes.”

“Sign me up,” the human says.

“I’d need your name for that.”

“Mick Rory. Your name isn’t _really_ Eobard Thawne, is it?”

“Hell no,” Len says. “That’s just the guy whose credit I lifted. Nasty pompous son of a bitch; I make a point of stealing from him whenever possible.”

“Stupid name,” Mick opines.

“Agreed,” Len says. “I’m Leonard Snart.”

“Not much better,” Mick says.

Len snorts. “I don’t disagree. So what do you say, human? Partners?”

“Partners with a dragon, huh?” Mick says. “That’s a pretty fancy place for a jailbird like me to aspire to.”

“Stick with me,” Len says, grinning big and broad and utterly unable to resist, “and you’ll never go hungry again.”

“Give me fire,” Mick says, “and I’ll even forget that you quoted Disney at me.”

“Deal.”


	78. dragon week 5.1 (coldwave) - flying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two fics for Dragon Week Day 5 (since this one's so short), number 1: flying
> 
> For the prompt: Mick teaches dragon!Len to fly via the tried-and-true method of throwing him off a skyscraper.

“I’m serious,” Len says.

“You’re not serious,” Mick says.

“No, really, I’m –”

“ _Insane_.”

“I am not. How else will I learn?” Len says, like he’s being reasonable or something.

“Jump off yourself,” Mick suggests.

“I can’t,” Len says. “That’s the problem: I’m scared of heights. Because of that, I can’t fly. I want to fly. Therefore, the obvious solution –”

“Is for me to _throw you off a skyscraper_?”

“Yes, exactly!” Len says.

“ _No_.”

“But –”

“ _Consent_ , Lenny. I said no.”

Len pouts.

Mick crosses his arms.

“Maybe if it were something smaller first?” Len suggests. 

Mick eyes him warily.

Len beams at him.

“…what were you thinking?”

(two days later)

“Barry,” Cisco says. “I’m getting reports that Heatwave and Captain Cold have been sighted on top of the neighborhood jungle gym. Heatwave appears to be tossing Cold off of it.”

“You know what,” Barry says, after a long moment. “I’m not even going to do anything with that.”

“But –”

“ _No_ , Cisco. Let them be weirdos if that’s what they want.”

(two weeks later)

“Barry,” Cisco says.

“No,” Barry says.

“Captain Cold just sprouted wings and flew away, Barry.”

“No,” Barry says.

“But Barry –”

“ _No._ ”

“Just saying that isn’t going to make it not have happened.”

“I’m going to pretend that it will,” Barry says.

“Seconded,” Caitlin says weakly.

“Actually, he has very pretty wings,” Iris says.

“ _No_ , Iris!” Joe exclaims.


	79. dragon week 5.2 (coldwave + legends) - pest 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two fics for Dragon Week Day 5, number 2: pest 2
> 
> (will probably only make sense if you read pest 1, which is chapter 75 in this)

When Rip Hunter came for Heatwave, he came for a master thief. 

One of the best of all time, some said. The heists he pulled were clever – almost fiendishly brilliant – and perfectly executed: timing, planning, contingencies built on contingencies, everything. They were even _stylish_. And then his turn towards supervillainy was nothing short of impressive in itself: to continue to operate as a thief in Central City when faced with the full might and speed of the Flash, to broker a deal with him in order to continue operations and then to maneuver that deal into a band of meta-humans who considered themselves indebted to him..! Nothing short of brilliant. 

Despite the man’s somewhat unusual personal eccentricities – he was well-known to history as a pyromaniac, thus the nickname ‘Heatwave’ despite his possession of both hot and cold guns, and of course his habit of taking his pet dragon (only in Central…) with him everywhere he went was very nearly as well known – Rip was certain that Mick Rory would be a valuable addition to his team of Legends.

He wasn’t expecting him to be quite so…thuggish.

“Ouch!” Rip yelps, pulling his foot up onto his chair and glaring at the big, fat dragon that had stepped on his food while lumbering over to eat some of the food Rory had left for him. What an ungainly brute! He couldn’t understand why Rory kept it around. Someone capable of such excellent twists of timing surely had no need for a creature that spent half its days lazing around in a ungainly pile on the floor, thrashing its tail from side to side.

Honestly, Rip would swear that creature had a tendency to step on him in particular, especially when he was contemplating Rory’s many deficiencies. 

Hmm. Well, at least it was well-trained. 

Perhaps Mr. Palmer was correct in his suggestion that the creature served as some sort of therapy animal.

It couldn't possibly be of any _real_ use.

\--------------------------------------------------------

"Who thinks -" a voice starts, then abruptly cuts off. Ray freezes where he's sitting flat on his butt in a closet. That wasn't his fault: he was heading towards the dagger when Mick's stupid dragon had _headbutted_ him. 

Suddenly, the voice is laughing. "Well, well," Savage says - 'cause that is definitely Savage, oh _crap_ \- "it seems that we have a Central City dragon, well outside of its regular haunts. What rich man thought you a prize, my sweet?"

Ray peeks out the closet door. Savage is kneeling down before the dragon, holding out a piece of meat, which the dragon takes and swallows. He has a nasty looking knife in his other hand. A knife meant for _Ray_.

Gulp.

The dragon purrs.

It sounds like a motorcycle engine without a proper muffler.

"Sir?" another voice says from the door.

"Cancel the alarm," Savage says, standing. "It seems was only our, ah, ‘little’ friend here. Come along, yes - come - there is food this way -"

The dragon - traitor! - waddles off after Savage, apparently quite happy to be lured to the dark side by the suggestion of food, even if it was _evil food_.

Though if it hadn't pushed him into the closet, Ray might've gotten caught. 

Probably some good training on Mick's part; some instinct to hide humans if guards were coming. Dragons were like pigeons, right? You could train pigeons.

At least now Ray has a clear line of sight on the dagger.

Though he doesn't know how to explain to Mick that he'd lost his companion dragon, and to Savage of all people...

Turns out he doesn't have to, since the dragon comes back by the time Ray undoes the system guarding the dagger. It's draped in gold chains, the little tart. Savage has horribly gaudy taste. 

The dragon tries to push him away from the box, but a simple swat on the nose takes care of that. Ray's almost done, he can't be distracted by a dragon being weirdly twitchy -

A cage drops down around them both.

The dragon lightly bonks its head against the base of the pedestal, almost like it's frustrated. Then it turns its beady little eyes on Ray.

Ray gulps. 

Mick had said the dragon was totally safe. Then why did Ray feel fundamentally _un_ safe right now..?

Dragons are like pigeons, right? Giant, scaly pigeons. 

With, uh, very long teeth...long, toxic teeth…

Ray has never been so happy to be threatened by a villain before in his life. Thanks, Savage!

\-------------------------------------------------------------

The dragon is _blisteringly_ mad, Jax thinks.

Sure, it's just a dumb animal, but it clearly didn't appreciate Mick having tossed the box with the thermal core to it and telling it to run.

Well, 'run' might not be the word - dragons primarily waddled - but they did have wings and it had been able to climb up the wall, thermal core box in mouth, before any of the Russians could get to him. Bullet-proof scales were helpful that way.

Still.

Jax kneels down by the dragon.

"We'll get him back," he tells it. "Doesn't matter what Rip says; Sara's got a plan. We've got this."

The dragon growls, but turns and rubs it's head on Jax's knee. 

"Man, I haven't played with one of you since I was a kid," Jax says wistfully. He remembered climbing all over one; they were quite nice, really, as long as you weren’t malicious. And there wasn’t any strict cut-off point where they stopped seeing you as a kid: as long as you were nice and cheerful, they didn’t mind you at all.

"I just wish there was something I could do," Jax says.

The dragon - Mick called him Len, and sometimes Lenny, which was a bit of a weird name for a dragon, but then again dragons didn't usually have names at all - turns and closes his jaws lightly around Jax's wrist. It's nowhere near enough pressure to hurt, but Jax is Central City, born and bred: he freezes. 

First rule of playing with dragons: they mean you no harm, and if you don't move, they won't do anything.

The dragon tugs lightly at Jax's wrist.

"Careful there," Jax says. "I'm breakable. Please remember that."

The dragon huffs a little, and hacks up a puff of smoke. It's barely warm enough to heat Jax's arm, even though the dragon hasn't released him.

Jax can't help but grin. "Yeah, I'm the one who's normally on fire," he says. "Can't without Stein - whoa, careful now!" he adds, because the dragon has gone back to teething on him. "If you bite me -"

He pauses.

"Hold up," he says. "Stein told me about a thing once. You bit me, he gets bit too - and they used it to pass messages!"

The dragon releases him.

"Lenny, you're a genius," Jax says, and scratches its chin before dashing off to tell the others.

As he passes through the door, he sees the dragon yawn and curl up for a nap. Must've worn itself out, worrying about Mick.

Dragons were so cute.

\--------------------------------------------------------------------------

The pirates weren't anticipating a bear-size bullet-proof-scale-covered lump of blubber with sharp, toxic teeth and the ability to breath fire and ice.

They certainly weren't anticipating one coming out of the vents.

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------

"I found Jax," Mick reports.

"Is he still a bird creature?" Kendra asks.

"Yep."

"...are you okay?"

"Yep."

"What did you do to him?"

"Nothing.” 

“Mick…”

“Lenny's sitting on him, s'all. Maybe the kid’s a little flatter now, not gonna lie..."

Kendra snickers despite herself. 

"I'm going after Savage," she says.

"Take Haircut," Mick advises.

"You think I can't manage on my own either?" she asks, annoyed.

"That's dumber than I usually am," Mick says. "I don't work alone either, and I'm pretty damn good at managing by myself. That ain’t why you get yourself a partner."

"You don't?" Kendra asks, frowning. Mick always kept back to himself, though he was slowly warming up to the rest of the group. "Who do you usually work with?"

"Lenny, of course."

Kendra covers her smile. "Ah, yes," she says as solemnly as she can. "Of course. A very valuable partner to have at your back."

"Now you're getting the picture," Mick says approvingly. 

"It's not _quite_ the same thing..."

"Haircut's more like a puppy than Len is," Mick says. Kendra has to nod a little at that, even though she's still smiling; still, she's glad Mick's delusions of companionship haven't gone quite so far. "Besides, even a puppy can be useful."

"Oh?"

"Well," Mick says. "Between me and Lenny, which one of us do you think's sitting on Jax right now?"

"With you, Mick," Kendra says, now grinning outright, "I'd say it's even odds."

Mick barks a laugh.

Kendra decides that maybe it won't hurt to take Ray as back-up.

They still don’t get the dagger, but on the bright side, they manage to get back to the ship before the Time Masters’ thugs steal it away.

Imagine if they hadn’t – they might’ve been stuck in the past!

\--------------------------------------------------------------------

The dragon yawns ostentatiously by Stein's side.

Every single one of the cowboys in the tavern avert their eyes, like they want to be elsewhere. 

They'd initially come around mockingly at Stein's "pet", which Mick had insisted he take with him - assuming perhaps that he was some sort of dancing bear.

To be entirely honest, Stein hadn't particularly disagreed, though he stiffly objected when they tried to make the dragon perform. This was Mr. Rory's therapy animal, after all, however unusual the species chosen; he could just imagine Clarissa's reaction he explained that it had survived supervillains and pirates but had gotten injured when it was supposedly entrusted to his care.

Then the dragon had spat out what could only be described as a hairball of ice into the gun (and hand) of the man who tried to shoot Stein, and suddenly everyone seemed to be thinking better of screwing with him.

"You're not that bad," Stein whispers to the dragon, and sneaks him some scraps from the table. 

Mr. Rory had done an excellent job of training it, really. 

At any rate, Stein certainly felt safer with it by its side while the others went to deal with the bandit gang.

While he...

"I don't suppose you have any views on using future medicine to save that poor boy's life," Stein says waspishly to the dragon.

The dragon just purrs unhelpfully.

"Well, I'm going to get it from the ship," Stein says. "Are you coming?"

The dragon got up on its feet, which given its bulk was no small feat.

Stein chose to take its willingness to obey as approval.

\-------------------------------------------------------------------

The dragon waddled through the door and went straight for Sara, catching her boot with his teeth and tugging.

Sara hadn't really had that much interactions with the dragon - she liked Mick well enough, even if his tendency to refer to the dragon by a human name and act like he answered questions was weird; she couldn't imagine ever doing that to any of the rats or eponymous small birds that littered Starling - but she smirks down at it regardless.

It tugs again, almost desperately.

It probably wanted something.

Where was Mick, anyway?

Oh, right, on the mission to rescue his “past self” from the Pilgrim. What a bizarre idea. 

"What's wrong, Lenny?" she jokes. "Mickey's fallen down a well?"

The dragon releases her boot and looks up at her.

If she didn't know better, she'd say it was glaring.

She grins, about to make another joke when – 

"No, you _moron_ , Hunter's gonna get him shot," it says. "Now get off your ass and help him."

"Holy _crap_ you can _talk_!"

The dragon bares its teeth at her. 

"Which I will wonder about later because right now I'm going to help Mick," Sara says hastily. 

It just watches her run off the ship with narrow eyes.

After she helps save Mick, and after that Mick helps save her own past self, and one thing after another, it's only at the Refuge that she finally gets a minute to confront him about his apparently _talking dragon_.

“Yeah, so?” he says.

“Why didn’t you _mention it_?” she hisses. That dragon was everyone on the Waverider - god only knows how much it knew about all of them - 

“No point,” he says. “You ever see that old WB short they used to put in front of movies? The one with the dancing frog?”

“The…you mean ‘One Froggy Evening’?”

“S’that what it’s called?”

“The one with the frog that dances and sings when it’s alone with its owner, yeah, but when it’s in public it –” Her eyes go wide. “ _Oooooh_.”

“Yeah,” Mick says, shaking his head. “Just like that. Lenny’s a bit of a dick.”

“I can appreciate that in a guy,” Sara says. “Or, uh, dragon. As the case may be.”

Mick just shrugs.

“You’re not worried about the Pilgrim going after _him_ , are you?” she asks, a little anxiously. Now that she knew it was sentient, well, it made a lot of the more amusing incidents on board the Waverider look a lot less like silly pet accidents and a lot more like the workings of a brilliant, mischievous mind.

“Nah,” Mick says. “Dragons’ scales apparently repel everything, even time.”

“What does _that_ mean?”

“I have _no idea_ ,” Mick confesses. “Lenny refused to explain, when I asked.”

\-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

The Oculus explosion…is.

There’s no other way to describe it. Mick couldn’t let Haircut sacrifice himself, he just couldn’t, and he knows that makes him a sentimental idiot, but he had to do it. He barely even thought about it.

He did spare a thought to hope that Jax and Sara would take care of Lenny. They were Lenny’s favorites on board.

But yeah, he did it, and he did it without thinking, and he guess that makes him a hero now.

He’s had a lot of time to think about it.

Sort of.

When the explosion happened, the Oculus – or whatever the Oculus was keeping in check – just _gushed_ forth, and time went a little bit wonky after that.

The Oculus explosion _is_.

Literally.

As in, it’s the present moment.

Just, you know, forever.

There was a while there where Mick focused on the body horror of it all – his body trapped in a single moment, heart stopped between one beat and the next, and his mind still alive and ticking just as well as ever. His fingers are frozen on the Oculus device, the fire of the explosion surrounds him without ever reaching him – he was at the epicenter of the explosion, so he was the first one hit, frozen a second before he burned.

The Time Masters weren’t so lucky.

They’re going to burn _forever_.

Well deserved, in Mick's view. 

He’s still stuck here, though. Kinda sucks.

At least he has a lot of pretty fire to look at and a brain that rather enjoys doing nothing but that, because he’s pretty sure incipient insanity is the next logical step here.

Mick’s only a few steps down that road when Lenny shows up.

At first he thinks that it’s a sign of him _going_ nuts, imagining a big, fat, waddling dragon plunking along the entranceway to the Oculus chamber, ducking under the frozen flames with a sour look that only Lenny could ever do quite right on his face.

Mick would ask him what the hell, but he can’t move his mouth.

He’s still about 90-95% sure it’s a hallucination when Lenny gets right up close to him and pins his boot with his teeth.

Mick _feels_ that.

Still can’t say “ouch” but he thinks it.

Then he thinks “what the hell”, followed shortly by “wait this is real?!” and “how the hell did you even get here you little fink.”

Len tugs.

Mick’s leg doesn’t move.

Len grows, then tugs again.

Mick’s foot jerks a little, right under Len’s mouth, but nowhere else. 

Len licks Mick’s boot, mouthing at it all over, then tries to tug again.

This time, Mick’s foot moves.

Mick’s torn between jubilant ecstatic joy at the thought of a rescue and the realization that his very near-term future involved a lot of dragon drool.

It does.

“Was that necessary?” Mick complains once Len’s gotten the majority of his body down on the ground and has spent an unnecessarily long time licking at his face.

“Dragons aren’t really immune to time, just our scales are,” Len says. “Some small ground-up part of that gets into our saliva. Your alternatives are that I eat you or kill myself and drape my scales around you.”

“…lick away.”

“I thought you’d say that,” Len says. “Now hold still, if it dries, you’ll just get frozen again.”

Mick grumbles.

It takes what feels like but definitely isn’t forever to get out of the Oculus chamber.

“Now what?” Mick asks, looking around the frozen destruction of the Vanishing Point. The further out from the Oculus, the longer it took for things to freeze, so the aftereffects of the gigantic bomb are definitely in the air. He might be the only person ever to get a slow-motion showing of what a nuclear bomb explosion looks like from the inside of the epicenter. 

“Now we go home,” Len says, waddling pointedly away.

“You know I can’t breathe in space, right?” Mick inquires, trailing after him. “And neither can you, as far as I know.”

“There’s a time pocket,” Len says. “It’s a bit small – you’ll have to crawl – but you’d better be damn pleased with it. I had to shed my whole winter coat to make it.”

“Poor Lenny,” Mick says, seeing where the shed dragon scales started to make a path that eventually led to what could only be described as a small burrow hole in existence. Like what you’d expect from a rabbit or a mole, except, you know, _in spacetime_. “I didn’t know you guys were a burrowing species.”

“It’s vestigial.”

“Lucky for me it’s not _that_ vestigial.”

They crawl out into…

“This is my apartment, Lenny,” Mick says.

“I thought you’d appreciate a touch of home,” Len sniffs.

“This is my _first_ apartment, Lenny,” Mick says, crossing his arms. “The very first one.”

Lenny looks shifty.

“Exactly _what_ were you doing when we first met?”

“Nothing! Lounging! You know how dragons like to do that!”

“Sell that to someone who doesn’t know you,” Mick says. “Well?”

“What makes you think I was doing something?!”

“The fact that this is clearly a burrow you’ve used before,” Mick says, and waits.

Len crumbles like his favorite type of coffee cake. 

“…I was stealing forks off of the Titanic.”

“Of course you were,” Mick sighs. “ _Why_?”

“They were pointy. I dunno, I had a sudden craving.”

“ _Dragons_ ,” Mick says, and goes to take a shower.


	80. dragon week 6 - seeing eye human 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> dragon week 6 - seeing eye human 2 (follow up to chapter 77)
> 
> for the prompt: If you don't already have plans for the rest of dragonweek, could I request a sequel for seeing eye human where mick is kidnapped by eobard as revenge and Len has to rescue him?

It's a very good thing that Len knows the flight path to STAR Labs by heart, because he flies it now, alone and at top speed.

"I need your prototype," he says abruptly, bursting into the Accelerator lab through the dragon entrance.

"Uh, dude, rude much?" Cisco says. "No hello?"

Cisco was Lisa's beloved, and so he did not fear Len.

That is a mistake. 

Len bares his teeth and mantles his wings, full-on threat display, and he might not be able to see the picture he makes anymore but he can feel the slick layer of mud and drying blood that sticks to his scales, and no one ever found him less than terrifying before his blindness.

Cisco's frightened gasp of air indicates he hasn't lost his touch.

"I need," he says levelly, albeit through a mouth full of sharp points, "your prototype."

"It's not ready yet!" Cisco says, and shrieks when Len swings his snout towards him threateningly. "It's not, man, I swear!"

"Lenny, what's crawled up your ass?" Lisa says, poking her head in from one of the other rooms and hurrying over to hover over her human protectively.

"He took from me," Len rages, though his voice stays as cold as ever. Colder. "He took from me, and I need to make him pay."

"That seems a bit hypocritical," Barry says, jogging out to the main room, Caitlin shortly behind him. 

"I'm going to take your prototype," Len says, "only because I need it for what I'm going to do."

"And what's that?" Barry asks.

"I'm gonna murder him."

"You can't!" Caitlin exclaims.

"Watch me," Len says, huffing through his nostrils. He can feel the fire licking at the back of his throat. "I'll even make it legal and challenge him first, but one way or another, I’m gonna have his throat in my claws -"

"Len, you steal so many other people's stuff, it seems a bit much for you to be this upset," Cisco says.

"And we can't let you take the prototype if you're going to murder someone," Barry adds.

"Especially over a theft," Caitlin says. "I thought dragons didn't care much about property that isn't their hoard?"

"Len," Lisa says, ignoring the humans. "Len, where's Mick? Why isn't he with you?"

"Because he _took him from me_!"

"He stole _Mick_?" Cisco says indignantly, sympathies changing in the flash that was the laboratory's mascot. "That's just wrong, man. You can’t take…people’s people. Just no taking people at all, really."

"We still can't let Len go murder a person," Barry objects, but it's a bit weaker.

"It's not a person," Len says. "It's Eobard Thawne."

"On second thought, let's go a-murdering."

"Barry!" Caitlin exclaims.

"He deserves it and you know it," Barry says. "He’s deserved it for a long time. Cisco, the prototype?"

Cisco digs out a pair of goggles large enough to wrap around even Len's head. "They're not ready," he warns. "You won't get your vision back, and it may even make things worse in the long run, especially if you’re not careful putting them on and taking them off again. They tap into your _nervous system_."

"We're talking serious damage here," Caitlin adds, looking worried. "You put these on, you may never be able to see again."

"But I'll see while they're on?" Len asks.

"For the short term, yes," Catilin says.

"Good enough for me," Len says grimly. "Let's get to it."

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------

“You have no idea what you’ve gotten yourself into,” Mick observes, settling himself in for a wait. “Also, seriously, a cage hanging from the ceiling? How medieval are you?”

“I know exactly what I’ve gotten myself ‘into’, as you put it,” Eobard says crisply. “Mr. Snart has stolen from me one too many times, but until now he has not be sufficient attached to any given item in his collection to consider it a hoard-item, something worth keeping. Not until you.”

“I thought you dragons respected each others’ hoards?” Mick asks, not without curiosity. “Len’s always real good about keeping his hands off other dragons’ personal stuff when we break into their caves. It’s all the rest we take.”

“Mr. Snart’s sentimentality does him credit, I’m sure,” Eobard says. “Hoards are irrelevant in the modern age. _Utility_ is what’s important.”

“Huh,” Mick says.

Eobard turns and squints at the human. “That sounded remarkably thoughtful for a human such as yourself, not that I find many examples of true ingenuity in the mammalian species. What is it that you think you’ve understood?”

“You don’t got a hoard at all, do you,” Mick says, not bothering to make it a question. “You don’t _feel_ the connection that a dragon ought to have to it.”

“How I feel is irrelevant,” Eobard says, but the spines along his spine stiffen.

“You’re a sociopath,” Mick concludes. “Human or dragon, it's all the same. You can’t or won’t form connections to the outside world, and you’re inclined to destroy it, too.”

“As I said,” Eobard says, his voice hovering just above a snarl. “Irrelevant. Mr. Snart has fixated on you, for some reason, and there is no doubt that he will come charging in here to rescue you. With his physical impairment, defeating him will be of no moment.”

“You shouldn’t underestimate Len like that.”

“You should be less concerned about your master,” Eobard says, “and more concerned about yourself. Once Mr. Snart’s heart has beat its last, ownership of your contract immediately transfers to me as the rightful victor.”

His smile is filled with terrible, jagged teeth and his eyes with terrible, jagged ideas.

“I don’t particularly like humans,” he says, “but I can think of some uses for them.”

He turns away.

“Lenny,” Mick murmurs to himself, “for once, I really hope you keep your cool.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------

“What on _earth_ are you wearing?” Eobard exclaims.

Len snorts. “A fashion statement,” he says bitingly. “Vision corrective goggles, what do you _think_ , you _moron_? That I’d be so upset that I’d run in here _blind_?”

“In the middle of a goddamn _fight_ , Lenny?” Mick’s voice floats down. "You really can't resist, can you?"

Len flicks his eyes upwards, identifying the hovering lump of heat-signature and the cold-signature lines of the metal around him. The goggles don’t actually restore his sight, working instead by accessing the optic nerves to put him on the infrared spectrum, but it works well enough for what he needs it for.

And what he needs it for is distraction.

As he expects, when he speaks the Words of Challenge, Eobard leaps straight for his face, claws out, teeth bared, aiming straight for the goggles.

Eobard is older, bigger; his breed is more known for power than Len’s, and he’s damned fast, too. But goggles make for a small, tricky target, and Len’s able to get in some serious hits – a leg, an elbow – before Eobard finally brings his claws down on the goggles, shattering them.

Something in Len’s brain goes abruptly and dazzlingly white in pain for just a second as the connection is snapped off abruptly.

That was probably his optic nerve frying.

Len hopes not, but, well, he knew what he was getting into.

He snakes out of Eobard’s grip.

“I think,” Eobard says, his bulk heaving with the need to breath deep after the effort, but his voice filled with satisfaction, “that the match is mine. If you lay your neck at my feet and beg for mercy, I may spare you.”

 _May_ being the key word. 

Barry Allen’s mother begged, for the sake of her son, which she had stolen back from Eobard’s laboratory of horrors, the trespass justification enough for a Challenge, and Eobard crushed her beneath his feet anyways, an ignoble battle – a Challenge against a human, of all things; unknown before then and outlawed since. 

“Yeah,” Len says, and he’s barely winded: Eobard’s been doing all the heavy lifting of this fight so far, focusing as he did on the goggles. The assumption that once the thing that brings him back to the standard is gone, he's helpless, is as irritating as ever, but for once, it's quite useful. “I don’t think so. Mick?”

“I got you,” Mick says, his voice warm and strong.

Len attacks.

Mick shouts out suggestions and Len follows them, the two of them working together seamlessly, months of practice kicking in, their mutual trust in their partnership flawless. 

Len doesn’t need his eyes, as long as he has Mick. 

It’s not long before Eobard is hacking up blood, his wing bent wrong, his blood splattering the floor, and the softer scales of his neck beneath Len’s claws.

“Mercy,” he rasps, glaring up at Len. He’s still not scared: he’s _annoyed_. Like this was one of his horrific experiments, twisted creations and genetic monstrosities, attempts to graft together draconic abilities and human ingenuity, one of the ones that didn’t go quite as he hoped. One of the ones that he thinks: better to discard now, cut the losses, and try again another time. Rely upon the laws and conventions of dragonkind to win himself another day to plan another way to hurt.

But Len’s no fool, and he’s no hero, either.

“Barry Allen sends his best wishes,” he says instead, and Eobard’s eyes go wide in understanding just a half-second before Len strikes.

\----------------------------------------------------------------

“I can’t believe he’s gone,” Barry says, sounding a little dazed. 

“He never stood a chance against our Lenny,” Mick says happily, patting Barry on the shoulder. 

Barry smiles at him. “It’s nice to meet you,” he says. “Sorry I didn’t say it earlier.”

“Nah, you had other things to worry about,” Mick says dismissively.

“Still, thanks. I’ve been wanting to meet you ever since Lisa started talking about you – Len doesn’t like _anybody_ , and then there's you. He loves you.”

“I wouldn’t say it quite like that,” Mick objects, flushing a little.

“I would,” Barry says firmly. “Do you…?”

Mick rubs the back of his head awkwardly. “Okay, yeah,” he says. “It’s mutual. No need to make a big deal out of it or anything.”

“Lisa’s going to make a big deal about it,” Barry says, shaking his head. “As soon as she stops beating Len up after Caitlin lets him out of his check-up.”

“Even if his eyes are shot for good, I’ll take care of him,” Mick says firmly.

“They’re not,” Caitlin calls, coming out of the medical bay with Cisco and pointedly ignoring the sounds of feisty draconic play-wrestling happening behind her. “He hurt them, yes, and he’s going to need quite some time to heal up before we can even _think_ of making him a new set of goggles, but I think the risk of permanent damage is low.”

“Good,” Mick says. “Need to protect that beautiful brain of his. God knows Lenny isn’t going to do it.”

Barry snorts. “Too true,” he says, grinning. “Want some help with that? Can’t be easy, keeping him out of trouble.”

Mick studies Barry thoughtfully. “I don’t know,” he says. “How do you feel about stealing…?”


	81. coldwave reunited

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For the prompt: Mick hadn't realized the guy he saved in jail happened to be the same punk he'd saved years ago in juvie.

The kid he saved in juvie was a target because he looked weak. 

He had a handful of bruises already, a swollen lip, a limp in his step; it was clearly his first time in juvie, the way he looked around. He looked like easy prey, and that's how the gangs saw him.

The leader of the gang had gone straight for him, pushing him around and laughing, and the kid had turned around and smacked him right in the face. Terrible punch, barely did any damage, but enough to piss the whole damn gang off.

Mick had saved him because -

He doesn't know.

A whim, maybe.

Oh, the kid had tried to offer thanks - both in words and in actions, everything from stealing him a lighter to crawling into his cot - but Mick'd refused. At first because he didn't want to get close to anyone ever again; later, by the time it was too late, simply because it clearly drove the kid absolutely wild that he was in Mick's debt and Mick wouldn't let him repay him. 

The kid's impotent fury had made Mick smile for months after he'd been released and Mick had stayed behind.

The only thing he regrets is never bothering to learn the kid's name. 

Mick had never been good with names; he preferred recognizable nicknames. The kid had been frustratingly resistant to nicknames, though - Mick must've gone through a dozen before the kid had disappeared, swept out of the system as rapidly as he'd come in.

The last one he'd settled on had been Kitty-cat, because of the way the kid purred when he was pleased with something. Kid hadn't liked that much, which had only made it more fun.

Kid _had_ liked it when Mick pet him, though, all instinctive flinching aside. He'd gone all boneless and happy and painfully turned on, but Mick wasn't holding that against him - kid was fourteen and an ill wind could get his attention. Mick wasn't going to hold it against him in any other way, either - he didn't do kids, and he could never get that first impression of the kid out of his head: bruised up by someone who knew exactly what they were sending him into, soft and trying desperately to look hard. 

He'd taught the kid how to throw a punch and how to fight; he only hoped that the kid had retained that information going forward.

Mick vaguely missed the kid now: those curious-looking eyes and that ridiculous hair that curled everywhere. 

Mick's in jail this time, not juvie, but the habit he got of watching the intake hasn't gone away. It's useful to know who's who - who's an incoming mob boss, frightening despite their unimposing statures; who's a thug and how that'll affect the balance of power in the gangs; who's a target.

He's just spotted the newest target.

Black hair clipped close in a way that managed, unhelpfully, to highlight his cheekbones and the soft bow of his pink lips; slight build still in the process of gaining muscle; trim little waist just begging to have someone wrap their hands around.

It was obviously his first time in jail, the way he looked around.

Face like that, the question wasn't 'if' but rather 'who' and 'when'. He's too pretty; people look at that and want it, and they don't care if you're easy prey or not. 

Mick idly hopes for the new guy's sake that it's someone relatively kind. New guy like that, face like that: the guards will take one look at him and put him with the mobsters, maybe, or the old-style gangs. Someone who'll give him a chance to consent first.

When news of the new guy's cell assignment filters out to the yard, Mick is stunned.

"The guards are trying to kill him," he says aloud, forgetting his usual policy of playing dumb as a rock.

"No kidding," one of the other inmates agrees, too distracted by the news to really notice how weird it was for Mick to comment. "That guy killed his last two cellies - and they weren't nearly his type. And if he doesn't, his gang will."

Mick makes a face. It's going to be ugly. 

New guy's first reaction to meeting his new cellmate, leering and smirking, is to punch him in the face hard enough to bruise up his knuckles and knock out a tooth. 

That's when all the guy's gang goes for him.

Mick gets the weirdest feeling of déjà vu.

Whatever. 

He wades in, fists first. The new guy's first punch was surprisingly decent - definitely a concussion, which made the ringleader much easier to take down; all for the best as they'd probably be screwed otherwise. 

It's all for the best that the guards break it up when they do. Mick can calculate how long it generally takes them, and he's done enough to scare the gang into thinking he has a lot more endurance than he does despite the fact that ten more minutes would probably exhaust him. The guards grudgingly let him go - they'd love to throw him in solitary, but the new guy pipes up that he'd been talking with Mick when the rest of the gang just jumped them and the guards just buy it for some reason. 

Like the new guy would have a reason to get jumped that's beyond his looks.

Mick drags the new guy off and throws him up against a wall. "Why're you in?" he demands.

"Theft," the guy chokes.

"And?"

"That's it. Theft."

"The guards don't want thieves dead that bad," Mick says. If he finds out that he defended a kid-fucker even by accident - that's the only thing the guards really hate -

"My dad's an ex-cop," the guy says. "Thrown out on corruption charges."

Huh. Actually, that’s right; the guards really hate that, too. Even worse than kid-fuckers. One of their own gone bad and making money off of it. 

"Oh," Mick says, and lets the guy down. "Fine, then." 

"I hate you," the guy informs him.

Mick blinks. "I didn't throw you against the wall that hard."

"It's not that," the guy says with a sigh.

"Then what?"

"One day I'll tell you."

He never does - Mick figures it out all by himself after the fifth time they sleep together, when Len rolls over and shoves his head under Mick's hand so that Mick can pet him till he goes all boneless and happy, Mick's little kitty-cat even if he's cut his hair and Mick calls him 'boss' now, 'cause that's the only nickname that's ever stuck.

Len tells Mick he'll pay him back eventually, even if it takes him the rest of his life. 

For some reason that sounds more like a threat than a promise, even if it makes Mick all happy inside.

(after the Oculus, Mick knows why)

When Len comes back, Mick makes sure to get him as deep in debt as possible, deep enough that even death won't be enough to pay it off, because he's not going to lose him again.


	82. coldwave - small fandom crossovers

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> five plus one small fandom crossovers
> 
> ...interpreting "small" as "short", these are all three sentences long

Historical:

“Musical!” Mick shouts, pointing at Alexander Hamilton’s face.

“…actually,” Washington says slowly, “I don’t think Mr. Hamilton can sing at all.”

“Like a yowling cat being beaten, sir,” Hamilton says promptly.

\--

Time Travel:

"Do you ever regret stealing anything?" Sara asks Len. “Ever?”

"Never," Len snorts, flipping open the wallet he'd lifted and reading the name 'Martin McFly' on the driver's license.

"Wait!" he yells, and dashes after the young man he'd lifted it from. "I need to give you this back!"

\--

Mystery:

"I personally prefer Poirot," Mick says. "I never much liked Holmes."

"Oh, thank god!" the man exclaims, hugging Mick. "You're not a fan! You’re not a fan! You have no idea how long it's been since I've met someone who wasn't!"

"Help!" Mick yelps as Len laughs at him.

\--

Fantasy:

Mick walks in and scoops Len up, tossing him over his shoulder.

"Love your work," he grunts to the old professor who Len had been chatting with. "Gotta go!"

"No!" Len wails. "You don't understand! That's JRR Tolkien! I have so much I want to ask!"

\--

Science Fiction:

"Live long and prosper," Mick tells the Thanagarians solemnly.

"That is a most noble greeting," their ambassador says, sounding impressed. "Your people must be most advanced culturally to use such a salutation."

"Let me show you the hand gesture," Len says. "You can use it when you first meet Earth's representatives in a more formal fashion..."

\--

\+ One Other:

Len drifts in the whirlpool of the Oculus with all the other souls lost in time. 

"There's no way out of this time warp," one says mournfully.

"No, no, no, I know this one," Len says. "It's just a jump to the left - and a step to the right -"

(no one's more surprised than Len when it actually works)


	83. coldwave gotham

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Do you think you could go a canon divergence, (maybe with a little coldwave thrown in there), where the Waverider crew ends up in Gotham?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ...somewhat Mick-centric. Mick needs more friends.

“Oh shit, oh shit, oh shit,” Nate chants.

“It’s okay,” Sara says, though she sounds a little nervous herself. “It’s just Gotham.”

“It’s _Gotham_ ,” Nate hisses.

“What’s the matter with Gotham?” Amaya asks.

“Gotham has the largest supervillain population in the United States,” Nate says. “Worst of the worst. The real crazies. Poison gas, fear gas, acid, killer plants – basically, if humanity has had a nightmare about it, it’s probably shown up in Gotham. Which we’re currently stuck in!”

“But, you know, maybe by now…”

“We crashed in 2020,” Stein says. “As of 2016, Gotham was getting worse, not better. Gideon, the supervillain population in Gotham –”

“2020 is the height of the supervillain boom,” Gideon says cheerfully.

“…great.”

“We’re gonna die,” Nate says. “Of all the cities we had to crash into…”

“We just need to get one part to fix the ship and we’ll be able to get out of here,” Ray argues. “In, out, no problem.”

“Has that _ever_ happened?” Jax asks skeptically.

“…it _could_ ,” Ray says.

“We need more than just the part,” Sara says regretfully. “We need to know why the Legion of Doom has come here.”

“Oh,” Ray says. “Well, in that case, yeah, we’re totally going to die.”

Sara rolls her eyes at him. “This is how we’re going to play it,” she says. “Amaya, you’re with me, we’re going to scout for intel; Stein, Ray, Nate, you guys are in charge of finding the part. Mick, Jax –”

“I’m going to a bar,” Mick says. 

“You are _not_!”

“Watch me,” he says, draining his beer and standing up. “You legal yet, kid?” he asks Jax.

“Uh, yeah.”

“You can come with, if you like.”

Sara throws her hands up in annoyance. “Fine,” she says. “Jax, you keep an eye on Mick; you two will be our back-ups. Don’t let Mick get too drunk.”

Jax follows Mick out the door of the Waverider. “They know you’re a grown man who can take care of himself, right?” he asks.

“They forget sometimes,” Mick says. “C’mon.”

“Are we actually going to a bar?”

“Yep.”

“…are you serious?” Jax asks plaintively.

“Yep.”

Jax sighs, but keeps following him, fiddling a bit with the communications in his pocket.

Mick heads straight to the bar on Seventh Ave. Strictly speaking, it’s a speakeasy, not a bar: it serves alcohol, but it doesn’t have a sign on the door and there’s a guy just inside the door to keep uninvited guests from coming in. But everyone calls it a bar.

The guy grunts companionably at Mick and raises his eyebrows at Jax, but doesn’t say a word.

Yeah, Mick figured it’d go much this way.

The inside of the place is surprisingly upmarket, given how shabby the outside is: nice padded armchairs all around sturdy tables that are nailed down, a small stage with a piano, a long bar with a wide variety of options and a few stools.

Mick drops himself down in an armchair. You don’t go sit by the bar if you know what’s good for you.

Jax follows suit and sits next to him. “Nice place,” he observes, his tone suggesting that he would have expected Mick to find a dive bar where the drinks are cheap. 

Joke’s on him. The drinks here are free.

“Mick, darling!” a familiar voice shouts and before Mick can do anything to stop him, he’s got a lap full of what can only be described as an _extremely_ voluptuous set of curves and pine-scented freshness.

“ _Pammy_?” he asks, blinking, instinctively bringing his arms around her. She’s even greener than he remembered, her mostly naked skin lightly dappled with leaf-like shadows and what might be bark. “Did you forget what clothing was again?”

“Ivy, Mick,” she scolds him lightly. “It’s _Ivy_ now, you know that. No, but wait – you’ve got a few rings less on you than you ought. Is this your time-traveling phase?”

“Did I mention that to you?” he asks, ignoring how Jax is having trouble breathing.

“Of course,” she says. “When are you from? That was – mid-2017, wasn’t it?”

“End of 2016, start of 2017,” he says, shrugging.

“How adorable,” Ivy says. “Harley’s just powdering her nose; she’ll be back out in a minute – you’ll know it’s her by the joyful screeching.”

“Tell me she’s murdered that clown ex of hers,” Mick says.

“Joker? Oh, no, he’s still around. She did beat him in an inch of his life, though, and they’re very firmly broken up now.”

“Good,” Mick says, and turns his head to nod at Bane when the large man walks by on his way to his favorite armchair in the corner.

“You want a drink?” Ivy asks. “I’ll mix you up something, fix what’s ailing you.”

Mick nods and releases from his arms, letting her glide over to the bar. The bartender keeps his distance; wise man, but he’d have to be, to work here.

“Mick!” Jax hisses in his ear.

“What?” 

“That was _Poison Ivy_!”

“Yeah,” Mick says. “And Harley Quinn’s in the bathroom, and that’s Bane in the corner, next to Killer Croc. S’probably too early for Penguin or Riddler to show up, unless they’re having a fight again. Those two never stay broken up.”

“Mick, I mean this in the nicest way, but _what the hell_?”

“Supervillain bar,” Mick says, shrugging. “We got an invite – Len and me, that is – after that first big televised fight against the Flash…”

Thinking of Len makes his shoulders slump, as it always does, but a second later Ivy’s back, holding a glass of something that’s billowing green smoke in her hand which she hands to Mick.

“Is this medicinal or can I give the kid a sip?” Mick ask. Ivy’s bartending skills were second to none and shouldn’t be missed.

“I’ll make him something else,” she says. “That’s just for you.”

“Are you actually going to drink that?” Jax yelps when Mick lifts it to his lips.

Mick drains it.

“Anti-depressants, anti-anxiety, mood stabilization,” Ivy observes, looking pleased. “Plus enough alcohol to knock out a horse.”

Yeah, Mick noticed that part. _Yowch._

But he does feel better. 

(Ivy’s always been better than regular pharmaceuticals.)

“I guess I’m still invited, even with the hero thing?” he asks. “Since I apparently mentioned it to you and all.”

“Oh, sure,” Ivy says, shrugging. “If we closed our doors to everyone who was doing a spin on the redemption side of the road, we’d lose half our clientele, and then who’d we play poker with? The _henchmen_?”

“You like your henchpeople,” Mick reminds her.

“They’ve gotten so much happier since Len unionized them,” she admits.

“Mickey!”

“And there’s Harley,” Ivy says, shaking her head. “C’mon, kid, I’ll make you a Fireball, Poison Ivy special variant.”

“You’re not going to kill me, are you?” Jax asks.

“Not in the _bar_ , darling.”

“You’re time-traveling!” Harley announces, plopping down on Mick’s lap like he’s suddenly volunteered to play Santa Claus for the Gotham City Sirens. He wonders idly where Selina is at the moment.

“Yeah,” he says. “How’d you guess?”

“You’re not wearing your coat,” she says promptly, putting her head on his shoulder. “You love that coat: all white and orange and shiny, and more fireproof than the Flash’s heels.”

“White and orange,” Mick echoes skeptically. “Not quite my colors.”

“It’s a fireman’s jacket style,” Harley tells him. “Much less garish than you’d think. Besides, Lenny gave it to you.”

Mick straightens.

“Wait, is he still dead for you?” she asks, concerned.

“He’s _not_?”

She see-saws her hand. “Complicated, I think,” she says. “But he’s alive again by _now_.”

Mick lets his head thunk back on the armchair. “If you’re lying…” he warns.

“I’m not, I’m not,” she says. “Cross my heart, hope to die. Here, have my cellphone; you can text him.”

Mick feels a smile start to return to his face.

“I love this bar!” Jax shouts. He’s halfway through the Fireball Ivy made him, and he’s grinning in a way that does not speak of sobriety. Ivy’s smirking at him with the sort of indulgence you always get when you see a first-timer at the bar.

“Know anything about a Legion of Doom?” Mick asks Harley. “Time traveling, passing through here, possibly gonna cause an aberration and screw up the timeline.”

She snatches the cellphone back from where she’s just handed it to him. “I’ll ping Oracle,” she says, grinning. “Don’t you worry, Mick; we girls will take good care of it for you. You just stay here and drink something hot till you feel right side up.”

“You know what,” Mick says. “That was exactly what I was planning on doing. Oh, and if you see my crew…”

“Ivy will make sure that they don’t bother you and cutie-pie mini-Firestorm at the bar there,” Harley says. Her eyes glint dangerously.

Mick kisses her lightly on the forehead, then makes a face at the sour taste of the make-up she still wore.

“Thanks, H,” he says. “You guys are the _best_.”

Times like this, Mick wonders why the hell he keeps sticking around with the heroes. 

_These_ are his people.


	84. fem!barry coldflashwave

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: Could you possibly do a coldflashwave fic with fem Barry please :) possibly featuring over protective Joe

“You're incredibly hot,” Barry tells Snart, just to see what happens.

“Actually, that's my partner,” he replies automatically, then stops and turns to stare disbelievingly at her.

Barry is grinning. Okay, maybe flushing a bit, but whatever. He'd still totally gone for the pun, just like she’d thought he would. He is _such_ a dweeb.

“You're very hot too,” she tells Heatwave, who was sitting next to Snart and who had turned to stare at her. “I don't want you to feel left out. I'm very equal opportunity.” She sighs. “Not equal opportunity enough, in the last few months. I mean, the equal is still there, but the opportunities are seriously lacking…”

“Um,” Snart says.

Heatwave eyes his partner. “Not like you to be discombobulated by a pretty girl,” he teases. “Last time that happened, it was –” he pauses, then eyes her.

“Uh, Mick…” Snart starts.

“It doesn’t sound as nice to say someone is cool when you mean to say they’re hot,” Barry muses, noticing absently that she was swaying gently from side to side. “It’s, like, totally different meanings. How do you guys keep it straight?” She snickers. “Or not straight. Are you guys straight? You don't seem straight. Is that rude to say?”

“Wait. Is this _her_?!” Heatwave says.

“I don't suppose you've ever heard of discretion?” Snart asks Barry with a sigh.

“ _Her_?!” Heatwave says again.

“I think,” Barry says, quite cheerfully, “that I may be drunk.”

“You _think_?” Snart says, eyebrows arching.

“Caitlin came up with a serum to deal with the metabolism issue,” Barry whispers, because it's a Secret. The Flash thing. Very secret. Unfortunately, the whisper comes out rather loud, but she’s sure that’s just her imagination.

Snart makes a face like he’s developing a headache.

Maybe not just her imagination.

"Was there a memo?" Heatwave asks Snart. "Does everyone but me know now?"

"I'm fairly sure it's still not supposed to be public," Snart replies.

Barry shakes her head. "You're not making sense," she pouts. "And you're ignoring me. Next thing I know, you're running off to Starling to be Mr. Perfect Superhero _Oliver's_ supervillains instead."

"Is Oliver -" Heatwave starts.

"Let's just stop while we're ahead, Mick," Snart says, looking pained.

Barry looks between them suspiciously. They're clearly up to something. They always are. And it's up to her to stop them, because she's the Flash and that means she has to do this again and again and again no matter how much she'd like to just have a day off and the only thing that makes this fun anymore are the occasional battles with the interesting ones that don't really hurt people, the way Snart and Heatwave have stopped doing - 

Her eyes drop to the duffle bags at their feet.

"Uh," Snart says, following her gaze with his own. "it's not what you think -"

"You're planning on leaving!" she exclaims.

"Well, yeah," Heatwave says.

"You can't leave me!" 

“It’s just –” Snart stops.

“No, you can’t!” Barry says, feeling her eyes start to get wet. She always got weepy when she was drunk, at least when she wasn’t in the happy and touchy-feely stage. “You can’t leave! You’re my favorite supervillains! You _can’t_ ; _everybody_ leaves me, at least my _supervillains_ should have to stay!”

"I feel this conversation has rapidly derailed somewhere along the line," Snart says.

"Why are you leaving me?” Barry asks, feeling her lip quiver. “Was I not a good enough hero?”

“You’re a very good hero,” Heatwave says uncomfortably. “Very good. Best arrest I’ve ever had, really. Minus Alexa, but that doesn’t count.”

“Everyone always leaves,” Barry says mournfully. “My dad finally gets out of prison and now he’s off on a journey to ‘find himself’, and my mom is dead and Joe has a brand new son now and I have to be nice because otherwise he’ll be jealous of me, god knows why, because Joe is just _so into_ having a son at last – he gave him, like, a special watch _his_ dad gave to _him_ , 'cause he's always wanted to give that to his _son_ – and now even Iris is going off to have some personal time to reflect for a while, and I get that, I really do, but it still sucks, and Cisco and Caitlin are, like, great, but I did kind of just meet them a few months ago and –”

“The contents of the duffle bags is money,” Snart says, sounding oddly desperate. “We just robbed a bank. The only reason we’re leaving is because we need to wait out the heat. We’ll be _right back_ as soon as the current investigation passes over.”

“Did you literally just tell her that?” Heatwave asks incredulously.

“She’s about to _cry_ ,” Snart hisses.

Barry was _totally_ not about to cry. 

“You mean it?” she asks, blinking a little because her eyes are stupid wet for some reason. Drinking. Caitlin’s serum. All entirely legitimate reasons that are _not_ crying. “You’re not leaving me?”

“You know what you need?” Heatwave says abruptly.

Barry and Snart both look at him.

Heatwave offers her his bottle of tequila. Barry snatches it.

“No!” Snart exclaims.

Barry takes a swig.

“You’re very nice, Heatwave,” she tells Heatwave. “Or, you know, cool. This seems like an appropriate place to say ‘cool’ even though you’re Heatwave.”

“Call me Mick,” Heatwave says. “We’re clearly there in our relationship, even if I didn't know we _had_ one before today.”

“Thanks, Mick,” Barry says brightly, then looks at Snart. “Why haven’t you invited me to use your name?” she asks accusingly.

“Because I hate it?” Snart says, sounding vaguely helpless. “Also, we’re enemies? Am I the only one who remembers this?”

“We’re the _best_ enemies,” Barry assures him, but it doesn’t seem to help much.

“I’m taking her home,” Snart says to Mick.

“Good idea,” Mick replies, eyeing the way Barry is taking gulps from the bottle.

Barry clutches at the bottle. “Mr. Tequila is coming with us,” she says warningly.

“I’d never get between a girl and her tequila,” Snart promises.

Somehow, between the two of them, they get her and the duffle bags into a nice car – it might even be theirs, because Mick uses a key instead of hotwiring it, and just thinking about it makes Barry giggle and tell Mick all about how funny it is that he knows how to _hot_ wire cars, because he’s _Heat_ wave, which Snart finds funny but just makes Mick groan – and drive her back to Joe’s place.

Snart peels Barry out of the backseat. “I’ll be right back,” he says to Mick. “Keep the engine running in case we need to make a quick exit.”

“You’re going to a cop’s house,” Mick says. “I’ll keep my foot on the pedal.”

Snart sighs and nods, and he helps Barry walk to the door. 

Well, to be honest, he’s kind of carrying her. The extra tequila totally put Barry back on into the touchy-feely stage, and she’s currently trying to see if she can octopus her arms around Snart enough to convince him he should _actually_ carry her, because walking just seems like such a pain, you know? 

Also, Snart has such nice arms. Not, like, as nice as Mick’s, but that’s because Mick is basically ridiculous hot. Snart’s got the face, but Mick’s got those _arms_. And shoulders. And that adorable little belly that she spent five minutes in the car petting while his eye started twitching and Snart sounded like he was choking and/or trying not to laugh. 

Snart seems to be considering just picking her up, but then they get to the door.

Boo, door.

He rings the doorbell.

After a few minutes, Joe opens it.

“Think I found something that belongs to–” Snart starts.

“What the _hell_ have you done to my daughter?!” Joe roars.

“Uh,” Snart says. His eyes have gone wide. He has very pretty eyes. 

Barry steps on her tip-toes and nuzzles his neck with her face.

“If you’ve touched a single hair on her head, by god, I am going to –”

Snart starts to back away.

Joe goes for his service weapon.

“ _Shit_ ,” Snart says, and he turns to start running, except Barry’s still holding onto him and refusing to be peeled off, so he just picks her up and dashes to where Mick’s car has just burst onto the lawn, Mick flinging the door open and spinning the car so that Snart can dive in, Barry still in his arms, and then they’re off.

That was _so cool_.

Like, not as speedy as she could do it, but they totally made it into the car and down the street in under a minute.

“You brought her _with you_?!” Mick asks Snart.

“She wouldn’t _let go_!”

“What are we going to _do_ with her?”

“I don’t know!”

“You’re the planner!”

“Yes! Emphasis on _plan_! This was not _part of the plan_!”

“You should embrace spontaneity more,” Barry tells Snart.

Mick cackles. “Yeah, Len. Embrace spontaneity.”

Snart – Len? Mick called him Len, Barry could _totally_ call him Len – shuts his eyes like he has a headache.

Good thing Mick's driving.

“Okay,” he says finally. “We’ll take her home and let her sober up there.”

“Whose home, exactly?” Mick asks, looking amused. At some point he’d moved from being upset to being amused. “We just vacated our safehouse, and if we take her there, we won’t be able to go back.”

Len grits his teeth. “We’ll go to the one on Murphy street,” he says. “No, wait – first to the warehouse on Highwood, because we need to strip her –”

“I’m okay with that,” Barry volunteers. “I’ve always wanted to be stripped by two attractive men.”

“ _Please_ stop talking, Barry,” Len says. Then, to Mick, “If she’s wearing the _outfit_ under her clothing, it might have bugs, trackers, that sort of thing.”

“I usually just run back to Star Labs to change,” Barry says.

“That seems really inefficient,” Mick observes.

“I’m _really_ fast,” Barry objects.

“Still, inefficient. Maybe store it in places around the city for pick-up?”

“Given your popularity, you could probably just offer it to various restaurants and bars and they’d make it a tourist attraction,” Len says. “Here’s a box with a Flash costume – you never know, she could be by at any time –”

“You’re the _best_ supervillains,” Barry says happily. “I wouldn’t want to be stripped by anyone else.” She pauses and think about it. “Unless we’re counting, like, celebrities. Are we counting celebrities?”

“We _are_ celebrities,” Len says. “I have an action figure. Listen, we could just drop you off somewhere?”

“I think I prefer the stripping plan,” Barry says.

“Me, too,” Mick says, rumbling a bit. He sounds very sexy when he does that.

“ _No_ , Mick.”

“I didn’t _mean_ it. Just, you know, once she’s sober, if she’s still up for it…”

“We can ask then,” Len says firmly. “For the time being, we’ll just – shit, is West _following_ us?”

Barry cranes her head around.

“Yup,” she says.

“He’s _insane_ ,” Len says.

“Nah, just overprotective,” Barry says.

“Fuck this city,” Mick says. “Seriously. _Fuck this city_.”

“Hey!” both Barry and Len say.

“No,” Mick says. “This time I’m right and you – _both of you_ – are wrong. This wouldn’t happen anywhere else.”

“…probably not,” Len says, glancing at Barry and finally giving into the smile that’s been hiding behind his lips for the last half hour. “Yeah. Probably not.”

“Gooooooo, Central City!” Barry shouts.


	85. coldflashwave kidnapping

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Prompt: I'd love it if you'd do something where instead of kidnapping Cisco Mick and Len kidnap Barry, since I'm sure they did surveillance and it'd give them a way to get Cisco to make the guns and to blackmail Joe into erasing their records. Coldflashwave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this prompt was a bit similar to my Unexpected Development, I opted to do something different. Escalating-to-six line and back fill.
> 
> Set in Return of the Rogues.

“We’re going to go back to Central and be supervillains again,” Len says.

\--

“We need our guns to do that,” Mick says.

“Well, _obviously_.”

\--

“We could kidnap the tech geek’s brother,” Mick suggests. “That’d get him to behave, do what we want.”

“Nah,” Len says. “I’ve got a better idea.”

“Whatever you say, boss.”

\--

“I feel like this is backwards,” Mick says. “Don’t we want to get Cisco to make us the guns so we can fight the Flash?”

“We want Cisco to make us our guns so we can fight the Flash in _style_ ,” Len corrects him.

“And we’re getting them by – kidnapping the Flash? How does that work?”

“Trust me.”

\--

“What the hell is this stuff?!” the Flash yelps, flailing his arms.

“Quicksand,” Len says.

“There was a whole building full of the stuff,” Mick says. “Actually, it was a little disturbing; you should look into that.”

“Yeah, probably,” Len agrees. “Kind of weird.”

“What sort of kidnapping _is_ this?” the Flash asks.

\--

“So you’ve seen my face,” the Flash says, crossing his arms. The effect is lessened by the fact that he’s still sinking squishily into the quicksand. “It doesn’t matter, you don’t know anything about me.”

Mick snaps a picture of the kid’s face with his cell phone.

“What are you doing?” the Flash asks suspiciously. “If you show everyone that picture, you won’t have any leverage.”

“Just exploiting the wonders of modern technology,” Len says.

“Facebook suggests that I tag the pic ‘Barry Allen’,” Mick says. “Google Images brings up a matching pic.”

“Oh you have _got_ to be kidding me!”

\--

“So your plan is to kidnap me _again_?” Barry says dubiously.

“And to threaten you so that Cisco will make our guns again,” Len agrees, nodding.

“Why in the world would I agree to that?”

“The original plan was to kidnap and threaten his brother,” Mick says.

“Definitely don’t do that,” Barry says. “I’m at least able to heal quickly.”

“We were just planning on threatening you, not hurting you,” Len explains. “You’re too cute to actually damage.”

“Yeah, I’m sure – wait. You think I’m cute?”

\--

“I mean, I guess I could do with some nemeses,” Barry concedes. “You make very good points.”

“It only makes sense that you have someone – or someones – reliable for the position,” Len says persuasively. “If you don’t, it’ll be taken up by someone not nearly as nice as us.”

“Which would suck,” Mick says.

“I, uh, maybe-kinda already have an arch-enemy, though?” Barry says. “The man in yellow killed my mother. Kinda hard to beat that.”

“That’s an arch-enemy,” Len says dismissively. “You defeat him, you’re done, you know? You can have a good nemesis for _years_.”

“It would stop people from trying to _become_ my nemesis all the time,” Barry says, nodding. “I really should read more comics to study up a bit. Seems like _everyone else_ is doing it.”

\--

“Cisco,” Barry says into the phone. “Could you make the cold gun and heat gun again?”

“They’re torturing you, aren’t they?!”

“No, no! I’m fine. They made a very convincing argument, that’s all – and before you say anything, it’s not mind control, either.”

“Uh-huh. And how long does Stockholm Syndrome take to kick in?”

\--

“He’s not happy, but he’s making the guns,” Barry reports. “Don’t make me regret this.”

“We’ll make it up to you,” Len purrs.

“With interest,” Mick adds.

\--

“Is this entirely appropriate behavior for a superhero and his supervillain nemesis? Nemeses?”

“Pssh, have you read comics? It’s practically _de rigueur_. Besides, we can multitask…”

-

“Mmm…oh shit, hi Cisco! This is totally not what it looks like! I swear!”


	86. coldwave farmers market

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coldwave, farmer's market

Priya was pulling out box after box of apples from the orchards to set them up for the best possible public presentation. Reds to the left, greens, yellows -

Oh, and Mick's box, of course.

"Has he cheered up yet?" she asks old Azzi, who manned the kosher butcher booth and who always managed to get his stall set up bright and early, even compared to the rest of the farmer's market.

She doesn't need to specify who 'he' is.

"No," Azzi sighs. "The stupid boy still won't apologize, so he's taking out his emotions through being especially bleak. Do you know he asked for a chuck roast yesterday, and he didn't even have a plan for it? No recipe, nothing."

"Tell me it ain't so," Juanita says from across the way, where she's debating her selection of goat cheeses while her husband Rashid set up the grill for the sample kebabs. "And it's getting close to Thanksgiving, too! They have to make up soon."

"Are we talking about Mick?" Liss asks. Ze is dusting off hir own stall, which ze has just finished setting up. Hir new seasonal wines looked good - Priya would have to offer to trade some of her warm apple cider for a glass later on, when the customers started being too much of a pain.

"Of course we're talking about Mick," Azzi snorts. "Who else would we be talking about? Best customer we've got."

Beatrice (never Betty) – the black woman who ran the fish stall with her sisters – laughs. "That's true," she says, lifting a large haddock in the universal gesture for ‘cheers’. Though rarely done with such pizzazz, especially with a fish.

"You just like him because he got Terrance kicked out of the market," Jojo calls. He runs the pork product stall - nosetip to tail - so he has to keep away from Azzi's stall, even though they're best friends. 

"He didn't _get_ him kicked out," Azzi cackles. "He kicked him out himself!"

No one had liked Terrance. There was plenty of room in the market for everyone, sure, but the fancy hoity-toity cupcake seller had been rude, stole stall spots, and loudly talked down all the other vendors. Not okay.

"I hope Mick's feeling better," Shira says, rolling a giant barrel of honey into place. You wouldn't expect such a slight girl to have that sort of arm strength. The rowdier customers at the market certainly never did. "I hate it when he's sad."

"Don't we all?" Priya agrees. The market was never as good when Mick had a long face, usually after he'd had a fight with...

"If only he and that stupid boy would get over themselves and shack up already," Azzi moans. "It'd make everything better."

"Aren't you training to be a rabbi?"

"We're in favor."

"Since when? You're orthodox!"

"I'm orthodox," Azzi says with great dignity. "Not a Hasid. _My_ rabbi says we're fine with it. Particularly with such a nice Jewish boy. They just need to get their heads out of their -"

"Not in front of the bees, Azzi," Shira says pleasantly.

"You didn't even bring any bees!"

"I could have."

"I think Azzi's right," Jojo says.

"How's that?"

"Mick and Len, I mean," he clarifies.

Everyone leans out to crane their necks at him.

"They would be happier together," Jojo says. "Couldn't we do something about that?"

"Us?" Priya asks. "What can _we_ possibly do?"

"It wouldn't take more than a push," Vincente says, his voice deep and carrying. The tall Hispanic man who ran the vegetable stall rarely spoke, preferring to communicate via thoughtful gifts, but when he spoke, everyone listened. 

"You think so?" Juanita asks. 

Vincente nods, his store of speech clearly exhausted for the day.

"I mean," Priya says thoughtfully. "I guess we _could_ -"

"It'd cheer Mick up like nothing else," Azzi says. “And he’s such a good boy, too.”

“Other than those fires,” Beatrice notes, but she’s nodding. 

“You can’t hold what a man can’t help against him,” Azzi says firmly. “He’s a good customer.”

“One of the best,” Juanita agrees.

"I'm in," Rashid puts in.

“How hard can it be?” Liss says.

“Azzi’s stupid boy can be pretty stubborn,” Priya warns. “They both are.”

“We can handle the stupid boy,” Shira says peacefully. “Azzi and me, we’re his people; we know how to handle that type of stubbornness.”

“And by people, you mean Central,” Jojo jokes.

“He’s my people too,” Beatrice puts in. “I knew that mother of his from way back. Boys like that? They're _all_ stupid.”

“Yes, but he’s _Mick’s_ stupid boy,” Azzi says. “That’s what’s important.”

“Let’s do this,” Priya says, mood abruptly lifted. “C’mon, who has an idea?”

A chorus of voices fill the dawn air.


	87. Flashwave week - soulmates

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashwave week - soulmates

The first one was when Barry was eleven.

He’d cried himself to sleep, and he’d woken up in a field.

It was filled with poppies as far as the eye could see, red blossoms all full and open.

“My mom is dead,” he tells the other person there.

“Yeah,” the other says. “Mine too.”

“They took my dad away.”

“My dad died.”

“I’m alone.”

“I’m alone.”

Barry reaches out his hand and the other takes it, and then a minute later arms are wrapped around him.

Barry wakes up feeling - well, still awful.

But he's not alone.

He knows it.

\--

The next dream is years later, when he’s sixteen, when you’re _supposed_ to start getting the dreams.

It’s the field again, red poppies all around.

“Sorry about last time,” he tells the other, who he can see as clear as daylight but whose face and body and even gender will be blurred past recognition come daylight. All personal information gets blurred out. 

It’s fate’s way of making sure you don’t meet _too_ early.

“Don’t worry about it,” the other responds.

They understand each other perfectly, here.

“What do you like?” Barry asks, even though he knows it’s an inane question. But that’s what these dreams are for, to guide you towards your soulmate, let you get to know each other, so that it can work out.

It doesn’t always work out, of course, but the dreams are supposed to help.

“Fire,” the other says.

“Thus the poppies?”

“I thought the poppies were you.”

“Huh. Wizard of Oz?”

“Dunno. You feeling sleepy?”

Barry laughs.

\--

“I’m in college now.”

“Never finished, myself.”

“Really?”

“Really.”

“What’d you study?”

“Chemistry.”

“Me too!”

\--

“Iris is my best friend.”

“Mine’s called Len.”

“Is he nice?”

“No.”

“Yeah, Iris isn’t all that nice either.”

“I think we have different standards for ‘nice’.”

“…probably.”

\--

“Now that I’ve graduated, I think I’ll go by something less dorky than ‘*****’.”

“You know I can’t hear that, right? Or at least that I won’t remember it in the morning.”

“Oh, right. Hmm. Do you like names that end in a –rt, and –ry, or a -mew?”

“-ry, I guess.”

“Huh, really? Cool.”

\--

“I’m a criminal.”

“I’m a cop.”

“You are?”

“Well, no. I’m CSI.”

“They fire you, if you hook up with me?”

“No, soulmates are an exception. I wouldn’t be able to work on any case where you’re a suspect, that’s all.”

“Glad I wouldn’t be causing problems.”

“I’d quit if it did.”

“Don’t be stupid. Never change your life for someone else.”

“Awwww, words of wisdom from an old man.”

“I should never have told you when my birthday was.”

\--

“I feel weird.”

“That’s because every time I close my eyes, we end up here.”

“Huh, really? What does that mean, do you think?”

“Given that it happens when I take so much as a _nap_ , I’m guessing you’re in a coma or something.”

“Shit. I’m sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"I probably did something dumb and fucked myself up before I ever got to meet you.”

“It’s okay. Nothing good ever happens to me anyway.”

“I’m going to wake up just to prove you wrong.”

“Sure you are.”

“I will! I promise!”

“Whatever.”

“Come here.”

\--

“So I think you should go apologize to Len. Flowers, chocolate, food, the works.”

“Aren’t you supposed to be my soulmate?”

“I _am_ your soulmate!”

“Then why are you trying to set me up with my _best friend_?”

“I’m not – I – I mean – it’s not like that! I just – have a lot of spare time, okay?!”

“Because you’re in a _coma_.”

“Well, yes.”

“And because we’ve never found each other, I can’t even help the docs treating you figure out why or how to fix you.”

“…yeah. Hey! You’re trying to distract me. Why are you trying to distract me?”

“Because I’m not into Len like that?”

“I don’t want you to be! _I_ want you! But you deserve to have your best friend back.”

“And your idea of me getting him back involves _flowers and chocolate_?”

“It works for Iris…”

“Iris isn’t a _murderous criminal_.”

“…so no flowers?”

“Len doesn’t understand flowers.”

“What’s not to understand about flowers? They’re pretty.”

“A, he doesn’t get romance. Like, at all. Not his thing. B, he was raised in city slums. He never even saw a flower growing up, unless it was a dandelion growing in the cracks in the asphalt.”

“I can see how that would lead him not to be into flowers. He’s not into romance at _all_?”

“Not even a little.”

“…is it sad that I’m relieved?”

“I _knew_ you were worried about me shacking up with him! I told you, I’m not!”

“I know, I know…”

“It’s projection, isn’t it. ‘cause of your thing for Iris.”

“You’d understand if you met her!”

“Well, I assure you, I ain’t her. Being as I remember her name and all that.”

“I’ll figure you out one day, asshole.”

“Whatever you say, doll.”

\--

“Lenny’s back!”

“He is? That’s great!”

“Yeah, he came and apologized.”

“That’s _fantastic_. At last!” 

“We’re gonna do a job together.”

“Well, as a CSI, I disapprove, but as your soulmate: that’s really awesome. I’m so happy for you. For both of you!”

“Yeah, we’re going to Central to fuck with the new superhero here.”

“…uh. Wait. What?”

“Why, got a problem?”

“Uh, well, I mean, it's just that ****************.”

“I have literally no idea what you just said.”

“Goddamnit!”

“Personal information?”

“I’m so pissed right now, you have no idea.”

\--

Captain Cold and Heatwave kidnap Caitlin, challenging Barry to a duel.

Then, abruptly, they release her.

“Okay, what the hell,” Cisco says, frowning.

Barry’s phone rings.

It’s Iris.

“Oh, hi, Iris,” he answers, fully expecting to be chewed out.

“Is this Barry Allen?” Captain Cold asks.

Barry freezes.

Oh _shit_.

“What have you done with Iris?” he demands.

“Borrowed her phone,” Cold says smoothly, sounding amused. “We need to talk. Your place, as soon as you can.”

Barry is out of there in a flash.

They blink at him.

Iris sitting on the couch.

She has hot chocolate. Mini-marshmallows and everything.

“You’re drinking cocoa with _supervillains_?” Barry asks her, mildly scandalized.

“How did you get here so fast?” she asks.

“He’s the Flash,” Cold says. “Obviously. No one else could have beat rush hour traffic like that.”

“What? Hah. No, I’m not. That’s absurd.”

“…you’re a terrible liar.”

“ _You’re_ the Flash?!” Iris exclaims. “Barry! Why didn’t you tell me?!”

“I – I didn’t – I mean, I’m not –”

“ _Bartholomew Allen_ –”

“Joe told me not to tell you!” Barry squeaks, throwing Joe under the bus for his own protection. A scary Iris is a thing to be feared.

“I _knew_ it! It was ‘for my own protection’, wasn’t it? Oooooooh, I’m going to get him…”

“As hilarious as this is,” Cold drawls. “We have a different issue, namely why we're actually here: for an introduction. Barry, meet Mick. Mick, meet Barry.”

Barry blinks at Heatwave, who ducks his head a bit awkwardly.

“You came here to meet _me_?” he asks, blinking.

“Your sister’s name is Iris,” Cold says. “And my name – and Mick here’s my best friend – my name’s Len. Or Lenny, when the big guy here’s feeling all sentimental.”

“The coma,” Barry says. “The fire – _you_?”

“Sorry,” Mick mumbles.

Barry zips over and kisses him.

Mmm.

Oh yeah.

They’re _definitely_ soulmates.

“Don’t say sorry,” Barry says. “I knew you were coming. I’ve been keeping an eye out for villains for the last few weeks, ever since you said you were coming – man, I’m just happy you’re not creepy bee lady.”

Cold and Iris both snigger.

“Not that I thought you were,” Barry says quickly. “That would’ve been weird. Also, she didn’t have a partner called Lenny.”

“Also, I’ve always talked about having a thing for fire, not bees,” Mick says, amused.

“He told you about the fire thing, that he was coming with a partner, and you _didn’t_ realize it was Heatwave?” Iris exclaims.

“Wow,” Cold says.

“The peanut gallery is _really_ not appreciated right now, guys..”

Mick laughs.

He has a nice laugh.

“How about we go somewhere else and talk?” he asks, smiling. “Or kick the audience out? I’d like to talk to you in person.”

Barry blushes. “Yeah,” he says, transfixed by the smile on Mick’s face. Holy crap, Mick is _really hot_. Uh, no pun intended. Really _attractive_ , yes, that's better. “Yeah, let’s do that.”

“I am so happy I’m never doing this,” Cold says, wrinkling his nose at them.

“Never doing what?” Iris asks.

“The whole romance thing. I'm aro. When I find my soulmate, there's going to be a lot less swooning involved.”

“Oh, cool. My soulmate Eddie and I are ace. Actually, can I interview you on a piece I’m doing on non-traditional sexualities and soulmate bonds?”

“…sure, why not.”

“You do that,” Barry says. “Just _go away_.”

\--

Mick gets Barry poppies on their first date.


	88. flashwave mobsters

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashwave mobsters

“You kidnapped me!” Iris hisses.

“It’s for a good cause,” Len assures her.

“ _What_ cause?”

“Your brother, Barry, has been dating my partner, Mick.”

Iris blinks. “Wait, Mick’s been cheating on someone?” she asks, wrinkling her nose. “That – seems very unlikely. He’s such a good guy, you know? Honest and straight-forward, no bullshit.”

“What? No!” Len says, wrinkling his nose right back at her. “We’re not like _that_. We’re, uh, work partners.”

Iris looks around the warehouse she’d been kidnapped into. “…you’re criminals,” she concludes.

“Well, yes.”

“Damnit, I knew Mick was too good to be true. You Family Men?”

“Technically, no.”

Iris gives her captor a long, hard look. “Define _technically_ , mister.”

Len winces. “I…recently took over a small corner of the slum district and declared myself Godfather so yes, _technically_ , I’m a mobster, but no, _technically_ , I don’t belong to a Family. My sister’s actually a mechanical engineer, so I don’t have any _Family_ family, if you get me. Except Mick, I guess.”

“…you’re very new at this.”

“Yeah, pretty much. The mobster stuff, not the criminal stuff; that’s long-standing.”

“Uh-huh.”

“No, really. Started with popping ATMs, moved up to jewel and art theft.”

“Why’d you move to mobsterville, then?”

“Hey, I was born here.”

“Nooooo, really? I couldn’t tell, what with your _accent_. I meant, why the move to becoming a mobster?”

“Would you believe me that a mobster family lived right above me and it was the only way to get them to turn down the noise?”

“No,” Iris decides after a long minute. “I have my own apartment with thin walls. I get you. I’d go evil, too, if it could get me some peace and quiet.”

They share the sort of long-suffering nods that are the sole domain of city dwellers surrounded by awful neighbors. 

“So why’d you kidnap me?” Iris says, getting back on track. “If you want Mick and Barry to break up, I’ve got some news for you – you’re a bit late for that.”

“Are you kidding?” Len asks. “I want them to get _back together_.”

Iris blinks. “A mobster wants to match-make,” she says faintly.

“Mick’s _unhappy_ ,” Len says. “He’s barely even enjoying lighting fires anymore, and that’s just sad.”

“Oh god.”

“I know, right?”

“No, the fact that _you’re asking me for help with this_ is what's sad.”

Len ignores her. “You have to help me.”

“Why _me_?”

“I figure you have inside information on Barry, the way I do on Mick,” Len says, quite reasonably in his view. 

Iris sighs. “Fine,” she says. “Let me out of the handcuffs?”

Len does.

She tries to deck him.

He catches her fist, pulls her forward, twists her around and shoves her back into the chair she’d been tied to.

“Okay,” Iris says. “You’re not totally incompetent.”

“Basic self-defense ain't got nothing to do with competency,” Len says. “Now – how do we get them back together?”

“Well, what were you thinking?”

Len coughs. “Well, see, that’s the other thing I need you for.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t get romance.”

“By which you mean…?”

“I don’t _get_ it. Sex, sure, but _romance_? Why bother?”

Iris closes her eyes. “You’re aromantic.”

“That the word?”

“Yes. Oh, god, an aromantic just kidnapped an asexual to try to match-make. This isn’t a plan, it’s a _knock-knock joke_.”

“More of a ‘entered a bar’ joke, I’d say.”

“You’re _not helping_.”

“You’re asexual?”

“Yeah. Not really into the sex thing.”

“That should be perfect, though, shouldn’t it? I tackle the sexual stuff, you tackle the romance stuff.”

“For most people, those go together.”

“…yeah.”

“We’re doomed.”

Len considers this. “We always have Hollywood to guide us?” he offers helplessly.

Iris buries her face in her hands. “We’re _doomed_.”

“Yeah, probably.”


	89. flashwave week - disney

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashwave week disney

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You know when you have a really cool idea but you also have no time? This ficlet is what comes of that.

“So why the nanny gig?” Mick asks as he escorts Barry through the sidewalk drawing out of Earth-64. 

“The kids were Iris and Wally,” Barry says with a shrug. “And Joe was, like, obsessed with work and they were being neglected. I thought, you know, I’ve seen this movie before, I can do it.”

“And no one questioned it?”

“Did anyone question Mary Poppins?”

“Fair,” Mick concedes. 

“Besides, I think we’re getting closer,” Barry says. “Cisco’s got to be in one of these universes – the vibe-tracker is getting stronger.”

“I’m glad he made one,” Mick says. “Why did he make one? Was he worried about losing himself?”

“He said something about there being too many kidnappings to risk it,” Barry says.

“Weird.”

“Says the guy who developed _Harold’s Magic Purple Crayon_ as a meta ability and never _told anyone_.”

“It wasn’t exactly a meta ability,” Mick grumbles. “Just a side-effect of using that damn spear to fish Len out of the timeline, s’all.”

“It manifests as a meta ability,” Barry points out equitably. “Your meta gene is now officially activated. As we learned on Earth-22…”

"Let's not talk about Earth-22."

"...right."

“Still, if it is meta, it was late onset.”

“Yeah, but it’s _so cool_. You can mimic Cisco’s world-jumping abilities through _sidewalk drawings_. Not to mention just _drawing things into existence_.”

“Helped with that chimney sweep sequence.”

“No kidding.”

“Y’know, I’m really happy my therapist insisted on all those art classes,” Mick muses. “Imagine if I was bad at it.”

“Don’t scare me like that…”


	90. flashwave week - single parents

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Flashwave week - single parents

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Another one that should've been longer - but I still laughed while writing it, so there.

They meet online.

It‘s a forum for parents about dealing with picky eaters, tips about sneaking vegetables into food, training kids into trying new things.

Barry’s there –

Well.

Barry’s actually there for work. He’s a CSI, not a detective, but they think the serial killer who’s been stalking single parents has been going through this forum.

So Barry pretends that his brand new step-brother, Wally, was his kid, even though Wally is sixteen and way too old for this shit. He just uses his name, yanks a few pictures from the family album they were able to recover before Wally and Iris’ mom died, and ta-da! Perfect cover.

He’s not expecting to meet Mick.

Mick’s a single dad, dealing with a picky eater – “He wants boxed mac and cheese for every meal,” Mick tells him. “Every one. Even breakfast.” – and he's funny. Smart. Charming. 

He's _awesome_.

They swap stories – well, Barry makes his stories up, aided by Joe’s memories of Iris and his own dad’s memories of himself, and Mick tells him all about little Lenny and his ridiculous palate and his stupid stubbornness and his terrible sense of humor (he loves puns), and how he loves Disney movies and everything, and oh god, it’s so _cute_.

They end up catching the serial killer – an asshole named Hiram Jones who was going away for a _very_ long time – and suddenly Barry doesn’t have a reason to be on that site anymore.

It’s not like he really has a kid.

He asks to meet with Mick.

Barry’s thinking he can apologize, or maybe that meeting Mick will make the crush go away, but Mick is _smoking hot_ and just as charming in person, with this hilarious deadpan humor that only gets revealed in the way his eyes crinkle with amusement, and…wow.

They get home (Mick’s) and they’re making out and it’s great, except Barry hasn’t told him about the whole Wally thing and he really should before they get to the bed except he knows it’ll end everything and –

A throat is pointedly cleared.

There’s a man in the kitchen scowling at them.

“Um,” Mick says.

“Who’s this?” Barry asks, frowning. If this is Mick’s boyfriend – but no, the guy looks super amused right now.

“…this is Lenny.”

Barry blinks.

“Wait,” he says. “Lenny as in…”

“He’s my best friend and roommate,” Mick says. “And, uh, my age. But the rest of it is true?”

“The rest of _what_ is true?” Lenny asks suspiciously.

“You want boxed mac and cheese for _breakfast_?” Barry asks the guy.

“It’s a good meal,” Lenny says defensively enough that Barry knows it’s true. “Wait. How do you know about that?”

“I’m sorry I misled you,” Mick says to Barry.

“No,” Barry says. “No, no – this is great. I was wondering how to tell you – Wally’s my step-brother – I was on the website for other reasons – I didn’t know how to explain –”

“Really? That’s great!”

“Wait,” Lenny says. “You met on a website? What website?”

“…a parenting forum for picky eaters.”

“A _parenting_ forum – wait, _what_?”

“I need help sometimes,” Mick protests. “You’ve got defective tastebuds.”

“Help with _me_ – on a forum for – _Mick_!”

Barry sniggers.

(The next hour is spent calming poor Lenny down, but after that, the remainder of the date goes very well _indeed_.)


	91. flashwave week - bonus

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashwave week - bonus

“Wow.”

Mick’s lips twitch.

They don’t do this all the time, or even often, but it’s something they both like when there’s nothing urgent pressing on either of them, no Legends missions, no Flash crisis—and that’s rare enough.

Doesn’t matter how often they do it, though, Barry always sounds so –

Impressed.

Mick shrugs a bit, which is difficult when his hands are tied to the headboard the way they are now, rope twining down his arms and over his torso, twins to the ones pulling his leg apart. Mick feels his face flush a bit when he even thinks about it, how exposed he is right now—not a stitch of clothing on him, nothing at all but for the rope. 

“S’nothing you haven’t seen before,” he tells Barry.

“Doesn’t mean it’s not a ‘wow’ every time,” Barry says. He’s still fully dressed. 

That’s part of it.

Another part of it is how Barry runs his hands along Mick’s shoulders, Mick’s arms, the lightest touch of fingertips, almost like he’s touching something valuable.

“Wow,” he repeats. “You’re gorgeous, I ever tell you that?”

Mick shrugs, feeling his face heat.

“Gorgeous,” Barry says firmly, and smiles. “And all mine.”

“Shut up,” Mick says. Admiration’s always made him uncomfortable; he never liked feelings or thankfulness or any of that.

“No,” Barry says, because Mick has confessed to him that admiration doesn’t just make him uncomfortable. It also makes him hard.

Especially when he doesn’t have a choice about taking it.

“You’re beautiful,” Barry says. “Look at you, all tied up, just for me.”

He runs his hands over Mick’s soft stomach, his hips. The way the burn scars curl up from his back. 

Mick swallows. 

“And you’re so good, too,” Barry says. “So good. Look at you, saving the world, got your own statue.”

“Red –”

That was a nickname, a lesser version of the ‘Scarlet’ Len always uses, not a command to stop. They had different words for that.

“No,” Barry says again, and this time his voice is firm. Not hard, just – unmoving. Like a rock. “This isn’t your time. It’s my time. And I’m going to talk about all those things you never want to talk about but you always wants someone to notice.”

He leans down and presses his lips to Mick’s collarbone. “And no one, not even you, is going to stop me.”

Mick shivers a little.

Good kind.

“Because you are good, Mick,” Barry murmurs against Mick’s skin, lips pressing against every each as he moves tortuously down towards Mick’s sensitive stomach. “You’re so good. Look at how good you are, lying there for me, all for me – but you’re not just good – you’re just need someone who knows how to treat you right, and then you’re wonderful – you have so much goodness in you, Mick –”

“Red – c’mon, Red –,” Mick whines. His face is red, he’s tugging on the ropes, but he doesn’t mean it. He wants it to stop, because he can’t – no one but Len ever likes him, no one but Len ever respects him, and even Len’s learned to do it without words, without saying it – he can’t handle it, he wants it to stop –

He never wants it to stop.

“Shush,” Barry says. “Unless you want me to get the gag.”

Mick swallows.

Not that he objects to the gag, of course, but no – he doesn’t think he needs it now. He can be quiet.

He can be good.

“Look at that,” Barry says, smiling. “Look at how good you are.”

Yes.

“Now, let’s see – where was I –”

Mick smiles as the world around him narrows until there’s nothing but Barry, Barry’s hands and Barry’s voice, and all he needs to do is to listen and obey and let himself be cherished.


	92. flashwave week - proposal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> flashwave week - proposal

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: there be crack!fic ahead.

“- and that’s why I’d like to get married at Pride this year,” Barry concludes, and smiles hopefully at his captive audience.

“…can we get out of the cell now?” Len asks.

“Oh, sure, yeah,” Barry says, and hits the button to release the door. “Sorry. Just wanted to be sure you’d listen the whole way through.”

“You need to stop solving all your problems with illegal imprisonment,” Mick grunts.

Barry shrugs.

“I second Mick,” Len says. “But – and let me get this straight –”

“Or not straight,” Barry chirps.

Len smirks.

Mick groans.

“Or not straight, right,” Len says. “So the idea is that because there’s a bunch of homophobic super-conservative assholes in Central, both influential radio hosts and actual politicians, who are running around talking about how superheroes represent the super-masculine America hoo-yah bullcrap and therefore men should be like you guys and not like – insert a long list of impolite words and stereotypes for gay people here –”

“It was bad,” Barry confirms. “The senator actually said all that.”

“–and to deal with this, you’ve decided that a fake marriage to one of your supervillains is the right response?”

“We wouldn’t have to be married long,” Barry points out. “Queer divorce is still a step forward in equal rights.”

Len closes his eyes as if in pain. “Scarlet,” he says. “Have you ever even heard a non-terrible plan, even once in your life?”

“...can I not answer that?”

“And I’m not even asking for a good plan,” Len continues. “Just not heart-stoppingly _terrible._ Anything. Gimme some hope for humanity here.”

Barry crosses his arms. “Will you do it or not?” he asks.

“Not,” Len says. “I don’t do romance, I don’t do sex, and I _definitely_ don’t do marriage.”

Barry’s shoulders slump. “…oh.”

Mick sighs. 

“He doesn’t,” he says, in the tone of someone who knows he’s going to regret this. “But I do.”

Barry blinks at him.

“I’m bisexual, single, and don’t object to marriage,” Mick clarifies.

“Really?” Barry says, smile returning to his face. “You mean it?”

“What the hell,” Mick says. “Why not? Hardly the stupidest decision I’ve ever made.”

“That’s not a nice way to react to a proposal.”

“You haven’t proposed yet. No ring.”

“Oh. Uh – gimme a second –”

“No, no,” Len interjects. “You can’t just go get some ring from a vending machine. You have to plan this out. I want to see some serious spectacle here.”

“Why do you get a say?” Barry ask.

“I’m the best man, obviously,” Len says. “Slash maid of honor. Ooooh, do I get to wear one of those hideous taupe-colored dresses with like weird puffs designed to make everyone look terrible so that the married couple looks better?”

“I mean,” Barry says, blinking, “if you _want_ to, I guess?”

“Len’s never been invited to a real wedding,” Mick says with a sigh.

“…ever?”

“ _Ever_. His sole experience is through watching shitty telenovelas on Mexican TV channels.”

Barry glances at Len. “…he knows that no one’s long-lost evil twin is going to show up at the last minute to declare that you secretly murdered their father, right?”

Len points at him. “Don’t ruin my dreams, Scarlet,” he says. “Or I’ll reconsider giving away my best friend in marriage to you.”

The wedding happens in the middle of the Pride parade, covered by gleeful CCPN correspondents and a million cameras. Mick volunteers to wear white and ends up in some sort of white-and-orange fireproof suit that Mercury Labs was working on as a prototype (he loves it and it’s totally going to be part of his supervillain outfit now). Barry is dressed in his most formal Flash outfit (which is to say, the normal one plus some extra gold threading Cisco worked in). 

Len walks Mick down the aisle with his cold gun strapped to his thigh and a joint ace/aro flag dangling from the flagpole he’s got slung over his shoulder. (They convinced him not to wear taupe, but the skirt looks great on him.)

Barry would like to note that there was _no way_ to predict that his Earth-36 doppelganger would pick that that exact moment to show up and declare that he was going to take over this Earth in order to enslave the population the way the speedsters of Earth-36 had their own, and then identified Mick as the leader of the resistance who had assassinated his father-figure less than a year earlier, and Len as the beautiful scientist that version of Barry had fallen madly in love with but who had betrayed him by working with the resistance.

Len ends up solving the entire thing by bonking Barry’s doppleganger on the head with his ace/aro flagpole and declaring that he always _knew_ that weddings went like this.

(And also that he always knew romance was trouble.)

Mick is happy that he gets to light the tank Earth-36 Barry rode in with on fire.

Barry’s not a hundred percent sure his political message came through, but at least the wedding cakes (every bakery in town offered to make one for free! It's not his fault he said yes!) afterwards is _delicious_.

Mick and Barry forget to get divorced and start dating three months later.

Len will _never_ stop gloating.


	93. coldwave/coldflashwave - soulmate mishaps

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coldwave/coldflashwave - soulmate mishaps

They’d been sleeping together before it happened to either of them.

It’s probably for the best.

Not that they thought that way, then. It was pretty common, honestly, having a few flings before you went questing for your soulmate.

Not that ‘soulmate’ was the right term, of course. The hows and whys of the name that appeared on your arm was a mystery, but a well-examined one, and everyone knew that soulmates were geographically dispersed. In the era before travel, people thought it was fate; now, people knew that if you went far enough away, your soulmark would change to the most compatible person in that area instead. 

People also knew that soulmates weren’t always requited.

Mick’s older. He feels the burn first, right up the inside of his arm.

He sits up in bed.

“What is it?” Len asks, yawning. 

“Name,” Mick says shortly.

That wakes Len up. “Oh?” he says.

Mick shows it to him, because he shows Len everything. It doesn’t occur to him not to.

“Bartholomew Allen,” Len reads. “Hell of a name.”

“I guess,” Mick says. He already regrets showing it to Len – Len’s face has gone tight, expressionless like it hasn’t been for ages. 

Len doesn’t like it. Mick’s not an idiot; he knows how to read Len, and Len’s not happy. Why would Len not be happy that Mick got his name? He knew it was coming soon and –

Oh.

Oh, no.

Mick _is_ an idiot.

Len wanted it to be _his_ name.

“I’m gonna get some water,” Len says.

“It’s not like it means anything,” Mick tries, but it doesn’t help. 

Len looks at him like he’s gone crazy. “It’s your _name_ , Mick,” he says, and his voice is terribly even, all those walls back up. “It’s your soulmate. Of course it means something. It means everything.”

“I meant –” Mick gestures at the bed they were both lying in, the bed Len’s halfway across, away from Mick. Best thing that’s ever happened to him in his whole life.

Len misunderstands.

“I know it didn’t mean anything,” Len says, and his eyes are tight and filled with muted pain. “Just a pre-name fling. Not uncommon.”

“Len –” 

“I’m gonna get some water.”

Everything is falling apart, and all because Mick has the _wrong name_ on his arm.

“We’re still going to be partners, right?” he calls after Len hopelessly.

Len pauses by the door. “Of course,” he says over his shoulder. There’s still pain in his eyes, but he’s forcing himself to smile. “We’re going to be the _best_ partners.”

It’s not the same, though. 

Oh, they sleep together a few more times, but it’s different. Len’s distant. Hurting and hiding it, just the way he always did when that bastard old man said something cutting. Or did something.

Mick keeps it up, though. Len’s the best person he’s ever met. He can’t imagine this Allen guy being any better for him.

Len keeps his word, of course; they’re still partners.

It’s just –

Mick misses the rest of it.

And of course it doesn’t matter when he tries to tell Len that he’d rather have him than a soulmate; Len just plain old doesn’t believe him.

Len says that Mick’ll change his mind when he meets this Bartholomew Allen.

Mick doesn’t agree, but there’s nothing he can say or do to change Len’s mind.

So they keep pulling jobs.

They stop sleeping together, because Mick can see how much it hurts Len, how Len will wait till he thinks Mick’s asleep to run his fingers lightly over Mick’s skin, just a little, before he crawls out of bed. He doesn't stick around, anymore. 

God, Mick wishes he never got his stupid name.

Then, one night, he hears something from the other room. 

Sounds like pain. 

Mick wasn’t asleep – he hasn’t been sleeping too good, since it happened, since he doesn’t have Len anymore, since Len’s been pulling further and further away, hurting, all ‘cause of him and his stupid name – so he gets up quick enough and heads over.

Len’s door is locked.

Mick could pick it – Len’s been teaching him – but he doesn’t bother, just hits it open. Cheap lock breaks almost right away.

Len’s sitting in the corner of the room, knees pulled up to this chest.

No immediate threat.

Nightmare?

“You okay?” Mick asks.

Len shakes his head.

Mick goes and sits by him. Len permits it, like he hasn’t been the last month or two, even leans into Mick’s shoulder.

Mick doesn’t ask what’s wrong, just sits there, lets the hours go by.

“Mick,” Len finally says.

“Yeah, boss?”

“Your name.”

“Wish I didn’t have it,” Mick says, his feelings coming rushing out all at once. “Wish it was yours.”

Len shudders a little.

“Len?”

“I got mine,” he whispers.

Mick turns to look.

_Mick Rory._

“I’m yours?” Mick says, taken aback. This is beyond anything he ever expected.

“No, Mick,” Len says, and his voice is rough. “I’m yours. But you’re not mine. You’re _his_.”

Mick shakes his head. “No,” he says. “I’m _yours_. I don’t care about the rest. He’ll fit in with us, or he won’t, and that’s that.”

For the first time in months, it looks like Len's starting to believe him again.

(Fifteen years later, a teenager named Barry Allen wakes up in his foster-father’s house and looks at his arm, wondering who _Leonard Snart_ is.)


	94. fem!barry coldflashwave2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> sequel to chapter 84, read that first

“Uh,” Barry says. “So…turns out Joe didn’t take that all too well.”

“Which part, the part where he accused me of having assaulted you or the part where he tried – very nearly successfully – to run us off the road?” Len drawls, standing in the doorway.

“The part where I showed up at home in your clothing,” Barry clarifies. She rubs the back of her neck awkwardly. “Joe didn’t actually believe that you hadn’t raped me, so I had to explain that nothing non-consensual happened, which, uh, he may have interpreted as something consensual _having_ happened, and, er, he was under the impression that I was dating Iris and he feels obligated to side with her when I apparently cheat on her in a villainous threesome and – long story short, I _really_ don’t want to go to STAR Labs to sleep there for now and the rental market in Central is _insane_ and there’s like _three_ conventions in town at the same time so there’s no hotels so can I maybe just stay here?”

Len blinks, then looks down at the bag she’s holding.

“You got _kicked out_ over that? What the _hell_?”

“Joe’s just overreacting,” Barry says helplessly. “He’ll get over it once Iris gets back and explains things. It’s just, you know, she’s…currently vacationing in another universe with Cisco and Caitlin…and…yeah…”

“Why did you go vacation instead of getting drunk here?” Len demands.

“Something something, someone has to protect the city,” Barry says glumly. “I wanted Wally to go have a nice time without worrying, you know?”

“Has it occurred to you that you could just keep your phone set to receive Cisco’s metahuman alerts?”

“…that never came up, no. Is that a ‘no’?”

“That’s a _what part of we’re leaving the city did you miss_ , Barry.”

“…oh.”

“You could come with us,” Mick offers, coming up behind Len.

“She can _what_?” Len says.

“She needs a vacation,” Mick says.

“I don’t really,” Barry says.

“Anyone who drinks tequila like you do needs a vacation,” Mick says firmly. “C’mon, get in the car. I’ll even let you have a turn picking the music. Do you drive?”

“Not…well…?”

“You and Len both,” Mick grumbles. “Fine. Those your clothes? Good. Let’s go.”

“But…” Barry says, watching Mick load the car with her bag. “I…won’t people be worried?”

“Who, exactly?” Len asks. “If all your friends are in another universe and your dad’s being an asshole and you’re keeping an eye on the metahuman alerts?”

“Uh…”

“Use your little black book, Lenny,” Mick calls.

Barry’s eyebrows go up.

Len sighs. “I’ll set up protection for Central City for the next week while you call your boss and tell him you need some time off, how’s that?” he asks Barry.

She nods, a little dazed. “Little black book?”

“Your boss. Call him. Now.”

Barry pulls out her cell and calls Captain Singh, who simply says, “Fine. Take a week. Take ten days. You have so much overdue vacation time to take, I don’t even care you’re telling me on such short notice. Did you finish all your current cases?”

“Yes, sir, except for the Mills case –” 

“Which I’m pretty sure was assigned to Krylov, not you, _anyway_.”

“Uh.”

“You need to stop doing other people’s work, Allen. Now go and if you _dare_ pick up a phone in the next week, I’ll have your head.”

“Thanks!”

She hung up, only for Len to pluck the phone out of her hand and toss it back inside the safehouse.

“Hey, that’s my –”

“Easily traceable source of identification? Yes it is, which is why it’s staying here. Mick has a few extra burners, pick one of those.”

“I have red, purple, green and teal,” Mick says, closing the trunk. “Also a very shiny Hello Kitty print.”

“…red is fine.”

He solemnly hands her a red phone. It’s incredibly ugly.

“Get in the damn car,” Len sighs, climbing into the passenger’s seat himself.

Barry slides into the backseat. “Are we _actually_ going on a road trip?” she asks, shaking her head as if it will make the strangeness stop.

“Yes,” Len says shortly. “Because your dad’s being a dick, which I sympathize with, and you need to get out of town – and we _really_ need to get out of town. Also, I’ve set up a temporary guard for the city until you get back.”

“Really? Who?”

“Len has a little black phone book,” Mick tells Barry. “In which he has the names of all of his supervillain and superhero friends written down in code. Because he’s actually a little old grandmother inside.”

“You set up _one_ phone tree to pass along warnings and you’re a grandmother, according to Mick,” Len says grumpily.

Barry snickers. “Just a little,” she says. “I think my grandma did have a little phone book like that..."

"I told you!" Mick crows.

Barry laughs again. "Uh. Thanks for taking me along on your road trip-slash-getaway. It means a lot.”

“Don’t mention it,” Len replies. “Ever. Really. Did I mention West was being a dick about this?”

“Oh, he is,” Barry says. “I fully intend to send him several selfies of me hanging out with you two and pretending that I’ve been kidnapped and/or mind-whammied into being in love with you. If that’s okay.”

Mick roars with laughter. “Babe, I will buy you alcohol with actual cash if you use the word ‘sex pollen incident’ in there.”

“Unexpected speedster Pon Farr,” Len suggests.

“Bivolo heart-eyes attack,” Barry offers.

“Ooh, good one. Uh – random chemical spill means we can’t go outside three feet of each other.”

“The Speed Force literally showed up and told me we were meant to be and I’m going to explore my feelings.”

“I’m trying to _drive_ here,” Mick says, shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter. 

“I’m going to use _all_ of those,” Barry says with satisfaction. “Joe’ll feel like an idiot when Iris comes back.”

Mick pulls out of the driveway and starts driving in the direction of the highway.

Barry yawns. “Mind if I nap?” she asks. “I’ve been kind of running around all day these last few days – literally and figuratively.”

“Sure, we’ll wake you up when we get there.”

Barry smiles and drifts off. After the way they behaved when she was drunk, she figures she has nothing to worry about. Also, she still needs to follow up with Mick to see if he was serious about that threeway...she hasn’t been able to get the idea out of her head…probably why she'd stuttered so much when Joe'd asked...

She wakes up in darkness.

“Wow,” she says. “How long did I sleep?”

“Most of the day,” Len says. “The whole thirteen hour drive here.”

“Thirteen hour drive? Where are we?”

Len points.

Barry squints at the window. “…is that _New Orleans_?”

“Yep. Seemed like an appropriate time of year.”

Barry considers this for a long second.

“Did you guys take me to _Mardi Gras_?”

Len twists around and grins at her. “Happy vacation, Scarlet.”

(Joe is _very upset_ to receive a picture of Barry covered in beads. Barry vows never to tell them that the vast majority were won by an extremely cheerful – and _very_ popular – Mick Rory.)

(Mostly because she's too busy still laughing at Mick starting up a massive crowd-wide cheer every time Len accidentally flashed an ankle.)


	95. coldwave westallen cat-taurs

Len wakes up in the middle of the night at the rolling sound of noise and light, but only just barely.

“Wazzat?” he murmurs, face mostly smushed into his pillow, hand groping around to pull his blanket closer.

“Dunno,” Mick grumbles from beside him. “S’May. Probably the Flash again. Epic -” he yawns. “- battle.”

“S’always May,” Len allows, tugging the blanket in closer.

“Stop goddamn wiggling,” Mick says, voice slurring as he falls back asleep.

Len would respond to that, but, well, sleep beckons.

He’s sure he says _something_ in response. He’s less sure it made any coherent sense.

The next morning, Len feels nice and languid and lazy, the best sort of slow morning wake-up, when you’ve got nothing to do but see what damage the Flash has done now and no heists or cops on your tail, no errands or nothing, just a nice morning to get up slow and stretch –

Len’s feet tangle in the blankets. He tries to kick them loose.

The blankets slip, Len slides, and three seconds later he’s yowling as he falls straight off the side of the bed.

Mick shoots straight up, eyes wild and open but still entirely asleep, yelping, “What? Who is it? What’d they do?” and waving his fist around like he could punch whoever it was that was attacking them.

Len huffs, disgruntled. So much for a slow morning. Goddamn blankets, always getting in the way. Len scowls down at his legs and –

Wait.

The next sound he makes is also a yowl, though this time it’s more of a “ _Whaaaaat?!_ ” sound. 

Mick rubs his eyes. “What the _hell_ , Snart?” he grumbles, realizing there’s no threat.

“ _I’ve got too many legs_!”

Mick leans over the side of the bed even as Len works at pulling the blankets away from where his legs are kneading at the fabric unconsciously.

His _four_ legs.

“Len,” Mick says after a long moment. “You’ve got a tail.”

“I’ve got _four legs_.” And fur and paws. Did Len not mention this? His lower half, now doubled in size, is currently _covered in fur_. Yellow fur, in his case. 

“What the _hell_.”

“This is the Flash’s fault somehow,” Len says grimly.

“I want to pet you,” Mick says.

“Mick! Now is _not_ the time!”

Mick ignores Len and pulls himself forward to the edge of the bed with his arms, knocking off the remaining blankets as he does.

Len’s protest dies in his throat.

“You’re so _fluffy_ ,” he marvels, eyes fixed on Mick’s plush belly, which is bare as usual to about down to his waist, but which after that shifts over into a lush, gorgeous stream of white fur, the black stripes easing the shift into the tawny orange of – “You’re a _tiger_!”

Mick blinks down at himself. “Huh,” he says. “Guess I am.” He stretches up, arms up behind his head, forelegs pushing down and away from himself, hind legs braced – 

Huh. That looks comfy.

“Get back up here,” Mick says, absently scratching his chest, which now seems lightly patterned with stripes emerging from his back, though the center of his chest and belly remain free of markings. His burned arms also ripple with the darker lines. 

Len scrambles up to the bed. It’s a little annoying to figure out – the legs seem to work just fine together, but figuring out how to make it work with the arms is a bit less certain. Also, his center of balance is totally different now – the legs are much sturdier a base.

But he manages to get back onto the bed, flopping sideways in what feels like the most natural pose. He flicks his tail – quite nice, actually, long and yellow and flexible with a tuft of darker yellow hair at the tip, like antique gold – in satisfaction. Shit, he’s a lion, ain’t he? 

“Oh yeah,” Mick says appreciatively watching Len move. His eyes are gold; Len suspects his own are as well. “Just like that.”

Then he reaches out and puts his hands on Len’s belly, one on the human half and one on what Len can only describe as the ‘cat’ half. Len’s about to protest when –

Mmm.

_Mmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm_.

“Just like that,” Len says, eyes going heavy and lidded. “Yeah – just a little to the right – _yeah_ , there – now harder –”

“I knew you’d make a bossy cat,” Mick says, but he obliges, and that’s all that matters.

After a few minutes of enjoying himself, Len leans forward and strokes down Mick’s back, enjoying watching his fingers rake through the fur.

Mick shivers a bit. “Yeah, that’s good,” he says, his voice gone low and pleased.

“Maybe we can wait a bit before complaining about this to the Flash,” Len decides.

By the time the Flash shows up, three hours later, they’ve gone back to napping. Their bed falls into a _perfect_ sunbeam.

“Oh, crap, so it did happen to you two, also!” Barry exclaims, rushing in through the door in a crackle of lightning.

His eyes are rimmed with black, like kohl, and dark lines cut down his face like tears, even as a faint patterning of spots extends down his neck to be cut off by the top half of the suit.

Only the top half, because the lower part is just as feline as Len and Mick’s. Barry’s a paler shade of yellow than Len’s deep gold and bronze, and he’s covered in faint spots that only emphasize how lean he is. His tail’s thicker than Len’s, too, more like Mick’s. 

“Leopard?” Len guesses.

“Cheetah,” Mick corrects.

“Yeah,” Barry says. “Fastest of the cats.”

“Most nervous disposition, too,” Mick says.

He has a point. Barry’s twitching even more than usual. Len would normally take advantage of that in some way – a joke, a tease, some sort of manipulation – but damnit, he’s in a sunbeam.

“C’mere,” he says.

“What?”

“Get in the bed,” Len clarifies. He’s not sure why Barry’s looking at him like that.

“Uh,” Barry says. “You know we’re enemies, right? Like, we work together sometimes, since you guys joined up with the Legends – and then quit the Legends – but, like, we don’t, like, get into bed with each other –”

“Get in the goddamn bed, Barry.”

“But, see, I’m with Iris –”

“She a cat, too?”

“Yeah, it’s affecting anyone who’s been exposed to time travelling – you guys through the Legends, my friends through me –”

“She can join in too,” Mick says, finishing Len’s thought. “Now get in. Just for a few minutes.”

Barry blinks.

“Don’t you trust us?”

“No, definitely not,” Barry says.

“Good, he finally learned his lesson,” Len says. “That being said, _get in the goddamn bed_.”

His voice fills the room, even though he’s not meaning it to. 

Barry’s up in the bed in a flash, pun fully intended, and he’s blinking like he didn’t realize he’d done it. 

“You’ve got a hell of a roar,” Mick says approvingly.

“Oh, was that what that was?”

“Why’d you want me in the bed?” Barry asks, aiming for suspicious and totally failing due to the yawn that breaks off the end of his sentence.

“Yeah, that,” Len says, and curls back up, his tail flicking from side to side in satisfaction.

Mick shrugs and wraps an arm over Barry, pulling him in so that he can rest his head alongside Mick’s on Len’s soft belly – not as fluffy as Mick’s, but less sensitive, too.

Len idly practices extending and retracting his claws, noticing with a hint of pleasure that his human hands seem to have developed the ability, too.

“This is a really good sunbeam,” Barry concedes. “…yeah, really good.” He digs out his cell phone from some pocket in his modified suit and sends a text.

“Iris?”

“We’re gonna be married,” Barry says, looking absurdly pleased about it. He puffs up with it. “It’s going to be great. But, you know, share and share alike. And this is a _great_ sunbeam.”

“Great,” Len says. He likes the idea of getting all of the cats in one area. That’d be good. Keep them all in one place where he can keep an eye on them – they can defend themselves better that way…gather them all into a pride, then get the more enterprising members of the group (Barry) to go get everyone food…

Iris shows up suspiciously quickly, given that she’s now half human, half sleek, elegant black puma. Len suspects that she was waiting outside in a car, though god only knows how she managed to drive it (sideways with one paw on the gas, perhaps?) She’s got on a nice floating blouse that sets off her fur just right, too. 

“Nice,” Len says appreciatively. “Smart fashion choices.”

She bridles with pleasure. 

“It’s a great sunbeam,” Barry offers as an explanation, sounding sleeping and happy.

“ _Nice_ ,” Iris says.

“We should nap,” Mick says. “Then light up.”

“Light up? What do you mean?”

“We’ve got some catnip across the hall,” Len explains. “Barry should get us food first, though.”

“Sounds like a plan to me,” Iris says, snuggling in besides Barry. 

“I feel like I should object,” Barry says.

“We may have had some up earlier,” Len allows. “Made the room nice and sleepy.”

“Plus there’s the sunbeam,” Mick says.

“This is a terrible idea,” Barry says, but his eyes are drooping.

“Felines need lots of sleep, Bear,” Iris says, her eyes already closed. “Just go with it.”

Len purrs with satisfaction. Now they just need the rest of their pride (and some food). Really, this new change isn’t all that bad at all…


	96. what would I rather read - various

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> responses to "put two fanfic tropes in my ask and I'll tell you which I'd rather read"

Put two fanfic tropes in my ask and I tell which I’d rather read.

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sex pollen coldwave or aliens made them do it coldflashwave

 

Oooooooh, this is a tough one! I have a serious guilty pleasure fondness for the sex pollen trope and I really want to see more of that I should write more of that actually but aliens-made-them-do-it coldflashwave - Barry would be so _embarrassed_ , it would be great. Not to mention the fact that it is 99% likely that it would somehow be Barry’s fault that they’re in this situation, which means that you have Barry _asking_ them if it’s all right…apologizing for the inconvenience…and naturally, Len and Mick look at each other and conveying everything they needed to know…

On the other hand, you could go in so many interesting ways with coldwave sex pollen - you could have them be in the standard mutual-pining situation and the sex pollen reveals everything, you could have them having been “casual” before the sex pollen and then confessing additional feeling, you could have them be husbands already and turn to each other and finding it so _hot_ how the sex pollen gets them, like they’re teenagers again…and that’s just off the top of my head. 

Hmmmm. Yeah, coldwave sex pollen still wins because I love that trope SO MUCH. 

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Coldflash - chained together or sex pollen? 

You know, for Coldflash, I think I actually prefer the chained together trope?

See, Barry’s just _way_ too good at compartmentalizing things. Trauma, yes, but also things he enjoys. But doesn’t want to admit he enjoys. I really feel like Len and Barry having sex under a sex pollen would result in a one night stand, because even if Barry DID have a crush, he would immediately default to _oh my god what I have I done I must now punish myself by giving up all hope of a relationship_ while Len would feel guilty because _Barry_ seems so upset and Len is 100% not a rapist. While it would potentially make for an interesting angsty fic, I feel like they’d mutually shove the incident down the memory hole and agree to pretend it wasn’t a thing - and while for some couples, that would never work because they’d both continue to obsess over it, Barry _would be able to do it_. And Len, seeing that Barry could, would willpower his way to doing it. 

But chained together - oh, the fun we could have! Len and Barry on the run. Len and Barry forced to work together - not just in big schemes, but the little stuff. Making coffee in the morning. Getting dressed. Taking a shower. Getting used to each other. Getting accustomed to the warm body pressed against your back at night no matter how distant from each other you were when you went to sleep. Getting used to the sarcastic commentary that somehow manages to make you sharper - Len reminding Barry that he’s _also_ a competent CSI and could use those skills, Barry reminding Len that his brilliant mind can be used for more than crime. Len taking the time to explain to Barry what he’s doing on the blueprints, because Barry’s bored. Barry scooping Len up for a run because they’re being shot at. 

All the painfully slow burn of the two of them becoming _friends_ , of the initial lust slowly being replaced by something a lot more permanent, a lot more scary. Of them finally being separated only to realize that no, they _don’t_ like being alone. They don’t like that empty space by their side.

…yes, definitely chained together. XD

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Fake dating or didn't know they were dating? (Coldwave if it's a case where it makes a difference) 

You know, I think it does make a difference. Fake dating is so much fun, with the pining and the awkwardness and all that, but Coldwave? Didn’t know they were dating - hell, _didn’t know they were married_ \- is totally where it’s at.

See, if fake dating came up? Len and Mick would just go with it. It’s just another con, just another mark in just another heist. Fun reason to noodle up close to each other, to pretend, but that’s just tormenting yourself - and both of them have the ability to be extremely professional while on jobs, so they’re not going to fuck up the job for it. 

But didn’t know they were dating? Everybody around them knowing it but them? Them doing things together all the time, perfectly in sync? Finishing each other’s sentences? Pining but also content with what they have? So much chemistry that if they’re not already together, everyone can tell that they’re just on the cusp of something?

Do you mean: canon? :D

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Marriage of convenience turns into a real relationship. Snart/Iris or Mick/Barry 

Oh, man. Oh man. You’re just tormenting me here, anon. 

Snart/Iris…somehow my brain immediately jumps to some sort of Regency-esque scenario, where Iris isn’t happy about marrying Snart and he’s equally unhappy, but they know they need to do it for society/business/etc. reasons. And at first they try never to talk to each other - sure, the wedding night was _hot as hell_ but, you know, they don’t want to give each other false expectations. This is a marriage of convenience, damnit. Except, well, they are married and stuck in a house together. So Iris starts giving suggestions on Len’s business ideas. And when Len finds some of Iris’ writing, he doesn’t get angry like she expects, he suggests she send it to a publisher. And little by little they shift from antagonists - okay, antagonists that are occasionally making out, but it’s only to convince the outside world that their marriage is legit! They swear! That time in the garden when no one was around was just an accident! someone _could_ have been around! - to partners in crime. And when that happens, they’re _unstoppable_.

Mick/Barry for some reason I see more modern, the two of them being super awkward around each other but somehow Mick is the only available option for this sort of deal. Some super secret criminal cult organization and Mick has an invitation because of his Heatwave days, and Barry wants in, but this cult has very strict morality rules. Marriage or nothing. So they tie the knot and they go to this deserted island and they have to pretend. There are eyes and ears everywhere, though, so - as agreed before hand - they pretend _really hard_. Barry, who starts off as a nervous wreck behind a confident mask (see: canon), starts actually…relaxing? Mick’s solid and dependable, and he’s _really hot_ , and they have no _choice_ but to avoid talking about superhero stuff, so they end up talking about - movies. And video games. And suddenly Barry’s arranging a ninja movie marathon for people and Mick is insisting that Barry eat and _that’s_ when the cult finally accepts their marriage as real and invites them in and they get to finish the mission, but then they’re back at home and Barry’s moping until Mick shows up at his apartment and makes him food and Barry’s like “…the mission’s over” and Mick replies “yeah but we’re still married” and a little lightbulb goes off in Barry’s head because yes, they’re still married, and there’s actually no reason they can’t _still be married_. Yes yes. 

And those are just one variation of each one!

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh. I think, winning just by the slightest hair, Snart/Iris, because they would be _really_ explosive at first, making the eventual transition to partners-in-scheming be all the more sweet. But Mick/Barry is a _damn close second_.

 

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Doppelgangers or shapeshifting coldwave? 

Hmmmmmmmmmmm. Not sure how shapeshifting would work as a trope exactly. Is it that one of them has shapeshifting powers, either via meta powers or some sort of in-universe Polyjuice equivalent? Because that would be…hilarious, actually. And used almost exclusively for heists and sexy roleplays (“look! I’m Barry” “…you can’t pull off Barry” “I could totally pull off Barry” “smile and mean it” “…damnit, Mick, stop ruining things”). Hilarious, I tell you.

Doppelgangers - you know, there’s a severe lack of two-Lens-on-Mick or two-Micks-on-Len going on for a series that involves time travelers, alternate universes, holograms, evil-mind-versions, etc. reasons for having more than one of a person. Sadly, I think I’m too much of a shipper to really get into writing it properly (the doppelganger is inevitably a once-and-done situation, mostly because either Len or Mick would probably try to nope out of a relationship with TWO of the other side) but it would be fun and people should write it more. 

…hm. I really want to read both. Shapeshifting, I think, but just barely.

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Flashwave - chained together or - hmmmm - fake marriage? 

I’ve already described my Mick/Barry fake marriage in an earlier post - it would be glorious - and chained together would be just as great. I think I’d prefer chained together for the reasons described in my Coldflash post earlier - it’d be a slower burn, for a more satisfying pay-off at the end. I want those two characters to _get to know each other_ , damnit.

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Coldflash undercover as gay or Coldwest forced to stare a bed?

…sad to say, given Barry’s _horrible_ acting skills? Coldflash “undercover” would be _amazing_. Can you imagine Barry going way over the top, no matter how many times Len tells him to just cool it? (pun intended) And eventually Len just - resigns himself. To having a pretty little twink draping himself over him at every given opportunity. Batting his eyelashes at people. Being just fucking weird because Barry literally seems to take his acting lessons from bad Hollywood movies. 

Everybody else at the gay bar/retreat/whatever sympathetically patting Len on the shoulder because “he’s hot, but he’s kind of a hot mess, isn’t he?” and Len saying stoically “you have NO IDEA”. People misreading Barry’s cues and Len having to fight for his honor. Len spending a lot of time with a headache because _no one fights for anybody’s honor anymore, when did he end up in a bad romance novel_.

Just…it would be amazing.

Coldwest forced to share a bed - sadly, while I think Iris would be all the levels of awkward don’t-you-dare-try-anything-you-hear-me? and oh-wow-he’s-so-close, I think Len’s reaction to being forced to share a bed is…uh…“night” *sleep*. He might be a paranoid bastard, but he understands the value of a good night’s sleep and once he establishes to himself that Iris isn’t a threat, he’s going to zonk out for the night without so much as a thread of concern.

(Of course, if they _keep_ sharing a bed, then Iris will develop a crush, but Len is oblivious, and _oh my god that would be so much fun to read why don’t we have more Iris-pursuing-an-oblivious-Len fics_? but that’s not exactly this trope)

So Coldflash wins here. 

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Body swap or Gender Swap Coldflash 

Body swap! Body swap body swap body swap. There are not nearly enough body swap fics for coldflash. While I feel like gender swap is fun too - Barry’s reaction when seeing Len would be hilarious, assuming that the swap is from male-presenting to female-presenting (adding trans identities into genderswaps is even more fun because playing with expectations is my fav) - a body swap where Len actually takes the time to have _fun_ in Barry’s body? Where Barry gets to learn all about Len’s history by examining his? 

Barry having to pretend to be Len at a Serious Business Criminal Meeting? With mobsters? with the _Legion of Doom_? Barry having to figure out when Len would be all cool-calm-professional and when he shifts into making-dumb-puns-all-the-time?

Len having to pretend to be Barry - and being ridiculously good at it to everyone except Iris who pegs him immediately, because he’s spent so much time studying Barry? Barry being outraged by this fact? Len accidentally solving _so many problems_ for the STAR Labs team by suggesting common-sense solutions? 

Barry automatically reacting like a hero while wearing Len’s body - not just saving people generally, but intervening when other people are being hurt, which means he just started a war with the local mob? And naturally, Len (in Barry’s body) and the STAR Labs crew will help save Barry and defeat the bad guys, which means Barry won the war, and wait, is Barry the head of a mob now? Barry in Len’s body is now the head of a mob. Why is that. When did that happen. Len, stop laughing and answer me. 

ALL THE BODY SWAP SHENANIGANS. Someone write this for me, pls.

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Unexpected family members, Leonard Snart or Mick Rory and a member of team Flash or Arrow 

I’m not sure what I’m supposed to be picking between - I guess whether Len or Mick would be the person related? But assuming this trope is the one I think it is - person unexpectedly being related to another character - I LOVE IT SO MUCH.

Hmm. I already have Len and Jax being related, but Jax isn’t a member of team Flash or Arrow. Team Flash…you know, I think I would kill for Mick Rory and Caitlin Snow to be distant cousins? Not the cousin you know all that well, but, you know, we're not considered respectable family members so we get stuck at the same table during massive family gatherings, swapping “oh god how is this our family” looks, that sort of cousin. 

“How’s it going?” Mick asks at one event, scratching at his uncomfortable suit jacket and starched collar. He showed up without wearing one of those once. Once. Never again.  
“I’ve decided to major in science.” Caitlin says, forehead on table. 

“…what science?”

“ALL OF THEM.”

“Your mom getting on your case again?”

“I HATE HER.”

“Want me to sneak you alcohol from the open bar?”

“I will love you forever and ever amen.”

And then when they get to the Flash era, Len and Mick kidnap Caitlin, only to go “Let me go you - Wait, Mick???” 

“Cait-kat?” 

“Don’t call me that, I’m not seven anymore. Wait, you’re a supervillain now?”

“Uh. Yes? This is Len. I’ve told you about him.”

Len: “Are you from the family gathering to which I have been told to break Mick’s leg so he can avoid going to?”

Caitlin: “does that work? can I sign up for that?”

Len: “…that was a joke, but if you’d like me to kidnap you next time, just let me know a few weeks in advance.”

Caitlin: “I am seriously considering it, actually…”

Mick: “It’ll only work if people think we’re real supervillains. Can you be kidnapped for a bit now? Possibly show up on a video?”

Caitlin: “Promise not to hurt Barry and we’re good.”

It would be amazing and wonderful and I love it and someone should right that for me IMMEDIATELY because otherwise I’ll have to do it and I don’t need any new ideas right now damnit.

Now, I don’t know team Arrow that well but I present to you: Len and Felicity.

_Len and Felicity_. They’re related by marriage - an aunt married a cousin, something like that - but they were at ALL the bar and bat mitzvahs together. They have videos of each other doing _really stupid dances_. They are _tight_. Felicity never mentions it the way she never mentions ALL of her crime-related backstory. 

They don’t recognize each other until the finale moment of 1x4. At which point Len puts aside the cold gun and promptly goes into _that conversation_. Everyone who has large extended families knows the one I mean. The how-is-your-family-doing-oh-we’re-good-did-you-hear-about-what-Cousin-Priha-did-oh-my-god-no-what-did-she-do-now-well-you-remember-the-story-with…THAT conversation. 

Everyone else is very confused. Eventually Caitlin quietly clears her throat and politely asks if they can get Barry back to STAR Labs now.

Len volunteers to help.

No one can entirely stop him from doing so.

Len finds out Barry’s identity much earlier on, mostly because Barry always wanted one of those large family sort of deals and is _so interested_ in this conversation, which goes on for several hours.

They have a _very large family tree_ , and about, like, 70% are somehow criminal? There’s the hacking side (Felicity), there’s the old school side (Len), there are the poor lost children who joined the Feds (but they still show up for family gatherings because cops and robbers is one thing but family is family is family) but honestly everyone has started considering them part of the crime side of the family because of corruption in the government, and then there’s, like, the one who owns a flower shop who is _everyone’s favorite_ because they’re all convinced she’s involved in crime because she’s a legit criminal mastermind but no one can decide how (laundering money? mob connections? academic cheat ring? trafficking drugs?) and they’re all wrong and she’s just a very happy flower shop lady who happens to be a criminal mastermind who just, you know, never uses it. Because she likes flowers. 

…uh, to bring this excessively long post to an end: both. I want both. I refuse to decide.

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Bodyswap, Mick Rory and Cisco or Mick Rory and Iris

Oooooh, man. How to choose? How to choose? 

Let’s see how I think they would go. Mick and Cisco - well, Cisco is totally unfit to be Mick most of the time, so Len would just, you know, lock him inside their safehouse and hand him all of Mick’s techie projects and Cisco would just get to - relax. And if anyone ever tried to bother him, he would just loom.

Cisco would enjoy looming.

Mick as Cisco, on the other hand - Mick doesn’t need to be big to be intimidating. Mick as Cisco goes to visit Cisco’s family and makes Very Clear that Cisco ought to be respected. Though I’m imagining Cisco’s family when Dante is still alive, obviously; otherwise Mick would just…probably sit in the warehouse with Cisco and relax. I feel like it would be a great fic.

Mick and Iris? 

Iris would drag Mick’s body in to EVERY PROBLEMATIC SITUATION EVER and make it out because she’s currently inhabiting Mick Rory. 

Meanwhile, Mick sends regular text updates to Iris (as requested) about how much fucking fun he’s having being short and underestimated and hey, look! Knowing the technique of how to box transfers over! Punching jerks takes literally no effort - he doesn’t have to try to start a fight! the jerks come to him!

…yeah, Mick and Iris.

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Huddling for warmth-FlashWave, or Genderswap ColdWest? 

Huh. Well, I feel like huddling for warmth Flashwave is similar to chained-together Flashwave, which I would love. Anything that involves Mick and Barry getting to know each other is A++.

Genderswap Snart/Iris…huh. Are we talking male-presenting!Iris and female-presenting!Len? Because I would possibly kill someone for Iris to become a member of Team Flash ( ~~probably a lot faster because Joe wouldn’t be all up with the misogynistic don’t tell her for her own good bullshit~~ ) and then he and Cisco start getting flirted with by the Snart sisters. And Cisco might get away with Golden Glider being only an occasional villain, Iris ending up hanging up with Captain Cold, mistress of cold and terrible ice-related puns on a regular basis? Swearing up and down to the team the he’s really just investigating her?

…he’s not investigating her. She invited him out for ice cream. They’re dating. Neither side confesses to it, but they’re totally dating. There’s a double date with Cisco at some point. Leni gives Cisco the shovel talk. Lisa just pats Iris on the shoulder and points to said shovel talk and says “I’m not even going to bother, but, you know, ditto.”

Barry starts whining about where _his_ sexy villain is.

(next heist, the Snart sisters bring along Mick. Barry is suddenly much more interested in this whole Rogues-Flash team-up read dating business.)

Don’t make me choose. _Write both_. 

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Lol forgot unexpected family needs two options: Mick Rory and Stein, Mick Rory and Thea Queen 

Well, I answered this already, but - Mick and Stein being related, possibly through Clarissa, would inevitably result in a lot of avoiding each other. I would also be very into Stein teasing Mick about being a catastrophe because it’s a family in-joke that acknowledges that Mick is actually super smart but hates authority and also tests, but then Stein getting very offended on Mick’s behalf when anyone else tries to make the same jokes. It would improve season 2 400% at least. 

Mick and Thea…isn’t Thea Merlyn’s kid? So your choice for a relation is through Moira Queen or Malcolm Merlyn. I feel like Mick would probably throw himself off a roof rather than be related to Merlyn, so he’s a distant cousin of the Queens? 

Sad to say, if he was, he was the poor branch of the family that didn’t get talked to, so the only result of this would be Thea finding out and being “so the super-stuff runs in the genes, huh” and then her and Mick bonding over that, and also about having over-dramatic people in their lives. 

Same would happen with Merlyn, just with more bitching. And possibly Mick being absorbed into the League of Assassins when Merlyn’s in charge of it. Mick would enjoy the ninjas, but also hate Merlyn. 

Stein and Mick bonding please. Much preferred.

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De-age, Leonard Snart or Mick Rory 

Noooooo, this choice is impossible. Do I want paranoid little Len Snart, fifteen and twitchy-fingered and worrying about Lisa and developing the world’s cutest puppy crush on Mick Rory, amazing and awesome adult? Do I want lil Mick Rory, eight years old and just getting into the fire thing, talking about his family to a horrified audience? What about twenty-something Len, already making plans to steal Mick back for a three-way with HIS Mick? Nineteen year old Mick Rory thumping adult!Len on the back and saying “About damn time you killed that old man of yours, he was awful”? 

Why do you do this to me, anon? Why?

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Accidental psychic/telepathic connection. Cisco & Snart or Mick/Barry 

Ooooh, this one’s interesting!!! 

So, on one side, Mick and Barry would be delightful, because Barry’s brain is probably 80% filled with “oh god oh god faster faster faster” and Mick would be “jesus, kid, slow the fuck down” and just keep sending him the mental equivalent of stupid text posts, like “how about lasagna? should I make lasagna?” in the middle of Barry’s latest meltdown, totally derailing it, so that Barry has an actual chance to relax inside his own head. Cue getting to know each other.

But on the other side…oh man. Oh MAN. Cisco and Len. _Cisco and Len_. As I’ve mentioned to @mickrxry, I visual Len as having a ridiculous internal monologue going ALL THE TIME. Sometimes in terrible film noir style. “And then the supervillain regally entered the room, looking cool and mysterious, and the inhabitants quaked before him…” - that sort of nonsense. And Cisco would _eat that up_. Like, it would start with sarcastic commentary “We’re not quaking! who even uses quaking in a sentence!” but quickly get derailed “Though actually if this was all a game of Quake that would be hilarious” and turn into the inevitable mutual geek-out fest “Question: have you tried to install Doom onto Barry’s suit/your goggles?” “Are you kidding? _of course I have_.”

And when they realize they’re geeking out together, they’d stop. Only to start again. inevitably. and the puns.

god.

the puns.

there would be so many puns.

And they’d just…never tell anybody? Len offers Cisco useful tips for crime-fighting that helps Team Flash. Cisco suggests security-system defeats with the caveat that he’s not helping them steal, he’s just…saying stuff.

Mick figures it out right quick, particularly when Len’s face turns funny colors when Lisa is around (“Ask her if she likes me! Ask her!” “No!”) and he sometimes argues aloud. 

Barry and the others take a bit longer to figure it out.

Confession time would be the BEST because it would start off apologetic and turn into “and then he said THIS” *everybody groans at the terrible pun*

So yes. Cisco and Len telepathy please.

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ColdFlash, A/B/O or Dom/Sub? 

Huh, interesting. I prefer subversions of tropes, so there’s always something interesting on the A/B/O spectrum (character is unexpectedly oriented! orientation doesn’t work the same way in my worlds! etc.), while dom/sub _as a trope_ tends to be quite boring. It’s not a story, it’s a background piece _of a story_ , if you get my gist.

Though I’ve seen some good versions of it being the main story - @daughterofscotland has an EXCELLENT one - for me, I tend to prefer it to be just a thing. 

Though it would be fun to have Len and Barry meet in the BDSM community - not sexually, but as _colleagues_. Like, they both get invited to teach classes: Len on bondage techniques and how to escape them when necessary, Barry on safety tips for hook-ups (he’s police-affiliated but not police), and at first it’s awkward but they develop a “what happens here, stays here” deal and then when other people find out _everyone assumes they’re sleeping together_ but they’re actually not? (until they get so annoyed with everyone that they start dating just to show them all, of course). 

But no, A/B/O is more interesting to me.

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ColdFlash or ColdFlashWave, creature (werewolf, witch, dragon, that sort of thing) ?? 

I mean. I am ALWAYS here for creature AUs. I _love_ creature!AUs. ALL the creature AUs. I cannot choose between the many, many, MANY creature AUs I want to write ask me about selkie!Len sometime and watch me sob on your shoulder about feels so I guess the choice is between coldflash and coldflashwave? And while I’ve been in a coldflash mood recently, I’m a coldwave shipper at heart so coldflashwave is always going to win that battle. Don’t forget about my baby Mick.

Besides, having more people just makes creature AUs _so much more fun_

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De-aged Hartley Rathaway and team Flash 

nimadge

 

Is this a choice or a prompt? I mean. The classic idea that suggests is that ickle Hartley with all of his trauma with his family and his closeting and the deafness and all that would lead to Team Flash being sympathetic and such, but…I headcanon that Hartley was always kinda of a snotty dick. And Team Flash is absolutely awful at compassion when the person is somewhat annoying. 

So my mental image here would be ten-year-old genius!Hartley basically pulling an epic Home Alone style attack on Team Flash in STAR Labs.

No reason.

Just because.

It would be lovely.

 

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Wingfic, Leonard Snart or Mick Rory

Ooooooooooh. Angsty Mick Rory, with burned wings, tumbling down when he tries to fly, seeking the assistance of cyberpunk biotechnician Leonard Snart? Len with pristine wings, soft like a dove, that he feels he doesn’t deserve, that he desperately tries to hide until one day it’s revealed? Mick marveling at the softness, running his fingers through them, Len’s breath hitching just a little because no one’s ever touched them with kindness, not even Lisa because he hid them from her?

Or raptor-winged Leonard Snart leading his team of Rogues on raid after raid, the solider in a greater war but rejecting it entirely in favor of a life of crime and freedom? Mick the broad-winged condor, the Rogue’s look-out, perching on buildings and shouting out suggestions? 

Mick trying to hide his glorious iridescent bird-of-paradise wings because they reveal too much about who he is inside? Len the clever kingfisher, with a trickster’s smile and a history that goes back centuries? 

Mick seeming unaffected by the transformation spell, only to twitch and to charge and the meta responsible to abruptly become very afraid because the idea of turning people into avians is a great idea but somehow it never occurred to them that cassowaries would be included? 

Len having lost his parka, going out to steal himself a new one, and grabbing himself the finest of blue-jay coats instead, throwing it on as he runs away with his prize in his hands and finding himself flying instead of running?

_This is not a valid choice, anon_. I demand all the fic. ALL OF IT.

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ColdFlashWave, forced to share a bed or sex pollen? 

Hmmm, interesting one! So there’s three of them, so the forced-to-share-a-bed bit would be funny - you’d need a big bed, and you’d have the arguments over who’s in the middle (Barry, to keep him from escaping in embarrassment). And the sex pollen is similarly interesting - who’s affected? All three of them? Just Barry? 

Either way, you’d end up with Barry being embarrassed and Len and Mick being amused. I think forced to share a bed is less likely to lead to Barry running away so that one. Especially in repeated bed-sharing. It would be great. Barry slowly becoming accustomed to their presence and the snark - yes please.

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Flashwave, Sex pollen or undercover? 

Flashwave…I think sex pollen would be _really interesting_. Barry being desperate and Mick making an effort to let Barry go and the two of them coming together in a frenzy - and then both of them trying to make it up to the other one, Mick with gifts of food, Barry just by swinging around to try to endlessly explain and apologize - it would be fun. 

Undercover…I assume this means that Barry has to go undercover for some reason with Mick? I like to imagine that they would start to get along, little by little, but it really depends on the mission. So sex pollen.

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ColdFlashWave, ABO or mobsters? 

Okay. This is an unfair question, because my #1 I-want-to-see-this-done thing is Barry the head of a mob family, with a strict code and principles but also ruthless and selfish and violent, and then Len and Mick rob him and Barry falls head over heels for these two thieves that fascinate him. And then he tries to court them, both by taking them out and buying them things, treating them to all the things they like, destroying their enemies, that sort of thing. I _want it_. I also want other variations, but that’s my dream thing someone writes me. (I’m also good with Barry-the-mob-boss falling for Len and recruiting Mick, Len’s old partner, to help him stalk Len better, but Barry finds himself falling for Mick as well…)

ABO…honestly, it’s more of a background idea for me? Like, it really depends what the storyline is. I could be really into it, if it does interesting things with gender dynamics, but sometimes it can be just there. 

So mobsters. Definitely mobsters.

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Coldflashwave, magical AU or cyberpunk AU? 

Ahhhhhhh, this is unfair! I love both! 

I mean, we need more cyberpunk. Between the augmentation possibilities, the worldbuilding, everything, you could have fascinating developments. Builders, mechanics, doctors, government workers, everything! But on the other hand, magical AUs - fairy tales and sorcerers and any sort of dynamics…!

Ugh. Both? I don’t know. I guess magical AU is preferable, but just barely.

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Cinderella AU or Hansel & Gretel AU? (Len centric) 

Hmmm. Len and Lisa abandoned by their father in the forest, lured in by something evil and forced to fight their way out, versus Len being swept away from Lewis by his Prince Charming? 

It’s hard; they’re both really awesome. 

Honestly, it’s not an option, but I would really love a Red Riding Hood AU. 

But…hmmm. I say Cinderella, just barely, because I have a fondness for Len being (uncharacteristically) a damsel in distress.

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Since you brought this up: Len in a Mick sandwich or Mick in a Len sandwich? (with whatever preference you have for getting the second version) 

Oooooooh. Most recently? Mick in a Len sandwich. He needs ALL the love and care and the two Lens scheming together to make it so that he can just lay back and relax and enjoy it while they treat him tenderly. 

As for how to get the other version - man, it could be anything. Normal Len and Earth-XYZ Len? Normal Len and an hour-to-the-future Len? Speedforce Len? 

Anything. 

Just make Mick HAPPY, damnit.

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Little Lisa being Len/Mick's wingman or little Lisa being a jealous/possessive cockblock? 

Wingman. Definitely the wingman. 

Oh, Lisa’s a possessive person, definitely, and the thought of anyone taking Len’s attention from her is a matter of great suspicion, but I just love reading her as wanting Len to be _happy_. Sure, she’s going to look on anyone he dates with an eagle eye, but she knows she’s not enough for him and she wants him to have someone because she wants to have her own life, in time. I always see little Lisa as incredibly independent, because Len encourages that, but also that Lisa knows how much Len makes his identity around defending her. And she loves him for that, but she also wants to get him things (people) to make up for it, and she wants him to have someone when she eventually leaves, because she knows she will one day. He loves Central City; she doesn’t. She’s going to go away and he’ll need someone.

So she will find someone for him. by force if necessary.

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Selfcest, Leonard Snart or Mick Rory 

Hmmmmm. I feel like Mick would handle it better? Len is too damn paranoid. After all, he KNOWS himself. If they’re aiming at someone else, they might ally, but…Len doesn’t actually like himself enough. He thinks of his looks as a tool; he doesn’t admire himself.

Mick thinks he’s pretty cool. He likes his burns and he likes who he is and when he’s not being insulted all the time, he’s pretty comfortable with himself and if a doppelganger showed up? Hell yeah he’d have sex with him. It’d be fun and why not?? It’s like masturbation except with another body.

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Coldflashwave, another Barry stumbling into Earth One or Barry going to another Earth and discovering that Earths Barry is dating Len and Mick. 

Between these two? I think…another Barry stumbling onto Earth One. That way you get both Barry figuring it out and getting awkward around Len and Mick and Len and Mick getting to meet this new Barry and also figuring it out and then the mutual awkwardness before they figure out that they both know.

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Coldwave amnesia plot or surprise-you-have-a-kid plot? 

Well, I don’t really like the surprise-you-have-a-kid plot, so amnesia wins by default. Though I do find amnesia (so long as it’s temporary) to be quite interesting, especially for that pairing, because one of the things it hinges on usually is that they do know each other. But if they didn’t - if they were struck with something that made them forget, but there’s still some feeling, some compatibility, some reason they fall into synchronicity with each other, and they start to fall in love again…

It could be lots of fun. 

(for why not the surprise kid trope: I generally disapprove of people hiding kids from other people except in situations of abuse - like, if someone is a father, they deserve to know if they’re not awful, even if it was an accident, even if it was hard to track them down again, etc. And I generally find the surprise kid fic treats the kid as a plot device and not as a character, which tends not to be to my taste. But, you know, mileage varies!)

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Because now I'M thinking about this: two Lens lavishing Mick with love and affection or two Micks ravishing each other while Len can only sit and watch? 

You know, it really depends on when this is taking place. Right now, Mick needs to be taken care of, because he’s been mistreated for the entire season. I just feel like he doesn’t have the emotional capacity for anything more than being taken care of. ~~For example they did the hallucination episode thing and then dropped the goddamn plotline and now even Mick doesn’t mention it even when Stein the guy who knew he’d been hallucinating decides to be a dick about how totally dead Len is to his face WTF show~~

Once Len has been back for a while, though, and Mick is feeling better, then he gets his revenge. His sweet, sweet revenge. 

\----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Accidental not-biologically-related-to-them baby acquisition - Leonard Snart or Mick Rory

Well, since I ship them, it’s not much of a choice - one of them picks up a baby = both of them pick up a baby.

Pros and cons of each one:

Len knows how to take care of a kid, but is also prone to taking the kid along on multi-million dollar bank heists and lecturing the police shooting at him that they’re disturbing the kid.

Mick does not know how to take care of a kid, but will panic in a hilarious manner before calling Len in. He will feed the kid right, but he will also start showing the kid his favorite things (he heard on a radio show somewhere that you should share your interests with your kid from an early age) which results in a lot of burned down houses.

Either way, the end result will be the two of them taking care of the baby and the Flash showing up to yell at them, only for them to point out that they’re taking better care of the kid than some.

Possibly they will start texting the various had-a-child people for advice.

Advice from Joe that isn’t 100% technical (i.e. how to change a diaper) is ignored. (Though honestly I don’t think Joe knows how to take care of an infant - his wife was still around until Iris was at least 4 or 5 and Joe strikes me as the sort of person who didn’t do the housework until she left. Otherwise he might have not done things like “leave child with a drug addict repeatedly” or “take away child’s comfort animal to punish child for breaking something which he left out in the child’s reach”)

Team Flash start getting kidnapped at regular intervals to babysit. At least until Caitlin gets the brilliant idea of “oh shit my mom’s coming to town, can I book a kidnapping for next Wednesday?” at which point they start working out a schedule for it. Len and Mick still do the whole black-bag-over-head-pulled-into-a-van thing, though. Just for fun.

If this is post-Legends, the child might possibly be from a different era.

Because why not. The future has vaccines (…the child has some vaccines from the FAR future, just in case).

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Coldwest: Handcuffed together or High School Reunion? 

Handcuffed together. Definitely. High school reunion fics are adorable, but I feel the age of the ~~high school reunion~~ as a Thing has sort of passed? Like, I went to my 10-year reunion recently (I’m so old ;___;) - it was in a bar, people said hi, made small talk, nobody stayed longer than an hour or so. Not the sort of Return In Splendor things you see on TV, which I think were more of a thing a decade or two ago. Besides, as much fun as it is to show off to your friends and enemies how well you’ve done, Len never graduated high school and is a career criminal AND a supervillain. I don’t know if that’s a plus or a minus when it comes to high school reunions. 

But handcuffed together…Iris and Len would be the snarkiest little assholes to each other _the entire time_. My god. It would be terrible and wonderful and they would be fighting like cats and dogs so bad that the bad guys would need to clear their throats a few times and go “uh. do you guys mind if we get back to threatening you, or would you like to keep arguing?”

Plus the hilarious attempts to each go their own way constantly because they are both stubborn as hell and keep forgetting they’re not the leader. 

Not to mention the endless comparisons (badly) to their preferred handcuff-partner (e.g. “Mick would’ve followed me” “Mick would’ve stopped to stare at the fire and ignored your yanking on him like a chihuahua yanking on its leash from a fire hydrant” “That is…possibly true.” or “Barry would’ve listened to me!” “Barry would’ve been in _Idaho_ in a panic by now.” “…if not China, yeah.” “ _Has_ he made it to China yet?” “You know, I don’t know.” “Because I’m just saying, there was that movie where the guy with the flying powers went to China and picked up dim sum, and if Barry can run over water and hasn’t done it yet…” “I think he’d sink when he stopped to take a breath, unfortunately. Though I’m tempted” “Sprinter, not endurance runner, huh? Doesn’t last very long once he’s out of the gate?” “I’m going to smack you.” or “Lisa would’ve…” “Lisa would’ve what?” “Nah, Lisa would’ve done just what you’re doing. Carry on.”)

It would be amazing and I want to read it right away.

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Westwave (or whatever it's called) - hand-cuffed together or accidental mind link? 

Now, I love me some handcuffed together, but Iris is pretty tiny and Mick is pretty large and while he’d follow her lead some of the time, when he thinks she’s doing something dumb he’d probably just pick her up and carry her in a different direction.

But accidental mind link - oh, man. Oh _man_. Now that it’s been raised as a possibility, I want it _so bad_. Can you imagine if they didn’t know what it was right away? They just get other thoughts. Mick assumes the thoughts are just intrusive and ignores them or interacts with them in his usual fairly calm sort of way. Iris figures out pretty quick that she has a mental link with someone but can’t figure out _who_. 

Iris asks him to identify himself. Mick spends a fair while contemplating sandwiches instead. Iris tries to tear her hair out and also goes to get a sandwiches because damnit she wants one now. Slowly but surely Iris starts to slow down a bit, match Mick’s level, and just - enjoy having someone to think back and forth thoughts with, because Mick has this gloriously deadpan humor and hilarious “who’s crazier - the idiot who decides to go up against something that moves faster than sound with basically his fists and a rock, or me, the guy who follows him around to help him do it?” monologues performed in the most woeful mental voice you can possibly imagine. Iris starts to have fun.

Also, Iris gets to meet Mick’s inner “Len voice”, which is the tone and accent his “wow this would be a really dumb idea you should do it for the lolz” voice adopts, but ALSO the voice his “you should not do this dumb idea you might get hurt you need to think this through first, make a plan” voice adopts. It’s very unfortunate. Sometimes Mick’s lines get crossed between the two.

Iris starts developing her own Len voice. She does not realize it’s a Len voice until she actually meets Len next time and realizes that he has the EXACT same voice patterns as her brand new “yeah go for it!” inside voice.

Much hilarious chaos ensues, because Len denies (with some confusion) having a mental link with anyone. Much confusion until Mick and Iris figure out it’s each other.

Then they go out to buy themselves a sandwich, because they can worry about it later.

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Centaur!Mick or dragon!Mick? 

This is a cruel choice. Centaur Mick has so much potential - I just love the idea of him being this big old draft horse, gigantic and looming, able to trample people who piss him off under his hooves. But dragon Mick comes in a thousand varieties - small, smol, large, gigantic, humanoid, non-humanoid, capable of transformation, not capable, fire breather, ice breather, serpentine, winged, burned, lava-born, egg-born…

Yeah, I’m going to have to go with the dragon. There are so many possibilities, and I’ve only read a small fraction of them!

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Transported back in time and viewing as bystanders: Legends team seeing a young Len with Lewis or Mick dealing with his guilt after the fire? 

Well, I feel like we did get to see Mick post fire and the Legends didn’t really pay any attention or care. At all. Because they’re assholes. Like, they literally had a line about finding Mick’s parents dead upstairs and yet not a one thought to say anything nice to him. Mick obviously had issues with his younger self to process, so it wasn’t his place, and Len was still trying to show how much he was respecting Mick’s boundaries, but the rest? No excuse.

Len and Lewis…I feel like the Legends have always been nicer to Len, and would immediately leap on his backstory to try to “excuse” his actions and redeem him in their eyes. Which Len would HATE. As the only way I see that ending is Len taking his Mick and getting the fuck off the Waverider, definitely this.

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Stuck in the same body, Mick & Cisco or Mick and Felicity

Either way, Mick’s stuck with a geek in his head! I think he’d enjoy it, as would they, but Cisco has gotten really bitter recently (thanks writers) while I think Felicity would find Mick a refreshing burst of honesty. She’s also more innuendo and less clever quips, which I think Mick would appreciate more. Noy to mention the sheer glee Felicity would have at BEING the big, built guy who can muscle his way around. (Mick wakes up one day to find himself shirtless in front of a mirror with Felicity saying “Sorry! I just…had to take a closer look. For, uh, research comparison purposes! Really. Honest.” Mick is deeply amused.)


	97. coldflash - birds

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coldflash - birds
> 
> For wacheypena's birthday!

“You’re going to _what_?” Len says incredulously. His incredulous voice is very, very flat.

Barry winces. 

“I’m going to throw you and your paramour to your doom –” the guy starts.

“No, no, skip that part,” Len says. “Especially the bit about the paramour, no one says that anymore. Get to the part about the _birds_.”

“Your doom will come at the hands of –”

“Beaks of,” Len says, because he can’t help himself that way.

Barry bangs his head against the wall of the cell. It’s fine, it’ll heal.

“- at the _beaks of_ my beloved feathery friends, my attack birds –”

“You trained _attack birds_ as your gimmick,” Len says. “Consider your application to the Rogues _preemptively denied_.”

“Must you taunt the supervillain?” Barry asks hopelessly.

“Yeah,” Len says. “I really, really must. Also, I feel like 'super' isn't really the right word here.”

“Those vultures can strip a man down to his skin,” Barry says. “I saw the leftovers of his last victim at the lab earlier. I don’t think you should be finding this so funny.”

“Eh, birds like me,” Len says.

“Attack birds, Snart,” Barry says. “They’re _attack birds_.”

“Heeeeere, Tweety, Tweety,” Len replies.

Barry leans close to Len’s ear and hisses, “You are _never_ getting laid again.”

“Don’t _overreact_. Worst case scenario, you run us out,” Len whispers back.

“He captured us while we were on a date. While I'm in _civvies_. I can’t just run us out! He’ll figure out that I’m the Flash!”

“Okay, so then I’ll kill him.”

“That is _not a solution_ , Snart.”

“I told you already, call me Len. We’re dating now.”

“This is the worst first date ever.”

“Hardly think you can say it’s our first date.”

“…our first date when we both knew for sure it was a date and not magic lust powder.”

“I never believed it was magic lust powder,” Len says. “Because that’s stupid.”

“You had sex with me three times under that premise.”

“Well, yes. You jumped me. I wasn't gonna say no. Especially since there wasn't actually any magic lust powder involved; just wistful thinking.”

“Yeah, okay, fair enough. But still, you’ve got to admit it’s not the most auspicious first official date.” 

“Let me remind you,” Len says drolly. “Who was it, exactly, who thought it would be – and I quote – ‘romantic’ to go find a nice old warehouse – which you said was ‘scenic’ – to go make out in, and that warehouse just so happened to be where Big Bird had his secret lair? Despite both of us having made an agreement to leave work _out_ of date night?”

“...I had a lead but I didn’t want to stand you up,” Barry mutters. 

Len pats him on the shoulder. “It’s okay. I knew.”

“You did?”

“You’re a terrible liar, Barry.”

The bird-themed vaguely gangster-like villain – Cisco was calling him the Penguin, for no particular reason – shouts, “Stop _whispering_. You’ll disturb the birds. Before they kill you. I don't want them getting upset. Henchmen, take them to – _the aviary_.”

“Oh _god_ ,” Len says, shaking his head. " _Really_?"

“I know, right?” Barry says. “Weird, isn't it, when supervillains use stupid puns and gimmick-themed references all the time.”

“My shtick has _style_ , Barry,” Len says. “His, on the other hand, is – good lord, what the _hell_?”

This last was said to the two henchmen who came through the door. They’re wearing bird-themed costumes, which involve cloaks made of feathers and hats with beaks.

“ _Joshua_ ,” Len says, sounding vaguely ill. “Is that you? What has he done to you?”

The henchman on the left shrugs. “He pays well.”

“How well?”

“Three times base plus benefits.”

“…fair,” Len concedes. "I'd put on a feathered cap for that." 

“Wait. Are you telling me there’s a base pay rate for _supervillain henchman work_ in this city?” Barry asks, sounding insulted. “And it has benefits?”

“Not everyone offers benefits,” the other henchman says.

“I can get you on my insurance if your job stops offering it,” Len tells Barry.

“I work for the _government_ , Snart.”

“Exactly.”

“…goddamnit. I’ll keep it in mind. Thanks.”

They get thrown into the aviary with a “no hard feelings, right?” from the two henchmen. 

“None at all,” Len assures them from the bottom of the pit.

Barry has one second to look at all the birds around them and then they’re all attacking. He tenses, knowing he’s going to need to blow his secret – to a bird-themed villain of all things - he can’t let Len get hurt by the –

Len is not hurt.

The birds are all perched on him, rubbing their faces into him, making happy cooing noises.

“What the hell,” Barry says.

Len shrugs.

“No, seriously, _what the hell_ , Snart.”

“Told you birds like me.”

“This is more than just birds like you. You – there’s a _vulture_ trying to _preen your hair_.”

“I don’t have enough hair for that,” Len tells the bird, tickling it under the chin. “But thanks.”

“Len!”

“I got you to the 'Len' stage,” Len says, smirking. “Knew I’d manage it eventually.”

“Explain. Now.”

“…I’d prefer not to.”

“Leonard Snart.”

Len sighs. “Okay,” he says. “And I know you hate these introduction words –”

“What words?” Barry says, but he’s starting to get a suspicion. 

“When the Particle Accelerator exploded…”

“We know where you were! You were running away from the explosion right after fighting Scudder!”

“Well, _yes_ ,” Len says. “I stopped outside to rescue a pigeon that got stuck in a trap. Birds’ve loved me ever since.”

“I cannot believe you.”

“They really like it when I hum at them,” Len offers. “You ought to see the crowd of pigeons and seagulls we get on our roof every time I’m singing in the shower.”

A little lightbulb goes off over Barry’s head.

It can’t be.

And yet….

“…what about other animals?” Barry asks. “Any luck with those?”

Len shrugs. “I don’t really see much of those in the city, honestly? Rats are cute, I guess. And, I mean, I’ve always had a good relationship with cats and dogs…”

“You’re a _Disney Princess_ ,” Barry says.

“I am not!”

"Tell the birds to show us the way out."

"It doesn't work like that. They don't really understand me. I've tried talking to them; no go."

Barry thinks about it for a second. "You've tried _talking_ to them," he says. "Try _singing_ to them."

"What? No."

“Sing to the birds and tell them we need a way out, Snart.”

Len gives Barry a look.

"Fine. _Len_."

“Fine, fine. How am I even supposed to do that?”

“Just do it!”

Len scowls, but obediently starts humming, then singing the chorus to “We Gotta Get Out of This Place” by the Animals.

The birds all light up with joy – weird that Barry can tell that, since most of these birds don't have very expressive faces – and start to flutter around, pulling at Len’s clothing until they lead them through the aviary to a wall.

"That doesn't seem to have worked," Len observes.

Barry leans forward and squints. “There’s a secret door here. The birds were right.”

Len shakes his head. “I'll deal with this later and take the win for now," he decides. "Let’s go.”

Barry pops it open and they step out into the hallway. 

Barry hears Len say “Bye, bye, birdy” to the birds, so it doesn’t occur to him to check until they’re almost halfway down the hallway.

But then he glances over to ask Len if he thinks they should try to confront the Penguin or go for back-up, and then he stops.

“Len,” he says.

“Yeah?”

“Put the vulture back with the other birds.”

“Beardy’s coming with us.”

“No, _Beardy_ is not.”

“He’ll be friends with Ratigan and McSnurtle.”

“You’re not stealing the Penguin’s man-eating vulture, Len.”

Barry realizes it’s a mistake the second he says the ‘s word’.

“I am thief,” Len drawls. “That’s what I do. Beardy’s coming.”

(They end up trading Beardy back to the Penguin in exchange for said villain leaving Central City permanently. He says he’s been thinking of going to Gotham, anyway, and he and Len talk for a good hour about bird-keeping techniques. Barry’s just – taking it as a win. Especially since he didn’t even have to make an appearance as the Flash to deal with it.)


	98. coldwave - both dfab pwp

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> coldwave - both dfab pwp
> 
> for the prompt: smut with ftm trans men mick and len, please? :3 (if a double ended dildo and wand vibrator were used, i would not be against that >:3)

“I can’t believe they thought that _imposter_ was me,” Len grumbles, sweeping into the house.

“I knew it wasn’t you,” Mick offers. 

“Well, of course _you_ knew. Eventually. When you weren’t grieving so much. _God_ , it’s good to be home.”

“No kidding,” Mick says, rubbing his face before interlacing his hands and _stretching_. It’s so good to be home at last, with nothing weighing on his mind. The Legends are off on another mission, the Legion has been defeated, and Len is back –

Len is also staring.

 _Very_ appreciatively.

Mick smirks and slowly rolls his shoulders to loosen them. Sure, there are more effective stretches – he’d learned most of them at PT, after the fire – but none of them have the effect of emphasizing the movement of his heavy chest. 

“Did I mention that it’s been eight months since I got laid?” Len croaks.

“You mentioned something like that,” Mick allows. 

“ _Eight months_ in a cell.”

“Several escapes, I recall you mentioned.”

“Only to be caught again!”

“And moved around through several eras.”

“ _Mick_. It’s been _ages_.”

Mick laughs and reaches for Len, reeling him in for a kiss.

Several kisses.

Len groans and wraps his hands around Mick’s shoulders, his fingers clenching on Mick’s shirt.

“We could’ve done this on the Waverider,” Mick reminds Len between kisses.

“No privacy,” Len says, frantically shoving off Mick’s suspenders. Mick laughs, loving it, loving how desperate Len was for him. 

God, he’d missed the man.

“Eight months,” Len says, leaning in to press his lips to Mick’s lips, Mick’s chin, Mick’s neck. “Eight goddamn months, Mick! Being _stared_ at by a goddamn computer. Never a minute’s privacy.”

“And you were never particularly good at keeping your hands off yourself, too…”

“Goddamn computer,” Len says. “God, _Mick_.”

“I love it when you’re desperate,” Mick says, running his hands up Len’s sides. “Bed?”

“I thought you’d never ask.”

They tumble in to bed together, laughing and kissing. 

“Glad you’re back,” Mick whispers in Len’s ear before pushing his shirt up and ducking down to kiss the prominent scars on Len’s chest, the ones that curved down the pectoral, the ones Len was most proud of. 

Well, almost. He valued the bullet wound that he’d gotten the day he’d brought down the entire Tarrenti mob family more or less by himself. With Mick at his side, of course.

“Yeah, yeah,” Len grumbles, but he’s smiling. They’ve had this conversation a fair few times since he’d come back, though he never gets tired of it. He slides his hands down and cups Mick’s chest, sliding his thumb over the nipple. “No more heroics. I’ve rather got the picture.”

“So how do you want it?” Mick asks, smirking as Len flips them over and starts devoting some serious attention to Mick’s chest, Mick’s shirt off on the floor and his suspenders hanging by his side. Mick’s chest was still heavy and full, after all these years; the weight made for a pain in the ass when he was running or fighting unexpectedly, but watching Len get distracted whenever he let them hang loose – even moreso this past month than usual – had always been entirely delightful. “Want me to suck your cock? Buckle something on and fuck you? Finger you till you’re screaming?”

“Stop giving me options,” Len complains. “That all sounds great.”

“Well, _you’re_ the plan-maker.”

“ _I’m_ the one who got himself stuck in a goddamn _time prison_ by a group of psychotics, while _you_ swanned around collecting a stash and travelling through time on the Waverider. You decide.”

“Well, given the pretty penny that stash’ll net us – and even the Flash won’t be able to complain about it being stolen, given that most of the people I stole it from are long gone – we can do all of them, every idea you’ve got, and still have time to spare before the money runs out.”

Len lifts his head, his eyes glinting. “That gives me an idea, actually,” he says. 

“That was a joke,” Mick points out. “We’d die of dehydration or starvation if we aimed to do _every_ idea –”

“I mean about having free time,” Len interrupts, laughing. “Do you even remember the last time we had nothing to do? No heists planned, no cops on our tail, money in the bank, Lisa off and happy, everything just as it should be…”

Mick arches his eyebrows.

“After the McTavish Art Gallery job. With the gold sculpture.”

“Oh, that one. Oh!” Mick grins. “You still have my little present, do you?”

“Box in the closet, unless someone’s rearranged.”

No one’s rearranged anything.

Mick retrieves it while Len busies himself with getting naked, an even more involved process than normal. Len always did prefer to layer up when he was feeling vulnerable.

Probably one of the reasons Mick likes to see him naked so much.

Definitely not the _only_ reason, though, Mick thinks as he looks over his husband. He’s got the prettiest husband in the goddamn world. 

“All mine,” Mick says, kneeling onto the bed and dropping the long, thick double-ended dildo beside him. “Lemme blow you first, huh? Get you all wet for me.”

“I mean,” Len says. “I’m not going to tell you _not_ to suck my cock.”

Mick snorts and leans forward, pushing Len’s thighs apart so he can access his husband’s cunt better. He’s always liked eating Len out, likes rubbing his cheeks on the inside of Len’s legs until they’re red and sensitive from the stubble on Mick’s face that Len envies quite so much, likes the noises Len makes when he’s getting tongued, the breathy little gasps and grunts and curses, the way he bites at his lips until they’re swollen and wet.

“Fuck,” Len says as Mick foregoes the foreplay and just goes for it, holding Len’s hips down, running his tongue over him. “Fuck, fuck, fuck, _fuck_ –”

Mick also likes how _offended_ Len looks when Mick pulls away before he’s made it all the way.

“I thought we had a plan,” he says innocently. 

Len smacks him with a pillow. “You’re a dick,” he says.

“You’re always telling me, ‘Mick, stick to the plan’ and then you get like this,” Mick says, shaking his head. “Sad, really.”

“Blow me.”

“Been there, done that.”

“Mick. _Fuck me already_.”

Mick sniggers and reaches for the dildo.

It takes a bit of maneuvering to get into position, of course – 

“Sex is incredibly dumb,” Mick observes.

“I mean, you’re not wrong,” Len says. “But you must admit – _fuck_ , that’s thick – it’s got some serious benefits.” 

“Very true…”

– but it’s immensely gratifying when Mick slides his end deep inside his cunt with a groan. “This is good,” he says, sliding his hips down until they’re right up against each other, pulling Len onto his end further.

“You should always listen to my plans,” Len says, his head lolling back and his breath starting to come hard. “My plans are the best.”

“They really are,” Mick says. “S’why you have to stick around.”

“I’m staying, I’m staying!” Len stops grinding down with a horrified expression. “Did I just miss an opportunity to make a joke about ‘I’m coming’?”

“Yes,” Mick says. “Now get back to moving before I smother you with that pillow.”

Len laughs and grinds down.

“Oh, fuck _yeah_ ,” Mick says.

“This is what I’ve been wanting,” Len says.

“You have very specific fantasies.”

“Not _this_ , specifically – well, yes, I do have very specific fantasies, but that wasn’t the point I was making.”

“Figured. You never could say a sentence when you could use a paragraph.”

“I _meant_ that I missed _you_. But I’m starting to change my mind!”

“No, you’re not. ‘specially not when I do _this_ …”

Len does makes such lovely little grunts when he’s getting close. 

Mick runs his hands over Len’s slightly too-broad hips, his breasts, dropping down to thumb at his husband till he just pushes him right over the edge.

“There we go,” he says with satisfaction. Watching Len make it is almost as much fun as coming himself.

 _Almost_.

Len’s a good sport, though; he recovers after a few seconds and starts moving in earnest, all that intense attention focused on Mick, now. 

And Mick, well –

Having Len here, Len with him, the _real_ Len, the one who _loves him_ – 

Yeah, Mick’s there. 

“Fuck,” he sighs after he starts fading out from his high, Len having considerately pulled the dildo out from both of them and tossed it to the side table for later cleaning, then slide his octopus-like legs until they’re intertwined. “That was good.”

“Yeah,” Len says. “And we’ve just gotten started.”

He’s got the box out from the closet on his lap and he’s rooting around inside.

There’s a very distinctive buzzing noise, if Mick can quote an internet buddy of his from Portland. 

“What,” Mick says, “ _already_?”

Len smirks.

That smirk _does things_ to Mick. 

“Okay, fine,” Mick says. “But I get to go first this time.”

“That’s just what I was planning,” Len purrs. “I’m gonna push you down and I’m gonna hold you there and run this wand all over you except for where you want me to put it, then I’m gonna make you come your goddamn brains out until you’re begging me for mercy.”

Mick swallows. “That sounds fine,” he allows.

Len leans over and presses his lips to his. “I missed you,” he says, sincerely, for just one second, and then the smirk gets evil.

Oh, Mick is gonna _like_ this.


	99. send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it
> 
> various pairings

send me an au and i’ll give you 5+ headcanons about it

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave High Fantasy AU, where Mick's an elf and Len's an orc  
\----  
1 - Orcs have a culture that glorifies violence and brutality over success. Lewis is a very good orc. Len is a very bad orc. Len is very good at avoiding collateral damage when he knows that said collateral damage will only make achieving the goal worse, but the fact that he’s the only person who ever seems to SUCCEED in stopping the heroes/stealing the treasure/etc. doesn’t actually get him much credit.

2 - orcs and elves are descended from the same proto-humanoid species, but orcs went a more saber-toothed tiger/mammoth direction and elves went a more antelope direction. 

3 - elves like nature. Mick likes nature, too - forest fires, volcanoes, etc. He is highly respected for going to such lengths to honor his particular type of nature, but also seen as extremely eccentric. 

4 - Len’s one sole “orcish” act was to kidnap his younger sister, never for her to be seen again. Everyone assumed it was for nefarious purposes. It was not. The human woman he left her with is blind as a bat, and thinks her new foster-daughter is awesome - she’s so good at doing the chores around the house, you’d think she was as strong as an orc. 

5 - Len and Mick have totally different courtship styles based on their different heritages. VERY DIFFERENT. Not just the actual courtship, but also little things like “when is my species in season” (Mick: spring/summer only; Len: about once a month but year round)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
ooooh could you do the Zombie Apocalypse universe and/or the Bad Moon Rising verse?  
\----  
Bad Moon Rising, because that’s my favorite. I love the Zombie Apocalpyse one too, but BMR is just so much fun.

1 - Lightning sprites reproduce asexually, by actually turning into a thunderstorm and seeking to strike the next generation. Barry is literally a combination of the man he was before the lightning hit him and the actual lightning bolt that hit him. This does not mean that lightning sprites can’t enter into relationships, only that they don’t have lightning sprite kids that way. 

2 - there are only four published guidebooks titled “What To Do When You’re Dating a Supernatural”. All four of them are entirely fictional and about 99% wrong. Len is going to read all of them and ask Mick. Mick isn’t going to know the answer. Len is eventually going to go find the authors and punch them in the face.  
3 - Lisa is going to laugh for a solid hour about finding out that Len is werewolf-married now. a solid hour.

4 - Mick’s interest in Animal Planet documentaries is 50% instinctual wereowlf-y desire to be surrounded by other animals being sublimated into television watching (a city full of humans doesn’t count) and 50% “…I never realized documentaries were this interesting”

5 - Mick has been crushing on Len since forever, but assumed it wasn’t going to happen because it hadn’t happened yet and surely Len would say something. Len has been crushing on Mick since forever, but assumed that nothing that good ever happens to him. They are both idiots. Neither will ever admit to their folly except by accident. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE (possible coldflashwave if you want)  
\--  
Werewolf AU?   
\---  
Not sure if you mean one in specific, so I’m just going randomly.

1 - Mick is a freaking gigantic wolf. Like, the size of a small bear. He likes to fight brown and grizzly bears for fun. The bears often like to fight him back. Mick is friends with many bears now. he’s totally in a bear clan. he’s on the bear mailing list. (the bears are not weres, they’re just bears, there is no actual mailing list, but Mick will sometimes get tips on where there are some good fishing grounds) Len rolls his eyes ALL THE TIME about this.

2 - As a wolf, Len has a gorgeous silvery coat that is _absolutely useless for stealth_. As a result, he spends most of his time in human form. This worries his pack, because spending too much time away from your animal side has bad health effects. Len does not believe this. Len is wrong. The rest of the pack has to kidnap him to spend some forest time. (Len does not like the forest. Len is a weird ass wolf who was born in a city and will damn well stay in a city, got it?!) Len is also increasingly difficult to kidnap as time goes on.

3 - Barry gets adopted by Len and Mick once he becomes a wolf and Len and Mick find out about it. Eo!Wells is super pissed, because he was slowly building up to ensuring that Barry would be part of his pack (it’s difficult to get someone to join your pack when you can’t admit that you’re a wolf as well because then they’d ID you as the yellow-eyed wolf that murdered their mother). Barry is slightly confused as to how he went from dueling Len and Mick to being somewhat mothered by them and/or mothering them because they are dorks.

4 - not all the members of the Rogues pack are wolves. Lisa, for instance, is not, despite her pestering that Len ought to let her become one. Lisa does, however, enjoy running with them on the moon.

5 - Barry’s coat as a wolf is a lovely, subtle auburn. However, since he can’t really see color AS a wolf and he refuses to show his wolf form to his friends and family, Len and Mick are able to convince him for several months that he is actually a bright scarlet red wolf. It’s only when Len starts saying that he should add an “A” to his outfit without explaining why that Barry figures out that they’re fucking with him.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
len/mick groundhogs day  
\----  
1 - it doesn’t matter which one of them is stuck in the loop. The FIRST thing each of them do is play a very specific prank on the other one. (They have discussed such pranks, and both of them will immediately understand that they’re in a loop and will endeavor to assist however possible)

2 - Len plans out his groundhog days. He has charts of what he’ll do. His plan is to pull them out and start checking off boxes as he goes through them. One of his plans is to figure out the best way to rob a particular place that has been bugging him for years now, using trial and error.   
3 - Mick uses at least four groundhog days to do nothing but sleep.

4 - the one time they get stuck in a groundhog loop TOGETHER, they don’t actually get to the whole “need to get out of this” thing for, like, a month. They’re too busy having a second honeymoon.

5 - they have both been in multiple groundhog days before. It’s just a thing that happens. They barely notice it enough to comment on it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Um, I don't know if your taking specific ships with the AU thingy, but I'd love some Coldflashwave for a dystopian AU.  
\---  
1 - Barry was expecting many things when he returned to Central after The End, but Len and Mick guarding the slums of Central like vicious guard dogs and debating methods of self-produced electricity generation to power their guns was not one of them. No way the oppressive government is getting to their part of town - and they will fight, blackmail and bribe their way into that happening.

2 - Mick’s ability to repair cars and start fires out of literally anything is by far the most useful skills out of all three of them together possess. The government is trying to starve them out, but it wasn’t expecting them to be this resourceful.

3 - Barry was captured and experimented on to try to replicate his speed, before he was rescued by Len and Mick. He was only gone a week. That doesn’t help the nightmares or the PTSD. Sleeping curled up with Len and Mick, who both have severe PTSD of their own, is the only thing that helps. 

4 - Len has the highest price on his head, but not by much. They all regularly watch the FBI’s Most Wanted to see which of them is at the top this week.

5 - They don’t actually have a good plan for what to do AFTER they bring the evil government down. Len and Mick were mostly doing it because Barry wanted to do it; Barry assumed Len had planned everything out (because Len does that); Mick is well aware this is going to end badly but doesn’t actually care. 

6 - Mick ends up being the president because he’s the best with people. Everyone in Central keeps trying to explain to everyone outside of Central why this is a bad idea. No one believes them, and all the records were lost and/or assumed to be forgeries. Eventually Central just gives up and steals the Washington DC statute of him to put in their central square (they give it back once they realize Len stole it, but they do put up a duplicate)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Coldflashwave, Mobsters, with Barry as the head of the top family  
\---  
1 - Barry is way too young to be this jaded, but he was taken away from his parents at age 11 by Eobard Thawne, and his life went downhill from there right up until he finally killed Eobard and took over. He still doesn’t believe in hurting the innocent, but he doesn’t really believe that that many people are innocent. (His parents are both still alive. They see each other sometimes, now that Eobard is dead. They don’t have much to talk about.)

2 - Len had stolen from Barry three times before Barry found out it was him, mostly because Barry was the nearest person who had whatever it was that Len was looking for. Barry caught him on a security camera once, and only because Len waved at him. Barry ordered Len killed. Len stole from Barry sixteen times following that incident.

3 - Barry develops a mad crush on Len for being the one guy who seems interesting in this city. Len is not aware of this; as far as he knows, Barry still has a price out for his head - he’s not 100% sure why Barry insists he be taken alive for the reward to be paid, but he assumes it’s torture. It is not torture, unless you consider Barry’s attempts to be romantic to be torture. (Iris says they are, but what does she know; she’s his inside person on the police force.)

4 - Barry falls for Len first, but sleeps with Mick first. He seduces Mick because he wants insight on Len, only to fall head over heels for Mick as well. He’s deeply frustrated by Mick and Len’s flirting-while-arguing routine that he gets to witness, mostly because he wants to be in the middle of that right now but they’re currently “having a fight” so he has to wait. He doesn’t like to wait.

5 - Barry likes to give Len and Mick expensive things - trinkets, dinners, travel, etc. They are bemused by the idea of having a sugar daddy half their age. This only makes Barry give them more things. Their attempts to give him things in return fail miserably, because Barry does not like Stuff, but managing to evade his security system to kidnap him for movie night (just movie night, not anything more) is something he is surprisingly into.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
ColdFlashWave-Barry met both Mick and Len separately before the Particale Accelerator and the two crooks are both pining/attempting to recruit him.  
\---  
1 - Len and Mick manage to not figure out that they’re both pining for the same person for way, way too long because they each fixate on different characteristics of Barry, both physical (fingers and eyes vs. legs and smile) and non-physical (hopeful and trusting vs. perky and funny). 

2 - They both start trying to date him without realizing that he’s the Flash. Barry starts dating them back before the whole “you’re supervillains” thing comes out, and even after that because he can’t figure out how to bring it up without mentioning that he’s the Flash.

3 - they go on totally different dates with him. Len prefers quiet, intimate dinners and strolls through the museum. Mick prefers sports games and going bar-hopping. They really only ever agree on movies as a date.

4 - Barry is SUPER pissed off when after all the angsting he was doing about picking between them, it turns out that they were married all along. Their protests that it was for the tax benefits fall on deaf ears.

5 - Len is going to sulk forever because Mick figured out how to lure Barry into helping with a heist first. Answer: make it related to hero stuff and make it believable. Len is good at the first part, but really bad at the second.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave Strangers Who Woke Up Married In Vegas AU.  
\---  
1 - they’re both there to steal something. Different somethings. The organization they were working for decided to roofie them in an attempt to steal the item. Once Len and Mick realize what happened, they post-pone the “wait I’m married now??” thing in favor of Getting Revenge. Yes, this movie very quickly changes from a Hangover-style rom-com to an Oceans’ Eleven-style double-cross heist, but it’s Len and Mick. What do you expect?

2 - They’re shocked that they’ve never actually met before, since they both operate in the Twin Cities, but in fact they have not (as far as they remember, anyway). They HAVE both heard of each other. They admire each other greatly. it’s not a bad basis for a marriage.

3 - Len was drugged and drunk and he still managed to insist on finding a place with a rabbi. 

4- they get arrested at some point in their revenge scheme. Len uses both marital privilege against testifying, a request for a joint lawyer due to marriage status, and his right to conjugals to plan out the scheme by which they escape from jail. That’s the point when they start thinking they might like to stay married - NOT the point at which they start having sex, which is notably earlier. 

5 - Mick saves Len’s life from a bunch of mobsters about to kill him and stays with him all evening to make sure they don’t come back. Len thanks him by letting him light the building on fire and making that part of the final plan. Those are the moments they fall in love with each other. Neither says anything about it until the awkward moment when they both try to ask the other one to be their criminal partner indefinitely at the same time.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave au where everything is the same except Len and Mick have a kid (a candom broke and long story short they had a kid now) and get Barry to babysit every now and then  
\----  
1 - Barry worked as a babysitter for the slightly sketchy but delightfully weird (and rich!) couple down the way since college. It helped him PAY for college. He loves their kid. Said kid was heartbroken when Barry’s coma happened. 

2 - the whole Captain Cold and Heatwave thing is a bit awkward on Barry’s side, but it never even occurs to Len that Barry won’t continue to babysit and he takes advantage of their little rendezvous in the forest to ask what Barry thinks about the kid’s grades and if he maybe ought to do some tutoring next time. Barry gets derailed, because he’s been concerned as well. By the time they’re off the subject, the window of opportunity for Barry to threaten Len - or, for that matter, to quit his job - has thoroughly passed. 

3 - Barry does not realize he’s being paid in illegal money until almost embarrassingly late in the process. He knows Len and Mick are criminals and supervillains and all that. They know who he is. They have an agreement. He STILL doesn’t get it until one day someone gets arrested for money laundering via a fake babysitting service and then Barry abruptly head-desks.

4 - Barry is very upset about the Ferris Air incident and fully intends to yell at Len when he next sees him. However, when he next shows up to babysit, kid informs him that the parents are out but that he has a very special extra-credit project for his Social Studies class - all about prisoner’s rights and the definition of torture under the Geneva convention. A few hours into the project, kid mentions that Len suggested the topic. Barry gets the point and never brings Ferris Air up again. 

5 - Iris is so used to seeing Barry with kid for babysitting purposes that she point-blank refuses to believe that Len and Mick are supervillains for months. She assumes Barry is lying for some reason known only to him, again, and she doesn’t believe Len and Mick, either, because it’s not the first time that Barry has convinced other people to lie to her (*cough cough* Eddie *cough cough*). After she finally does accept it - begrudgingly - it becomes an in-joke between all four of them.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave particle explosion gave them powers au  
\----  
1 - Len’s powers are totally useless. Doesn’t matter what they are, they are totally useless unless he’s in a very specific set of circumstances where they might be useful. Inevitably, he ends up in that specific set of circumstances. 

2 - Mick’s powers are excessively powerful, but sporadic. most of the time, he doesn’t even remember he has them. Sometimes, he forgets how to use them. This drives Len a little crazy.

3 - Len and Mick immediately tell each other about their powers, because they might lie, they might keep secrets, but knowing the full pros and cons of working with someone is just necessary. 

4 - both of them prefer to be known as non-metas because they think it makes them appear more badass. No other reason. Just reputation.

5 - Barry yells at them for three hours after he finds out about the secret meta thing, years and years after they’ve started teaming up on the regular. They’re still not sure why; neither of them were listening.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Iris/Lois; Len/Mick/Clark  
\---  
ocean's 12 au where iris is playing the role of the chick that rusty's wants to date that keeps consistently spoiling their plans.  
\---  
I’ve never seen Ocean’s 12, alas. But let me try regardless.

1 - This all started when Iris went to a reporter conference and developed the world’s biggest crush on Lois Lane, both professionally and personally. Lois made a joke about Iris coming back when she’s won her first Pulitzer and they’ll go on a date, as long as it’s OK with her very adorkable husband, Clark. Iris is going to get that Pulitzer even if she has to kill somebody for it.

2 - She decides an expose on the Rogues will do well enough as her subject. So she starts stalking them.

3 - Per Len’s agreement with Barry, they can’t hurt her or allow her to be hurt. But after the third ruined heist, oh, do they want to.

4 - this is only resolved once they finally agree to take her on heists WITH them. there is much grumbling before that happens, though.

5 - Iris gets her date in the end. Len and Mick end up hanging out with Clark while Iris and Lois are on their date. By hanging out, I mean they invite him for a threesome. It’s only when they manage to get him to let out heat-vision (that hasn’t happened since his wedding night and/or that very special anniversary present Lois got him! he had no idea it would happen!) that they realize something is unusual about him.

6 - Clark refuses to become a Rogue. Len pouts about this, because it would’ve been SO awesome.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASH  
\---  
Coldwave or Coldflash (or Coldflashwave, your choice), "Accepted" AU (aka We created a fake college to fool our parents and now there's a bunch of other people here who think it's real)  
\----  
Also not familiar with the original of this, but sure! Going with coldflash since I’ve filled so many coldwave ones already.

1 - The original scheme is hatched by Barry, Iris, Cisco, Catilin and Eddie. Len is recruited because as an older man, he can convincingly pass as professor/dean/etc. and is willing to do it in exchange for a date with Barry. Barry spends a lot of time blushing.

2 - Barry and Len had a meet-cute shortly before this begins, but Len was reluctant to date Barry because he was concerned with ‘corrupting’ him, since Len is still totally a thief in this universe. Once Barry brought him into the fake college plan, Len is totally on board with dating, since Barry is clearly of the criminal bent like him.

3 - When people start demanding to see more of the college, Barry panics. Len hates it when Barry panics and offers to see what he can do. He ends up calling his long-term criminal partner, who has been running with a different outfit while Len recovers from an injury, for help.

4 - said long-term criminal partner agrees to play the part of the chemistry professor. said long-term criminal partner’s new outfit - which is actually more of a treasure hunting squad than an actual criminal unit - hear “be a college professor” and become over-enthusiastic. This outfit is the Legends. Stein volunteers to play physics professor, Sara has feelings about English literature that no one was aware of, her sister Laurel offers to teach a law class, Nate covers various types of history classes, Amaya offers social history and biology classes, Ray knows mechanical engineering, Felicity shows up at some point to take over comp sci (she’s an old buddy of Len’s). 

5 - it’s all Ray’s fault that it goes wrong because he’s still a crazy billionaire and just offers to make it a real college. Laurel gets them the accreditation while everyone is still confused by the offer. They are now the smallest liberal arts/STEM college in Central City. Barry and the rest have no idea how it happened, but hey! they’re not complaining.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\----  
Coldwave Viking AU  
\---  
1 - Mick is a beserker. His pyromania is still a problem, but his prowess in battle is more than good enough to excuse the occasional bouts of confusion and distraction, and at any rate his tendency to start fires is easily exhausted during raiding months by, well, raiding. Not so popular during the time when they’re back at home, though.

2 - Mick kidnaps Len because he sees Len take advantage of the chaos to bludgeon someone to death. He appreciates that level of bloodthirstiness in a man.

3 - Len does not take kindly to being kidnapped. He realizes very quickly that he can’t fight his way out and decides to resort to singing very loud, very obnoxious songs about people’s mothers - but only when the sea is rocky and everyone has to stay at their place for fear of falling into the water. Mick, again, enjoys the bloodthirstiness involved in this. 

4 - Mick insists on believing that Len is a monk because he was found at a monastery. He does this both before and after they get their annual visit from the Jewish traders that come by, who greet their co-religionist Len with great joy, because it pisses Len the hell off. 

5 - Len was at the monastery because they stole his baby sister. Lewis had taken her to be baptized without asking anybody else involved (or at least he said he did) and then sold her to a monastery. Len was there to steal her back. The person he bludgeoned was the priest that cut the deal with Lewis. 

6 - Len survives pissing off everybody else (as he does) because Mick protects him. Len begrudgingly repays him by appointing himself the person who manages Mick’s pyromania. It works out quite well for all of them, especially when Len starts taking over planning the raids. He’s still a very, very good thief. 

7 - They’re married by the time Lisa shows up at the head of an invading army to rescue Len. It’s very awkward all around until someone breaks out the alcohol. That is how Len and Mick accidentally create one of the first cross-country alliance marriages in the region.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave, arranged marriage au?  
\----  
1 - Len is not happy about it, but better him than Lisa. Mick is more or less indifferent to the idea - he’s too lazy to go find his own bride, so why not let his family do the work?

2 - Mick’s family likes to say that they’re farmers and it’s true, they are. They’re farmers in the same way that the cobbler from Connecticut in 1776 coincidentally owned half the state. Len is a city boy, and dirt poor, but his father has good connections that he wants to cash in on.

3 - It takes about three days for Mick to start doing everything Len says. Neither of them realize this is the case for three months. It would’ve saved them a lot of grief if they had.

4 - Len is really in favor of Lisa marrying for love right up until she starts dating assholes at which point he’s suddenly rethinking his views, much to everyone’s amusement. Mick introduces her to Cisco, who is desperately seeking a wife that will get him out of his parent’s house so he can tinker in peace. They hit it off. Len is deeply relieved.

5 - Mick’s family thinks Len is the bestest most cutest loveliest scrumptious piece of pie they’ve ever met. They have said as much. Len fears for the sanity of Mick’s family. But hey, they’re willing to pay bail for all the silly little troubles that Len and Mick get into when they get recruited into Barry’s Leverage-inspired gang of do-gooders bent on reforming the system to ensure equal rights for all.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave band/music-centric AU  
\---  
1 - Len writes the clever lyrics and the word-play and the puns and the twisty themes that you don’t understand until ten minutes later and then it all comes together. Mick is the one who writes the music that rips your heart out and makes you thank him for the privilege of it. 

2 - Len sings. Mick plays guitar. Lisa plays the drums (she says it helps her get her aggression out), and her boyfriend Cisco basically signed himself up to do their tech support. 

3 - Len accidentally got into a fight with a particularly pretentious rapper because Len thought they were comparing actual bullet wounds, not nearly-but-not-really ones, and was a little over-enthusiastic about trying to get the guy’s opinion on the best way to bandage them. 

4 - Mick refuses to go touring for long periods of time because it makes him anxious, which makes him want to burn stuff. They ended up compromising by going on very limited tours and always incorporating pyrotechnics into their finales. 

5 - Len will not talk to any music reporter who does not include the fact that Len is black and Jewish in his bio. 

6 - Both Len and Mick have a new favorite music reporter: Barry Allen, who only does the job because his sister Iris got it for him so he could pay the bills while he’s suspended from the CCPD CSI for tampering with evidence to help his foster-dad’s cases. They eventually tell him it’s not because he’s a good reporter (he’s not, really), but because they know his dad from back in the day. Barry is relieved because he was starting to worry that they thought he knew what he was doing.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\----  
coldflashwave au where something happens and now they are trapped in a cabin during a snowstorm  
\----  
1 - Mick makes fun of Len because it’s “his element” but actually Len is a city-born boy and his reaction to being snowed in with no heat is “time to embrace sweet death, I guess”. Barry isn’t much better. Mick is the only one of them who knows how to start a fire.

2 - Barry is the first one to suggest snuggling naked. He then turns bright red and spends twenty minutes stammering and insisting he meant it platonically. (He did! The less platonic stuff was just a bonus). The suggestion is gently put aside for now. 

3 - At least, it’s put aside until Barry tries to vibrate himself warm and accidentally lights all his clothing on fire. After that, it’s just polite for the other two to get naked as well. Would be rude to leave Barry freezing like that.

4 - Len nobly sacrifices his portion of dinner to the hungry speedster, but steals all of his hot chocolate.

5 - They go back next year for their anniversary. Len packs as though he’s expecting to endure a siege. Mick and Barry laugh at him.

6 - That’s the year the gorilla army attacks. Mick and Barry both insist that it’s just a coincidence, but are forced to admit Len’s preparation is very useful. 

7 - Barry still doesn’t know why Len thought a rocket launcher was the right thing to pack for an anniversary weekend, but it was AWESOME. (it was for Mick to play with. Len is good with gifts)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
coldflashwave where Len's a vampire, Barry's still a speedster and Mick is a warewolf  
\---  
1 - Len makes “I vant to suck your - blood” jokes all the time, but especially in bed.

2 - Barry likes to pace from side to side of the room at super speed. Mick likes to pounce on quickly-moving red spots. It’s a system that works well for them.

3 - Barry met Len through a volunteering human-vampire outreach program before he manifested his speedster powers. Once he did, he went to Len for help because he kept getting faster and he was starting to worry he wouldn’t be able to slow down, and he knew that Len’s vampire abilities had manifested in a way that allowed him to slow things down. Len basically makes Barry his Renfield in order to keep him from over-speeding. 

4 - Len’s preferred method of sleeping is under a fully shifted Mick blanket, because he doesn’t have his own heat source. Barry thinks Len is crazy, but uses Mick as a pillow with great pleasure.

5 - Barry takes months to ask about how Mick got bitten (since Len’s story is so tragic), but it turns out he got it “honestly”, by which he means his mom fucked a werewolf and then raised him out in the farmland where as long as he did his job in the harvest nobody cared if he went a little hairy once a month.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASH  
\---  
Coldflash, arranged marriage au?  
\---  
1 - Len’s money is all illegal, but the CCPD can’t prove it so the second his court case is over, he’s suddenly gone from rascal-about-town to extremely-eligible-bachelor. Except for the fact that the CCPD is trying a new line of attack, questioning his eligibility as a citizen given how much time he’s spent abroad, so he decides he needs to get himself a nice, legal spouse. 

2 - Len used to be a pirate captain but then he was injured when he sacrificed himself to explode the jail that was holding all of his friends for execution. He had PTSD and is now somewhat hard of hearing as a result, which led to his retirement (via money-laundering). He still keeps up with the Rogues, who are now privateers thanks to some greased palms. 

3 - Lisa is the new captain of the Rogues. She’s very dashing. 

4 - Barry was horrified by the concept of arranged marriages, but Iris and Eddie worked out well, and, well, Dad says he knows the guy and respects him. 

5 - Barry takes a while before he realizes his Dad knew him from when they were both IN PRISON (his Dad was wrongfully accused, and Barry and Nora, who survived being attacked, were able to prove it). 

6 - Len is very polite to Barry for about thirty minutes then Barry sets up the perfect pun and Len can’t help but make it. Barry immediately throws one back. It's love at first sight, really. This doesn’t keep either of them from immediately being super Dramatic about everything, including whether or not the other one is just being charming to lure them into the marriage.

7 - Mick solves everything by knocking heads together. Literally.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
teenage coldwave where they have weird ways of letting the other know they love them  
\----  
1 - Len brings Mick shoes because he notices that Mick’s current ones don’t fit. Mick has feelings about someone noticing him that well, and Len does it so casually, too, that for once in his life Mick can have no doubt that Len really does cares because it’s not even an issue for him. It’s just something he noticed and decided to fix because it’s probably uncomfortable. 

2 - Mick will drive all the way out to the countryside to get Len’s favorite honey from that one stand they stopped by once. He never tells Len that he does it.

3 - Len will sing to Mick in the little pieces of Yiddish he knows, despite otherwise being very shy about his heritage. Mick is freaking delighted when it turns out the song Len sings to him most often translates to “fuck the police” because Len only knows three songs and ‘In Ale Gasen’ is one of them.

4 - Len steals wallets compulsively. Mick doesn’t mention it when he finds them with cash still in it when he does the laundry, because that means Len didn’t realize he’d taken it and it bothers Len that that happens.

5 - Mick has an incredibly annoying tendency to make big life-altering revelations by shouting things out to Len while he’s in the shower. Len never complains once.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

Iris & Lisa  
\---  
Lisa and iris were friends before particle explosion au  
\---  
1 - they met at skating camp. Iris was pissed off because she didn’t want to be there. Lisa wanted in but couldn’t afford it. Iris let Lisa take her place in exchange for Lisa bringing her books from the library so she could do what she ACTUALLY wanted to spend her summer doing, which was reading.

2 - Len doesn’t tell Lisa who Barry is - Iris does. While ranting.

3 - Iris has always been aware of Lisa and co.’s criminal habits. She thinks the supervillain thing is awesome.

4 - Iris got kidnapped by Len once. At first she was pissed off, then he told her it was for Lisa’s surprise birthday party. That’s how they met.

5 - They meet up for movies once a month, religiously.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
coldwave a/b/o  
\---  
Oh, man, I have totally different ones depending on how I feel like. I guess we’ll go with omega Mick, alpha Len. 

1 - Mick sometimes has self-confidence issues since he’s not a “typical” omega, but not nearly as much as he has about his intelligence or usefulness. Most of the time, he likes to freak people out by talking loudly about his excellent “birthing hips” and then demonstrating the benefit of said hips by flipping people over them. 

2 - Len did not think he would manifest as an alpha despite every indication aiming towards it because he didn’t feel like it. This is funny to many people, because when Len is in his adrenaline rush moods, he is the world’s cockiest fucking in-your-face alpha. Doesn’t keep him from identifying as non-binary sometimes. 

3 - Len has a special spot for Barry because he didn’t say a word about Mick being an omega (he went for “crazy arsonist supervillain”, which is fine). 

4 - Mick is slowly saving up money from all their heists to create the perfect house for them to retire to when they eventually decide they want to settle down and have kids, because Len likes kids. It’s not an immediate plan, but it’s a in-the-future plan. Money laundering is a pain in the ass, though. 

5 - Len accidentally ends up babysitting for half the neighborhood after a certain point. He’s not sure how it happened.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASH  
\----  
Coldflash, space so :)  
\----  
1 - Barry didn’t mean to crash land on Earth, the planet he’s been not-so-subtly stalking because he thinks their culture is amazing. He definitely did not mean to pick up a stowaway who keeps saying “Space! The final frontier!” every time they speed up dramatically.

2 - Len hid in the spaceship because he was on the run from the cops. he does not tell Barry this until it turns out that the reason Barry crashed on his planet was because Barry was perhaps not entirely in the best situation with HIS cops.

3 - Len sweet-talks Barry out of jail, both for his initial crime (freeing an suspect from jail who later turned out to be innocent, but wasn’t known to be at the time) and for violating the directive against interference with underdeveloped species. No one is entirely sure why Len calls it the Prime Directive, but he’s so charming, they go with it.

4 - Len gets a bit of Jupiter in a jar for Mick to use instead of a lava lamp. Lisa gets diamonds from Pluto. He promises that once they get this, Barry will be able to drop him off back at home and he’ll forget all about this. Barry feels very sad about this, but doesn’t know how to deal with it - Len has a home to go back to, after all! He can’t keep him with him!

5 - Barry is not sure at what point in this internal debate Len landed in Central, picked up Lisa and Mick, and hijacked his ship to go back into space, but he’s surprisingly OK with it.

6 - Len starts by apologizing for tying him up, then (at Barry red-faced-blushing request) shifts over into “So now I have you at my mercy, brave space captain”. Lisa and Mick look at each other and roll their eyes, but hey! they’re in space! Lisa’s totally going to find an alien to bang, too.

7 - Lisa ends up dating Cisco, the otherwise hermit-like master engineer of the spaceport STAR, whose services are so expensive that he can pick and choose his projects based on his mood. Lisa has no idea about any of this, and thinks the guns he made her and Len and Mick are cute. Barry gibbers because those guns are worth more than some planets, but then Cisco comes on board and he and Barry hit it off.

8 - Caitlin joins them as well as their doctor because where Cisco goes, she follows.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

FLASHWAVE  
\---  
Flashwave or Coldflashwave, Pirate AU?  
\---  
1 - Mick is the first mate on a pirate ship. Barry is a lonely weirdo in the port city they go to sometimes for repairs. He doesn’t have many friends, in part because his father was hung for piracy (despite Barry’s claim that he was framed). 

2 - They meet at a coffee shop and hit it off. Barry wishes he could go out to sea, but he sold himself into indentured servitude to come to the Caribbean to prove his father’s innocence so he can’t. Mick solves this by kidnapping him.

3 - Len is happy to dig into the mystery of Barry’s father's framing and ends up uncovering a massive fraud amongst the local government officials, which he, Barry, and Mick end up combating. They win medals from the government for their actions, as well as pardons (much to Len and Mick’s surprise).

4 - Mick just wanted to let Barry feel the wind of the sea through his hair once more like he’d described. He tells Barry as much. Barry falls in love at that moment.

5 - Barry at first thinks Len will be jealous. Len is just happy that Barry wants to keep sailing with them, because he was worried whoever Mick fell in love with would take Mick away from him and he’s possessive like that (he’s ace, yes, but Mick’s his best friend!). As long as Barry doesn’t mind Len more or less moving in when they DO finally get a house on land, Len’s happy to bless their relationship. 

6 - Barry has literally zero objections and his children with Mick (via surrogates) end up having a real honest-to-god pirate captain as an honorary uncle-slash-babysitter, which they think is amazing.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Interview with a Vampire AU with Coldflashwave?  
\---  
1 - vampire!Mick fought in the American Revolution aside George Washington and now has a statute. He’s very proud of it. 

2 - Mick is the oldest of the group; he found Len about to die in Central (back when it wasn’t called Central, and was little more than a trading waystation). He did not turn Len, though, since he really liked what he’d seen of the man before and thinks they might be compatible - he knows how makers and fledglings tend to split apart because they can’t form a mental connection, so he takes Len to the local vampire and asks them to turn him. This ends up accidentally making Len more powerful than Mick because the local vampire is ancient, but also a romantic and inclined to grant Mick’s request. 

3 - Barry didn’t come along till much later. Next time, Barry, don’t try to fight the vampire attacking your family; it’s a bad idea. He was turned by Eobard, but kills him in revenge for his parents shortly thereafter. Len and Mick are more than happy to take him into show him the ropes. 

4 - When Interview the book comes out, Len announces that Barry is Claudia. Barry doesn’t talk to him for a week.

5 - They avoid being killed by Akasha because they are very deep underground at the time. It was Barry’s idea to go spelunking, but it worked out pretty well for everyone.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

GOLDENVIBE  
\---  
Goldenvibe role reversal AU  
\---  
1 - Lisa is a mechanical engineer who gets her first job from Eo!Wells and is grateful to him. Her big brother Lenny doesn’t like him, though, so she makes sure they never meet. Turns out that’s for the best.

2 - Lisa and Caitlin are the bestest of best friends. They play UNO over Barry's comatose body sometimes. They never tell him about that. 

3 - Cisco is Len’s long-standing tech guy; he had to go into crime instead of college when his family went into debt to pay for his brother’s unsuccessful attempt at a musical career, but Len found him before he could get into too much trouble and helped him get the education he wanted anyway, as well as the cash to rescue his family. He’s the one who creates the guns - and several other toys besides - when Len calls him up and tells him he’s got a speedster problem.

4 - Lisa is incredibly pissed off when Len pulls his Captain Cold thing. Luckily she’s going by her maiden name, or else someone might figure it out. In fairness, she didn’t tell Len about the Flash or he wouldn’t have done it. Him bringing in Mick to make Barry go public was because she’d noticed something Weird about Wells and wanted Barry to be in a situation where he’d actually face a threat. Barry knew about this in advance. 

5 - Cisco and Lisa meet when the teams merge to discuss the Eo!Wells problem. They hit it off immediately. Cisco is still a dork; Lisa is still seductive and badass - he makes her the gun and presents it to her without a word. She thinks he’s the cutest thing she’s ever seen.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWEST-COLDNEWS  
\---  
Coldwest reincarnation AU?  
\---  
1 - they always start out fighting. ALWAYS. Sometimes this is in the ‘opposite sides of a war’ thing; sometimes it’s in the ‘you snubbed me in kindergarten and I’ve never forgiven you’ sort of way. There was one lifetime where they seemed to hit it off initially. That was the lifetime in which one of them was a spy for the other side. It was very unfortunate and ended in mutual murder. 

2 - They tend not to get together until the dreams of their past lives start haunting them. They never get together because of the dreams, but it’s usually what makes them look each other up - or, if they are already acquainted, think of each other differently.

3 - Iris’ favorite past life was when she rode the elephants of Hannibal and Len flipped her off from behind a Roman infantry helmet. She took him prisoner, and brought him back to Carthage with her when the call to retreat came, and they were married within a year. 

4 - Len’s favorite past life is the one where they’re both pirates. No real reason. He just likes pirates. 

5 - This time around, they start life off fighting over Barry. It’s hilarious to everyone involved, but somewhat awkward when Barry ends up discovering that Mick is his soulmate-reincarnate about a year or two into this escalating fight. This amuses even more people, and causes Iris to declare that if HE gets a Rogue and CISCO gets a Rogue and even CAITLIN is dating a Rogue now (Shawna doesn’t know how she got in the middle of this), then damnit she’s going to get herself a Rogue, too. Len is not asked his opinion about this, but that’s okay.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Coldflashwave, A/B/O, alpha mick, omega Barry and alpha Len?  
\----  
I’ve already done an abo one, though it wasn’t coldflashwave. You know what, I’m going to go regency AU with this too.

1 - Barry’s family is in disgrace after his father’s arrest, so he’s pretty worried that he won’t be able to attract an appropriate alpha. He doesn’t really care all that much about money or status - he just wants someone who’ll let him keep up with all the things he loves. And at first when he goes out for his first ‘showing’, something between a bachelor auction and a cotillion, no money, no connections, family in disgrace, his worst fears come true: no one bids to take him courting first. And then two alphas get into a bidding war over him. (Len wins.)

2 - Len and Mick are con artists who deliberately bid against each other to raise the price, use that as an entryway into the high bidders room, then use that to steal the other bidders’ donations, but Barry is so goddamn cute that Len can’t seem to bring himself to ditch him until the first date that he ‘paid’ for is actually over. And then he can’t get him out of his head.

3 - Mick thinks Len being distracted by Barry is funny, so he decides to go take Barry on a date himself to make Len jealous. Except Barry is really awesome and adorable and now Mick is kinda jealous. Of course, that doesn’t last too long - Len and Mick are partners, through thick and thin, and they decide to present Barry with a joint suit. 

4 - Joe tells Barry that they’re con artists, expecting that this will cause the whole thing to stop in its tracks. Barry is upset and goes to prison to tell Henry all about it, but Henry remembers Len and Mick and recommends Barry ask them. They confirm that they’re thieves, but that their suit is legit.

5 - Barry insists that they straighten up and become more vigilante than pure criminal, but if they’re willing to do that, he’ll take them. Which is how Barry ends up leading the Rogues. He’s…really not sure how that happened.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Harry Potter au,   
\----  
1 - Len is a muggleborn thief that preys on pureblooded houses in particular because he likes rubbing it in their face how much better he is at magic than they are, outsmarting their finest wards. 

2 - Mick is from a pureblood family that burned down when he was first attending Hogwarts. He was deeply traumatized - not least because the reason the fire initially started was due to a burst of accidental magic, channeled through his brand new wand. Most people only release sparks when that happens - he told the aurors that his wand released Fiendfyre, but they didn’t believe him. But he knows he’s to blame. 

3 - Mick beat up a bunch of Slytherins who were beating up on Len. Len followed him around ever after, even though Mick’s a Hufflepuff and people made fun of Len for it. At first, Mick made them regret that. Later, Len made people regret making fun of Mick for anything.

4 - Barry’s father languishes in Azkaban, but he knows he’s not a Death Eater and he’s determined to prove it; he’s even joined the Aurors as a magical scene analyst. This is how he first meets Len and Mick - and they offer him what nobody else ever has, a guide to organize a jail-break of Azkaban. It’d mean a life forever under suspicion, and possibly never seeing his father again because he’d have to run and hide, but Barry can’t bear to see his father there a moment longer. 

5 - They do the job, then split up - only to return for Barry when the heat finally settles down. See, they’ve gotten quite fond of him…

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Coldflashwave (or any combo) as a high school TEACHERS AU?   
\----  
1 - Mick is the chemistry teacher. He likes to blow things up in AP Chem. 

2 - Len teaches art. He teaches art very badly.

3 - Barry is brand new, fresh-faced and out of school. He’s teaching introductory Social Studies and coaching track. He is also an undercover FBI agent who’s been tasked with identifying if Mick and Len, infamous art thieves, are up to something nefarious. After all, Len can’t possibly be that bad at art. 

4 - Len is actually that bad at art. Mick is the forger; Len is the thief. 

5 - They are in fact up to something, but it involves pretending to be legit long enough for Lisa to marry her Cisco in front of all of his family, and that requires building up enough of a backstory to prove it. The sacrifices you make for family! (the sacrifice is significantly lessened by the pretty new track coach always hanging around)

6 - Barry doesn’t arrest them, but he does offer them jobs. He explicitly cites White Collar in the job offer. Len asks if they’re canon White Collar or fandom White Collar with threesome. (it’s the latter, but only after an hour long discussion of fic that derails all three of them)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave AU where Mick died in the Oculus explosion and Len didn't?  
\---  
1 - Len appears to handle it better than Mick, but he really, really doesn’t. He closes off entirely and goes through the motions of being okay. Then he slowly starts to become unbalanced - much, much nastier. Cold and cruel and everything he’s supposed to be in time.

2 - the first time they hear about the spear of destiny, Len doesn’t even think twice. He finds the speedster - under the guise of going after him with his anti-speedster weapon - and offers a deal.

3 - He takes the spear back to Barry and demands that Barry show him how to use the spear. Barry doesn’t know much about the spear, just knows that he’s never seen Len this manic about anything, but he DOES have a Cisco, and as we know, Cisco can figure out how to use just about anything. Which he does. 

4 - the Legends and the Legion show up, hot on Len’s tail, but by then he’s figured out how to work the spear. and he does, rescuing Mick from the minute before the explosion and leaving Eobard there instead. He replaces Darkh in his timeline, and Malcolm in his. Everything else, he leaves the same, but for the creation of a machine that can help ease nightmares. He thinks Mick would benefit from one of those.

5 - Len breaks the spear into many pieces and puts them in places where they ACTUALLY won’t be found: one piece goes to Earth-2, another one is hidden in Voyager 2, a third one is tossed down into the Mariana Trench, the second-to-last one is taken forward to a future timeline and then that timeline is deliberately destroyed, casting the piece into the aether. Then the last piece is destroyed with blood, assuming that even works. He doesn’t want anyone else getting a chance to destroy his world - and his world has Mick in it.

6 - the Legends are furious, as is Team Flash (which hadn’t realized they were being used). Len doesn’t regret it for a second.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

FLASHWAVE  
\---  
A Flashwave Beauty and the Beast au, please? I just saw the new movie and it's all I can think about, lol.  
\---  
1 - Barry was gifted with speed and cursed to a life of loneliness as a monstrous meta-human. Unlike the Beast, Barry has sent away all of his former friends so that they might have better lives, and putters around alone and miserable. Mick is the thief who is crashing in his castle/lab and refuses to leave.

2 - Mick is waiting to meet up with Len. Len said he’d be “at the big place in Central” and damnit, Mick is going to wait for him. Also, there’s food. He likes food. Barry’s invisible servants (*cough* Gideon *cough*) is more than happy to make him anything he likes, which is awesome. So Barry’s a meta, who cares?

3 - Mick accidentally sets fire to part of the lab at one point. Barry puts it out. Mick starts doing it more often. Eventually it becomes a game. Yes, the snowball-throwing scene involves fire extinguishers. It does, however, involve plenty of laughter. 

4 - By the time Len shows up, Mick and Barry have bonded over movies, food, and other non-important things. Len is somewhat exasperated that Mick went to stay in the haunted laboratory instead of going to the main train/bus station, but is more than happy to meet Barry because fear is a thing that happens to other people in Len’s opinion. 

5 - Mick is reluctant to leave. Len proposes using Barry’s place as a hideout. Barry’s not sure he’s comfortable being the hideout for a bunch of criminals, but he is so very fond of Mick and wants him to come back, so he agrees. They go, but they come back. They always come back. Barry slowly starts to take heart in this. Mick always comes back to him.

6 - The role of Gaston is filled by an evil conspiracy headed in the mayor’s office, which has been deliberately drumming up anti-meta fears in order to win elections and pass bad laws while blaming the metas for everything that goes wrong. It is ended when Barry rescues the city from a tsunami at great personal risk to himself and is recognized as a hero. 

7 - Barry never stops being a meta; the community stops being dicks about differences in people instead. Cisco and Caitlin and Iris and Joe all come back happily when Barry will finally permit it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE, maybe COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Any combination of Len, Mick, Barry--Crusades era AU (I suppose similar to your fantastic Anchorite fic)  
\---  
Well, since I’ve already done the Anchorite fic (glad you liked it!), let me try something different.

1 - Mick is the third-born son of a very rich family who has a bit of a problem with lighting fires all the time, making him a fairly serious threat to their townhouse and the surrounding city (made of wood!) or the farmland around the castle. As a result, they decide to send him to become a priest. Mick has zero interest in religion. This does not stop them. Mick is a bishop now. He is super unhappy about this.

2 - Len is a Jew that got brought in for conversion-or-death for one of Mick’s newest and ends up having a chat with Mick about how religion sucks. It’s somewhat startling for him to realize he’s talking to the bishop, mostly because that doesn’t come up until after they’ve slept together (Len thought he was going to die - may as well die for sodomy as for Judaism, honestly). 

3 - They end up running away together to join the Crusades, because Len really can’t stay where they are at the moment (people might get suspicious as to why the supposedly converted Jew doesn’t seem all that converted) and Mick likes the idea of being the sort of bishop that lights things on fire. 

4 - Barry joined the Crusades as a cook because he is neither nobility nor rich, but he’s not a serf, either. He left his hometown because the love-of-his-young-life (Iris) made a very favorable match with one of the city elites (Eddie) with whom she is actually in love, and while Barry totally supported her, he also did not want to stick around for the wedding. He hopes it will pay for a pilgrimage somewhere to pray for his father’s release from prison, which he believes is wrongful. He’s assigned to cook for bishop Mick and his ‘valet’ Len. 

5 - Mick and Len adopt Barry because he’s the only one who calls them thieves right to their faces, which they find charming. They are, of course, but no one ever says as much. They end up travelling all over and Mick is eventually recognized by the Pope as being particularly heroic (he blew up a gate, thereby permitting a city to be taken) and manages to finagle a church-blessed pardon for Barry’s dad. 

6 - eventually they settle down somewhere. Mick is still the world’s worst bishop, but Barry makes friends with an order of (rather militant) nuns and they settle into a very happy relationship that involves inventing new types of artillery while not interfering with each other’s lives. Everybody knows not to ask Mick any questions about religion, but they all write very nice things to the Pope about their “most holy bishop” being excellent. Mick’s family is pleased, albeit confused. Len quietly organizes the town to be a safe space for Jews trying to avoid persecution. Their town becomes very popular as a result. Not every town where the bishop is best friends with a Jew, after all, and it’s very hard to justify persecution when the local bishop is against it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave: 16 & Pregnant  
\---  
Is this a movie or a TV show or something…? I’m not familiar if it is, but let’s go with the general idea.

1 - Mick is the one who gets pregnant. (let us assume DFAB Mick). They really should’ve waited for Len to steal some condoms, but they were teenagers in juvie. Self-control isn’t yet their thing.

2 - Mick’s family is dead and his extended family is very Catholic, which means they decide to send him away somewhere to have the kid with the intention of putting said kid up for adoption. 

3 - Mick tells Len about this plan. Len laughs hysterically and vetoes it. If someone is going to adopt their baby, he’s going to make sure it’s a GOOD family and they’re going to visit whenever they can. The baby’s only going to be a few years younger than Lisa. 

4 - Len risks his life stealing the biggest heist he’s ever gone for, and he does it more or less without any planning, but it works out due to dumb luck. Mick runs away from home and gets himself a nice (slightly illegal) doctor for the rest of his pregnancy. 

5 - the baby is given to a good family that is told if they do not love and adore said child, Len and Mick will kill them all. The baby may be someone in canon; the ages would be about right. not sure who, though - maybe Patty? she’s as perky and stupidly adrenaline-junkie as Len was at that age.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Mpreg Coldflash or coldwave (or coldflashwave)  
\---  
1 - Len getting pregnant was a surprise, since that is totally not a thing in this universe. It is, however, a side-effect of the Oculus. 

2 - Inconveniently, he’s not 100% sure who the parent is, since the child was conceived when they’d finally convinced Barry to join them. Len finds this funny. Lisa finds this hysterical. Mick and Barry are somewhat less amused.

3 - Mick hopes it’s Barry’s kid, because he doesn’t want to have kids with his mental issues. Barry hopes it’s Mick’s kid, because he’s worried about the impact of the Speed Force on any children he might have. They’re both excessively excited about the idea of there being a baby. By ‘excited’ read ‘utterly terrified but in a good way’.

4 - Len has twins. Since the children are Oculus-born, they represent the merging of multiple timelines, which means that somehow they manage to have elements of all three of their parents. This confuses everyone. Len is indifferent - the kids are healthy, the parents have agreed to care for them, who cares about the rest?

5 - the kids don’t develop speed force at a young age, to Barry’s relief. Unfortunately, this is because they develop the ability to “read” and bend the timeline in both micro and macro ways. That’s so much worse.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
any head cannons about tans mick or len? (tans dude mick would be amazing)  
\---  
I assume you mean trans, not some sort of alternate meaning? (My first thought went to Black and Tans but I’m not actually that up to date on my Irish history)

1 - DFAB Mick is initially concerned that Len will be bitter about being saved by a girl. Len responds by saying that Mick just told him he was a guy. Mick says he is a guy. Len points out that therefore he wasn’t saved by a girl. Mick develops a headache and punches Len. Len punches back. They become friends forever.

2 - Mick’s build is pretty heavy, particularly around the shoulders and hips, but while he does do hormones, he doesn’t actually bother to get most of the surgeries. He’s got enough muscle that most people assume his chest are pecs, not breasts. 

3 - Mick has only been tempted to revert to using feminine pronouns once in his life, and it was when he found out that Len’s dad was beating the crap out of him for being gay due to his relationship with Mick. Len refused, as Mick pretending to be a girl would only make Mick unhappy and not change the basic fact that Len is, in fact, gay. 

4 - Honestly, not that much changes about their lives. They’re partners, they rob things, they fight, they part, they get back together. Who cares about the details?

5 - Len does at one point convince Mick to sue the city for misgendering him, and they’re successful. It’s a landmark case for civil rights and trans identity being recognized in the penal system. Rory v. Missouri is going to go down in history. Mick is extremely taken aback when he visits the future on Legends and finds out that it’s a basic tenant of law in the way Brown vs. Board of Education of Topeka is. He likes that even more than his statute.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
'Of course we moved in a haunted house' au coldwave  
\---  
1 - Len is so happy. SO HAPPY. He tries to make friends with the ghost. He’s never seen a ghost before. This is so cool! Isn’t it cool, Mick?

2 - Mick does not think it is cool. He was raised on a farm, by people of Irish descend. There are things out in the wild that you Just Do Not Screw With. This is a bad thing. Len is impossible to move, though, and Mick would happily follow Len into hell, so he supposes following him into a haunted house is the least he could do.

3 - it takes a few murder attempts, but eventually the house ghosts are won over by Len’s irresistible charisma. Some of them, anyway. Mick ends up bitching for a few hours in the kitchen with the long-suffering ghost mother who does not understand why her (usually quite murderous!) children seem to like Len so much. 

4 - Mick offers to set out milk for the ghosts, under the assumption that if the faeries like it, maybe ghosts do as well. This results in there being brownies in the household and a ghost v. faery war starting to brew. Len is amazed that Mick is the one who made everything worse - for once it’s not him.

5 - Len and Mick eventually broker a peace by turning all the various forces in the household against the outside intruders, and sleep peacefully knowing that they and their loot are safe against the policemen who don’t DARE come in after them.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASH  
\---  
Single dads au any pairing  
\---  
1 - Barry’s kid was an accident. He was a teenager, he was super depressed about his dad, he probably should’ve used protection, he didn’t. The girl didn’t want to abort and Barry didn’t want to give the kid up for adoption, so he (without asking anyone) agreed to take him in. Because he’s already learned the lesson of “adults never believe you even when you tell the truth so it’s better to just avoid confrontation forever”, Barry didn’t tell anybody about it until all the paperwork had been signed and the baby was born, and he took his brand new son home. 

2 - Joe did not handle this particularly well. Given that he barely accepts that Barry and Iris are sexual beings when they’re twenty-six and he used to give them silent treatment and take away their toys for minor infractions like “wanting a career he didn’t like” or “breaking a record by accident”, Barry deciding unilaterally to bring a baby into their house at age seventeen did NOT go well. Barry was given an ultimatum: give the baby up for adoption or else. Barry, being sixteen and dumb but stubborn as a mule, picked “or else”, applied for legal emancipation, and moved out. This was not what Joe had intended (he’d intended for Barry to see the light about how he was obviously too young to have a kid, to give up the kid for adoption, and to never think about it ever again, which he really should have realized would blow up in his face because has that EVER worked with Barry?) 

3 - He ends up meeting Len at a new-dads-daycare class. Len is twenty-eight and panicking about…everything. Len’s situation is slightly different, as he was just handed his newborn daughter and told “good luck, I’m moving out of the state” and he’s been terrified of screwing it up ever since. Barry recognizes the signs of an impending panic attack and helps talk him down; they become friends after that. 

4 - by “become friends” I mean that Barry confesses that he’s living at a cheap hotel and running out of money (he only has what he saved up from summer jobs previously) and he’s worried he’s going to become homeless, and Len promptly kidnaps both Barry and the baby and takes him home with him to give him a nice stable place to live. The babies can be best friends. It’ll be great. No problem. (Len is a great planner, but his ideas are always crazy and impetuous). 

5 - Mick lives with both of them because of course he does. He likes to sit in front of the fireplace with the babies and all three of them just…stare at it. For hours. The babies LOVE Mick. Even as they grow up, uncle Mick is 100% their favorite. 

6 - Len and Barry essentially co-parent from day one, but they don’t actually get together until Barry graduates from (illegally funded) college because while they got into some serious flirting during college, Len was very firm about nothing happening until Barry had a chance to see the alternatives. Barry has seen the alternatives. He wants Len. Mick helpfully knocks heads together until they get together. The kids are all in favor of their merged family becoming more merged.

7 - Iris and Joe are invited to the wedding. Joe is very apologetic for his behavior, which he really did not realize Barry would take quite so badly.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Single dads au any pairing  
\---  
1 - They don’t have clear-cut jobs like in Leverage. Len is mastermind AND thief. Mick is hitter and grifter, due to his ability to charm a certain subset of the population. Lisa is mainly a grifter, but also a thief. Her new boyfriend Cisco is their tech guy. 

2 - Barry and Iris, with their powers combined, make Maggie, the not-actually-a-criminal who still helps out when it’s for a good cause. Except they also represent the “good man” who gets them to focus on bad guys as the target. Because Barry and Iris. 

3 - Len and Mick are not sure how they ended up being involved in a Robin Hood style gang, but they also reeeeeeeeeeeally hate the Families, so okay.

4 - Mick is Eliot not only in his ability to hit things, but in his ability to recognize all sorts of things no matter the situation. He’s not always able to verbalize it, but he’s gotten really good at non-verbally communicating when Something Is Wrong.

5 - Len sometimes throws in extra twists into his plans just because it’ll make for better television. Yes, he’s aware that he’s not on television. He still does it.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Legends or Flash team: deaged!Len  
\---  
1 - Len as a teenager is surprisingly polite, pleasant, friendly, charming. This is because he’s already learned how to chameleon himself into just about any situation in order to position himself best to escape unharmed. It takes a good long while for anybody to see through that mask to realize how freaked out he really is. (His increased kleptomania compulsion is one sign, but he’s pretty good at hiding his stealing).

2 - He recognizes Mick immediately. He is really happy to see him and happily spends a good hour talking him down from killing everyone involved in this happening, which Mick totally knew would make him happy, because a good portion of their relationship has always involved Len talking Mick down from things (and visa versa), and Mick wants Len to feel like he’s in control of something. Team Flash is super relieved by Len relaxing.

3 - Len and (fully grown) Lisa stare warily at each other before Len just says “it’s 10PM that’s way past your bedtime young lady”, which makes Lisa start spluttering and Mick start laughing and suddenly it’s fine again.

4 - Barry spends several days stressing about how much pressure to put on Len, what with their relationship, him and Len and Mick, being fairly new and all, only to find out Mick told Len on day one that he “grows up to be awesome” and Len has been pretty chill with everything else since then because he trusts Mick’s judgment and if Mick thinks it’s awesome, Len is either A, actually awesome or B, on literal fire, and it doesn’t sound like it’s B. 

5 - Len at one point suggests that if Barry is so upset by X thing Len did, he could always punch Len to make him feel better. Once. Len is shut down so hard and so fast and so nicely that he finds himself watching a movie with them, bowl of strawberries in his lap and blanket wrapped around his shoulders, before he even knows what’s happening. Literally, thanks to Barry’s speed. Len barely even manages to get out that it was a joke.

6 - Len spends a lot of private time thinking about his hot new boyfriends and how much he can’t wait to be grown up and dating them again, but he never seriously propositions them because he knows he wouldn’t date the sort of person who would sleep with a teenager.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE, maybe COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Winter Olympics au, any pairing(s)?  
\---  
1 - Lisa is a figure skater. Cisco is a snowboarder. They are both incredibly embarrassed by how cliché it is, but they’re still dating anyway. 

2 - Len is a skater, too, except he’s a speed skater. He was discovered fairly late in the process - he’d been playing around with Lisa on the ice at her request after one of her first days with her brand new Olympics-quality coach, he’d said something outrageous, she’d shrieked and charged at him, and he started skating away as fast as he could. Which is very very fast. He has excellent reflexes. The coach just pulled out his camera, recorded it, and sent it to a buddy of his with a “bet my guy can beat your guy”. Len could, in fact, beat the other guy without any training involved and the other coach adopted him immediately. Once he got the training, he’s now ridiculously fast. 

3 - Mick is not an athlete; he’s just there as Len’s husband. He makes friends with literally all the bobsled teams, though. All of them.

4 - Barry is favored to win in the biathlon and several other ski-related sports as well. He has anxiety issues. He bonds with Mick over that, leading to his introduction to Len. Len is a lot of charisma. Barry is starry-eyed and skis better than normal because he is almost literally walking on air. 

5 - they get INCREDIBLY drunk after the closing ceremonies. All of them.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Legends of Tomorrow AU, where Mick - having reassembled the time scattered legends in early season two - decides that he's had enough of this hero thing and goes home.  
\--  
1 - someone gets their face ripped off in the zombie episode. Who was it that was about to die and then Mick smashed the attacking zombie with a rock? Was it Ray? Stein? Jax? I think it was Jax, sad to say. Stein probably blows up shortly thereafter because Jax isn’t around.

2 - they get ambushed by ninjas during the Shogun episode because Mick isn’t there to fight them off single-handedly. God only knows how badly that goes. Probably we lose Nate because he doesn’t control his powers yet. 

3 - Ray blows himself up in the white house. The other Legends have to scramble to stop a massive incident regardless of the fact nobody dies. Chances of them succeeding once an aberration like that has been created? Not high.

4 - The going-back-to-the-past thing in Invasion never happens because they don’t have enough people, so Cisco never forgives Barry. 

5 - Sara definitely dies in Turncoat. Gideon’s ability to save her is kind of dependent, eventually, on SOMEONE saving George Washington successfully. Without Mick, the team resources would have had to be apportioned differently and they wouldn’t have gotten back in time.

6 - they never cure Rip because they never learn about cognitive intrusion. He continues to sabotage the ship. If they’re not dead already, they’re definitely going to be dead soon: see Season 1, episode 7 “Marooned" in which Rip spaces every other person aboard the ship by virtue of having the controls without blinking an eye. And that was GOOD Rip.

7 - everybody is totally dead without Mick okay? 

8 - Mick is noodling around at home, grieving, and then Barry finds out why in his epic quest of “we need to CHANGE HISTORY to keep Iris from dying!” and decides that he and Wally will go rescue Len so that Len and Mick will be on their side in the final battle against Savitar and therefore history will be different. Mick is indifferent to their reasons; he’s just happy to have a very shaken Len back.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave, Lisa gets de-aged and there's no way Len is leaving his little sister in the care of team flash, cue little Lisa on the Waverider and Len and Mick being awesome parents.  
\--  
1 - Mick makes her breakfast every morning. It’s always something new and different and exciting, and it makes her smile.

2 - Len reads her bedtime stories. He’s really good at all the voices. Mick likes to listen to him, too. (all the Legends do, but Mick’s the only one who admits it)

3 - Lisa gets to go see ice skating at the Olympics, which is her fondest dream at that age. Okay, sure, it’s the 1908 Olympics, but she still got to see it.

4 - Lisa is wary at first of this older man, but when she sees him pulling faces behind Mick’s back when Mick talks about eating your greens, she knows it’s him.

5 - Len and Lisa have a ‘secret’ handshake.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave stripper AU  
\--  
1 - Mick is so goddamn hot that half the time he just takes off his shirt and smirks at people and they pay him. He’s got a very appealing confidence thing going that they don’t even mind that he refuses to shimmy on a stage, though he does do lapdances.

2 - Len saves up for months before getting a lapdance for his twentieth birthday. Not because he couldn’t get the money, but because he wanted to be sure all the money he was giving Mick was legit in case someone investigated Mick. 

3 - Len asks Mick if he is real at least four times during this time.

4 - Mick thinks Len is adorable and asks him, teasingly, if he wants a job. This is funny because Len is covered from neck-to-wrist-to-ankle. Len says “no it’s okay I’m cool with what I have” which somehow turns into a conversation about theft.

5 - Mick makes a joke that if Len is as good a thief as he says he is, he could make enough money to be Mick’s sugar daddy. Mick does not realize he is unleashing a crime spree of epic proportions across Central for the next three years, during which they continue to see each other at the club and sometimes outside of it for movies and dinner and such, though they never call it ‘dating’. 

6 - After about three years, Len hands Mick his bank account(s) statements and says “be mine forever” and Mick replies “this is the worst proposal ever but sure and holy crap did you rob a bank or something?” and Len says “seventeen banks, thirteen jewelry stores and just don’t ask about the art gallery count”

7 - they live happily ever after. Mick keeps working sometimes because he likes it, but they totally buy a private island because Len for some reason assumed that rich people have private islands and worried himself into thinking he had to buy an island for Mick to be willing to stay with him. 

8 - Mick would’ve married him after the third date. Len is just a drama queen.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\---  
Summer Olympics au?  
\---  
1 - Mick’s a boxer. Len is a diver. Nobody knows how they even met. Those two areas are in literally different parts of the city guys. What the hell.

2 - Barry is a track star. Obviously. He’s very, very fast. So is Wally. They train together and they’re totally going to rock the relays. 

3 - Iris performs in dressage. Lisa is there to support Len and also to support her new girlfriend-who-doesn’t-know-it-yet. Luckily for her, Iris finds her charming.

4 - Len is one of those rare, rare people who actually competes in two different sports. He grew up doing diving while Lisa was skating - the rink and the pool were adjacent and he didn’t like the ice - and that’s what he was trained in, but recently someone discovered that he is a ridiculously good shot and made him train and then try out for shooting. No one was more surprised than Len that he made it. He’s never telling anyone his skills were originally gained illegally.

5 - Damien Black is in the synchronized swimming category. No, it’s not really relevant, it just amuses the hell out of me.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE, maybe COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Coldwave/coldflashwave makeup artist/model/designer au?  
\---  
1 - When Len was originally approached about possible modeling opportunities by some guy on the street, he 100% thought it was a scam, sex trafficking or pornography trying to take advantage of him. He took a gun with him to the meeting with the intent of robbing the place blind. He was somewhat flabbergasted to realize that “Vogue” isn’t just a Madonna song, and also that they were actually serious about the whole “modeling” thing.

2 - Mick comes along to watch at first, but he makes friends with the make-up artists. He likes painting (mostly forgery) and tinkering with stuff, and having so many small fiddly bits is intriguing. He taught himself make-up to teach Lisa, but this is clearly a much more advanced level. The other artists give him tips and he ends up getting good at it. Very good. 

3 - Len uses his modeling money to get Mick formal lessons, because it makes Mick smile and anything non-fire-related that does that is to be rewarded. Then he insists on Mick being his make-up artist in his contract.

4 - they both expect this to be a fairly short detour from their criminal lives, because models of both sexes have a fairly short shelf life, but then Len grew up and his hair started to go silver - no one noticed until Len went on a three-month vacation without dying it once, then returned home - and his agent went “welp, I’m selling you as a silver fox now” and somehow Len kept on being incredibly popular. 

5 - Barry’s the designer. He’s new and he’s nervous; he’s gotten lots of good reviews, but he’s never worked one of the really big fashion shows. Then his dad says, rather offhandedly, that he totally knew Leonard Snart back in the day and he thinks the man is modeling or something now, so if Barry wants a connection. DOES BARRY EVER.

6 - Len and Mick like Barry’s portfolio and they’re always happy to support Central City talent, so it turns into a pretty good partnership. Barry’s agent is thrilled. Len’s agent is thrilled. Mick technically shares Len’s agent as part of their marriage agreement.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\---  
Coldflashwave artist/muse au?  
\---  
1 - Barry is the artist. He works at superspeed in all sorts of new mediums; he even records his art-creation-process as performative art. He doesn’t care that other speedsters think he’s wasting his gifts, but he’s starting to run low on inspiration. At least until two thieves break into his workspace.

2 - Len is unable to resist making a pun when he sees one of the pictures. Several puns. In a row. That’s what gets them caught. Mick knew it would happen one day.

3 - Barry is totally able to defeat the non-meta thieves, but something about the way they stand in the moonlight, the way they smile at each other, the way they finish each other’s sentences - it speaks of the sort of intimacy and affection, unconditional love, that he’s always craved but has never been able to recreate in his art. And when he steps forward, that changes in an instant to a barely leashed rage, intimidation, protectiveness - he suddenly wants to capture every last emotion they have. (only a little bit because that stupid art critic Bivolo said that Barry’s works were technically beautiful but lacked emotion)

4 - Len and Mick were not expecting to be propositioned during a heist. This is because it’s not a proposition, even though Barry does ask them to get naked at one point. They’re increasingly surprised that it’s not a proposition, honestly.

5 - Barry could watch Len and Mick doing their Len-and-Mick thing forever. 

6 - His art series based on them is widely agreed to be his best ever. Iris, his agent, is overjoyed and practically blackmails someone at gunpoint to ensure that Len and Mick get their pardons so that they can keep working with Barry. Barry’s pretty sure she’s joking about the blackmail and the gunpoint. Pretty sure. Not 100% sure.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\--  
I'm an asshole to the characters I love so how about Len and Mick dealing with some seriously life threatening medical shit. (due to personal ties I vote complete renal failure)  
\--  
1 - Len is the one who gets sick. His absurdly high tolerance for pain and inconvenience is a serious problem here, because he insists he doesn’t need a hospital at first, despite the vomiting, the nausea, the numbness. It’s only when his legs starts swelling up that Mick panics and takes him to STAR Labs, where Caitlin (at heat-gun point) diagnoses him and then everybody panics.

2 - One of Len’s worst nightmares is to be stuck in a hospital attached to a bunch of wires, due to the wasting way his mother died, so to say that he’s displeased with the idea of dialysis is…understating it. A lot. Mick doesn’t mind that Len’s a complete bitch to him, though; he gets it. He still doesn’t leave Len’s side, no matter what Len says. Len is incredibly grateful for this and sometimes, when it’s just the two of them in the middle of the night (because visiting hours are for schmucks), he’ll whisper a thank you. Mick will pretend not to hear it. It’s the way they work. 

3 - The Flash team is freaked out because they’ve never had to deal with serious medical stuff that couldn’t be magically cured in a few hours. Mick takes advantage of their concern to put Caitlin on the job of trying to find out what’s wrong with Len - the symptoms started fairly abruptly for him, and Mick thinks they would have noticed some sort of chronic kidney failure, which leaves some sort of infection, injury, poison or maybe even meta-related attack as the possible cause - and puts Cisco on the job of keeping the police away from them.

4 - Lisa comes and immediately volunteers a kidney of her own, but Mick vetoes it until they can figure out what’s wrong. She does insist on taking over some of the keeping-Len-company work, which allows Mick go out and have a small nervous breakdown because damnit, he just got Len back, he’s not allowed to go again. Even the Flash doesn’t begrudge him the fires he sets in the abandoned buildings by the docks. (Lisa, in turn, spends a lot of time curled up on Cisco’s couch just rocking back and forth a little bit, her fingers clenched so hard on her mug of tea - not hot cocoa, that’s Lenny’s drink, and she can’t have it right now - because she can’t even imagine a life without knowing Lenny is in it but she has to start now or else she’ll break later. She’s always assumed he would die in a hail of bullets or a fire or something, she’s prepared herself for that, but not this.)

5 - They keep Len busy by giving him blueprints for him to plan break-ins with. Fantastical break-ins they don’t even necessarily plan to do - the White House to steal a pen off the desk, the Louvre, the Seed Bank in Norway because why not, he loves breaking banks. the Flash team totally takes shameless advantage of this by having him plan a few of their battles, but it keeps Len busy - he gets a commlink and to armchair quarterback their battles, which he takes a devious delight in. 

6 - They do eventually figure out what the issue is - it’s probably poison of some variety; Mick swears bloody revenge but doesn’t get a chance to do it because Lisa gets there first - but by that point the damage is done. Barry volunteers a kidney since his own will probably regrow and - much to everyone’s surprise - they’re compatible, so they do that. Len grumbles about this meaning he can’t be a proper supervillain anymore, but Barry assures him he’ll be okay with antihero-ally status. Mick doesn’t even care. He’s just relieved. Lisa is so relieved she kisses Barry. Then Cisco. Then Caitlin. Then Cisco again. Just because. 

7 - Everything seems to go back to normal after a while - Len has to do regular check-ups at the hospital and/or at STAR Labs, which means they have to curtail their stealing (or keep it to non-Central cities), but it’s going pretty well. Recovery is slow but steady. Well. Until the day someone tries to shoot at Len and Len ducks out of the way in a crackle of lightning. 

8 - Barry is banned from ever donating blood or organs again after that. They have enough speedster villains, thanks. (Len is not actually a speedster, much to his relief, he just has little blips of high speed on occasion which he finds quite useful, if somewhat random.)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

FLASHWAVE  
\--  
flashwave, mind link au?  
\--  
You didn’t specify the type of mind link (abrupt? slow?) so I went with soulmate mind-link.

1 - Mick wasn’t expecting the mind-link to form with a CSI of all things. It’s blurry, barely there; it’ll only grow if they develop it, and judging by the horrified look on the kid’s face - and the fact that he clearly can’t tell if it’s Len or Mick it's formed with, nor does he seem to want to know - it’s not going to develop. So he leaves it at first.

2 - Mick figures everything out the murky images from his linkmate’s mind coalesce into a very clear image of Len, threatening and puffed up with pleasure like a peacock. He picks Len up after he and Lisa get the armored car, sends Lisa home with the loot first, and on the way home he tells him “I think Allen’s my linkmate” and Len says “Allen? Which - oh crap, fuck you, I was having so much fun”, which Mick knows to mean that Len is congratulating him. He explains that he has no intention of developing it. The Snart siblings look at him like he’s a crazy person. He starts to think he may have made a mistake but, in fairness, who would ever have assumed that those two were sentimental about mindlinks?!

3 - Thus begins the match-making. ALL the match-making. 

4 - Barry initially thinks Len is his linkmate and makes time to try to talk to him, especially after the Lewis incident, but Len keeps trying to set him up with Mick and Barry is confused until Len actually spells out “you’re my best friend’s linkmate and I want you two to be happy” before Barry abruptly realizes to his embarrassment that all those images of Len that keep coming through the bond are from Mick’s perspective, not Len being self-absorbed. Mick has a surprisingly low level of introspection as a result of low-self-confidence, which is why he rarely appears in his own thoughts. 

5 - The match-making efforts continue. Now that Barry is aware, they’re even more obvious since Team Flash (and Iris) have joined in on the scheming. Eventually he and Mick just look at each other and start laughing without being able to stop, because their friends are just the worst. 

6 - Everyone is very disgruntled to find out that Mick and Barry have settled into a comfortable relationship despite their match-making efforts. Everyone except Len, that is, who claims annoying them into teaming up against the rest of them was his plan all along. It may even be true.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\--  
coldwave theatre au  
\--  
1 - Len was kidding when he said he’d do the audition, but Lisa insisted that he’d lost that bet fair and square so he had to. Neither of them assumed he’d get the part. He got the part. 

2 - Mick is working as a techie. He’s increasingly annoyed by the actor who keeps appearing at random points backstage. (Len was casing the joint by instinct even though there’s nothing to steal, but now that he knows it pisses off the very attractive guy backstage, he’s going to keep doing it.)

3 - Len does not know how to court people. At all. Pulling pigtails doesn’t even begin to describe the all-out prank war that ensues. Everyone is certain that the show will be ruined.

4 - The show goes perfectly. Len actually gets offers from additional show theatres in case he’s interested in proceeding. Mick is nominated for an actual award for his stage-building and props.

5 - The entire cast finds them making out in the strike party. After the initial shock, literally no one is surprised. 

6 - Lisa swears this was her plan all along. It was not.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

FLASHWAVE  
\--  
Flashwave, mechanic au  
\--  
1 - Barry is a speedster. By which I mean, he races really fast cars with his foster-brother Wally (Francine never left), except they’ve moved from doing it illegally to actual NASCAR-style legit racing. 

2 - Cisco used to be Barry’s mechanic, but he’s so incredibly talented that Barry insisted he go with Wally when Wally decides to take a shot at European style Grand Prix racing. Which leaves Barry without anyone.

3 - Cisco's long-time girlfriend, Lisa, suggests he try someone by the name of Mick Rory. Barry’s never heard of him. He doesn’t get a chance to look up his credentials, either, because Rory literally just moves in the next day and takes apart his car to make it better without asking. Barry nearly kills him.

4 - Mick used to be Len’s mechanic, but Len got injured in an explosion caused by another car (the Time Masters always cheated, but this one was so bad it got them banned from all the leagues) and Mick got severely burned running into the flames to literally pull Len out, covering him with his body when there was a secondary explosion. He and Len still work together, but Len’s still recovering and Mick’s antsy, so Len suggests someone his sister says needs a good new driver.

5 - Mick and Barry don’t get along at first. Barry has ways he’s accustomed to doing things with Cisco, but Cisco was nice and supported Barry’s ideas and almost never just grunted “Wrong” and ignored him the way Mick does. In Mick’s opinion, it’s his car, Barry’s just driving it. In Barry’s view, Mick’s full of crap. 

6 - Then they start winning. And winning. And winning.

7 - the fights start getting less angry and more playful, more gleeful. Winning on a regular basis does that to you. they start hanging out in the garage while Mick’s working on the cars. Barry likes to talk. Mick (accustomed as he is to Len) likes to listen.

8 - Len eventually does recover and Barry is heartbroken because of course Mick will go back to him, but Len tells Mick that he’s clearly happy where he is and should stay, and at any rate Len’s been thinking of a new career. 

9 - Everyone is deeply bemused when Len actually wins the election for mayor on a write-in ballot but maybe they shouldn’t have; NASCAR is a really big sport in this town. Barry’s just happy he gets to keep Mick.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASH  
\--  
Coldflash, prison au  
\--  
1 - Barry is unpleasantly surprised to wake up from his coma to visit his foster-dad only to be informed there’s a warrant for his arrest. Apparently “impersonating a police officer” and “faking paperwork” and stuff is INCREDIBLY ILLEGAL and someone in Starling made a phone call. (And yes, you can impersonate a police officer while being a police officer, it’s called ‘pretending to be on official business when you’re not’ - and that’s exactly what happened). 

2 - He’s probably going to get acquitted, since he actually befriended the same people in Starling who complained (name: Queen, Oliver “Jealous Asshole”) and they are dropping the complaint like a bunch of hot rocks because they totally forgot they made it. But the judge is pretty anti-corruption and is super pissed at the young CSI taking the law into his own hands, so she decides not to allow Barry bail, which means he spends the few months leading up to trial in jail.

3 - Len is currently in Iron Heights because he’s off his game after the whole thing blowing up with Mick. Guess who his new roommate is?

4 - Barry is happy to see his dad. His dad is not happy to see him. People in the prison who have wanted to hurt Henry but haven’t because he’s friendly with all the guards thanks to being a model prisoner for years see an opportunity.

5 - Len sees a kid being attacked, is nostalgic for Mick, and saves him for free. Entirely because of nostalgia. Of course, it didn’t occur to him that saving the kid once meant he had to KEEP saving him, and now they have to be together all the time. 

6 - They get close over the next month or so, because Barry talks compulsively fast and even tells Len about his super-speed which he STILL doesn’t know what to do with (because he never got a chance to go back to STAR Labs after the initial wake-up), which Len thinks is fascinating. 

7 - Len lets Barry “reveal” his escape plan so that even the judge is convinced Barry must’ve just made a mistake with the paperwork because Barry is so obviously a good guy, so Barry gets off before even his trial. Len then goes to his own trial in which mysteriously there’s not enough evidence to convince the jury to convict (Len is very popular in the lower-class parts of Central and his lawyer was very smart with the jury selection). Then he goes to find Barry to help him with his powers.

8 - Len puts out word that he wants anti-speedster weapons and gets the cold gun and heat gun. He uses that to train Barry instead of fight him. Barry still wants to save Central City. Len mostly wants to steal stuff, but damnit, Central is his city and he’s willing to help Barry protect it from everyone but him. 

9 - Barry convinces Len to go make up with Mick. Mick becomes teacher #2 and takes about 10 minutes to go “so are you sleeping together?” and when they say no, asks, “why not?” until they get their heads out of their asses and realize they’re both crushing on each other. 

10 - Wells!Eobard is displeased with literally all of this.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

FLASHWAVE  
\--  
Flashwave, farm so :)  
\--  
1 - Mick is tired of the Legends. He decides to go home to the nice safehouse out in the countryside that he had Len buy him years back.

2 - Barry is tired of his LIFE. He looks it, too. Mick on one of his trips into the city - the farmer’s market loves him like a brother, especially since he’s now bringing in his own goat cheese because Len apparently bought him a WORKING dairy farm as a safehouse and never mentioned it - sees him and off-handedly offers him a place to crash where it’s quiet.

3 - Barry takes him up on it. He’s not expecting to actually be able to relax there, expects it to all go wrong and emergencies to go off every minute, but somehow, the quiet atmosphere and everything just…works. Mick’s a good companion. They don’t talk much. They just enjoy being quiet together.

4 - They do eventually start talking a little. Watching movies, that sort of thing. Mick shows Barry his ninja collection. Barry loves it. They discuss new types of cheese that Mick might try to make. (the person who runs the dairy permits Mick to experiment with 10% of the goats and cheese because Mick may own the place but he’s definitely not the boss)

5 - Len comes back after a while, but he’s quiet, too. Subdued after his experience. He manages to fit in without interrupting the growing thing between Mick and Barry. (He needs more adrenaline in his life than either of them have energy for. Luckily for him, there’s a Ms. Iris West who is still a batshit crazy brave reporter who needs someone familiar with the nastier parts of Central to help make sure she doesn’t die…)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\--  
Hip hop dancer and ballet star au, pairing of your choice.  
\--  
1 - Len is the ballet dancer because ice skating is great for the winter but he needs to get her out of the house year-round. She wasn’t as into ballet as she was into ice skating, so Len had to sign up alongside her. Except he was actually pretty good at it. That ridiculous flexibility of his joined with his increasing strength makes him surprisingly perfect, so he keeps it up. It’s good exercise. He’s still mostly a thief, though. Which is why the out-of-the-blue offer of a scholarship to university, specializing in dance, is so surprising. They’re even willing to overlook the fact that he doesn’t have his GED yet.

2 - Mick is Len’s partner through thick and thin, to hell and back. He admits he did not think the road to hell involved dance school but okay, whatever. Not like Len stops stealing shit just because he’s dancing all day. It takes a while for Mick to get bored (Len dancing in veeeery tight tights is a revelation for Mick’s sexuality, let’s put it that way) but eventually he wanders around and makes friends with some of the other people who look about his age and super awkward to be there.

3 - this is because hip hop is barely accepted as a ~legit~ dance style and they feel out of place. Mick is 100% for all things not accepted by the man and is happy to hang out with them. Eventually they coax him into trying their style of dancing. He’d feel awkward doing Len’s twirls and stuff, but this sort of gliding movements feel much more natural, like a really good fight set to music. 

4 - Len gets a job straight out of college with the Central City Ballet. He starts as a background dancer, but his hair starts going silver early and the ballet director takes one look at him and goes “YOU ARE THE VILLAIN OF MY DREAMS” and Len is like “uh, okay?” and suddenly he’s maybe not the lead, but he’s second place to the lead and holy crap he gets paid HOW MUCH for dancing?

5 - Mick meanwhile has used the money from his heists to fund the group of people he liked so much in college to become a dance troupe of their own, doing all new choreography and everything. They start getting hired to back up hip hop stars. Increasingly famous hip hop stars. Very famous hip hop stars.

6 - Mick and Len spend a lot of time going “wtf happened we were just bopping around to the music!” at each other. They invite their mutual dance troupes to their wedding, which they film and put on the web because good lord you’ve never seen so much graceful clumsiness in a single room as you do when you get an entire ballet company and a high-end hip hop dance troupe drunk and trying out each other’s styles. 

7 - their wedding video ends up starting an entirely new style of hip hop/ballet fusion that becomes insanely popular.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\--  
Coldwave - Home improvement  
\--  
1 - It’s Mick’s idea. Len doesn’t understand why they wouldn’t just move to a new home, but goddamnit, this one is Mick’s favorite and he loves it and they’re going to fix it, Len. Len is happy that Mick’s happy after the fiasco of Legends, so he gives in, buys the land and everything above-board, and now they’re the proud owners of a fixer-upper.

2 - Mick wants four overs. Len doesn’t think anyone in their right minds needs four ovens. After a patient and reasoned exchange of ideas (read: fistfight), Mick gets his ovens. Len bitches right up until Mick serves him a dinner in which everything is hot and perfect and Len never complains again.

3 - Len isn’t into it at first, or thinks he’s not into it, until they’re robbing a rich house in the wealthy neighborhood and he just - stops. Mick looks at him. “What’s wrong?” “Nothing. But look at that window seat.” “Yeah? It’s got a safe?” “No. I want one for our house. It would go perfectly by the north-east corner.” “…sure, boss.” aka Len is totally into it he just won’t admit it and is super weird about it.

4 - They invade STAR Labs and ask Barry to paint the house for them. They offer to pay in food. Barry is tickled by the innocuous request and agrees. Mick’s four ovens get a work-out. 

5 - Mick likes fixing things and keeps picking up new projects. Len likes thinking of new things he wants. It’s practically a second honeymoon for them.

6 - Barry likes it when his two supervillains are off living in domestic bliss rebuilding their house because they are A, not causing him headaches and B, are now really angry when someone threatens to destroy Central. Do you know how much work they put into that house?!

7 - Barry abruptly likes it a lot less when Iris visits their house and comes back and says “why don’t we do something like that?”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

GEN/COLDWAVE  
\--  
Marvel au?  
\--  
1 - Cisco is Iron Man. He doesn’t mean to be, it’s just - well - Dante found out about him working with the Flash and all that during their kidnapping and he basically freaked out and no matter how many times Cisco insists that he’s just back-room tech support, Dante insists he needs to defend himself better. So Cisco makes himself a suit, except it has a lot of tech built into it. He makes it something he can summon quickly. This enables him to save Dante from the car crash, flying him from the scene to the hospital. After that, though, the “Iron Man” is publically known and Barry wants to team up and everything and, well, it’s pretty cool, actually. AND he means he’s nothing like Reverb, even though they both shoot vibrations out of their hands because Reverb never built himself a super-suit.

2 - Laurel Lance joins them as the Black Canary again, because after her resurrection she gets to see the mess that Star City is in and just…she needs a break. Someone else has her name in that city, someone else has her place, and she just - she’s done. for now. Central extends her an offer and she’s happy to go. She’s more of a legal-minded Black Widow, but people start making “Avengers” jokes. She brings Thea with her as her Hawkeye, because wow, if anyone ever needed a break from Star City.

3 - The Avengers jokes get so much worse when Mick accidentally snaps at Sara in the middle of an event that takes place in the middle of Central in front of a bunch of cameras. References are made to “being stuck under the Atlantic since World War II” and “broke through brainwashing” and even “saved George Washington by myself” and “remember how I helped fight back the alien invasion?!”. Mick quits the Legends and returns to Central, only to find out that his reputation has changed from “crazy arsonist thief” to “Captain America”. When they finally manage to resurrect Len, some newspaper person gets the brilliant idea of putting the headline “Captain Cold - Winter Soldier - Returns!” and suddenly LEN’s a hero too, which, Mick!!!!

4 - Kara visits. She doesn’t know why everyone is gleefully greeting her as Thor, the God of Thunder, but she kinda likes it because they’re not, like, acting like she’s a must-be-worshiped sort of god? More of a “god that’s everybody’s buddy” sort of god, which, hey, COOL. Everyone’s super impressed with the heat-eyes and the frost-breath and they even give her a really cool hammer made of something that they call “dwarf star alloy” and it’s really funny because it’s way too heavy for everyone else to lift! She loves Earth-1. They’re all so sweet.

5 - Barry is now in charge of the Avengers. He’s totally cool with being Quicksilver except he’s obviously so much faster. Life is good. He wonders if he should, like, try to give Gideon a body to create Vision except that worked so badly in “Age of Ultron” he’s thinking maybe he shouldn’t. (Iris is the Scarlet Witch. She has no powers, but that doesn’t stop her from being an epic superhero. Also, like Barry, red is totally her color.)

6 - Barry totally does insist on bringing in Ray to help out at one point so he can be Ant-Man. The newspapers go wild. Jax immediately claims the role of the Flaming Falcon because he loves Falcon. Falcon is awesome. 

7 - Caitlin is the Hulk, except icier. She’s getting help for her rage issues! She swears!

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\--  
Nanny or single dad AU for coldwave?  
\--  
1 - Len was forced into joining the Families by his dad instead of being sent to juvie. In typical Len fashion, he rolls with the punches and comes out on top and suddenly he’s best-frenemies with the head of the Family’s son and heir and next thing you know, ten, fifteen years down the line, he’s the head of the Family and his dad’s in an unmarked grave somewhere. 

2 - Len is usually pretty cautious about these things, but someone decides that the infamous Captain Cold needs a weakness and slips him a roofie. They luck out and the girl gets pregnant. Of course, they don’t live long enough to see the results of their victory since Len figures it out when the pregnant girl goes to him to lay out her terms (she gets greedy) and he kills them all but the girl, who he admits was used as a pawn. She gets a one-way plane ticket in exchange for her life and signing away her maternal rights to Len, because he knows she can’t be trusted.

3 - of course, now Len has a daughter who he loves more than life itself. Lisa similarly adores her. But he’s also a full-time mob boss and Lisa’s not signing up to babysit full time and that means he needs to hire a nanny.

4 - not many people are willing to babysit for the mob. who knew?

5 - Mick is an enforcer for a different Family but he hears a crying baby upstairs at a mob meeting and goes to rock her to sleep. He has practice from his little siblings which burned, so it’s nice for both of them. Len comes upstairs to see why she stopped crying and sees Mick. Mick immediately apologizes because he knows how it could look like, another Family’s guy with his arms around your kid. Len ignores that and hires Mick on the spot. (he’s very tired okay?!)

6 - Len spies on Mick for a long while before realizing he’s trustworthy. 

7 - Len’s spying and possessiveness lead him to realize Mick is more than trustworthy, he’s perfect. He’s the partner Len’s been looking for his whole life.

8 - Mick is not sure when he became co-heads of a Family. It happened rather abruptly. he’s not sure he’s happy about it. But he’s pretty happy with the co-parenting because the kid is amazing, so he guesses he’ll take the good with the bad. also, he gets Len. Definite good.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE, WESTALLEN, combinations thereof  
\--  
Crochet/Knitter/Arts & Crafts hobby AU ColdFlashWave  
\--  
1 - It’s Len’s fault. He needs something to keep his hands nimble. Knitting seemed reasonable. 

2 - Knitting is not reasonable. At first he was robbing yarn stores. But it wasn’t enough and they never looked right after he brought them home so he just bought a yarn store in full. He owns a yarn store. Mick is starting to get concerned.

3 - Len’s first project was to make a scarf, a hat, and a set of gloves for Mick. Mick feels all warm and fuzzy inside.

4 - The next recruit to the knitting army is actually neither Len nor Mick but actually Iris. She was ranting about not having an outlet for her feelings. Len suggests stabbing things regularly. She gets into it. She drags Barry into it. 

5 - Barry and Mick bond over their increasingly absurdly complicated pile of knitwear which they have to wear for fear of hurting their loved ones’ feelings.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

GEN  
\--  
FtM!Barry and any of the Rogues finding out  
\--  
1 - Len already knows. He’s found out Barry Allen’s name and he went old-school stalker on him, including digging up records at the Hall of Records. It does not matter to him and he is confused by the surprise shown by the other rogues.

2 - Mick is equally indifferent. His response is literally “Good on you. Do we care?” He does punch Mardon when Mardon makes an uncalled-for comment. Hartley gets about halfway through his own uncalled-for comment before finding out he is NOT immune from being punched by Mick. Everyone else quickly stuffs any comments back down their throat. Mick’s punches are not to be played with.

3 - Barry is touched. They’re all handling it very well, really. Len offers to get Barry illegal HRT if his job stops funding it. Barry is…still touched, slightly concerned by the fact that Len’s first instinct is always crime.

4 - Presumably this only comes up because some meta is attempting to take advantage. The Rogues agree to help because that’s some real bullshit right there.

5 - nobody ever mentions it again.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\--  
Coldwave where Len is revived gets revenge on the legends for the way they're treating Mick. Bonus points if he also tries to comfort Mick.  
\--  
I feel like this is answered in full by my Where Angels Fear to Tread fic XD

But here are Mick’s reactions to Len attempting to cheer him up and failing.

1 - “I can’t believe you set the Waverider on fire.” “You like fire.” “That’s our ride out of here.” “That’s why I only set the asshole’s bedroom alight.” “You set ALL the bedrooms except mine alight.” “Your point?”

2 - “You need to stop punching people.” “Give me one good reason that doesn’t start with some variant of ‘I deserved how they behaved’ or ‘it’s bad to hit people’.” “…carry on.”

3 - “You’re smiling. Why are you smiling?” “No reason.” “Len.” “Your friends are heroes, right? They like doing good things?” “Len.” “I just donated their bank accounts to charity. That’s heroic, right? More Robin Hood than Flash, but still…”

4 - “And how do you feel about murder today?” “The answer is never going to be 'you can go kill the team’, Len.” “Are you sure?”

5 - “Why are we in Aruba?” “You said you wanted Aruba.” “In the year 2500?” “It’s very nice this time of millennium.” “And the rest of the team?” “Also in Aruba, but at a not-so-nice time of the millennium.”

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

FLASHWAVE  
\--  
flashwave, Barry as a selkie au if you're still doing this? if not no worries and have a nice day!  
\--  
1 - In his defense, Mick just thought the fur stole casually tossed over the bedspread was, like, a comforter. But it was super soft and silky and he liked it, and he’s a thief, so he took it to use as a pillow. He did not expect to get a selkie bride in the bargain!

2 - Barry is rather embarrassed about this whole thing, but tradition is tradition and you marry the guy who stole your pelt. He understands Mick did it by accident and that he’d be happy to hand it back if that’s what Barry wanted, because Mick is a guy that’s big and tough and scary but also has a fairly nuanced understanding of consent, but, well. Listen. If Barry goes to visit the ocean after having his pelt stolen and he’s not married, Grandmother Garrick is going to Have Words With Him. Loud words. Possibly long words. He will be bringing Shame To The Family. So they’re getting married.

3 - Len is laughing so hard, you have no idea. He told Mick that he shouldn’t steal the blanket. Sorry, Mick, no sympathy here. Don’t even try telling Lisa; it’ll just be the same. 

4 - The wedding is lovely. It’s set on the beachfront, accompanied by the traditional moaning of the seals (groom 1’s family) and pyrotechnics (provided lovingly by groom 2’s criminal partner).

5 - Mick and Barry start tentatively dating after the wedding, because, well, might as well give it a shot. Now that Mick’s met Grandmother Garrick, he has no interest in seeking a divorce before she gives him permission to do so. That woman is scary. (Turns out Barry likes ninja movies, too, so they at least have something to start on…)

1\. How does Barry know Ninja movies?  
1\. He was raised on land, you know. Nora Allen nee Garrick had her pelt kidnapped good and proper and maybe Grandma Garrick would prefer that Henry Allen lived a little closer to shore, but you can’t have everything. So Barry grew up much the same as in canon, just with regular visits to the sea-side.

2\. Mick. Mick, did you forget everything your family told you about the Fae and the other supernatural beings? Really?  
2\. It was Barry’s perfectly ordinary-looking apartment! How was he to know?! ;)

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

HEATVIBE  
\--  
Mick x Cisco, fantasy au?  
\--  
1 - Cisco is an adventurer. Of sorts. His family sort of kicked him out. He’s a bit too gnomish for the rest of them, always tinkering away at something. They don’t even care that he got a real job because it was with a laboratory. But he doesn’t care; he’s going to make it big as his own adventurer!

2 - Mick finds Cisco in a dungeon crawl. Cisco has not been very successful. “Do you do anything useful?” Mick asks doubtfully. “I build stuff?” Cisco replies. “Good enough,” Mick says and takes him back to his camp. 

3 - Len and Mick are long-standing adventurer rogues. They rob dungeons, they rob castles, they rob dragon dens, they rob manor houses - there’s a trend, that’s all I’m saying. 

4 - Mick used to be the Rogue’s fix-things person, but Cisco is much better. Len announces that he can stay. Mick sticks around and chats with him because they both like fixing things.

5 - Cisco slowly starts to relax. It’s only much later that he meets Team Flash and hears their origin and realizes that was the job he was supposed to take and that this was the adventurer group he was meant to join up with. But he decides to stay with the Rogues anyway.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDFLASHWAVE  
\--  
Coldflashwave, starting a family?   
\--  
1 - it starts when they realize they’ve gotten serious. Actually serious, not just a fling, not just a recurring stress relief, serious. And Len and Mick have a long discussion (…okay, they look at each other for about four seconds) and they tell Barry they’d like to know if he’s in or out for good (because Len is a drama queen that way). Barry picks in.

2 - Next up, meeting the rest of the family. Barry already knows Lisa, and Len and Mick are basically all each other’s got, so it’s mostly on Barry’s side of the equation. It goes…not particularly well. But it gets there! (Iris and Len hit it off to literally everybody and nobody’s surprise. Mick and Wally already knew each other from Wally’s racing days. Joe is very unhappy about that.)

3 - After that, they decide to get a place. “They”, here, means “Len goes and buys one” because otherwise Barry will. They’ve both got control issues. Mick rolls his eyes a lot. Luckily for everyone, Len actually knows quite a bit about real estate. All knowledge gained illicitly, of course, but it’s still works.

4 - They start working out a routine - when does Barry go out on Flash stuff, when do they go out on heists. There are a few hiccups on the way as they adjust to living together, but it works out.

5 - there are pets. Oh, are there pets. Mick has a rat, Barry has a turtle, and Len has a small army of cats that he refuses to admit are his but he takes good care of. 

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

FLASHWAVE  
\--  
Flashwave - "I work in 24/7 food place, it's at 3AM and you bought the cake and started crying"  
\--  
1 - Barry’s dad’s parole just got denied, despite all signs having been positive this time around. Barry’d been so hopeful and now he’s going to have to celebrate his dad’s fiftieth birthday through glass and all he can do is bring this cake.

2 - Mick’s part-time job as a baker is usually on the skeleton shift. He has no idea why this guy is so upset, but he’s crying into one of Mick’s cakes, damnit. 

3 - Barry thinks Mick is sweet. Mick is not sure where he’s gotten that idea. All he did was let the guy have someone to talk to, take him out to go have a few drinks, watch a movie with him, and make sure he’s safely tucked in before heading out. And then came back the next day with food. Barely anything, really.

4 - Mick tells Len about the whole story. Len decides this would be an excellent way to test if he can blackmail the majority of the parole board.

5 - long story short, the answer is yes. 

6 - Barry is so incredibly happy he doesn’t even ask too many questions. He does, however, ask Mick on a date. 

7 - The dates go well right up until the newly paroled Henry Allen meets his son’s new boyfriend and goes “…Mick Rory???” and Mick’s other job gets some airtime. 

8 - They decide there’s no reason to introduce Mick to Joe for the same reason.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

GEN  
\--  
Punk/goth/emo au?  
\--  
1 - Mick is as goddamn punk as you get. He’s casually against every form of authority. He also enjoys punching fascists. (He also likes the music, but really, Mick just IS punk). 

2 - Len is the goth. He’s very low-key goth, though - not like the Interview with a Vampire style over the top stuff, he just wears black all the time and goes to meetings with the local goth community and all that. Lisa’s a goth, too; how else do you explain the amount of black in the costume of someone called Golden Glider?

3 - Barry is emo. I mean. Have you met him?

4 - Caitliin is also goth. She and Len probably meet up that way. Iris, on the other hand, is punk, as is Wally. Cisco’s probably in the emo camp with Barry.

5 - Joe likes the blues. Everyone says that’s very nice but he doesn’t really get what they’re talking about. He remains confused.

\---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- 

COLDWAVE  
\--  
Cheerleader/jock au tho  
\--  
1 - Mick was not meant to be a jock. He’s barely staying in school, now that he’s transferred to his newest foster home in Central City. He’s been in juvie. That usually means he’s unpopular. Except for the fact that he had a growth spurt over the summer and he’s now 6’ and built like a battering ram and the football team doesn’t care if he killed Mother Teresa, they want him.

2 - Len wants to keep an eye on Mick because that’s his job. They’re best friends, have been since juvie, and Mick got transferred to Central - to Len’s school! - with his newest move. Len’s good at keep Mick’s pyromania in line, knowing when his anxiety is acting up, knows when to intervene in a situation to keep it from getting violent. But he sucks at football. Or soccer. Or track. or…basically any other sport, honestly. He’s very strong, but not yet fast. He’s also starting to inch up there in height, but he’s still pretty shrimpy. How the hell does he justify sticking around the football team all the time without getting beaten up, thereby making Mick fight them on his behalf and losing all the social progress he’s made? Len’s going to make SURE Mick succeeds, no matter what. 

3 - the cheerleading squad is surprised but very pleased to find a male applicant. 

4 - Len gets a bit of shit for doing the cheerleader thing at first, mostly from the jocks, but then he explains his dilemma to the other cheerleaders and they close ranks around him. Any jock that wants to even THINK about dating a cheerleader had damn well better be nice to Len.

5 - Len is amazed this never occurred to him before. Sure, his dad still beats him up for it, but Len shows him pictures of the cheerleaders and swears he’s only doing it to get laid, and that gets his dad to lay off on that subject, and now he doesn’t have as much trouble with the other kids at school.

6 - Len also enjoys tossing people. And being tossed, at one point. Also, all of these things are remarkably good practice for stealing. Mick doesn’t care about any of that; he just wants to see Len in the cheerleader outfit.


	100. passover

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Passover - cook!Mick struggling with Jewish!Len
> 
> (written in about 5 minutes)

“So no flour at _all_?” Mick asks again, flipping through his cookbook with a scowl.

“No, Mick,” Len says patiently. “None at all.”

“Not even, like –”

“No.”

“But you don’t even keep kosher half the time!”

“I still celebrate the holidays, Mick. Chametz on Pesach is just wrong.”

“Chametz – flour. Ugh. And you’re telling me no rice, either?”

“Nope.”

“…almond flour?”

“Technically acceptable, but my mom always thought it was cheating.”

Mick grunts. “Would you like your main entrée cooked, too, or am I not allowed to use the oven?”

Len sniggers.

“There are plenty of recipes on the internet,” he points out when he finally regains a straight face.

“Yeah,” Mick says irritably. “Except you don’t like the taste of matzah.”

“…it’s the devil’s food, Mick.”

“ _You don’t believe in a devil!_ ”

“Fine, fine. It’s just sad, okay? It tastes like it wanted to be a cracker in another life but sinned too much so it only got to be matzah.”

“You are the worst,” Mick groans. “Not to mention the fact that it actually tastes perfectly fine. I saw someone eating a matzah PB&J the other day.”

“You make me matzah in anything other than a kugel or matzah ball soup, I will riot. Putting that out there now.” Len considers for a minute. “Oh, and Lisa doesn’t like horseradish, either.”

“What’s even the point of doing a holiday if you don’t like half the traditional foods?!” Mick exclaims.

He realizes his mistake less than a second later.

“Suffering,” Len replies immediately. “Judaism is all about suffering, Mick. Sometimes we inflict suffering on ourselves, just to make sure we get in our quota if our enemies aren’t doing the job. They tried to kill us and we need to remind ourselves of it all the time, because happiness is nothing more than the state of euphoria you get right after a near-death experience.”

“This explains _so much_ about you,” Mick mutters. “That isn’t even _true_. I asked the rabbi.”

“Mick, I promise that if you ever need to flee to Israel, I will take you with me as my spouse,” Len says. “You don’t need to convert.”

“I met him in the _grocery store_ , you _ass_.”

“Just saying!”

“This holiday doesn’t involve enough fire to deal with this aggravation,” Mick says.

“We light candles.”

“We light candles every goddamn Friday.”

“Yes, and you enjoy that.”

“…yes, I do, but that’s not the _point_. Fuck it, I’m making the charoset. At least that’s tasty.”

“Look on the bright side,” Len says. 

“What’s the bright side?” Mick asks, reaching for the nuts.

“I brought wine.” He gestures.

Mick looks at the box in the corner of the room, which he had assumed was something for a job or possibly a new car engine.

“…we hosting anybody?”

“Nah.”

Mick’s eyebrows went up. “This is the holiday where you demonstrate your religiousness by getting drunk?”

“No, that’s Purim. This is the one where you demonstrate it by finishing every single glass of wine in the Hagadah.”

Mick thinks back. “That’s a lot of wine.”

“No kidding,” Len says. “Now c’mon, get cooking. I wanna make Lisa have to go find the afikoman and sing Ma Nistanah despite technically being an adult now.”

Mick grumbles.

**Works inspired by this one:**

  * [[podfic] coldwave gotham](https://archiveofourown.org/works/12408024) by [nirejseki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirejseki/pseuds/nirejseki), [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins)
  * [[podfic] coldflashwave - college](https://archiveofourown.org/works/13130058) by [nirejseki](https://archiveofourown.org/users/nirejseki/pseuds/nirejseki), [reena_jenkins](https://archiveofourown.org/users/reena_jenkins/pseuds/reena_jenkins)




End file.
